Mum doesn’t like our new baby’s name and it has really upset me

[sillysausage999]

So baby is six days old and we are still in hospital because of complications for me. We didn’t tell anyone our shortlist of names before the birth and have been spending a few days with our little girl before we decided on one. Yesterday we told my mum our decision when she was visiting in hospital, and she looked disappointed. Today I called her after my operation to tell her it had gone well, and the conversation turned into this:
”so you’ve definitely chosen <name> have you?”
”yes”
”I have to say I was a bit surprised”
”right”
”I thought you would choose something more like Matilda”
”ok”
”you like <name> do you?”
”well yes, but you clearly don’t”
”it’s ok, but I really don’t love it”
She then proceeded to tell me the “horrible nickname” that she could be called at school, and that she didn’t think it had a nice shortened form for a baby. She also told me everyone in history/tv who’s ever had the name (she’s been frantically researching overnight and seems to think I’ve not done any myself). It’s a two syllable name in the top 100, so nothing weird! She also said she’d been looking in the baby name book on our coffee table (she has been round feeding the cats whilst we’ve been in hospital) and found our shortlist on a piece of paper inside - this is super annoying as I would never have shown it to her (or anyone really).
I am really upset because we spent ages choosing the name and this is our first baby. Clearly we wouldn’t have picked it if it wasn’t our favourite. I am worried that now whenever I use/hear our daughter’s name I will have these negative associations 😔 I am also annoyed that she thought it was an appropriate thing to say and I feel like it has ruined our relationship. Can anyone sympathise or give advice?

My mum wasn’t keen on my sons name - she didn’t explicitly say it but I could tell. She likes it now she thinks it’s a lovely name cos it’s his name and she associates with him. His name is a top 10 name and very traditional.

She was desperate for me to call my daughter Aria, she would suggest it while I was pregnant most days - it annoyed the fucking daylights out of me cos although lovely it wasn’t the name for us - she did like the name we chose but even if I did like Aria for my girl I wouldn’t have chose it cos I wouldn’t want her to ‘win’ (childish I know, but didn’t want her to think I had chosen it due to her opinion).

Baby name is yours and the dad’s choice - put it out of your mind what she thinks cos she should come to love the name, her grandchild’s name. If she doesn’t, then tough titty for her! x

It is very cruel of her to treat you like this, she should be concerned for your welfare if you’re having complications but instead she is bullying you. I suspect she is a narcissist who has form for this. Please don’t let her bully you into changing your child’s name - this won’t be the last thing she tries to control so set your boundaries now. This is your child and you are doing things your way. End of.

Same with my dd. Now her ds is almost one he has grown into his name though when someone asks me what he's called I do feel a little awkward as it's not really your run of the mill name, reminds me of an American rapper. Anyway he's gorgeous and dd actually often calls him a shortened form which is also short for a traditional name.

Ignore her .
She should be feeling bad

My other dd likes a boy's name that rhymes with taliban. Luckily we're more a girly family!

If she starts again I would be tempted to say:

"Sorry mum but I don't like your name either. It doesn't stop me from loving you though"!

Really unpleasant of her to give her opinion like this, not asked for. And when you're still unwell.

I don't think you should have to deal with her at the moment. Hang up.

When you're feeling a bit stronger you can speak to her and let her know that unless she's got something nice to say about you're baby's name, don't bother.

I think there needs to be a site rule that you're not allowed to post these kinds of threads without telling us what the name is.

Exactly this. If it continues I would have gone further- any more of this and you won’t be seeing her.

We made it clear to both sides when the ‘helpful suggestions’ started appearing before the birth that it was our decision and only ours.

Our DG told us the name they had chosen for second child asked if we liked it. Not really I told her. Her shoulder shrug told us our baby, our choice. And we all moved on.

She has had her turn at choosing.

My Granny did this to my DM when she had my little brother. Constantly called him by the name she preferred, ignored Mum saying she wasn’t calling him that, even in hospital after birth! Only when birth cert was signed and DM told her to shut up and deal with it did she stop! (They still have great relationship today! Gran just needs told to sssh sometimes!) Sometimes you just need to be blunt and say not your baby not your business!

Why can’t they just keep their opinions to themselves!! My mum wasn’t keen on either of DD’s names at first but they weren’t her babies! I don’t happen to like my own name and middle name that she gave me but I’d never tell her that because I’m not an insensitive arsehole. Mind, she’s recently said she wants nothing to do with DC3 if it’s a boy so I don’t think social skills and other peoples feelings are high on her agenda 🙄 OP I hope your mum realises she’s been unkind and apologises, I’m sure the name is lovely and it’s what you’ve chosen so she’ll just have to pipe down and get used to it!

Congratulations on your baby!!

Your mum has been really rude and unfair. I wonder how she'd have reacted if someone has said the same to her about her first baby's name! She'd probably have thought they were rude. Shame she didn't think before she opened her mouth.

Ignore her, and enjoy your baby.

I'm sure the name is lovely.
Sorry to hear your Mum is so opinionated and pushy and that she lacks self awareness.
Also she lacks boundaries as she's snooping about in your stuff.

Tell her she'll just have to get used to it, and tell her it would really help if she could stop saying she doesn't like it.

She doesn't get a say. Not her baby.

How do you think she felt when you said, "Not really"?
Was your honesty worth it? Because I bet the shoulder shrug developed into her thinking about it a lot 😞

could be a name that could be shortened to Nellie …

Your choice of course. But without knowing the name it’s hard to form an opinion. Tbh I know a couple of people who are extremely self-indulgent and have lumbered their kids with stupid names. It does happen.

My mother had promised my paternal grandfather she'd give any children French names (I'm half French) and wanted to call me 'Simone' ....which I love.

My stupid father was drunk when he rang his parents to tell them I was born (10 hour time difference between us, it was night where we were) and told my paternal grandmother that my mother wanted to call me 'Cinnamon' ???

He got off the phone and told my mother that his parents hated it, thought it was a stupid name. She was upset, confused but under pressure from my father, decided to call me another French girl's name ... she didn't find out the mistake my father had made until I was 10...

My Great Aunt really didn't like the pick of name for our son, and said she'd call him something else instead because she couldn't possibly call him that!
Fast forward. He's two. He's literally her favourite person in the world, and she refers to him as "My boy (name), my best boy" name".

She clearly got over it and only has positive associations with it now.

I hate this. I don’t like a lot of the names my friends and family have chosen for their children. Do I say anything more than ‘what a lovely name, it so suits them’ no.

My mum openly disliked my dc’s names, but given what an uninspiring job she did with mine I’d have been more worried if she’d liked them tbh.

Literally the same
conversation my mum threw at me with my first child's name (Tabitha) ... needless to say we ignored her other crappy suggestions ... when my second war born she said 'oh ok we like that name' 🤯🤬😵‍💫

Your Mum is being awful. I’ve just looked at the top 100 girls names, and I can’t see how any name in that list could cause such a reaction. Both my daughters have very ‘popular’ names (though am pleased to see one has moved down the list quite a lot now!) and I get comments about my boring choices sometimes, I couldn’t care less, I adore their names. I’m wondering if it’s something on the less classic side, like Ruby or Autumn? Clearly not everyone likes the same names, and aside from you calling her Cinderella or something, people other than the parents should keep their opinions to themselves. Sorry OP, how you can put it out of your mind and focus on cuddles with your gorgeous baby girl

Congratulations and I hope you’re out of hospital soon. Your baby’s name is for you to choose - she’s had her turn! It was rude of her to try to make you change it - especially as you’re under such stress right now.