Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

Sorry if I forgot anyone, my brain is very fuzzy this morning. Not heard much from Ghislaine lately, how are you doing?

Very quick naughty post from open-plan hell....

Kittens - for BV, have a look at a product called Biofem Actigel - meant to mention it to you before. No drugs, no bad effects, just a Aloe Vera and something else based pH balancer. If (sorry TMI alert) you get BV to the level of discomfort and bad fishy smells (I did warn you!), then antibiotics are necessary, but for a basic pH inbalance, this stuff sould sort it. Its preventative and curative for mild cases. You can buy it from big Boots stores. Also useful if a moisturiser is necessary (another not so fun symptom of some pregnancies...).

Cherry - my first period took 7 ish weeks after my medical termination. Someone else asked about antibiotics (sorry - getting scatty!) for bleeding - I bled on and off for the 7 weeks before my period and Dr gave me antibiotics to get rid of a suspected uterine infection - it did the trick and I stopped bleeding, then had my proper period a week or two later. Struggling to remember the name, but might have been Augmentin. UTI antibiotics are likely to be similar type to uterine infection antibiotics, so hopefully would clear them both up.... Maybe give it a few more days then ring your GP if you're still worried?

Hello to everyone else and will post more properly soon (only a week and a half to go...). Well done on being brave kittens and waiting for your scan, and hope you can distract yourself a bit ahead of yours coffee. xxxxx

Ahh, thanks so much for that info LittlePoot. Would obviously like to avoid antibiotics and haven't quite reached the stage where I'm being chased around the house by the cat thinking I may be concealing a kipper about my person . Will go to the docs anyway as I've not yet told them I am pregnant so as it's 2 mins walk from the house and I'm not working today I may as well go... on my way to Boots to get the stuff you've recommended.

Hiya lovelies x

Just a quick one from me to say hi - work's continued to be superbusy but seems to have calmed down over the last couple of days, so I've had a nice long read over all your posts from the last fortnight. Am very at your meet-up - it sounds like you all had a lovely time, so hope it's the first of many!

Kittens - I have to say you've sounded brilliantly calm and measured in your posts about your scans - I think if I were you, I'd have been all over the place, so I'll keep my fingers crossed that everything works out over the coming days. Also hope the BV clears up soon too.

Cherry - My first AF appeared exactly one calendar month after my termination, and strangely enough, did exactly the same after having an ERPC for an mmc. We started trying immediately after the termination, but it took what felt like nine very long cycles before I got pg.

My advice is try not to beat yourself up if things don't happen immediately - I found it really tough over the course of those nine months, especially as both the mmc and the terminated pregnancy were conceived at the first time of trying, but I'm kind of now of the opinion that I got pregnant when I really WAS ready in both body and mind - not when I I was ready. (Hope that makes sense, and doesn't sound too psycho-babbly!)

Anyway, hi to everyone else. Hope the bumps are growing nicely and that everyone is enjoying the very Christmassy weather.

Much love
Viv xxx

Hi Viv, good to hear from you. How are you getting on?

Calm and measured is all very easy in print (although I don't know if I'd read it that way myself). If you were in my head you'd probably think differently! I just knew one thing, which was if I went for my scan today and it was still too early to see anything I would've been in an even bigger mess. If I wait 'til Monday, fingers crossed I will have the reassurance I need and if I don't then at least I can start trying to come to terms with it sooner rather than being in limbo for another week waiting for good or bad news if you see what I mean.

Hi Ladies,

Kittens sending positive thoughts and vibes you way hun. I hope your scan goes well on Monday.

Hey to everyone else. Hope you are all well.

I had my first Scan today and saw & heard the heartbeat so all is well there. My little bean measured around 7+3 which is a bit less than expected cos my dates put me at 7+6 - bit the Midwife reassured me that its not unusual, so am holdng on to that bit of hope. I do hope she's right cos I worry bout everything!! Anyone else had this before?

MW asked to see me again at 10wks to do another scan and re-measure and then again at 12wks. She said that they will only be able to tell if the baby is perfectly formed at 12wks. Thats fair enough and I know its all positive at te mo but I still have that aching bit of doubt about having another baby with Annencephaly. It terrifies me.

