Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

I understand if you don't want to say the name but can you say what type of name it is eg
Is it a 'normal' established name everyone would recognise as a name
A made up name/celebrity type name
A nick name type name

I can see that some are asking why we made this agreement in the first place. When I was pregnant with our first child, we were constantly arguing over this issue (which is unusual for us). It came to the point that we were about to name our child the name that DH's mum had suggested as a compromise. Neither of us truly wanted that.

If he chose Benjamin Edward and you want Bathsheba Dorcas I can sort of see his point. Can you give us a steer @ThisZingyMember. I think I could live with Dorcas

Just register the baby alone... He can like it or fuck off..

But beware he can register alone his choice if you are married....

He needs to suck it up and stick to the agreement.

BUT........just in case you've genuinely taken leave of your senses......maybe run the name by a few people to be sure it's not batshit?

He doesn't have to like the name but I wouldn't blame him for trying to stick up for the kid if you have plans to christen them Fanweekaaaaah Von Cuntenberg or Lumpington Swahloony III, ya know?

Why did he get to go first on the naming “deal”? Surely out of politeness first go should have gone to the one who carried the baby around for 9 months and gave birth to it?

I think I’d have rather given my child a “middling” name that neither of us minded rather than be in this situation where you don’t like one of your kids names and he could potentially hate the other.

You could tell him he’s got one veto and use your second choice name if he really hates it that much.

Things change. It’s was a silly agreement to make.

What’s the name?

Depends entirely on the names.

You said that you didn't like his, so you are probably ok with them.

He thinks your choices are extreme. Are they?

Why not come up with a list of names you like and let him chose one of them? Although, I agree he shouldn't have made an agreement he didn't want to stick to. And, as he had first choice, he has set the tone for your DC's names. (I would agree now what you are going to do for subsequent babies, even if you don't plan them. Might soften the blow for him. )

I'm going to disagree with previous comments. It doesn't matter what any of us think about the deal or the names themselves. He knew that there was a possibility that he would not like the name that would be chosen in the future when he said yes to this deal. He needs to stop being selfish and suck it up.

He agreed to this, if you had named the first child and now he was getting his turn you can bet your house he wouldnt be allowing vetos.
This man needs to shut up and stick to his word, he doesn't get a say.

It was a ridiculous thing to agree to in the first place.

No parents should have their child named something they really hate or think is ridiculous.

Two "okayish" names would be better than one you love and one that is ridiculous.
This shouldn't be about winning an argument, this should be about the human you are going to give the name(s) to which they then have to live with for 80 - 90 years.

Exactly what I was going to say.

I don't think you should name the child something he genuinely hates, just as he shouldn't have chosen a name you hate - and this agreement was never going to go well with 2 people that can't find common ground on the first child's name.

But the name should be 'yours' and a list is a reasonable compromise.

Now tell us the name!!

I would say fine you can have that veto I will think of another name. Then I wouldn’t tell him until baby is here.

Technically fair for you to insist on your name as you didn't know what name he would choose either and it could have been one you absolutely hated.

But I would let him explain why he dislikes this particular name (assuming you can trust him to be truthful) and see if the explanation alters your views on it. Just for example, if it's the name of someone who abused him and he can't deal with hearing it that would be a problem for the child, who's the most important person here. If he just hates your taste in names and wants to wear you down by trying to veto everything, that's going to be apparent pretty quickly; if you let him talk you out of Bodhibear Honeybooboo he's not going to like Cutesypooh Jellybelly or Nudgiewudgie Angelbaybee any better.

And what if they have a 3rd child, but can't/don't want a 4th (or a 5th but not a 6th)?

This was always wrought with the likelihood of cries of "That's not fair!".

Any child will tell/show you that, once they've had and enjoyed their half of the cake first, when it comes to the other half that belongs to their sibling, that was then and now is completely different.

When I first started seeing my current (#1) husband, he told me that if he ever had a daughter, he would name her Zuzu Petals (ref. It's A Wonderful Life). Guess what her middle names are. He also told me that if he ever had a son, he would name him Spiderman Zackly. Feet were put down. We compromised on the wonderful Flann O'Brien. 😎

Honestly I’ve never heard something so ridiculous. Naming babies is a joint decision, if you like things so wildly different then this is so risky. I’m guessing you’re have one child called Emily or Oliver and one called Moonlight or Misty Crystal. Very odd.

He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it.

Would he have let you veto his name choice if you had told him that you hated it?

Does he really hate your choice or just not keen?

What sort of names were you both choosing that there was no middle ground?

OP, when you talk about names that you hate, do you actually mean that you hate them - i.e. one of you wrinkles your nose in disgust - or just that they aren't ones that either of you really like?

Do you still dislike your first child’s name or has it grown on you?

Grow up you silly pair.

I still dislike it but love my child dearly, so I overlook it.