One week old baby- husband won't discuss a name.

[busymamaof2]

DD3 born last week. Now ten days old.

For the other two we compromised on names, although husband always exaggerates claims he feels the other two were names he compromised on and were never his own choices. This is wrong. We both compromised and neither got our first choice.

DD3 and he wants something so plain and generic I just cannot even contemplate it. Angela. I don't like it. Fairly dated now. We are also Scottish and Irish so everyone is expecting something Scottish, Irish or Celtic especially as other two DC have those connotations to their names.

He is refusing to even have a discussion on any other name. Keeps saying hello little Angela to the baby to wind me up. Last night I said I wouldn't be bullied into a name I didn't like, especially as this week he has gone straight back to work 3 days post birth, he has been no help with the baby. In a week I'd say he's changed 3 nappies. Given her one feed. Yet despite his hopelessness it's a my way or highway name.

The amount of texts I am receiving asking about a name is driving me mad and clearly indicates we're having problems.

What would you do?

sorry your DP is being an idiot here. I know some parents are generally happy for one to choose a name but not one that the other doesn't like!

I do sympathise generally my dh was super stubborn and neither boy had a name until they were about a month old.

What we did was agree on three names each and then rank them all 1-6. The one with the highest combined score won.

I was so desperate second time round to have a name ready for when he was born, because of this we made sure we knew he was going to be a boy (or girl). And we still didn't agree in time!

So this time we literally dug out the DS1 list and ranked them all again (because we had changed our mind about some of them). Again the highest combined score won.

I like the name Angela. I mean, I like all the ones you suggested (except Nancy, but obvs that’s just a personal opinion) and your DH is being a dick not discussing (and really annoying calling baby that), but there’s nothing shit or dated about Angela. I’d probably start hating it more because of his behaviour.

Question is are you being as flexible as you think you are? Is it really a discussion or are you being just as bad? I don’t know the answer but this feels like an odd thing to be such poles apart on.

Could you wipe the slate completely and come up with new ideas too?

My DP did this. We agreed on a name right after the gender scan, and were happy with it up until a week before the baby was born when he decided that it was a stupid name and he hated it. He decided on a really plain boring name which I said I didn’t like, but he refused to speak about it at all and just completely shut down when I tried to discuss it. Baby was born and he told his whole family and all the midwives that she was called what he wanted to call her, so I had loads of cards and congratulation messages with this name that I hated on it!

Every time I said that that’s not her name, I don’t like it at all I got really weird looks and people either seemed really uncomfortable or just said ‘Oh might as well just call her that, it’s her name now!’. DP sulked and sulked and it was completely ruining the new born experience and I felt so guilty that she didn’t have a name for over a week that I eventually caved in. Five years later and I still hate the name, hate (now ex) DP and his family for bullying me into it and feel even worse because she’s the only child that I ever plan to have.

Do NOT give him his own way!!

Don't call the poor child Nansi, she'll spend her whole life saying 'no, you don't spell it like that, you spell it like this'

I think you need to sit him down and say you seriously need to decide on a name. No shouting, but just say how upset you are that he's trying to force a name on you that you can't stand. He may have compromised on your other DC names, but it doesn't sound like he absolutely hated them. You on the other hand are being forced into a name you can't stand and after carrying and birthing that child, it really isn't on. If you can stand it, I would use Angela as the middle name (I quite like it), or perhaps choose a first name with a similar sound or feel. Sorry your dealing with this.

It’s not about whether we as random MNers prefer Nancy to Nansi or Angela to Orla, it’s that OP’s DH is being a massive bellend. The name isn’t important: the refusal to discuss the name is.

*you're!

I'd tell him if he isn't prepared to discuss it then you'll just have to deal with it yourself then I'd go and register her.

Angela is an awful name for a baby now. It's so dated and not in a good way. It's a bit of a Sharon.

It doesn't go with your other DD names either. Why would he want 2 Irish/Scottish names and then Angela?!! Have you told him your Mum didn't like the idea?

