One week old baby- husband won't discuss a name.

[busymamaof2]

DD3 born last week. Now ten days old.

For the other two we compromised on names, although husband always exaggerates claims he feels the other two were names he compromised on and were never his own choices. This is wrong. We both compromised and neither got our first choice.

DD3 and he wants something so plain and generic I just cannot even contemplate it. Angela. I don't like it. Fairly dated now. We are also Scottish and Irish so everyone is expecting something Scottish, Irish or Celtic especially as other two DC have those connotations to their names.

He is refusing to even have a discussion on any other name. Keeps saying hello little Angela to the baby to wind me up. Last night I said I wouldn't be bullied into a name I didn't like, especially as this week he has gone straight back to work 3 days post birth, he has been no help with the baby. In a week I'd say he's changed 3 nappies. Given her one feed. Yet despite his hopelessness it's a my way or highway name.

The amount of texts I am receiving asking about a name is driving me mad and clearly indicates we're having problems.

What would you do?

What's your choice of name? I mean you could just go and register her...

Angela as a middle name and give her a name you both agree on, if he won’t discuss it tell him you will be choosing a name and getting her registered.

When did he decide on Angela?
I mean has this disagreement been going on for 10 days or 3 months?

But OP doesn’t like Angela, why should she use it as a middle name?

I’d be really cross about this, OP. You’re supposed to be recovering from labour and birth, bonding with your newborn, establishing feeding, and you’ve got 3 kids to look after on little sleep, and he’s titting about winding you up by calling the baby a name you’ve made clear you don’t want, refused to take paternity leave, and left you with a nameless baby. Read him the fucking riot act and get that baby named.

He's wanted it since the day DD1 was born! It's always been on my red list. I just can't like it.

To make things more difficult - we went for my grandfathers name for DS. Angela was his wife. It would look absolutely ridiculous that we have the name of both of my grandparents as names to 2 of our 3 DC! I mentioned it to Mum and she was very much "oh don't be ridiculous!" And I tend to agree!

It wouldn't go with the first name (or the one I like).

What name do YOU like, OP?

Nancy first choice, ideally spelt as Nansi to reflect heritage

Orla

Megan

A number of others but not Angela!!

Well you clearly have much better taste than your DH so as someone who has carried her for 9 months, and by the sounds of it, is pretty much doing everything yourself, I'd register her with one of your beautiful names.

Angela indeed! Unless you've given birth to a 40 year old I wouldn't even acknowledge it.

I must say I prefer your name choices OP. But I can also understand if your DH has wanted Angela since DD1 then it's a firm favourite to have it sidelined every time must be disheartening. Nonetheless his behaviour is outrageous. I don't even have a solution for you but you have my sympathies

If you're looking for an Irish or Scottish name, I think the Gaelic version of Angela is Aingeal. Would that be something you could live with, even as a middle name, perhaps?

Do you know why he has his heart set on Angela? Does it have a special significance for him? If so, it might be nice to try to include it as a middle name (you could even give her two middle names, one from each of you, and then a first name you can agree on). You could give her 2 middle names to hide it more...

If you want to reflect Scottish and Irish heritage then I'm not sure Nansi or Megan are going to do that to be honest!

I hope you can agree on something soon. Congratulations on your baby

So one dc is named after your grandparent?

This is a name he's wanted since your first girl?

I don't agree with his behaviour but any chance your compromises have meant names you prefer more than him and he's now determined to have more of a say?

If he's otherwise a normal human partner the determination in his behaviour would indicate a real strength of feeling that needs to be at least acknowledged.

Fwiw Angela is much nicer than your names (IMO) although I do like Nancy.

The name problem is just a symptom of deeper issues here I fear.

He has checked out of parenting, checked out of partnering you, and stopped communication dead.

You have a lot going on, but somehow or other you need to get to the bottom of it. What he is doing is not acceptable.
Keeps saying hello little Angela to the baby to wind me up.
This is awful. The baby is his own real, live child, and he is using her to get under your skin, and apparently that is the only involvement he has with her.

This man really dislikes you, OP, or really dislikes being a father of three. Either way, there are huge problems in the relationship.

Wrt names - start again. Ditch all your favourites and ditch Angela.
If he won't budge, go and register her yourself, and if he kicks up about it, you can safely assume he provoked the fight for reasons of his own.

You need to stop this by giving her a name and registering it. He’s behaving like this because there is a vacuum.

if he’s not going to discuss it… well, you tried. If one of you is going to be disappointed, it is not going to be the one of you that carried her for nine months.

Pick a name, quickly, do not compromise, and go and register without him. Tell everyone. Then the name thing is over (but you are still stuck with him).

This kind of attitude baffles me.

As they're married, OPs husband could also sneak off and register the baby, if he so chose. Maybe he already has and she's called "Angela" officially already 🤷🏼‍♀️

There's such a double standard on MN sometimes, because the comments if he had done it would be completely different.

OP - you're going to have to sit down with him again and compromise. Agree to use as a middle and accept that you'll just have to find a different first name that it goes with better. It really isn't the worst name in the world.

Nanci oral and Megan are all lovely names. Angela is horrendous Stick to your guns

Nansi Angela or Megan Angela are both nice.

There's such a double standard on MN sometimes, because the comments if he had done it would be completely different.

Yes, because she carried the baby for 9 months, gave birth and is the one caring for her. It's not remotely the same thing.

Are you sure he didn't register her without you knowing?

And they will both be parents to the child and use its name for the rest of their lives

But so far he’s not been a parent to the child, he’s fucked off back to work after 3 days, barely lifted a finger for nappies or feeds, and used the child as a tool to wind OP up while refusing to have a conversation about something as important as what they call their child.

Megan is Welsh 🤔
i actually think Angela is fine but use it as a middle name and that’s you making a compromise, you choose the first.

Will he really not discuss it? Could you actively make him by writing down a list of 5 or 6 names, including Angela and the names you like plus a couple of more neutral ones that might be options, then give them each a score out of 5. If he refuses, try to jolly him along by saying “I’m guessing you’d give Angela 5 points”. Then, if he doesn’t engage, start guessing aloud what points he’d give the other names. Hopefully he’ll then comment eg “No, I hate Megan. It’s the worst of the lot, even worse then Nansi” etc.

Not ideal but at least you then a) have offered him a definite chance to make his opinions known, and b) hopefully have some inkling about which names he dislikes most, so you can bear that in mind if you choose to register a name without him.

How about some variation on Angela as a compromise? Angel, Angelica, etc, or an A name.

Ok. You both write down 3 names. You each get to remove one of the other person’s names. The others go in a hat and you pick one out each and that’s the middle and first names.