Mum doesn’t like our new baby’s name and it has really upset me

[sillysausage999]

So baby is six days old and we are still in hospital because of complications for me. We didn’t tell anyone our shortlist of names before the birth and have been spending a few days with our little girl before we decided on one. Yesterday we told my mum our decision when she was visiting in hospital, and she looked disappointed. Today I called her after my operation to tell her it had gone well, and the conversation turned into this:
”so you’ve definitely chosen <name> have you?”
”yes”
”I have to say I was a bit surprised”
”right”
”I thought you would choose something more like Matilda”
”ok”
”you like <name> do you?”
”well yes, but you clearly don’t”
”it’s ok, but I really don’t love it”
She then proceeded to tell me the “horrible nickname” that she could be called at school, and that she didn’t think it had a nice shortened form for a baby. She also told me everyone in history/tv who’s ever had the name (she’s been frantically researching overnight and seems to think I’ve not done any myself). It’s a two syllable name in the top 100, so nothing weird! She also said she’d been looking in the baby name book on our coffee table (she has been round feeding the cats whilst we’ve been in hospital) and found our shortlist on a piece of paper inside - this is super annoying as I would never have shown it to her (or anyone really).
I am really upset because we spent ages choosing the name and this is our first baby. Clearly we wouldn’t have picked it if it wasn’t our favourite. I am worried that now whenever I use/hear our daughter’s name I will have these negative associations 😔 I am also annoyed that she thought it was an appropriate thing to say and I feel like it has ruined our relationship. Can anyone sympathise or give advice?

"Mum, I appreciate you don't like our choice of name, so we've decided to call her Bernard"

Congrats on the birth of your baby girl. I hope she (and her name) are loved by all.

Your mum is a fruit loop.

Congratulations on the safe arrival of your little girl!

If it's any consolation, my friend's mother downright HATED the name choice of her only daughter's firstborn.
Rather than wisely keep her opinions to herself and be diplomatic, her actual words, as she got the phone call joyfully informing her of her first Grandchild's arrival and name, were:

Her: "Ha ha, very funny. No, what is it really?"
Friend: "That is his name"
Her: "You're seriously going to saddle him with that for life?"

Charming.

She got used to it, because she fell in love with said baby. Now is the first to defend the name if she detects any sign of unenthusiasm from anyone else.
(The name is perhaps less common, but certainly not outlandish).

Take heart, OP. He's your son, and you love the name. That's all that matters.

Oh you poor thing. You mum really needs to give her head a wobble and focus on what is important here!

I'm at the stage in life where I hope to be lucky enough to become a Granny in the next few years and one thing I will never do is be negative about their name choices even if I am secretly not thrilled! I've had my chance to name my babies - it will be their turn as the child's parents.

Are you close enough to your mum that you could tell her how much it upset you to hear her say those things when you were at your most vulnerable and just needed your mum's affirmation and love. I know if I blurted something out without really thinking it through and my adult dc pulled me up on it, I'd be gutted and apologise.

I would say, don't change her name. It's obviously nothing outrageous (even if it was, it's still your choice!) and, if you and your DH love it, that's all that matters.

Congratulations on your lovely little girl.

My mum didn't like my ds name the look of disgust on her face it's a very very normal name and was really none of her business . I'm live his name and it really suits him.
Imagine your mum speaking to you like that it sounds like you've had a bit of a time of it. Congratulations and enjoy snuggles with your baby

When I told my DM our DSname she said ‘well I suppose I’ll get used to it’. she has.
It’s not a traditional name, but it’s pretty common and no odd spelling.
its really not your problem.
the line I use when my DM oversteps the line is ‘my children, my rules’.

*sorry, your daughter not son.

I think the name is quite irrelevant. We know it's top 100 so it's not outlandish. You can nod along and say something nice about it, and then zip your mouth on the rest of it.

I haven't read the whole thread.

I wasn't keen on the name chosen by my DD for her firstborn. The first name was quite pretty, but will involve her having to spell it out to everyone all her life; the second name just seemed a bit daft.

