One week old baby- husband won't discuss a name.

[busymamaof2]

DD3 born last week. Now ten days old.

For the other two we compromised on names, although husband always exaggerates claims he feels the other two were names he compromised on and were never his own choices. This is wrong. We both compromised and neither got our first choice.

DD3 and he wants something so plain and generic I just cannot even contemplate it. Angela. I don't like it. Fairly dated now. We are also Scottish and Irish so everyone is expecting something Scottish, Irish or Celtic especially as other two DC have those connotations to their names.

He is refusing to even have a discussion on any other name. Keeps saying hello little Angela to the baby to wind me up. Last night I said I wouldn't be bullied into a name I didn't like, especially as this week he has gone straight back to work 3 days post birth, he has been no help with the baby. In a week I'd say he's changed 3 nappies. Given her one feed. Yet despite his hopelessness it's a my way or highway name.

The amount of texts I am receiving asking about a name is driving me mad and clearly indicates we're having problems.

What would you do?

Angela is a terrible name for a newborn in the 2020s.

He sounds like a dickhead @busymamaof2 Good luck spending the rest of your life with him.

Well then you aren’t really better than him
here, just choose one that will go with it. By saying it doesn’t go with the name you like so you can’t have it as a middle name either, you are also not compromising are you. I’d book an appointment to register the baby, tell him the date and say if he doesn’t discuss a compromise by then youl be going yourself and putting the name you like. And then if he will discuss it you both need to compromise and find a name that will allow Angela as a middle name if he wants.

Just to add I agree Angela is a horrible name, but as a middle name it’s fine.

That would make her just as much in the wrong, surely? Mothers don't get a monopoly on names.

I'm not keen on Angela, could you go with something similar IE Angel, Annie, Amy? Otherwise maybe try asking another of his family members to have a word and tell him to wise up.
My dad was set on a name for my sister but my mum hated it, compromise was that he got his second choice name (mum still didn't like it but better than first choice). Is there no other name your husband has mentioned liking?

Just take the baby to be registered when he's at work, if you are married he doesn't need to be there. Register the birth, tell him the name once you've done it. He's being an arse.

I still think it's bad that your mother let him choose a name she didn't like.

With my son, me and DH went through so many names and until we found one both of us liked, I discounted loads of his choices first and he discounted loads of mine, it would be horrible to call your child a name one parent didn't even like

YABVU.

It's his daughter too. He has as much right to have a name he likes as you do.

He's wanted Angela since the first DD which means you already got your way and he gave in.

You absolutely should let him have Angela as a middle name at the minimum if it means that much to him.

Mumsnet has such double standards, I don't get it sometimes.

Angelica.

@AryaStarkWolf I get where you're coming from but relationships and real life often aren't as simple as we'd like. Marriage and relationships are about comprising. I'm pregnant just now and me and my husband have very different tastes (I'm more about recognisable names that people can pronounce, my husband likes Gaelic names that I can't say or spell so our child will stand out!)
When it comes down to it neither will get our first choice because we love and respect each other. I really like Bryony as a name, my husband hates it. My husband has previously mentioned that he likes Bean(!) as a name for a boy 😂 I will not have a child called Bean

Much prefer Angela to Nansi!!! Its awful.

As simple as what? I just said that it took as a lot to find one we both liked 😂

I'd be with your DH though, I love Irish names too (we're in Ireland though) If it were up to me both my children would have Irish names as it happens though my son doesn't have an Irish name because even though my DH likes Irish names we couldn't find a single Irish boys name we both liked

I mean, if you can't even discuss this with him there's no real relationship left. He's insisting it's his way 'or else '. That's bullying. Tell him communication has clearly broken down and you don't really see a way forward with a man who refuses to parent his daughter or discuss a name. He is not a good father and, of capable of ignoring a newborn like that, not a safe one either.

Call her what you like. He does not want to be a part of her life. He makes this clear every day he ignores her and disrespects her mother.

Congratulations on your baby.

Sorry your DH is behaving so poorly.

I’ve met two or three really cool women called Angelique recently …

My niece is Orla. I love it. If you are in England calling her Nansi will be setting her up for a lifetime of having to spell it.

Well for me it's not as simple as I say no to a name my husband likes and he moves on, he's quite stubborn and he knows what he wants for our child. There are names which are definite no for both of us but I know it will end up with one of us compromising more than the other because our tastes are so different.
We're Scottish and my husband had a grandparent who was from the isle of Skye and therefore has this deep seated love of Gaelic names even though neither of us speaks Gaelic, neither grew up on the west coast and we have no Gaelic names in the family. I find it all a bit false because its not my heritage and my husband only has a tenuous link to it. I'm sure we will find something we both agree on before baby's here

YABVU.

It's his daughter too. He has as much right to have a name he likes as you do.

He's wanted Angela since the first DD which means you already got your way and he gave in.

You absolutely should let him have Angela as a middle name at the minimum if it means that much to him.

Mumsnet has such double standards, I don't get it sometimes

Did you miss the bit where the DH is refusing to discuss a name & is just trampling over the OP & using his chosen name without any agreement between them, which is how good relationships with respectful husbands works. The OP hates the name, & I agree with her, it's awful given the dreadful NN that young Angela's get lumbered with so that makes what her DH is doing extremely unfair & makes him look like a control freak

Are you okay with selfish assed control freaks rolling all over you & ignoring your opinion? If you are, I pity you.

You are one week post partum and her dh is arguing with you? Or worse, blanking you? He should be worshipping you. I'm so sorry

Honestly both of my DD names were a slight compromise from both of us, but were given names we both agreed on. I wouldn't want either of us to dislike the name in future and 'blame' the other person etc
Are there any variations you like? Angelica is coming back into fashion and similar vibe x

Mumsnet has such double standards...

Yawn.

This man is throwing a tantrum. Giving in will only encourage him to do it again.

The basic rule for living with an overgrown toddler is to start as you mean to continue, and nip bad behaviour in the bud.

They both need to drop the names they currently want and go back to the drawing board.

How about Angelina? I think it’s a lovely name. Gina for short.

Perhaps an unpopular opinion, but I feel like as we do the vast majority of the work growing birthing and raising our children we (women) should get more of a say on name.

He sounds like he is being a pig to you. You have just birthed his child, this should be a special time and he isn't helping you enough and he is being unkind by not discussing a name you both like.

Orla is absolutely beautiful btw.

Perhaps an unpopular opinion, but I feel like as we do the vast majority of the work growing birthing and raising our children we (women) should get more of a say on name.

I agree. Especially if the child has been given the father's surname.

I think OP should just accept Angela.
Names are not math problems where you can deduce what name would be a issue, and dated names are still fine names.

OP husband wanted Angela since DC1 and it seems he really wants Angela, but never gotten a chance because OP didn't want to consider Angela. That sound OP was one-sided in the past, TBH.

She said baby is one week old and that husband has returned to work and only helped once. It seems hardly fair calling him unhelpful. He only gotten one week time to feed a baby and help her, it doesn't mean he would be unwilling to help next week. Or week after that.

Meanwhile, back on planet Earth...