I was an absolute wreck in the waiting room and although DP was trying to be all ok about everything you could see the fear in his eye, MW even commented about how scared we both looked. I grabbed DP's hand at one point and it was wringing wet. Bless him.

xxx

That sounds like good news StormBird. My consultant told me they give about 5 days leeway from your estimated dates as fertilization/implantation doesn't always happen immediately and you don't always know exactly when you ovulate, so I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I'm reading along and wishing you all well, just feeling a little subdued at the moment. TTC isn't going well, and it's my due date next week.

And... I have to get in touch with my family about Christmas presents and I'm finding it very hard to compose an email that isn't going to see me written out of the family. My sister as I said, has never even mentioned what happened, and my father's stock response to any distress I show is to say "but you hate children, so why are you upset?". I can't even begin to fathom how I am related to people like this.

Ugh.

Oh Ghislaine, I'm sorry. What a tough time for you. Do you have close friends that know what you have been through that can give you the support you need? They do say "you can't choose your family", but you can choose your friends so I hope you have some company if you need it.

The run up to the due date is so emotional isn't it? As many on here will agree, the anticipation and feelings that go with what should've been happening in your life right now are often harder than the day itself but we will be thinking of you next week. Please don't keep quiet if you need to vent or want a hand to hold.

A very quick hello to you all as I still have two sick DD's!

Hugs to ghislaine, Im sorry you are feeling down at the moment. As Kittens said, I hope there are some friends around you who can give you that extra support whilst you see in your due date.

Im still so shocked by your sister and your Fathers reaction (or lack of) to your experience. Surely as a father himself he can understand why you are upset...? Im sorry, I dont mean to get angry, its just as you know my OH family pretty much ignored everything that went on with us too.

Kittens I will be thinking of you on Monday and sending you positive vibes!! Same to Coffee on Tuesday! Storm lovely news about the scan.

Manitz, I didn't think I was ready to really commit to it yet, but we have decided to go for it and hope for a good outcome. I still haven't bought the tests as I cant really do it for another 10 days at least, and I just cant help myself, they will be used within 24 hours if I buy them yet!

Sorry not a longer post, but am about to crash out for a much needed sleep, am sure one of the girls will be awake again in the next couple of hours....!

Hello to everyone else and hope you are all keeping warm in this freezing weather! xx

Hi ladies,

Storm very kindly sent me a a link to this page which she thought might be a good place for me...I can see why!

Well, I seem to be able to conceive very easily but sadly that is just the start of it so far!

We conceived our first baby back in May, found out she had a chromosomal abnormality at the 12 week scan and had a termination at about 13/14 weeks.

It took my body a long time to get back to normal but we finally started trying again this month and I conceived. 3 days after we found out, I miscarried. That was yesterday.

The doctor thinks it was probably total coincidence/bad luck, but im a little worried that the D&C has caused some kind of issue.....

Not sure whether to start again right away, I have conceived on the first cycle of trying for both pregnancies but im a little concerned that if the D&C has caused a problem or my hormones are imbalanced then Im just asking for another MC next month...

any thoughts?

Liz xxx

Storm glad you got see your little bean

Ghisline sorry you are having such a hard time, families can be so difficult at times, and the build up to christmas pressured and so full of expectations at the best of times without having to deal with loss and sadness. I havent even told my parents about my loss thought it would be more trouble then it was worth, not sure how going to cope with them staying over xmas tho. Thinking of you,and hope you have people around you to give you the support you need x

Hi Ilovekitty sorry for you losses.
If you are worried about effects of D and C maybe its worth talking to your doctor and getting checked out, then at least you would know and could rule out one of your worries.
not sure i worded that well, need sleep.

Kittens hope doctors went ok and that you are well.

Hi Liz

So sorry to hear about your losses. I went through something very similar, albeit the other way around - came off the pill, fell pregnant immediately but sadly had an mmc which was discovered at the 12 week scan. Had an ERPC, tried again, fell pregnant right away, only for our lovely girl to have Turner's Syndrome and we terminated at 13/14 weeks.

I know it feels like nobody could ever be on the receiving end of that amount of bad luck (I certainly felt that way), but I'm sure your doctor is right - in all likelihood, it really was just one of those things. But as flower says, don't be afraid of calling the doctor and explaining your concerns as I'm sure they will be able to give you some reassurance. And as I said in my post to cherry, if you do try again and don't fall pregnant at the first time, try not to let that worry you too :)

• I'm doing well, thanks lovely. Am 18+3 today, so counting down the days until my next scan (which is a fortnight today). Think I'm starting to feel a few movements which is lovely but quite un-nerving at times :)

Liz, welcome to our thread. It's not a good place to end up, but the company is, as we all acknowledge, lovely.