For the first couple of weeks I accidentally called the baby by a different but similar sounding name; clearly a subconscious thing as I like "my alternative" better! I wouldn't have blamed my daughter for tearing a strip off me for this but it wasn't consciously deliberate, and I kept apologising and correcting myself.

Anyway, to my ears/brain, very quickly the names stopped being random names and started being my DGD names, and guess what? I love them as much as I love the DGD, and I particularly love the way that the two names run together :)

So OP, your mum will probably come round; she just needs to keep her lip buttoned at the moment!

I love mn, it's taught me so much about what not to do when my DCs grow up
Ha ha - I could easily be a grandma soon and I'm taking notes!
Honestly, though, some things are just plain weird.

Ignore her! She’s in the wrong. The only response to your name announcement should have been “Oh, lovely 😊 “. It’s your baby and you choose the name. I suspect she was going on about nicknames on purpose to try to persuade you to change the name, hence her tactless mention so early on (because she thinks it’s still ‘early enough’ for you to change the name 🙄).

Any name and any child can be given a nickname. Think of all the nice, perfectly reasonable names and how they can be made to sound daft or ugly. Forget it

Don’t engage in discussion with your mum. Cut her off every time she mentions the name eg “Xxxxxx is her name and we like it and won’t be changing it”. She’ll try to play nice you by ‘kindly’ suggesting alternatives but just repeat the above.

I hope you recover swiftly. Put all this out of your mind and don’t let it upset you at all. It’s silly and mean. You don’t have to deal with it or worry about it. You chose the right name for your baby xx

Mum of very unusually named children here…one family member tried to say the exact same thing to me about eldests name being mocked and I quickly said ‘that would make them an idiot’ and it’s never come up! Nobody has a right to make you feel rubbish over your choice of name especially while you are experiencing what sound like awful complications at such a vulnerable time. Feel better soon and congratulations.

im struggling to decide on a name for baby boy, either Henry or Theodore?

Why are people so fucking desperate to know the name? So you can sneer about it as well? Whether you like the name OP has chosen for her child is about as significant as her mum’s opinion. Not at all.

Very rude of her, but obviously I would love to know the name 😀

Frankly, your mum is rude, and I would be hurt by her comments also. This should be a time of joy and excitement, and she has tainted that.

Hopefully this isn’t a sign of things to come, and she doesn’t voices her opinion on everything you do regarding your lovely baby.

If you look hard enough, you will find negative associations with any name. Our future king is called William - Willy is the obvious negative nn for that name but it’s still used. Also, any names currently in the media will have no impact when your daughter starts school. I never used Leo as Tony Blair used that name at the time and I didn’t want to be se3n as copying him. No would even think of the connection now.

Enjoy your daughter and her lovely name. It’s special to you, and that’s all that matters.

What's the horrible nickname?

I mean, your baby, your choice, but if it really could turn into a horrible nickname perhaps she was trying to be helpful by pointing it out and maybe you might want to reconsider.

If it's just that she doesn't like the name itself, then just ignore.

First I hope you have a quick recovery. I know how awful it can be to be stuck in hospital post birth and sending you all the best wishes on that score.

On the name front, I would personally say it's a really inappropriate time for a family member to do that to you - but my father in law did the same.

We call our son by his nickname (the first bit of his name) but have given him a longer full name that is much rarer now (and Celtic).

He misheard our name for our son slightly - and said (It would be identifying if I said the name) that it would make the police think he was a terrorist... (I should say this was an Irish thing, not a Muslim thing - so it's marginally less offensive than it sounds but I was still unhappy).

Pick a name you and your partner love. Family will get used to it! x

Congratulations, and do NOT back down!! Your mum has way overstepped here - once the baby has arrived and has a name, it's inappropriate to say anything unsupportive about it. Please don't change it for her, and don't let her spoil it.

