Mum doesn’t like our new baby’s name and it has really upset me

[sillysausage999]

So baby is six days old and we are still in hospital because of complications for me. We didn’t tell anyone our shortlist of names before the birth and have been spending a few days with our little girl before we decided on one. Yesterday we told my mum our decision when she was visiting in hospital, and she looked disappointed. Today I called her after my operation to tell her it had gone well, and the conversation turned into this:
”so you’ve definitely chosen <name> have you?”
”yes”
”I have to say I was a bit surprised”
”right”
”I thought you would choose something more like Matilda”
”ok”
”you like <name> do you?”
”well yes, but you clearly don’t”
”it’s ok, but I really don’t love it”
She then proceeded to tell me the “horrible nickname” that she could be called at school, and that she didn’t think it had a nice shortened form for a baby. She also told me everyone in history/tv who’s ever had the name (she’s been frantically researching overnight and seems to think I’ve not done any myself). It’s a two syllable name in the top 100, so nothing weird! She also said she’d been looking in the baby name book on our coffee table (she has been round feeding the cats whilst we’ve been in hospital) and found our shortlist on a piece of paper inside - this is super annoying as I would never have shown it to her (or anyone really).
I am really upset because we spent ages choosing the name and this is our first baby. Clearly we wouldn’t have picked it if it wasn’t our favourite. I am worried that now whenever I use/hear our daughter’s name I will have these negative associations 😔 I am also annoyed that she thought it was an appropriate thing to say and I feel like it has ruined our relationship. Can anyone sympathise or give advice?

You can’t please everyone so you have to please yourself. Funnily, I don’t like the name Matilda (as quoted as a preference of your DM).

The only thing I would say is would it bother you if other people felt the same and made comments or made a face?

Also it’s a sensitive one isn’t it? I have several family members who fell out over a baby’s name five years ago and they have never made up.

Had similar with DD1 and my FIL. He put his concerns in writing I was upset at the time but literally couldn’t care less what he thinks now. She suits her name (nothing wild, either!) and I think he came round to it pretty quickly.

Forgot to say, a million congratulations on your baby. I hope you’re better soon.

he put his concerns in writing?

Oh man!

What's the issue with Ava Brown? I've said it a few times and don't get it!

My mum doesn't like my baby's name but after a few weeks it just becomes her name rather than something that sounds odd to her. She should have kept her opinion to herself but don't let it bother you.

Equally I've had a couple of friends name their kids what I thought were terrible names but have become cute now I actually know the children.

When I told my gran my son’s name, she said “But that’s a dog’s name”. She’ll get used to it.

What's the issue with Ava Brown? I've said it a few times and don't get it!

Hitler's missus I presume

Claudia isn’t annoying she’s fab🙂 I hope your daughter will think so too and love having the same name. Not to mention the very gorgeous Claudia Schiffer too!

Ignore, ignore, ignore. My ds1 accidentally announced the name we had chosen for ds2 when I was still pregnant and it was met with absolute conniptions. The in-laws spent the rest of my pregnancy suggesting names to ds1 to "feed" us as alternatives. All were disregarded and we went with our original choice, and it suits him absolutely to a T, couldn't imagine him being called anything else. Your baby, your decision.

But you can’t and shouldn’t make a face no matter how much you dislike a name. I’ve had to put on a smile and say how lovely at some names I’ve been 🥴 by. It’s just good manners.

@verynice1 sorry I meant to quote another poster. 🙂

How rude of her She needs to learn Your DC your choice
Especially insensitive as you've had such a rough time
Your DD will just become her name
Congratulations on your DD and ignore DM

Congratulations! Enjoy your new baby and ignore your mum. What the name is is irrelevant - she wasn't asked for her opinion, she was told your baby's new name. I'm sure she'll like it once she gets used to it! 💐

Tell her very firmly she is upsetting you and you don't want to hear any more about it. Personally I'd also your DP to ring her and have a sharp word.

Don't let yourself spin into a drama about it ruining your relationship. It's a small thing. She's out of order but grandparents are often surprised their kids don't pick the same sort of names they would. No idea why but they do. Just put her in her place and move on.

Yes, but picking the name of a DC in the family who has died, or a PIL/parent's affair partner, or a relation's abusive ex, for example, isn't going to go down well.

Names are the decisions of the parents but there are some things to bear in mind...

My mother is the type to hate any name I would have used . I went with my chosen name anyway. Mil is cornish and wanted us to use a cornish name. She didn't pick one for her children , so she was told that she'd had her chance to use cornish names.they both now happily use ds name.

That's a bit of a de-rail. The thread is nothing to do with this.

@verynice1 Oh ha it was your next post so I did quote correct poster.

Can anyone sympathise or give advice?
Yes.
Your mother is a nosy, intrusive, interfering & controlling old trout & she launched her totally unnecessary bullshit on you before you were even home from hospital.

I am also annoyed that she thought it was an appropriate thing to say and I feel like it has ruined our relationship.
Of course she thinks it's appropriate. She is a nosy, intrusive, interfering & controlling old trout, who reckons she gets to have a say over your choice of name.

As to ruining the relationship - reframe this, & buck up, because her nonsense is NOT worth getting upset about.,
Her behaviour can hardly be a surprise - you already knew she is a nosy, intrusive, interfering & controlling old trout. She's just being true to form, & one day you might even laugh about it. I doubt it will ever be laughing WITH her, as nosy, intrusive, interfering & controlling old trouts tend not to have a sense of humour about their overblown sense of entitlement, but you should certainly be laughing at her behind her back. Go on OP - it's the best medicine.

When she brings it up again (you know she will) use the experience as a launch pad into your new life as your baby's Number One advocate.
"Mum - you seem to have forgotten you have no say in this whatsoever, so do me a favour & give it a fucking rest, ok?"
Let her be offended, (you know she will) let her act out (you know she will) & let your resistance to her be a line in the sand.
Because if you let her keep harping on about the name, she will be harping on about everything, & she will be making constant digs about your parenting, because those are some easy 'hot buttons' for her to press when she wants to undermine you.

I don't know WTF she was playing at, letting herself into your home & rifling through your things, & I strongly advise you to put a stop to it NOW. Or you will never hear the end of it, while you are on mat leave & she wants to come round & tell you how you are doing everything all wrong (you know she will).
If you can't face asking her for your keys back, just change the locks, invent a bland excuse about losing your keys/updating for insurance, & 'forget' to supply her with a new key.
If she pushes you on that - tell her to fuck off.
You are a grown woman, you don't need her ordering you about, entering your home without an invitation, going through your stuff, & constantly undermining you (I just know she does ...)

Congratulations. It’s not very kind you are obviously having a tough time with more important things to think about. I wouldn’t enter into conversations. Shut it down - it’s our choice and we like it. She’s named you. If it’s top 100 it’s obviously a normal name. Assuming it’s not ridiculous with your surname eg Isla white type name then just ignore. She’s very rude snooping.

My mum clearly doesn’t like our DD’s name. Loads of other people do though. I was a bit sad but just ignored her. It is rubbish though OP. You just have to shut her down.

😂😂😡

In WRITING?!!!!!

What a pompous dick!
"Dear FiL, thank you for your written opinion. Not sure you why you think it's going to make a jot of difference as we're not going to change the name any more than you are going to change yours - even though I have concerns about your name & if we're exchanging opinions, really think you'd be best off changing it. Byeeeeee!"

MiL hated our name choice and phoned DH to ask him not to use it.

20 years on and I still LOVE my child's name.

She's had her time and her choices - as for looking in the name book and reading your short list - tell her to bugger off!