Don't want to continue husband's 'familial middle name'

[HoitiToiti]

We are in the process of deciding on a name for our son. I'm Irish and dh is Irish too but 'Anglo-Irish' as he'd say.

We are going for an Irish first name. Want a 'Gaelic' middle name too.

DH's middle name is Thomas. His father's middle name is Thomas, his grandfather's middle name was Thomas. His great grandfather's middle name was Thomas. His great great grandfather's first name was Thomas.

DH and DMil really want out child to have the middle name Thomas. I don't like it too much. I suggested Tomás as it's an Irish form, but they are insisting on Thomas.

DMil says it is important to keep the name as it's a 'family' thing. The great great grandfather was a successful businessman in Dublin... who moved to Ireland from England. He was born in 1850 something I'm told, and is where dh's parent's modest amount of 'family money' comes from... which they have since spent the last of on Caribbean cruises...

Say he can have the name as long as it's associated with a healthy bank account for him. After all you understand passing things through family is very important to them.

It's not up to your MIL but if it's something your DH wants then it seems incredibly petty to say no or only if you spell it this way.

It seems like a big deal now but it's a middle name, he won't really use it and months will go by where you don't even think about his middle name at all. If it means a lot to DH to include it as part of his families tradition then I would do so.

I see their point, TBH. The easy thing to do would be to give him three names: Oisin Seamus Thomas Surname or whatever.

It's seems a bit petty to refuse tbh. We did dh's family as a middle name for one dc and other dc had my family's middle name.

I agree with PPs. If it is important to DH then he gets an equal say so just use two middle names. Also as others have said you won’t care anywhere near as much in a few years anyway.

yes you can absolutely give him a few middle names if it means that much to them. Nobody uses middle names anyway, I don’t see the big deal unless your surname is actually Thomas.

it was the first name then that would be different. Keep the peace is my advice. It’s a lovely name anyway.

Pity about Tomas . But Thomas is not that bad. You should do it as middle names are rarely used. It obviously means a lot to them and it would be a nice gesture on your part. There will be a lot of things in the future that will have to be a comprise. This is an easy one .

It's just the middle name and it's not an offensive one. Thomas is a perfectly nice middle name. Is it really that big a deal to you? For whatever reason, it means a lot to your husband.

I agree with this. Forget about your MIL, it clearly means a lot to your DH so I would add it as a middle name.

If it was my partner and the middle name genuinely meant a lot to him then I would probably say yes. Middle names are so rarely used anyway.
Have you considered adding a second middle name of your own choice?

This. Your ds has two parents.

There are two of you in this naming process and if your DH is attached to the name for sentimental reasons I think it's unfair to veto it. It's just a middle name it clearly means a lot to him and they are hardly ever used anyway.

It's not their place to 'insist'. Whose surname will baby be having?
DH name goes back five generations, it's hideous. We had two DS and it didn't feature anywhere so ended that pointless 'tradition'. No one disowned anybody.
I would put your foot down here and set a precedent. What other decisions will PIL feel obliged to push themselves into?
Over involved already.

It’s nothing to do with your MIL and I’d personally not be discussing it with her and wouldn’t be happy for DH to discuss it with her either.

I’m a bit torn on this one. I was going to say it’s a non-offensive name so I would just go with it.

However I gave my DS a middle name from my side of the family as he already had DH’s surname. If your DS will have DH’s surname, then he already had a family name from DH family so I’m not sure it’s critical that he has two.

Whose surname is he getting?

It's definitely nothing to do with your MIL though. Do you think that maybe the issue more than anything?

Are you objecting because it's English?
You said yourself that your DH is Anglo-Irish so it's seems strange to object to an English heritage now.
Funnily enough it's worked the other way in my family. I'm English, DH is Irish, and DS has a family middle name that I was less than enthusiastic about, but it was important to DH and MIL, and other family members, and there's nothing actually wrong with the name. We used it, along with a middle name of my choosing. Of course DS prefers DH choice! 😡

Put your foot down? The baby has two parents, why does one get to 'put their foot down' and insist on a name?

Nobody in the world gives a flying fuck about middle names in real life.

Only important during pregnancy and as tiny babies.

Not a hill I would choose to die on.
Your husband has equal say.

I thought it was going to be something terrible - I’ve known a few of those family names - but Thomas is perfectly fine for a middle name. Just add another Gaelic one too if you’re really bothered. I have 2 middle names. It’s pretty common.

I think you're being a bit unreasonable here. It's a nice family tradition and a perfectly acceptable, neutral name. MIL obviously doesn't get a vote but your DH does get an equal say and your son may well like having the same middle name as his dad. My DD1 has the same middle name as me and another relative and she likes it.

I don't know why you're bringing in the whole Irish/Anglo-Irish thing (I'm Irish), that doesn't matter surely?

Its a non offensive, perfectly nice name! Nobody really cares about, or uses middle names. Choose another middle name as well of you want, but it's much easier to include it and keep to the peace. And then it's done! You won't have the same issue next time around.

And contrary to a PPs suggestion, don't try to police what your DH speaks to his mum about

It's a perfectly nice middle name, so unless the rest of his name is going to be Seamus Illingworth or similar resulting in awkward initials then I'd go with your Husband's wishes.

It's obviously an important family tradition to him so there's every chance it may turn out to be an important family tradition to your son. And if it doesn't then it's only a middle name, nobody uses them anyway.

Actually none of this rings true to me. Never heard an Irish person say they'd want a Gaelic name, we'd say Irish. Never heard anyone say they have Anglo-Irish heritage. There's a weird attitude to the ancestor being English.

As above. Nobody cares about middle names. Nobody is that interested. People might ask if the child has one. They might even ask how/why it was chosen. But it ends there.
If it's important to your husband (not his mother) then why rock the boat? Do you have visceral hatred of the name?
It's hardly Engelbert or Wayne.