Mum doesn’t like our new baby’s name and it has really upset me

[sillysausage999]

So baby is six days old and we are still in hospital because of complications for me. We didn’t tell anyone our shortlist of names before the birth and have been spending a few days with our little girl before we decided on one. Yesterday we told my mum our decision when she was visiting in hospital, and she looked disappointed. Today I called her after my operation to tell her it had gone well, and the conversation turned into this:
”so you’ve definitely chosen <name> have you?”
”yes”
”I have to say I was a bit surprised”
”right”
”I thought you would choose something more like Matilda”
”ok”
”you like <name> do you?”
”well yes, but you clearly don’t”
”it’s ok, but I really don’t love it”
She then proceeded to tell me the “horrible nickname” that she could be called at school, and that she didn’t think it had a nice shortened form for a baby. She also told me everyone in history/tv who’s ever had the name (she’s been frantically researching overnight and seems to think I’ve not done any myself). It’s a two syllable name in the top 100, so nothing weird! She also said she’d been looking in the baby name book on our coffee table (she has been round feeding the cats whilst we’ve been in hospital) and found our shortlist on a piece of paper inside - this is super annoying as I would never have shown it to her (or anyone really).
I am really upset because we spent ages choosing the name and this is our first baby. Clearly we wouldn’t have picked it if it wasn’t our favourite. I am worried that now whenever I use/hear our daughter’s name I will have these negative associations 😔 I am also annoyed that she thought it was an appropriate thing to say and I feel like it has ruined our relationship. Can anyone sympathise or give advice?

It's really hard to say without knowing the name, but your DM should keep her opinion to herself.

Hope you're much better very soon OP.

Congratulations on your new baby, OP, and I'm sorry to hear you're having complications. Your mother's negative nellie reaction must be pretty tiresome when you've got more important things to occupy you. Just tell her 'mum, you got the chance to name me and I get to name my daughter. That's how it works.'

Congratulations and fuck her. It’s your baby and your name. Why she thinks anyone gets a say in someone else’s name. Unless you’ve named her like Elon musk, but the registra will stop you if it’s totally illegal and bonkers.
congratulations again.

Congratulations on your new arrival! Tell us the name and we'll say lots of positive things about it.

Big hugs, ignore your DM she is been rude and she will get used to the name.
I was told my ds name sounded like an American pornstar, I do laugh about that one.
Just shut down any further discussions with we chose the name we love, I’m sure you’ll get used to it.

Your mum has been really unfair. I hope it’s just a massive tactless error of judgement on her part, and that she’s not usually do self-centred. I’m so sorry. No advice, just sympathy. Hope you and your beautiful DD are home and feeling better soon.

My mum did this to me. She actually threatened to get a cat and use the name I wanted to apparently put me off. I wrote a thread about it at the time. I have to say it does wear you down and two years on I regret our name choice a bit. If you really value your mums opinion you might be better having a rethink. Not because your mum is in the right by any means though.

My DM didn’t like my DS name and kept asking if we were set on it. I just told yes, I’m not changing it, we like it. It’s a very common name, she just knows someone she doesn’t like called the same! He’s 5 now and she hasn’t mentioned it since I shut her down. Doesn’t matter if she likes it or not!

In theory, family should be supportive of the names chosen by the parents, but it’s impossible to say if your mum is in the wrong without knowing the name. She might have a point. She might not.

My mother said similar over our choice but I stuck with it and all was fine. Don’t worry about it

Why would a mother even say that??!! She's had her opportunity to name children she needs to mind her business now.

My DM was not keen at all on the name we picked for our DS (too Irish apparently) but after he was born she got used to it very quickly and all was fine within a very short time.

Totally wrong time for her to mention it, but, but, but, how she has reacted may well be indicative of how other people will react.

I know lots of people don't like to share names until a baby has been born because they don't want to hear negative reactions, but in my mind, this is precisely why one should share a name!

Congratulations on your baby.

Oh, OP.

Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your darling baby, and fingers crossed for a swift resolution of the complications.

