Mum doesn’t like our new baby’s name and it has really upset me

[sillysausage999]

So baby is six days old and we are still in hospital because of complications for me. We didn’t tell anyone our shortlist of names before the birth and have been spending a few days with our little girl before we decided on one. Yesterday we told my mum our decision when she was visiting in hospital, and she looked disappointed. Today I called her after my operation to tell her it had gone well, and the conversation turned into this:
”so you’ve definitely chosen <name> have you?”
”yes”
”I have to say I was a bit surprised”
”right”
”I thought you would choose something more like Matilda”
”ok”
”you like <name> do you?”
”well yes, but you clearly don’t”
”it’s ok, but I really don’t love it”
She then proceeded to tell me the “horrible nickname” that she could be called at school, and that she didn’t think it had a nice shortened form for a baby. She also told me everyone in history/tv who’s ever had the name (she’s been frantically researching overnight and seems to think I’ve not done any myself). It’s a two syllable name in the top 100, so nothing weird! She also said she’d been looking in the baby name book on our coffee table (she has been round feeding the cats whilst we’ve been in hospital) and found our shortlist on a piece of paper inside - this is super annoying as I would never have shown it to her (or anyone really).
I am really upset because we spent ages choosing the name and this is our first baby. Clearly we wouldn’t have picked it if it wasn’t our favourite. I am worried that now whenever I use/hear our daughter’s name I will have these negative associations 😔 I am also annoyed that she thought it was an appropriate thing to say and I feel like it has ruined our relationship. Can anyone sympathise or give advice?

Aaaah don't worry so, my mam hated my daughter's name too. My husband is Norwegian and wanted her to have a Nordic name, I was fine with that and loved the one he suggested, but my mam haaaated it. Proper snipey little comments she made too. "She sounds like a viking peasant." " That's a dog's name". "Why oh why couldn't you have called her something normal and traditional?".

She got over it after a few weeks as the name gradually became her.

Tell her you have also shortlisted the names you want your lovely new baby (congrats btw) to call her grandmother. And she can have the final say, so does she want to be

Grumpy Gran

or

Grouchy Gran

🙂

Maybe ask her why she chose to name you your name

It'll probably be 'oh! I loved the name and you suited it SO well'

Your reply: Exactly that Mother, and that's the end of the discussion about the name

If you are not willing to let us know the name, it's hard to comment.

Of course, it's your choice, but if it's really a very odd name, perhaps your Mum is right.

What is the name?

Thank you! I thought it was a Jenny Taylor type thing but couldn't make it work.

OP said it's in the top 100 so it can't be that weird!

If you are not willing to let us know the name, it's hard to comment.

Oh stop it, of course it isn't. She's said it's a top 100 name.

But either way, it's her mum. It's extremely mean-spirited for anyone to say they don't like a babies name to the parents face. But your own mum? Mean. If you don't have anything nice to say etc.

It was really strange! I find it very funny now and will joke about it in front of him, but at the time I was hormonal and rageful.

Go with what you like…i didnt have a name for couple of weeks as a baby as my parents just couldn’t decide. Then no one from the family liked my name and for a while refused calling me by my name…it was unique. 30+ years and i love and and everybody does

Ha yes I think this is quite a common occurrence. Name tastes and fashions change, often without the older generation realising. Then they don’t understand why their grandchildren have such out there names (which are actually top 100). Congrats on your baby and I bet her name is beautiful!

Congratulations on your baby. It is nothing to do with your mum what you call your baby. If she doesn't like the name, that is her problem, not yours. I am really surprised she actually expressed this to you. She should have kept quiet. She will get used to the name once it is used all the time.

I have four grandchildren and I would never have said anything to my children about their names whether I loved them or not

Stick with it OP. I really like the name Bertha.

Her right was to choose YOUR name.
YOUR right is to choose YOUR daughter's name.

For what it's worth may MIL said my son's name sounded like a take away dish.
It is also one of the most hated names on here, but I still love it and so does he.

No it's not. The mum is 100% wrong regardless of what the name is. Do you want to know the name so that you can say "oh yes Elizabeth is a horrible ugly frumpy name DM is correct". We all like different things and no one gets to close a baby's name except the parents.

Pps are right about changing trends in names. Edith is a good example. I think it’s awful but in a recent thread most posters seemed to like it and it’s in the top 100!

@sillysausage999
Theres only one way to deal with this OP.
You close your dm down immediately with our baby’s name is not up for debate.

My dd has a name that my parents considered unsuitable and said they would use her middle name. I told them not to bother visiting unless they respected our choice.
Dd is a mum herself now and her baby has a name I wouldn’t have thought of but it seems to suit him and I love it now.

Your dm has had her time, this is your time.

My mum didn't like my babies name, kept suggesting other names, took her 6 weeks to stop suggesting other names and come round to the fact I've chosen his name and that's his name

@AnnaTortoiseshell when my mother puts her thoughts in writing to me then it’s a sign she’s upped her bat shit levels. I’m guessing that was the situation here 🙈

How awful! I felt like this after naming my boy last year and FIL made a ton of comments. YOU love it and you will NEVER find a name that someone doesn't dislike, just put any name into the search bar on here and you'll see 😄. I'd love to know what the name is, if it's top 100 it honestly must be very likable 🙂

Op my dad was so rude about my sons name, insists on calling him "Tom"...

(My sons name is Elijah so nothing extreme!).

My mum was the same when I told her the name we had planned for our second.

She didn't like it because it reminded her of a woman she used to work with that she thought negatively about. I just said " Oh well, I wouldn't have chosen the name you gave to me but we all get to name our own babies".

My daughter is now 13 and it's just her name and who she is, as far as I know the negative association me were quickly outweighed by positive once she was here. She never mentioned it again anyway.

I don't think you'll have any negative associations because the name will become "her" so to speak, the strongest association will be with your lovely daughter. Irrelevant to this but my MIL was going to call my husband Duncan until the nurse commented "Duncan make the garden grow!" and apparently I was going to be called Sabrina until someone told my mum it was the name of a sex goddess or some such and she didn't want me to grow up as one / the influence!

My mum didn't like my eldest's name, and would say things like "It may not be so bad as long as he's a <short form 1> rather than a <short form 2>". We were planning on using <short form 2> after partner's uncle.

This is a very common traditional name, with short form 2 being a little more old fashioned/less posh. Like Edward, Ted and Ned. It was all rather wearing, but she got over it very quickly and now no-one could imagine <short form 2> being called anything else. He's really grown into his name, and he is the only one in his school. He sometimes meets elderly <short form 2>s and always strikes up a conversation with them.

Conversely my brother has two children with celebrity names. One unusual spelling after a footballer, and one child with the same name as the child of a Hollywood star. When I first heard these names I winced inwardly, although I didn't say anything. Now I've got used to it, I never give it a second thought - they are just my nephews' slightly unusual names with only positive associations.

In short - it may not feel that way now, and I understand why you are upset, but in my experience the feelings we have around names are transferred from the person to the name, rather than the name to the person and I am sure as your baby grows s/he your mum will come to love the name as she loves your child.

My mum didn’t like our DS’s name at first. He’s 6 now and she concedes it’s perfect for him! Give it time.

Call your Dad 'Uncle' see how he likes it 🤣