Mum doesn’t like our new baby’s name and it has really upset me

[sillysausage999]

So baby is six days old and we are still in hospital because of complications for me. We didn’t tell anyone our shortlist of names before the birth and have been spending a few days with our little girl before we decided on one. Yesterday we told my mum our decision when she was visiting in hospital, and she looked disappointed. Today I called her after my operation to tell her it had gone well, and the conversation turned into this:
”so you’ve definitely chosen <name> have you?”
”yes”
”I have to say I was a bit surprised”
”right”
”I thought you would choose something more like Matilda”
”ok”
”you like <name> do you?”
”well yes, but you clearly don’t”
”it’s ok, but I really don’t love it”
She then proceeded to tell me the “horrible nickname” that she could be called at school, and that she didn’t think it had a nice shortened form for a baby. She also told me everyone in history/tv who’s ever had the name (she’s been frantically researching overnight and seems to think I’ve not done any myself). It’s a two syllable name in the top 100, so nothing weird! She also said she’d been looking in the baby name book on our coffee table (she has been round feeding the cats whilst we’ve been in hospital) and found our shortlist on a piece of paper inside - this is super annoying as I would never have shown it to her (or anyone really).
I am really upset because we spent ages choosing the name and this is our first baby. Clearly we wouldn’t have picked it if it wasn’t our favourite. I am worried that now whenever I use/hear our daughter’s name I will have these negative associations 😔 I am also annoyed that she thought it was an appropriate thing to say and I feel like it has ruined our relationship. Can anyone sympathise or give advice?

Oh no, poor you! I could see my mum being just like this, tact isn’t her strong point!

I worked with a lady called Edith, she really disliked her name, said it was an old womans name.

Told her that many saxon queens were called Edith, King Harold's wife was know to be very beautiful. She was known as Edith Swansneck because of her beauty.

I expect your mUm has a history of gross invasions of your privacy and rude selfish behaviour. I think I’d be distancing myself.

@IReallyDontLikePeopleVeryMuch it's become a joke now! He does use his name but will call him Tom and my son finds it hilarious!

He does say that he suits his name now! I mean hes 5 so I should hope!

Op you posted a list of names back in January and they were all really nice names

Just ignore her, she'll have to get used to it

It's horrible when this happens isn't it?

When I told my Mum-after baby was born having had no discussions, she sort of mulled it over & said "no, I don't really like that".

Fucking hell mum, I'm not asking your opinion I'm telling you your GC's name!

It is a known name although not popular at the time.

I think it seemed "out there" to her & she was embarrassed.

Of course one mention of "ooh that's unusual isn't it, how nice" & she was revelling in it🙄

Well at the end of the day God love her she would have crawled over broken glass for him so that's all that matters.

Fuck her, it's your child not hers, and you chose the name for reason, that's all that matters.

My mum had the same reaction, and proceeded to encourage me add name she preferred as a middle name in the birth certificate. I didn't.

Your mum is bloody rude and insensitive given that you are still in hospital and vulnerable.

My in-laws were very vocal about how much they hated both of my DCs names. Tried to get DH to change it when registering second child's name.

Congratulations on your baby OP and tell your mum to butt out.

This is her issue, not yours. She named her children, and you can name yours. Do you love the name? Does your partner love the name? If so, that is all that matters. It may not be to her taste, but she shouldn't have said anything at all. It should be something she mentions in passing to a friend ('They've called her XXXXX, I wouldn't have picked that but there we go. She is adorable though, did I show you this picture?') and that's it.

It happened to me with our third child.

We named our daughter Caroline. My stepdad (who has been in my life since I was 6) said it was awful, and we were basically calling her Lynn(?!). He then proceeded to list all the bad Carolines and Lynns and said I was giving into my husband and being flaky.

I was four days post birth, super emotional, and already stressed about picking the 'right' name. And he knew that.

I was devastated and didn't speak to him for weeks. He eventually apologised (in a way that accepted no responsibility and implied I was overly sensitive), and we now rub along fine. But it is always in the back of my mind, and I don't think I will ever fully forgive him. It still feels unnecessary and a little vindictive.

Congratulations on the birth of your DD.

As you're close to your DM, I'm sure this has unnerved you in terms of your choice. However, if you were as happy as could be with name (I know it's hard to chose) before telling her, then she's yours and DH's baby, so your choice.