I am surprised that your Mum (any Mum) wouldn't be so overwhelmed with joy at the birth, while being consumed with concern for you and your recovery that she would have head space for making critical comments.

Has she often been like this during your life? Is she often critical and thinks that most things should be about her and her opinion?

Is she possibly so worried about you that she is deflecting into fussing about the name?

I am assuming / trusting that you have not named your Dd Fanny or Candida or something. There will always be differing opinions about names and not everyone can expect to like every baby name in their family. This one is yours and your partner's choice, she had her chance when she named you.

Do you love your name? If not especially say 'well, I don't love the name that you gave me, but I lived with it happily - my turn now to name my own child. We love it, time to focus on how gorgeous your grandchild is'.

It is also OK to be assertive and direct with your Mum (sounds like it would be a good tactic - start now, she will have many other opinions about your parenting choices!). If she says anything else say 'yes, we had that conversation Mum and there is nothing more to be said. And in truth I was upset that you chose that moment to criticise so I don't particularly want to go over it again'. And don't. Change the subject.

Good luck, enjoy your baby and look forward to retuning home.

Your mum is a different generation, there’s a fair chance you will like different names to her and when your daughter is choosing Karen or Barbara or Brenda for her daughter you’re going to be politely hiding your opinions too.

There will almost certainly be nothing wrong with your name choice but you don’t have the same taste as your mum. Your daughter will probably love her name at least until she’s 12 or so when she’ll probably wish you’d chosen something completely different. Your mum will quickly get used to the name as her granddaughter grows into it. I wouldn’t let it bother you.

The OP says it's a Top 100 name so I can't imagine it's anything too startling. Her mum should have kept it buttoned.

And whatever the name, there will be MNers who hate it, MNers who love it and those who see it as 'fine'.

That's the point with names.

She should never have said anything. No wonder you're upset.

Our daughter chose a name for her newborn that I really didn't like. I just made all the right noises and now of course I love it, because I love our grandson. I can't imagine him being called anything different.

Congratulations to you all. I wouldn't let it bother you. Not everyone likes the same names, as long as you and Daddy like the name, that's all that matter.

Are you going to tell us the name? 😊

Congratulations on the birth of your DD and I hope you are recovering well.

Hold fast to your name choice. My mother said ‘X (very traditional) is a nice name’ when DS was 2 days old and already had a less well used name but not mega unusual.

Next baby, my mother in law apparently couldn’t bring herself to say what DD’s name was to my sister-in-law (only found this out years later). It is unusual to be fair to her and so I was expecting raised eyebrows at the least.

Your DD will be whatever her name is and it will suit her and DM will get used to it. And you love it. Have courage!

I mean she doesn't have to love it but she needs to shut up about it, I wonder if she's on mumsnet and sees all those daft threads about names rhyming and bullying or wanted a "'tilly" because nicknames.🙄 Try and not let it upset you too much don't give it anymore head space and concentrate on your baby and your recovery.

My mother hated the name we chose for my first son, she said it made her think of a drunken old man sat in the pub. It was a bit old fashioned at the time, 50 years ago, within 4 or 5 years it was in the top ten boys names and I think it still is. She must have got used to it because she never mentioned it again.

I wouldn't worry about it, she will get used to it.

Dm hates all of my childrens names, my eldests especially. She’s very passive aggressive and kept coming out with comments like ‘she’s pretty enough to get away with Emily or Victoria’?? 🙄😂 Mil hates the first two, doesn’t mind the third. I really don’t give a shiny shite and don’t get why you’re so upset.

Well, as long as you love the name why is it bothering you so much? Is it the fact you are actually now unsure about it or is it the fact she keeps going on about it?

Not everyone will like the name you choose.

Congratulations on the birth of your firstborn. Try and focus on how special that is and don't let your mum ruin it for you

Congratulations on your new baby. Just to add to the others, at six days after giving birth your hormones will still be all over the place and you'll take to heart something that at any other time you wouldn't notice. Stick to your name choice - after all, she hasn't said she hates it. Like everyone else, she will get used to it and won't even remember that she was once not that keen.