Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

You both sound really immature to even come up with this arrangement. Of all the names in the world you couldn't agree on one between you?

Suggestions that might go with Olive, either for sounds or similar vibe:

Cleo
Cecilia
Hera
Maud
Molly
Penelope
Hebe
Thea
Dolly
Dotty, Dorothy, Dorothea
Romilly
Hermione
Maria
Katharina

They're naming a second child, not a pet. The names don't need to 'go"

I definitely think DH should honour the agreement however I know it doesn’t matter but I think it didn’t make sense in the first place :( why have a name the other one doesn’t like?
just don’t think I could deal with a whole pregnancy and labour then name the child something I don’t like. however, now this has happened and DH happily chose a name you didn’t really like for baby #1, definitely okay for you to choose name for baby #2.

Each to their own. Olive is a ghastly name.

I agree.

I don’t agree. Some kind of homogeneity within a family works for me.

Olivia and Francesca would have worked well.

I guess you could say Mary-Kate and Olive-Elizabeth too.

Me too. I know 3 people with a little girl called Olive, and all I see is this...

I know old names are coming back - that girls were named in the 1920s and 1930s, (like Nora, Hilda, Ada, Mabel, Agnes, Nancy, and Florence, and many of them are fine,) but Olive is just a bit............ meh...

All the names are nice - both the ones he has already chosen for your first DD and would like to choose for your second, and the ones you have chosen. I thought one or other choice would be outlandish or the style would be totally incompatible.
I said he should be able to veto but since all the name choices are really very reasonable, I think he should stick to the agreement after all.

Right.

I have 2 references: 1. Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout and 2. Olive Chancellor in The Bostonians. Neither are characters I would want to be associated with.

We were in a park recently near a family with a nice little girl and every time her mum called "Olive" to her I felt a bit sorry for her.
Not helped by every time I say olive (as in oil usually) DH mimics Popeye calling to his poor wife. Makes me laugh every time too.

But anyway...this thread is really about power play by OP's (not so D)H and I hope that she sticks to her guns as she definitely has the moral high ground.

The agreement was stupid, but equally I would try and veto my DH if he was trying to name our daughter Mary-Kate or actually any hyphenated name!

You sound like a pair of squabbling teens.
Poor kids, one with a name you don't like and you clearly resent your husband for choosing it and one who isn't even born and it's parents can't even agree on naming him/her.
How on earth do you tackle the important stuff?

It's all personal opinion. Mary-Kate sounds pretty and is a lovely name to me. It's just a bit retro and American/Catholic like all of the Mary- names (Mary-Kate, Mary-Jane, Mary-Ellen, etc.). I find Olive to be ugly. If you love Olive and hate Mary-Kate, that's perfectly fine. We're of differing opinions.

Remind (not within earshot of Child One) DH that you detest your first child's name. It was never your favourite and that is why you constructed the compromising agreement between you. Stick to the agreement.

You name the second child.

If DH needs advice on how to love a child with a nasty name, tell him to come to you for help.

I love your favourite name, Mary-Kate Francesca.
You have every right to push for that exact name, Op.

Olive Athena sounds good with it too.

Olive and Mary-Kate is sweet for sisters.
Your name is not remotely extreme.

Other suggestions you might like..
Marina Catherine
Mary Catherine
Francesca Mary
Celia Francesca
Monica Frances

Honestly - don’t engage any further in this conversation with him. When baby is born, go on your own to register the birth with the names that you have chosen. He’s actually an arsehole for not holding up his end of the bargain.

I’d understand if the names you chose were really out there, but they’re not.

I like all those names !
And very likely your first child will mostly be known as Olive ?
My children , with the first I really found it difficult to find a name we both agreed on .
Many very lovely names he said he didn’t like them at all .
We settled on one that is used in the family as a middle name for some more distant family members .
The middle child name was easy as was the third child .
Both of those are quite traditional names

Absolutely. Nightmare written all over the tuture

He is being unfair. I think the name he wants is awful btw.
My other half hated the name of our second son (he agreed I could name him it if it was a boy we were both convinced I was having a girl 🤣), it doesn’t bother him at all now.

I'd need to know the names to give an honest opinion.

Read the OP's posts!

Why? OP has provided the names in a later post but the names are irrelevant. Her DH got his own way first time, having agreed to the deal where he chooses the name of their first child and OP choose the name of their second child, and is now going back on his word.

@ThisZingyMember i like you name you have chosen now .
However I don’t like the previous boy name you had chosen .
I don’t not like the name he has chosen now . It’s something else and way out there.

I would go ahead and name the child alone . If he doesn’t agree as you stuck to your side of the agreement. Stand up for yourself and tell him he best get use to the name as you have as that’s what it will be end of !

Its a stupid agreement tbh.

Until we know names i cant say who i agree with. If you are picking a right shite name like Cloud or going with a horrific spelling like KortKnee or something then hes absolutely right to say no 😂