Overall the main thing is that you and your DB will be ok. Your DM probably was being a bit insensitive without realising it, and will come to love your DB and just accept that's what she's called.

What with all the post-birth hormones and massive life changes - and if you've had complications then presumably also in pain or ill - your mum's chosen a stupid time to pick a fight with you. If you weren't feeling as vulnerable you might find it easier to brush off. But yes, she's being a tit.
Maybe say dreamily "I've always thought about changing my name, now you mention it."

MIL didn't like the girl's name we'd chosen for one of our DC (before we found out he was a boy). She sighed and said 'well I supposed we could call her Amy'. Umm, no, if we wanted to call her Amy we'd actually call her Amy! Anyway, it was a moot point because we had a boy, although MIL struggled to say his (very normal and commonly used) name and kept using the feminine version instead. So weird!

A bit strong to query whether this would ruin your relationship with your mum. When your little girl is a mother and you the grandmother I think you would think differently. It is your choice of name, so stick to that. She could have been more tactful.

Your mum sounds like a dick.

Ignore her.

But also, please, PLEASE don’t worry about the “school nicknames” comment. It’s so stupid. Unfortunately most kids get teased at some point during their lives and it can be for a million reasons - changing your baby’s name won’t suddenly make them immune to bullying.

My mum did exactly this. We ignored her and stuck to our guns, and I'm so glad we did. Eventually she stopped complaining. Don't know if she stopped being bothered by it but it didn't affect how she treats DC1, on the contrary, they are her obvious favourite 🙄

Really? Six days in hspital, you ring her to tell her about your operation, and thats how she acts? Tell her to fuck right off and dont take anythign she says to heart. Call your baby Mary Magdalene if you want. If she cant be supportive then keep her at arms length. What a nasty old controlling selfish cow!

It's your baby, not hers! My mum hates most baby names, luckily she likes our name choices(I think) but even if she didn't, I wouldn't care.

So depressing how many mums and MILs think it's a good idea to do this. I love mn, it's taught me so much about what not to do when my DCs grow up

I wasn't wildly keen on my DGS's name at first. It is quite a traditional name, but unusual in his generation. It was much more common when I was a child so it felt a bit old fashioned. I would never have said so however and now he is 2 I couldn't think of him as anything else. Your mum will get used to it.

I have been in the same position OP.
My DM told me she hated my new born daughters name.
I could have been upset and disappointed, but my anger at her insensitivity was very helpful in the situation.
When she told me she hated the name my answer was "tough".
She accepted in in a few months, and now many years later actually claims she was the one who suggested it, tells all her friends that she was the one who came up with such a "pretty" name for her grandaughter.

Anyone who tells you they don't like your baby's name is a dickhead.

I had a name picked before my DD was born, told my mam and she didn't like it. I decided after that to change the name and not tell anyone - they'd all find out when baby was born and they could like it or not.

Oh my goodness I could have written this five years ago!!! My mum sat on a chair in my hospital bay doing an impression of a teacher in the playground being unable to call my child over because the name would be 'such a mouthful'. Updated me when various aunties passed comment on it. And was generally insensitive. Eventually I text her saying mum, you've really upset me, if you don't like it say nothing at all - and she apologised and buttoned it. and now? Everybody loves the unusual name, because it's gorgeous. Don't underestimate how massively emotional you'll be feeling now because of the wretched hormones, but you're not being sensitive, your mum is being daft. massive congrats on your lovely new baby and her no-doubt perfect for her name :-) x p.s. my mum made loads of other insensitive comments that really got to me in my PND state so may be wise now to just resolve with yourself you'll ignore any other unhelpful stuff that comes your way! x

How rude of her to say anything.

I don't particularly like one of my granddaughters name but I keep it to myself

None of my business snd what's in a name anyway. They all get Nick names at school anyway

How mean of you mom. Please ignore her and do not change it. I would be clear with her though that there will be many decision made by you and your partner that you will not run past her and she will have to accept that.

Congratulations on your little girl and hope you get home soon.

I wouldn't worry. My family were really funny about my DC names too, said they were chavvy and then proceeded to shout them out in a chavvy tone (which you could do with any name) they have made comments since. I just reply that I wouldn't have chosen the names they did either (true) ignore!