Oddly, on several other occasions that I've heard about a grandmother behaving this way, the grandmother has wanted Matilda. How bizarre. At least your mum hasn't gone as far as to start calling your baby by her preferred name, which is what happened to another poster!

Anyway, my name is unusual and my nan didn't like it at first. Tough luck!!

Huge congratulations @sillysausage999 and all the best for a speedy recovery.

Here's a bit of perspective from a lot of years down the line.

Names are so emotive and never more so than when you're pregnant and when you've named your new baby. Of my DCs' names, the one the GPs approved of most is the one I've had years of regret about. The DC with the 'prettiest' name got the ugliest nickname at school. Thankfully even the old schoolfriends haven't carried that into adulthood. You just can't tell.

Names and attitudes towards them shift and change and nothing is universally liked by everyone. I don't care much for one of my DGC's names, but would never say. Unfortunately the other DGM did say and although apparently she's now changed her mind and warmed to it, the dislike is what the parents remember. I was never going to make that mistake.

MN can be aggressive on this topic, but the fact remains that your DC might grow up to dislike their name, you might change your minds and regret it, who knows. The most important thing is that you've given it a lot of thought and you both like it now and your child will grow and own the name. Keep that thought and get well and enjoy your new baby 💐

When I told my mum the name we had picked when I was still pregnant, she pretended to try really hard to stifle a laugh. She made out that it was ridiculous. It's a beautiful, simple classic name, but it's not a typically English one. It's phonetically the same in English and if you can read it, you can say it.

The baby was born with some complications and we were separated. I was on a ward with another woman and her baby and my family were far away. My husband was gone to see to our other kids. I was completely exhausted, in pain, missing my baby, worried etc and just feeling a bit low. Mum texted me to ask the name (hoping I had changed my mind, I guess) and I replied. She wrote back with just 'I'll get used to it'.

I just felt like crying. I knew it really wasn't a way of telling me that she would get used to it, but was a sneaky way of saying 'I don't like it'. It was important for her that I knew she didn't approve. I felt so vulnerable, so hurt that she couldn't just pretend to like it after me having had a baby and being separated from her. I'll never forget that. That comment was designed to make me question myself and feel like I'd made a bad decision. I could never do that to my children.

Any time anyone asks me the name, people always reply with 'wow, what a beautiful name!' Or 'that's stunning, what does it mean?'. I can tell people are genuine when I tell them so no regrets here, but I did have a wobble on that very lonely night.

Congratulations on your baby. Your mother isn’t very nice. She is being mean when she should be supportive. Ignore her and reduce contact is my advice. Don’t let her ruin this time for you.

I think mums forget how emotional you feel after just having a baby and your mum has maybe thought she could say it and not offend you. She possibly hasn’t done it to be mean but defo insensitive and unneeded. Apparently when my daughter was born my mother in law did not like her name. Thankfully she never told us as I’d of been very upset, but a year or so back she said she couldn’t imagine her being called anything else as that is just her. Im sure the name suits your baby perfectly

I don't love my grandchilds name. It's okay and a perfectly normal name. Luckily it's not my child so I keep my mouth shut.

So should your mum. Horrible thing to do.

Congratulations!! And please please just ignore whatever she has said completely. It's so unkind! My father absolutely hated my LO's name, and I thought it was so absurd. It wasn't a nice feeling but me and my partner were like eff it we don't care, we love it and others loved it or it grew on them haha. And that was that. Have full confidence in the name you have chosen and give it a few weeks, your mother will forget all about the name hating (i hope) and will be too busy loving baby xx

Congratulations on your baby girl. My DD has an unusual name, her older brothers have very bog standard Top 100 names. We got a bit of a backlash from ExH's family when we named her so that made me dig my heels in even more

There was a bit of an issue with people pronouncing it to start with (it's slightly more popular in both Wales and the US and both say it differently) but everyone got it eventually. DD is now 11. She absolutely loves her name as it means something that is related to her hobby (complete coincidence) and apparently everyone new she meets in high school says they love it too. Stick with your gut instinct OP. Your DD will thank you for it