One week old baby- husband won't discuss a name.

[busymamaof2]

DD3 born last week. Now ten days old.

For the other two we compromised on names, although husband always exaggerates claims he feels the other two were names he compromised on and were never his own choices. This is wrong. We both compromised and neither got our first choice.

DD3 and he wants something so plain and generic I just cannot even contemplate it. Angela. I don't like it. Fairly dated now. We are also Scottish and Irish so everyone is expecting something Scottish, Irish or Celtic especially as other two DC have those connotations to their names.

He is refusing to even have a discussion on any other name. Keeps saying hello little Angela to the baby to wind me up. Last night I said I wouldn't be bullied into a name I didn't like, especially as this week he has gone straight back to work 3 days post birth, he has been no help with the baby. In a week I'd say he's changed 3 nappies. Given her one feed. Yet despite his hopelessness it's a my way or highway name.

The amount of texts I am receiving asking about a name is driving me mad and clearly indicates we're having problems.

What would you do?

Angel?

It doesn't matter if a middle name doesn't "go" - just have Angela as a middle name if that's a compromise he can work with.

I like the name Anjali

I agree, the marriage is in trouble. I'm surprised a third child was considered prudent in the circumstances.

That said, Angela is miles better than Nansi. I'm not really sure what the big objection is.

They're married. You realise her husband could 'fuck her and go register his name choice'?

And🙄

She carried the child in her body for 9 months & all that entails & then went through labour. I'm all for equal say, but her DH isn't doing that, he's behaving like a controlling dick, so in my book he's given up his right to a say, by behaving like a dick

& yes, that's a possibility he could register the name himself, but after this behaviour, that would be divorce for me & id be fixing the name situation

This. Independently write a Very Long List of names you each like. Then pick from the (likely small) pool of names on both lists. Out of a hat if need be. The original list might take hundreds. So be it.

Then go to Relate. He needs to step up or ship out. Regardless of your own issues and your joint issues, checking out of parenting on a third child is not forgivable or sustainable. Using a child, (a newborn no less!) to get at a partner us also very indicative of big problems.

I actually prefer Angela to any of the names you hav e chosen but thats not the point as it isn't my choice to make. I dont think its a good idea to go and register the birth yourself ignoring his preferences. If he has always liked the name then it could be a middle nsme it but if you hate it then tell him to come up with a few other names he likes

Since Nancy is traditionally a nickname for Anne, I don't see why it couldn't also be a nickname for Angela. Would that be at all workable?

So you both have power of veto.

You have vetoed 'Angela,' he has vetoed 3 of your names.

You both now have to put other names forward and get to a name of least objection.

Essentially you should both have separate lists of names in priority order.

I wouldn't discount Angela as a middle name, that could be your olive branch.

While I don't like Angela much, it's preferable to Nansi!!
It also seems to be Welsh and not reflecting your Scottish/Irish heritage either

Agree with this.
Neither of those reflect Ireland or Scotland. Do you live in either country ?
I like Angela, but if you hate it then you must find something else or it will always annoy you.

Just on this, is there anyway you can change it now, or add a middle name and call her that?

I'm only musing upon what a solution would be to this horrible situation. I guess if your daughter likes her name, then that is that.

To the OP, your husband seems a right piece of work. OK, he may be pushing for a name but there's no need to be a complete twat about it, or not do any parenting. Like most posters will be thinking, I suspect you have more problems here than the name of your child

You need to stop this by giving her a name and registering it. He’s behaving like this because there is a vacuum.
if he’s not going to discuss it… well, you tried. If one of you is going to be disappointed, it is not going to be the one of you that carried her for nine months.
Pick a name, quickly, do not compromise, and go and register without him. Tell everyone. Then the name thing is over (but you are still stuck with him)

Um this is terrible, awful advice. We're only given a one sided snap shot and you're advocating completely toxic cruel behaviour.

You should though talk to him one more time, say all the reasons you don't like Angela or just reiterate how you hate it and cannot call your child it. Remind him that you're ditching your first choices too in order to accommodate his vetos, and that you need to name the baby as it's getting too late now.

Only then if he still refuses to even have a discussion would you be within your rights to become equally inflexible. Sounds like a lot of heightened emotions around at this time, I'd tell him that you shouldn't be quarrelling at a time like this and be enjoying that special newborn time together.

Except they both have the 'an' 'an' thing going on

Why is he obsessed with Angela?

is it a family name?
an ex girlfriends/the one that got away name?
the name of a page 3 model he was obsessed with? (Two of my sisters are named after page 3 models and we were told they were boak. Luckily not me 😬)

the name, to me, is a level of control he’s trying to gain as well as wearing you down by withdrawing from parental duties.

was the baby planned and wanted by both of you?
any other issues going on or is he just being a dick about the name and trying to get his way?

personally I’d go register her seems as he’s decided to fuck off back to work.

You already have one child named after one of your family members. Is your second child named after one of his family members? If not, you are not really doing any compromising here. I can see why he is annoyed

You really don't need the name suggestions.
This is about the stonewalling, him making a decision that should be joint and blocking you out.
Using the name for her knowing you hate it is cruel power play.
I feel quite upset for you.

I hate Angela. This stems from the fact that MIL is called Angela so everyone shortens it to Ange which is fine, but all of the kids call her flange to wind her up. DP said people have called her this as a joke for as long as he can remember. This would immediately be a nope from me.

Doesn't help. Bullies you.

Why are you accepting such low standards, OP?

I know an Angela, who calls herself Gella which I think is really shit, but she's too young to be an Ange and obviously does not want to be an Angela.

God some of the comments on here are rediculous! If he registered the baby's name without asking the OP you'd all be saying LTB. Why is her choice more valid than his? He is being stupid but they need to sort it out not just go with her choice! And just because the other 2 have Irish/Scottish names doesn't mean she has to - this is not about what other people expect but what the parents want! grow up all of you! including the husband!!!!

So name the child Angela but tell everyone to call her Nancy? That’s just so convoluted and everyone will think they’re odd.

If he was discussing it then I really doubt anyone would be saying register her, even if he was being really fussy but still talking.
I think peoples concern is that he will register her and the OP will always hate the name.
Plus that sort of behaviour indicates that he is a bully and the relationship won't last long term, so probably the OP should not end up regretting caving to a bully that she doesn't even end up staying with like the other PP.

Compromise options:

Irish spelling/version on Angela www.ireland101.com/what-is/angela/irish

or a variation in the name where you can use the full name and he can use Angela as a pet name e.g.

Anhelica or Angelica or Angelina

Traditional names are actually really in at the moment.

Nancy is a perfectly good nn for Angela.

Tbh, it sounds to me as though you are both being unreasonable, though admittedly, since you have just given birth, you have more of an excuse.

And names beginning with A are also really in at the moment I’ve noticed