I had similar concerns to you. I've had two hysteroscopies as well as a surgical termination in the past year. I specifically asked my consultant at the last hysteroscopy about damage to the womb as a result of all these "interferences" and he said that actually there was some evidence that it there was a beneficial effect on fertility as the processes stimulated endometrial growth and plumpness that helped with implantation.

Thanks for all the commiserations about my family's behaviour. Fortunately I do have some incredible friends who are all outraged on my behalf. Mr ghislaine thinks I should just give up expecting anything from them but it's hard not to think that your parents might want to help their child. At least it's been a valuable lesson in how not to behave when I do become a parent. There's a saying: "friends are God's way of apologising for your family" which I often repeat to myself. Every little cliche helps...

Flower, that is a really tough position to be in - I wasn't going to tell my parents about my pregnancy until a late stage to put off the expected "you hate children" jibes for as long as possible but when we got the bad news at the scan I caved. What incredible strength you must have.

Fingers crossed for Stormbird and Kittens and Viv for boringly normal future scans.

Hi Viv, nice to hear from you and that all is well.

Kittens, did you go to the doctor yesterday? What did they say? I agree you sound very calm and measured, I remember some of my posts before my scans were just moany, needy ones. Speaking of which, I am terrified thinking of the scan on Tuesday, to my dh?s despair, who keeps telling me it?s one we?re doing for our peace of mind and that this baby is definitely not Silvia and all has been well so far. What time is your scan on Monday?

StormBird, I am glad all is as well as can be at this stage. I don?t think there is any way you can be reassured until 12 weeks, but it?s good they are checking you regularly. You already know the ?golden rule?, distraction and taking it day by day. This and coming in here when you feel overwhelmed :)

Kitty, welcome, and I am sorry for your losses. No experience to offer I?m afraid, I had a medical termination at 22 weeks in February this year and I?m now 27 weeks pregnant with a little boy, but one of the ladies in here, LittlePoot, had a surgical termination for Down?s and then a miscarriage, and is now 8 months pregnant and getting ready for maternity leave . So there is hope. I second what the others have said, maybe ask your consultant for some advice as to the best time to try again from a medical point of view?

Ghislaine, it?s rubbish you have to deal with your family?s insensitivity. I am amazed at the ?you hate children? comment. My mum never really acknowledged Silvia either, and although she did know when I went into hospital to give birth, she didn?t call me at all for 2 weeks after that. She was ?baby sitting? my stepdad who had hip replacement surgery on the same day as my termination, but I don?t think this is an excuse and I just can?t forgive her for that. Our relationship has changed a lot since then. I am trying to tell myself that she just doesn?t have it in her to deal with complex emotional issues, and not acknowledging them is her way of convincing herself they didn?t happen, but it?s very hard and I?m very hurt.

I hope your due date will pass as peacefully as it can, it will certainly be an important milestone.

Natz, I hope your DDs will feel better soon. Hello to everyone else. Numpty, Catlady, Gina and Drama, how are you?

Oh coffee that is truly awful. I do know how you feel, my parents did exactly the same thing. After two weeks of not hearing from them after my termination I sent them a tortured email asking why and got the response that they didn't want to be seen to be interfering (!). I think my father sounds a lot like your mother; he sees the world in black and white and cannot understand why I am not happy not to be pregnant anymore. In his mind, the baby was defective, the drs made it go away, hey presto, isn't that great! And, since when I was a teenager I apparently said something along the lines of not wanting children, this translates into a hatred of them. He's said it a few times, even though he knows we struggled to conceive that first time. The last time we visited he actually told me beforehand that there would be no discussion about my baby and "no-one would be talking to me about it". Like you, I can rationalise his behaviour all I like but there's no escaping the hurt.

Toes crossed (I've run out of fingers) for your Tuesday scan.

Ghislaine, Coffee, Flower - it's awful to hear that your families haven't been able to give you the support you deserve for one reason or another. I've been very lucky in terms of families on both sides helping us through this and sharing our pain. I can't imagine how much harder it must be for you to not have that support. My relationship with my mum has always been very difficult but this expereince actually helped it to some extent as she has been great. But I do know the hurt your referring too as I've felt that many times before with her for other reasons. Even though you know you should expect it, everytime you feel let down its hurtful and disappointing. We always feel like children when it comes to our parents (if that makes any sense at all!) Ghislaine, I like your cliche - it is very true. I hope your good friends help you get through next week.

