Mum doesn’t like our new baby’s name and it has really upset me

[sillysausage999]

So baby is six days old and we are still in hospital because of complications for me. We didn’t tell anyone our shortlist of names before the birth and have been spending a few days with our little girl before we decided on one. Yesterday we told my mum our decision when she was visiting in hospital, and she looked disappointed. Today I called her after my operation to tell her it had gone well, and the conversation turned into this:
”so you’ve definitely chosen <name> have you?”
”yes”
”I have to say I was a bit surprised”
”right”
”I thought you would choose something more like Matilda”
”ok”
”you like <name> do you?”
”well yes, but you clearly don’t”
”it’s ok, but I really don’t love it”
She then proceeded to tell me the “horrible nickname” that she could be called at school, and that she didn’t think it had a nice shortened form for a baby. She also told me everyone in history/tv who’s ever had the name (she’s been frantically researching overnight and seems to think I’ve not done any myself). It’s a two syllable name in the top 100, so nothing weird! She also said she’d been looking in the baby name book on our coffee table (she has been round feeding the cats whilst we’ve been in hospital) and found our shortlist on a piece of paper inside - this is super annoying as I would never have shown it to her (or anyone really).
I am really upset because we spent ages choosing the name and this is our first baby. Clearly we wouldn’t have picked it if it wasn’t our favourite. I am worried that now whenever I use/hear our daughter’s name I will have these negative associations 😔 I am also annoyed that she thought it was an appropriate thing to say and I feel like it has ruined our relationship. Can anyone sympathise or give advice?

Its rude and she shouldn't have said it.
My mum had things to say about any names we thought we might use, they were all too old fashioned, to modern, to long, to plain, far too common, or she'd never heard of them (all normal names top 100 ish). The baby was her first grandchild and I just put it down to her being nervous and wanting everything to be perfect. She never mentioned not liking the names again once she actually met the baby- as long as she wasn't being critical in other areas- I would just try and forget it.

Congratulations 🦋 and I wish you a speedy recovery 🌱
Ignore her she's being weird and controlling 👀
Honestly stop taking her seriously, laugh it off and dismiss her if you can.
How dare she be so mean at a time like this when you need all the help and support you can get, she's trying to make it all about her because she doesn't like you being the important one, urgh, I remember this sort of thing from my m....well, she doesn't even deserve the title of 'mother'.... female donor of genetic material 😶

I know someone who's family (parents and siblings) really didn't like their choice of name, although they were a bit more subtle about it than your mum. The child in question is now a teenager and it's just her name. Everyone likes it because they've got used to it and it suits her.

My mother loved the name of DS1 hated our planned name for DS2. It really upset me (to the extent I posted a thread about it!) I thought about changing it, then ended up being rushed to hospital and having an emergency section. DP asked what name I wanted as I was being wheeled to theatre and I stuck to my original choice. I don't regret it in the slightest, and my mum is happy enough that we're both alive that she's not mentioned it again!

She doesn't like the names of my nieces either, but says it doesn't matter because she likes them.

It is weird though going from one extreme to the other (she really loves DS1's name, and was very scathing of DS2's potential name before he was born). There's something just nice about everyone liking the name you've chosen for a much loved child. But at the end of the day it has to be the name that you and DP agree on, not what anyone else thinks!

Is she controlling and interfering anyway? If so, I’d use this opportunity draw a clear line in the sand that you’re the mum and will make the best decisions for your baby.

She’s completely wrong to say she doesn’t like it.

A 2 syllable name in the top 100 is unlikely to be controversial. If it’s one of the “old fashioned” names that are popular again, maybe it sounds odd to your DM. But she’ll have to get over it.

Like you I would also be very disappointed if my DM chose to make her feelings known like this. There’s really no need.

When my partner told my MIL our daughters name she said 'oh. I'm sure it'll grow on me'

Luckily for her, I was not present as I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue, even more so when a few weeks later one of her friends expressed how much she liked the name, and my MIL agreed about how nice it is 🙃

People can be arseholes about names.

My sister said my oldest daughters name wasn't very 'pretty'

As long as you and your partner like it, that's all that matters

Your baby, your choice. As for nicknames at school; well there will always be something for another kid to pick on. It’s part of school life.

DM wasn't madly keen on DDs name (obscure Welsh) but after the first reaction has never mentioned it since.

DD loves her name!

Ignore her. Your baby, your choice, and if you and DH love it, then that's all that matters.

My MIL apparently pulled a sour unimpressed face when DH told her our first child's name. She looked after him 2 days a week from about 5 months old and everytime someone responded warmly to his name, said "oooh lovely" or whatever she was proud as punch as if she chosen it herself!

It's a very normal name, nothing to have strong feelings about either way, but she'll say things like "yes, simple and classic isn't it"😁

So yeah, your DM will get used to it so focus on your recovery and you're own little new baby bubble and call your child whatever you like!

I say this tongue in cheek op but I think she deserves a hard Paddington stare accompanied by "oh mum, if we have a boy next time I'll call him Cnut, after you".

Enjoy your baby whatever she's called and get well and home soon.

FWIWI named my dd after my grandma and my darling step turned around and said "that's one way to secure your share of the inheritance". Shame he wasn't called Cnut really.

