Don't want to continue husband's 'familial middle name'

[HoitiToiti]

We are in the process of deciding on a name for our son. I'm Irish and dh is Irish too but 'Anglo-Irish' as he'd say.

We are going for an Irish first name. Want a 'Gaelic' middle name too.

DH's middle name is Thomas. His father's middle name is Thomas, his grandfather's middle name was Thomas. His great grandfather's middle name was Thomas. His great great grandfather's first name was Thomas.

DH and DMil really want out child to have the middle name Thomas. I don't like it too much. I suggested Tomás as it's an Irish form, but they are insisting on Thomas.

DMil says it is important to keep the name as it's a 'family' thing. The great great grandfather was a successful businessman in Dublin... who moved to Ireland from England. He was born in 1850 something I'm told, and is where dh's parent's modest amount of 'family money' comes from... which they have since spent the last of on Caribbean cruises...

But she was OK with using Tomás instead of Thomas 🥴

Yeah but dumb

BIT

Did you change your surname to DH's after getting married or did you keep your surname?

You can't have STD as the initials. It's also not fair for 2 out of 3 names to be from DH's side. So you either use Thomas and your surname, or a different middle name (not beginning with T!) and DH's surname.

Or, as lots of people have suggested now, OP gets to choose the first name and one middle name, leaving a second middle name (Thomas) and surname to DH. All fair.

She hasn’t mentioned the surname as being in contention at all. She wants the first and middle name, he can have the second middle name and surname. Where’s the issue with that?

My children have their father’s surname for now just because 5 names is alot for a young child to remember however when we got married I chose to be double barrelled, if they would like to do the same in the future I’d be very happy to see them do so and that would satisfy both families. It will be our children’s choice then.

It’s Thomas, which is a perfectly acceptable name. Your DH has a right to include family names in his children’s names, regardless of whose surname is involved.

If you’d said William nn Billy I might have some sympathy.

Haven't read the whole thread, but this appears to have been picked up by the Mirror: https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/my-husbands-family-used-same-30174714
For some reason the article says it was on Reddit, but the link goes to Mumsnet

We went with 2 middle names for all the kids to keep each of us happy. Thomas is a nice name. Would have used it as a first name but lots already in the family. As a middle name I think it's quite nice to carry on a tradition. My opinion though.

Or bored & on the wind-up

When you say, Want a 'Gaelic' middle name too. do you mean that YOU want a Gaelic middle name, too? As clearly your husband wants Thomas.

If he feels very strongly about it, I would go for that.

I wouldn't take any notice of what MiL wants. He's not her child. I think it would be a bit unreasonable not to include it if your husband wants it though. I gave my daughter the same middle name as mine - which happens to be my mother's first name. When my granddaughter was born, my daughter gave her the same middle name. It comes up in conversation quite a lot (my granddaughter brings it up in various contexts) and it seems an important part of her identity.

It's part of his heritage and no harm as he'll have another middle name. So the initials don't count.
My husband was the first not to have his family middle name and DMIL can't remember why she even refused (DH thinks she was being difficult for the sake of it).
He feels he should have been given the name and has come up in conversation a few times.
If your son doesn't like it in future at least it's a middle name and probably won't be using it anyway.

Does the baby have his last name? Just because it is standard doesn't mean it doesn't count. He already has one family name.

I can't imagine every person being a fan of the name Thomas. Then it becomes a family tradition of bullying women into names they didn't choose for a man who died over a century ago.

Honestly, in my experience grandparents that are pulling the obligation strings now are always going to have a lot to say haha Name your baby what YOU want, set the standard now, this is your child.

I had this from the MIL. My husbands middle name is James I don't like it. DH wasn't bothered about using it for our son. But MIL was. Anyway we used it because she had her heart set on it and we couldn't find one that comfortably fit his first name. Turns out, after we had namesd him, the name wasn't some generational thing, it wasn't even her Dad's name or even middle. It was her Step dad's name, who died way before my DH was born and was only married to the grandma for a short time! Was a bit miffed after that tbh.

Maybe he was a really big part of her life, fair enough to be miffed if you were mislead, but it must've meant something special to her.

Add Ulysses after Thomas ,,,,,,STUD!! He might rather like that when he grows up!

My grandson has a family middle name from my son-in-law's family. I was asked if I'd like a name from our family so he has two middle names

It sounds to me you’re being anti-English, especially as you want to change the original spelling to be Gaelic? You married a man with English heritage and it’s now part of your children’s identity. You made that choice and therefore need to respect it instead of trying to hide it. The name is obviously important to your DH and Thomas is a perfectly lovely middle name.

Keep it imo. It's important to the family and more importantly little "S" might well like having that long familial link (don't some school's still do family tree's?). Don't see how anyone can really hate the name Thomas either- it's one of the most timeless names there is. At worst he might think it's a bit boring? That's really not a big deal.

I agree that initials STD is a no no though- that S could really hate! Agree with those who say you should add another middle (Irish!) name of your choosing since DH gets Thomas.

I would go with ... AFirstname Thomas Dsurname
Choose a fist name that you love that does not start with S

My DH wants his name to be baby’s middle name. I have said absolutely fucking not. It’s an egotistical load of shit. It will already have his surname. Absolutely pointless exercise and I strongly believe that people should have their own names. I have put my foot down.

Blimey. 🙁

Love my kids having their father's name among theirs. It's like a thread.

There wasn't any 'egotistical shit' .

Now sadly he's gone it's even more special.

And for the record they have their own names. They like being part of something.