Thanks to you all for advice re TTC. I saw the obstetrician for my follow up appointment today (going back was tough) and she told me having a period first was useful for dating etc but that we could try anytime. She also said there is some new evidence to say fertility is increased in the first 6 months following termination/miscarriage/having a baby - so that is encouraging. But Viv you are right it will be important to not fixate on this and be prepared for it to take time. I'll keep telling myself another cliche - 'whats for you wont go by you'.

Liz - I'm sorry to hear of your losses but glad you have found your way here. It is such a helpful place. We can all hold each others hand in this scary TTC/pregnancy journey.

Everyone else with scans ahead - best of luck, I hope to read lots of positive news on here next week. Cherry x

I think my scan is at 11am on Monday, so just the weekend to get through now! I had a couple of restless early mornings this week worrying about the fact that I've not been feeling sick but then yesterday I made up for that by having a mega sleepathon! Got up at 9.30, had a bath and breakfast, got ready, went to doctors, came home, slept, lunch, more sleep, got up for a walk, went to the pub for a couple of hours, came home, cooked, slumped in front of TV, then slept again 'til 9.30 this morning! So, that's a good sign, yes? Also, wierdly threw up this morning without actually feeling sick. Got a party to go to tomorrow, looks like I'm gonna be the life and soul .

I realised I didn't say hello to Catlady in my last post. Not seen you around here much recently, I'm guessing it's something to do with all the work you've got on right now. I hope all's well with you lovely!

I did go to the doctors but decided to try LittlePoot's suggestion and test again next week before deciding to have swabs done in the end.

Sorry, bit of a me post! Hope everyone is doing ok. I guess I'm a bit stuck inside my own head right now waiting for my next scan.

Have a good weekend. x

Hi ladies

I have just been telling my husband about this thread. I have also been on the clearblue monitor thread and as lovely as the ladies are, i dont think its the right place for me. i conceive easily (well thats how it seems from 2 gos) and i kind of feel wrong on there in the midst of ladies that are struggling to conceive. Its been a hard road with the termination stuff but its not the same problem and it kind of makes me feel guilty on there in the midst of people that have been trying for years plus.

anyhow.....im sad about my little kitty but i feel brave enough now that one day i will conceive a healthy little one xxx

Kittens, I'll be keeping fingers and toes crossed for tomorrow. Not long to go, although this last day (and the last hours) before the scan are torture. I hope you have someone coming with you.

Hello to everyone else. xxxx

Hi all no time to read properly but just wanted to say Kittens i am very much thinking of you tomorrow, hoping and praying you get to come out with a big smile on your face.

Welcome Kitty, you ahve found a good home here - good luck with the ttc!

All good my end, sleeping much better thank goodness :)

Kittens sweetie - everything's still crossed for you and I hope you finally get some good news. Only a few hours to go now.....xxxx

Kittens I am thinking of you. I have it all crossed for you tomorrow. Xx

Everyone else, sorry I have not been posting much. Thinking of you all. Christmas is always a difficult time of the year and it is so much harder when scans are being had or dates are being remembered.

This time last year was so different for me, but within a year things changed and as I type this out Littlestar is laying on my lap! I guess I am saying that as hard as things are there is happiness out there for us all (sorry for the melancholy, we have just put our tree up and I have had a glass of wine).

Welcome to cherrybug, Ilovekittielise and stormbird. This thread is a wonderful haven. Everyone is entitled to be here irrespective of how they have lost or circumstances surrounding ttc again.

Apologies for quick post typing on phone. :)

Thanks everyone. I'm shitting myself! I've been feeling relatively calm until this evening. I had a really late one last night so it might also be because I'm tired but I've been feeling very emotional and on the edge of tears for most of the evening.

Will report back tomorrow. x

Sending a hug to Allstars, sorry it's a difficult time for you at the moment. Enjoy your beautiful boy, he's very special!

Just a very very quick one to wish you all the best for your scan Kittens. Will be thinking of you at 10pm (11am London time) xx

And of course, tomorrow for you Coffee xx

All good here. Bella's well and has just started walking :)

Hello to everyone else, and a warm welcome to those I haven't welcomed yet xxxx