My mum hated out eldest's first name -saud it was an old man's name - and in the hospital said she would call him Will (his middle name being William). I said, no you won't that's not his name.

She never did call him Will and seems to have got used to his name very quickly. I am pretty sure it is a generational thing. The names her generation picked - Jason, Karen, Julie, David - are pretty out of fashion now.

Oh she's being an absolute bitch. You have to ignore her and rise above it; her opinion is irrelevant and you should not listen to any criticism. Shut her down immediately if she starts again and ask her to leave it she doesn't.

The price is a relationship with you and the baby which she is jeopardising; don't stand for it and don't let it get to you.

Sorry. Mumsnet and Samsung phone hate each other.

Naming your baby is one of the first major decisions you make as a parent.

I can't imagine wanting to taint that moment for my child.

You might find your relationship breaks down with your mum, once you start making parenting decisions that she doesn't like. Sounds like she's used to getting her own way.

I can't imagine wanting to ruin anyone's name choice to be honest. Why should you value her opinion above your own?

Mil hated ds's name. I told her to her face no law said she had to see him then...

I'm a firm believer that children grow into their names so even if it was an eyebrow raising name , it's their name.
Keep the one you have chosen and congratulations

I chose a couple names before my baby was born and our fave my mum really didn’t like, but that didn’t put us off. Ended up calling baby a different name anyway because our other chosen name didn’t suit her, but if it did I absolutely still would have used the name

Congratulations on your new addition.

Your mum lacked tact and sensitivity, she should have kept her opinion to herself. We all make mistakes and say stupid things.

Move on from it - as long as everyone loves the baby, that is what is important and I'm sure you will all make many happy memories together.

It's tough, OP - you remember things like that when you are in your situation.

I emailed my family (abroad) about 1-2h after delivering my twins, who were both poorly in NICU. My sister's immediate response was 'you stole our name!' as the name for DT2 was one she'd discussed using in the past. She wasn't pg or even ttc at the time. I remember thinking wtf, I've just had bloody twins and that is your first reaction?!

It was never mentioned again and I think she realised she'd been tactless. I think a PP who says your mum is probably worried about you and expressing it badly is right.

We chose names that are legit, but very old-fashioned and unusal for nowadays, and my Dad who is most certainly on the spectrum, was really rude about both of them. It would never have crossed his mind to smile and keep his thoughts to himself.

Your mother is also entitled to her thoughts, even if she really should have stayed quiet, but for the sake of harmony, why don't you "sell" the name to her by taking an angle that you know will appeal to her?

I handled my Dad by reminding him that his favourite character in a particularly romantic medieval poem shares DD1's name (instant conversion) and for DD2 I reminded him that a famously beautiful and elegant socialite from the last century AND a famously beautiful and elegant actress from his era share this particular name, and now the name is synonymous with... beauty and elegance for him. The child herself has to be bullied into the shower and loathes brushing her hair, but I'm sure the beauty and elegance will catch on at some point.

Your Mum might not be as impressionable as my Dad, but it's worth a go if it's really bothering you.

We don't need to know the name. OP has had a baby a few days ago and her mother is being a cunt. I would be distancing myself from anyone who no treated me like that at a time where I needed support the most.

Congratulations! If you love the name, keep it.

It's hard for us to say without knowing the name, but I guess family will take against a name for a few reasons:

1. They're out of touch with naming trends and don't realise that Edith (to take a name from a recent thread) is fashionable again.
2. They have realised that the name is ripe for teasing (e.g. Fanny) or that it doesn't go with the surname (I remember a thread years ago about an Ava Brown) and the parents haven't realised.
3. The name will have some judgements attached to it, usually class related (Jayden, Hugo) - the grandparent worries about the baby carrying that association through life.
4. The grandparent just doesn't like it and has different taste.

IMO, in cases 1&4 above, stick with your name. In cases 2&3 have a think - you may decide that it's fine, or you may decide that the family has a point and change the name to make life easier for your baby.

In this case it sounds like 1 or 4 in which case carry on.

We weren't behind the door in discussing names when I was pregnant and my parents never liked DD's name- they said it reminds them too much of "that annoying woman off the TV with the fringe". Once she was born they just said "Definitely Claudia?", I said "Yes.", and that was the end of it. Three years on I asked them if it had grown on them and they said it's now just DD's name, but objectively still not keen. It was the same with my DNeice's name.

Neither I or DSis were offended, my DMum and I don't share much in the way of the same taste in clothes, interior design, etc., so frankly I'd have been a bit worried if she thought our name choice was incredible!

I can see how if you have a relationship with your family where everyone is very polite and filters their opinions all the time then what she said would jar though, especially with the stage you're at in your recovery, all the post-birth hormones flying about and lack of sleep.

Your mum should keep quiet. Is she going to be like this about other parenting decisions? I'd use this to set a precedent: 'DP and I researched names and put a lot of thought into it. This is the name WE have chosen'.

My DM didn't say anything but she wasn't enamoured with my DD's name. I could tell. Actually five years down the line I'm still not sure I chose the right name but I think that's because I'm an over-thinker! As long as you don't saddle them with a ridiculous name it really has very little significance.