Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

It was ridiculous to agree to that in the first place, but he needs to uphold his end of the ridiculous agreement.

That said, 'Olive' and 'Francesca' are nice; the other names not so much imo. And all the Francescas I know go by 'Frankie'

It's a shame the discussion here has focused on the specific names and not the issue at hand. As a PP said, this very odd agreement doesn't bode well for other decisions you'll have to make about your DC where you might not share the same view. Your DH trying to back out of the agreement bodes even less well.

I think theyre both fine

Olive is lovely.

Mary-Kate sounds trashy. Mary - lovely. Katherine (Kate) - fine. Francesca - lovely. Why not Mary with Kate and Francesca as middle names?

Kate is a classic name don’t ruin it with a hyphen. Francesca, Mary, Olive and Athene are beautiful too.

He doesn't mind hyphenated names. It's that he doesn't like Mary or Kate (individually or together).

You seriously allowed him to name your child with a name you hated, and are now doing the same to him? Are you responsible enough to have children?

I think it's more sad that as a parent you actually gave your poor first child a name that you actively dislike. Wonder how they'll react when they find that out 😢

Yes, this is the point, really

Well he doesn’t get to choose this time round! 🤷‍♀️

Although to be fair to him, Mary-Kate is awful! So 90s American sit-com 😩

Doesn’t matter though…he made the deal 👌🏻

Well, duh. Of course the name Olive derives from the olive plant - never heard of names inspired by nature before? It’s a name that has been used for many years due to the olive’s connotations with peace - olive branch etc?

It’s a very nice, classic name.

It’s much better than Olive, though.

How utterly ridiculous.

What kind of a piss poor relationship do you have that you both can’t be mature enough to choose a mutually acceptable name?

Making a deal to one name the first child and the other name the second child sounds like two nine year olds talking about what they are going go do when they are grown up!

I so t know what you can do now as he has gone back in fhe petty agreement.

Perhaps let him choose the name again and have another two children that you can name! 🙄 #sarcasm.

Well put your foot down, he did agree. But for the love of god don’t call your kid Mary-Kate

Quite.

Totally ridiculous.

Mary-Kate is diabolical.

Olive Athena is lovely.

It's such a crazy agreement to have made, surely it's better to both at least like both names rather than both loving one and hating one. Compromise is part of a partnership.

Yes, I agree. What will be next - sending the first child to his choice of school and the second to her choice?

Your styles don't seem so massively far apart that no compromise could every possibly be found but I guess thanks to the rather daft agreement that ship has sailed.

I agree - though I’d probably call her Olivia rather than Olive.

What about Katherine for #2… It’ll ultimately be up to her as to whether she wants to be known as Kate or Katherine.

I think that the middle names you have chosen are much nicer.

Athena & Francesca would have been lovely imo.

All very lovely names 🫶🏼

Imagine you are at a busy playground and you need to shout for your DDs

'OLIVE & MARY-KATE, COME OVER HERE!'

Do you think that goes together?

I think your method of choosing names is sub-optimal, yet if he agreed with DD1 and you still don't like 'Olive,' he needs to let you choose for DD2.

For our DCs we just vetoed names until we both liked one - there are literally thousands of options to choose from. I think this is a pretty standard approach

It’s not - you’re being dramatic. It’s a mix of two classic names, although I do think it’s quite American sounding.

personally OP I think Francesca is better as the first name, as it goes well with your eldest daughter’s first name.

Stand your ground- he was happy to let you have no say whatsoever in naming your eldest. It’s pathetic that he doesn’t want to stick to a bargain that only he benefitted from- no matter how ridiculous that bargain was.

I gave my child’s dad the name Sophie. He came back with Sophia so her name is Sophia. His manager at the time suggested it. There was many names I wanted but he didn’t and this was the first suggestion we came with and I love the name Sophia