Mum doesn’t like our new baby’s name and it has really upset me

[sillysausage999]

So baby is six days old and we are still in hospital because of complications for me. We didn’t tell anyone our shortlist of names before the birth and have been spending a few days with our little girl before we decided on one. Yesterday we told my mum our decision when she was visiting in hospital, and she looked disappointed. Today I called her after my operation to tell her it had gone well, and the conversation turned into this:
”so you’ve definitely chosen <name> have you?”
”yes”
”I have to say I was a bit surprised”
”right”
”I thought you would choose something more like Matilda”
”ok”
”you like <name> do you?”
”well yes, but you clearly don’t”
”it’s ok, but I really don’t love it”
She then proceeded to tell me the “horrible nickname” that she could be called at school, and that she didn’t think it had a nice shortened form for a baby. She also told me everyone in history/tv who’s ever had the name (she’s been frantically researching overnight and seems to think I’ve not done any myself). It’s a two syllable name in the top 100, so nothing weird! She also said she’d been looking in the baby name book on our coffee table (she has been round feeding the cats whilst we’ve been in hospital) and found our shortlist on a piece of paper inside - this is super annoying as I would never have shown it to her (or anyone really).
I am really upset because we spent ages choosing the name and this is our first baby. Clearly we wouldn’t have picked it if it wasn’t our favourite. I am worried that now whenever I use/hear our daughter’s name I will have these negative associations 😔 I am also annoyed that she thought it was an appropriate thing to say and I feel like it has ruined our relationship. Can anyone sympathise or give advice?

just tell her you don't like your own name, but you've put up with it - so far without objections.
Childish, but totally wrong of her to express her objections so strongly when you're vulnerable and unwell.
Hope that you're heath recovers and your able to go home soon.

Your mum is probably being honest - it can be the hardest thing to be, especially at a sensitive time.

If she tries to be diplomatic and say it gently in a few weeks she may have watched you make a call she thinks is a bad one and then it’s too late to say anything.

If you think she’s wrong then take her advice in the spirit it was probably given in (assuming your mum is a decent person not trying to hurt her daughter in a tough time), Love her for it - ignore it and move on.

Not everyone’s going to love any name you choose but she’s got to let you know her feelings as your mum…it’s her grandchild too!

It’s none of your mum’s business.

nobody liked the name we chose for our eldest. He’s 24 now. About 10/12 years ago the name became really popular and I know loads of younger kids with the name but when we chose it we’d get “oh that’s nice” type comments not said in a way which suggested they were telling the truth. I didn’t give a shit to be honest.

I'm sorry your mum has been negative at a time when it sounds like you really could have done with some support.

My mum responded negatively each time I told her I was pregnant, and at each name too. Tbh my DH reacted negatively to each pregnancy too (though he came round pretty quick each time; I think he just feels a crashing wave of responsibility for us).

I have learned to not think about it. When the thoughts sneak in I am still sad about it, but I can rationalise that there's nothing I can do to change the past and push it out of my head again.

I wish you a speedy recovery xxx

Not her baby so she doesn't get to have a say.

sounds like your mother hasn't moved on to the equal relationship footing and is still treating your relationship as mother and child

Congratulations on the birth of your first child and becoming a mum

Tell your mum, Its mine and dh/dp choice and not anyone else, don't apologise that she doesn't like the name. Just says its a shame you don't share the same joy over babies name that me and dh/dp do.

My Mum didn’t like our choice for ds3. She suggested we called him the name we had chosen for his middle name. After a few weeks she was totally used to it and loved it. Just ignore her. It will be fine.

Sounds like you have had a difficult time and really needed your mum to just be kind and supportive. Does she have form for this kind of unsupportive attention seeking behaviour?

As long as you really love the name, I am sure it is the right choice. She will come round. None of her business really, not her decision.

It's just the start of decisions about your child that you mum may not approve of.... Nursery choice, going back to work (or not), schools, birthday party locations etc etc etc

She doesn't need to approve- but she will have an opinion- it's just a shame she voiced her opinion in such a negative way.

This is so common, I loved the name Stella, my daughter is nearly 20 now, but my mum was so rude about it. Apparently when she was a child there had been a milking maid called Stella. Fgs. She hated a lot of names I loved, like Hazel, Edith, Honor, Edel, she ''hated'' them all.

She was suggesting names to me that were so dated, women my age might have had them, like Melissa and Vanessa. I nearly laughed, those are two really unattractive names in my opinion, for a young person, if I met a Melissa my own age I wouldn't think twice.

Op I sympathise as I had exactly the same situation with my mother. It made me slightly conscious throughout my DD's childhood of using the name at times. My DD is a young adult now and loves her name and, I must say, it really suits her.

I'll make sure never to comment negatively on my grandchildren's names (if i'm lucky enough to have any!). Hopefully I'm much more emotionally aware than my mother and would never pass such a comment.

If it makes you feel any better OP, neither my mum or mil liked or approved of the name we chose for our pfb (it's unusual and def not a top 100 baby names name). My mum was quite vocal about her feelings and my mil used to wince when using it.

We used it because we loved it. They love him and got used to the name in a very few months and now can't remember why they ever found it strange. Now it's just him.

Jesus what is it with all these dm's and mils .. Literally the only appropriate response is 'ahh that's lovely unless you're about to name your child covid

Names are so personal. There will never be a name that every single person likes.

If it was a ridiculous and cruel name fair enough but if it’s an ordinary name in top 100 it can’t be that bad!

She will get used to it. If she brings it up again, change the subject. It’s really none of her business.

Congratulations by the way and I really hope you recover soon sounds like you haven’t had a great time 🙏🏼

I’m so sorry your mom is a bitch who did that to you. Try to reclaim your love of the name. See your mom less

Dont worry about it! One of my cousins has a “weird” name. Nobody liked it and everyone commented on it in the family. Its his name now and suits him perfectly. Nobody mentions it anymore and nobody finds it weird anymore.

Is your mother a narcissist? This is classic narc behaviour especially peeking at your list/going through your things.
She doesn't have to like it but really should have kept her mouth shut and focused on the health of you and your baby.
I imagine the name is really lovely and she's just trying to cause drama.

And there I was thinking that the armchair diagnosis of people as ‘narcs’ on here had stopped.

@midsomermurderess

Ooh, looks like I hit a sore spot. 😆

@MourningTea why would you think that?

My sister turned her nose up at my DDs name when we first chose it. Now 14 years later she doesn't even remember that she ever didn't like it. She says often how beautiful her name is. I haven't reminded her, but would be interested in her reaction if I did!

Congrats and don't give it another thought.

Hope you're starting to feel a bit better @sillysausage999

So many tales of people being insensitive and sometimes downright cruel.

I'll never get over some relatives saying they're going to refer to someone else's child by a different name from their given name, not by a nickname that's evolved out of affection, but just some other choice. Mind you, that said, I wish someone had done that very thing for me because I've always hated my name and I've only got one 😆

Can assure you she didn’t.

My mum’s name was Ruth and she used to say she had never known a Ruth who had a happy life. I love the name but when dd was born I avoided and gave my baby my grandmother’s name as a middle name; it is also my middle name. Mum was really upset a) that we hadn’t used Ruth and b) that granny’s name was a middle name not a first name!