Nancy Angela and Megan Angela both sound absolutely fine.
I'm not keen on Angela as a fn but mn's don't have to "go" and (in my view) should have a bit of meaning, even if that meaning is just "it's your dad's favourite name".

I think Angela is lovely actually. I can see why he is annoyed but not sure he is dealing with it the right way.

If he always wanted it and you e named one kid after the grandfather then you have to see his point a little.

Well that's my DD's name so YABU.

No but seriously - he is being an arse. You need to sit him down and have a serious discussion. If I were you I would try to persuade towards it being a middle name and tell him he can still use it.

This is very extreme behaviour from him.

I agree that you should each choose 3 names, then each rate them, top combined score wins (or two if you want a middle name).

If he won't participate (which is possible I suppose!), then I guess you should just start calling the baby your preferred name and tell people that name. He'll look odd if he persists after that. If you give him a fair chance to compromise, I don't see what else you can do really.

Orla has some similarities with Angela, I guess - starts with a vowel, ends LA. If you chose that, you could at least tell people, "DH wanted Angela, but I didn't like it - we settled on Orla as something I liked that wasn't too far away from what he wanted."

I actually don't mind Angela, but your DH attitude is awful!

How about Angelina, Angeli, Annie?

I wouldn’t choose Nansi or Megan if you’re trying to reflect Scottish or Irish heritage. Nancy is ok although not my taste at all. It sounds like basically neither of you will compromise - you won’t even allow Angela for a middle name that nobody will ever ever use. And I can see why he’s not keen on Nansi. Outside of being Welsh it just looks misspelled. And even if you wanted a Welsh name I’d go for a proper one rather than choose an English name that’s quite popular and spell it differently.

Personally I’d call the baby Megan Angela and have done with it. Or sit him down and say ‘come on now, seriously. We either need to choose a name we both like otherwise I’ll have to register her with the one I want.’

If it’s his turn to choose a name then fine - but you still need to both agree.

He’s being such a dick!

Tell him he can choose the name but you have to like it.

Are you both being as difficult as each other?
It sounds like your set on certain names and he’s set on certain names and you’re both being stubborn.

I like the name Angela but hate the name Nanci (especially spelt Nansi).
If he doesn’t like the name Nanci either then you both choose something else.

You can’t call a child a name one of you doesn’t like.
Any ones either of you don’t like take off the table and look for ones you both do.

I mean is it any different to two Irish/Scottish names then Nansi? Or Megan?

You need to set a deadline that by the end of the weekend you have a name you both agree on. It might not be either of your favourites but you both need to like it.

I'd start by each writing down 5 names. See if you're lucky enough to get a match.

Delete 2 from each list and work from the 6 left to try and get an agreement.

I don't like Angela. It seems very middle aged to me. Angel is nice though.

Reading how awful he’s been since you gave birth- not looking after the baby at all- I imagine this is just one bit of a bigger problem.

How is Nancy(Nansi) any better than Angela?

I dont hate Angela, but he has wanted the name for a long time, so its not like its a new idea.

Angelina

Nansi is awful and not Irish or Scottish
Megan is welsh
Orlaith is the correct Irish spelling

Angela is better than Nansi. Living in Scotland I know quite a few Angela's but no Nansi.

I dislike Nancy/Nansi and Megan is Welsh and also v dated.

Angela, is a bit meh, but doesn't evoke a strong emotion in me - but it clearly does with you, so find another name. Anna? Alissa?

I think you have a very big husband problem here, not just a name problem. Good luck OP.

Tell him he can choose the name but you have to like it.

Agree with this! Fair enough for him to have a bit more choice/influence this time ... but you still have to pick a name both parents like. Obviously.

I love the name Angela but the issue is your husband is a dickhead manchild and I'd probably move this to Relationships.

To be honest, names aren't that important. Me & DH spent months agonising over our firstborn's perfect name that had heritage and meaning and we loved. He's a teenager now, hates it and wants to be called John.

Angela is a horrendous name, orla, Nancy and Megan are lovely.