Don't want to continue husband's 'familial middle name'

[HoitiToiti]

We are in the process of deciding on a name for our son. I'm Irish and dh is Irish too but 'Anglo-Irish' as he'd say.

We are going for an Irish first name. Want a 'Gaelic' middle name too.

DH's middle name is Thomas. His father's middle name is Thomas, his grandfather's middle name was Thomas. His great grandfather's middle name was Thomas. His great great grandfather's first name was Thomas.

DH and DMil really want out child to have the middle name Thomas. I don't like it too much. I suggested Tomás as it's an Irish form, but they are insisting on Thomas.

DMil says it is important to keep the name as it's a 'family' thing. The great great grandfather was a successful businessman in Dublin... who moved to Ireland from England. He was born in 1850 something I'm told, and is where dh's parent's modest amount of 'family money' comes from... which they have since spent the last of on Caribbean cruises...

My son has two middle names due to a family argument

She certainly doesn't like the fact her in-laws have spent THEIR money on cruises...

My DH has a middle name tradition like this. We’ve only had daughters and I got to pick their middle names on the basis that if it was a boy they’d have his. That was the beauty of not finding out the sex of the baby too though as it felt sort of equal in the process of deciding their names.
If you plan for more children then you 100% get dibs on middle name!! I actually picked family names anyway as think it’s nice to have a bit of tradition personally

Mumsnet is a predominantly English or UK based group.... so thought be easier to understand.

My point about Anglo is that MIL is very 'West Brit' whereas my family are die hard nationalists from the west of ireland... we clash not only politically but culturally too.... do you see what I mean?

I'm afraid I agree with the others- I think you need to let your DH have his way with the middle name. One of my children has a middle name I'm not keen on but it was an important name to DH. Bonus is that I used that compromise to get the deciding vote on the first name! Maybe you can do the same?

Not my point. It's that Dh says he was given the name 'in honour' of his family member, whose money ensured he was able to be sent to boarding school in England.

No I don’t understand what you mean at all?

)I’m Irish)

DS has two middle names for this reason, one is DH's family name and one a name we chose together but that I had final say on.

Alright, for more context the reason I don't really want Thomas as a middle name is that his first name is going to begin with an S. Dh's surname begins with a D....
S
T
D

I think you're being a bit arsey about this. It's important to your DH, and it's only a middle name. Have a second middle name if you wish. But it honestly sounds like you don't like the family you married into and are intent on pushing out their 'Englishness'

I guess you haven't had the good fortune of spending much time around the older generation of 'anglo-rish' in the naice parts of Dublin... very strange world

My husband chose dc1 middle name, which was his name, as dh has his fathers name as a middle name. He wanted to keep the tradition going. I don't particularly like my dh name to be honest, but went with it as he's both of ours son. I absolutely love the name Thomas. It's one of my dc name. I think it suits any age, and is a classic.

Well give him Ultan as a middle name and he can be STUD then.

Btw I am Irish heritage and have Irish name, as do one of my DDs. The boy middle name from my husbands family is the most boring English name (even though he’s Welsh!). But, his family heritage is just as important to him as mine is to me and I did need to respect that.

So add another middle name?

S (another intial) T D

You obviously don't care that much about the initials, or you wouldn't have suggested Tomás. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You pick the first name and middle name, he can have my surname :)

or vice versa, your choice :)

They are not great initials agreed, so give him another middle name and that will change the initial combination.
I had similar with DD1, he really wanted his nan's name Wendy as a middle name but our surname ends in 'ee' sound so we compromised and put another name in between.
Then with DD2 he was happy with my sister's name Rachael as a middle name!

That doesn’t make sense, why in that case would you suggest Tomas?

If initials are important to you have the first middle name as Tomás and the second middle name as Ulysses.

But you said you’d be OK with the Irish spelling and that still begins with a T?

Just add another name, honestly. It’s 100% not worth digging in on this one. Pick your battles. This shouldn’t be one of them.

Exactly. I'd the T was the problem you wouldn't have suggested the alternative spelling. The problem is you don't like his family so don't want to keep the tradition as some clever win over them.

No, Tomás would only have been with another middle name. I just think it would look daft to have "Irish name, Irish name, English name, Irish name"

West Brit ! 🤣 Not to many would understand that . Anyway you can claim Thomas is in honour of Thomas MacDonagh or Thomas Clarke , Easter Rising patriots.

All I’m getting from this is that it’s more about a culture war and you want all the names to ‘claim’ DS to your side more than your in-laws?

Have a look at the Irish census records, there are thousands of Thomas’s going back centuries. Because Ireland was strongly Catholic so you get lots of Thomas, Mary, Joseph, and other Biblical names and saints names. I don’t think you can really argue that Thomas isn’t traditionally Irish!