Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

So, the story so far...

They have seen the gestational sac and the yolk sac which measures around 5.5-6 weeks so they were not yet able to see the fetal pole, and thus no heartbeat as yet. Apparently they like to give around 5 days leeway either way which would put me at around that stage anyway. I estimated that I was 6+5 today based on a normal cycle/luteal phase so 6 weeks would be about right. Also, I ovulated about 3 days later than normal so given all of that information I am trying to remain calm (ha ha! Let's see how long that works for!). He said that they recommend coming back in 7-10 days to check again but he only scans on Wednesdays so I can go back next wednesday if I want to, or be brave and wait until the following week when I will have a more definitive idea of what's going on one way or another.

It's tricky. Obviously I want answers and reassurance asap but there is also a chance that I will go in next week and they still won't be able to see the fetal pole and I will have to go back again a week later anyway which may make me even more tense! I'm going to have a think about it and call them on Friday as they have provisionally booked me and appointment for next week.

In the meantime, after 2 days of not feeling sick, today I am and everything still smells pretty grim so I am hoping for the best!

cherry
I lost my baby end of august,was my first pregnancy, my due date was march too and we are trying again, the only way i feel i can truly deal with the loss is to have a baby, i want to be a mum so much, so am getting on with it cant bear to wait any longer to try.

Oh sweetie - how difficult not to get a more definite answer. My earliest scan was dead on 7 weeks this time (based on the date I knew I ovulated), and you could see a teeny heartbeat but very little else. So if you're 6 weeks or just under then it is pretty likely to not be visible just yet. One more week might be enough, but I can see your dilemma if you still get no news and have to go back a week later again as well. So I guess its just thinking about whether you would have a calmer week ahead if you move the appointment to later, or whether you'll be climbing the walls by next Wednesday wishing you'd gone for the early one. Tricky one. xxx

Hi kittens, I got the feeling you were half expecting that today's scan would be too early to see a heartbeat, and that you'd have to go back next week anyway. I'd be quietly encouraged that what they have seen so far, looks good. But I know I would be far too impatient to wait another week.

It's a shame that your Dr only scans one day a week, though at least there's the continuity of care, having the same person.

I hope you can get some rest tonight, you must be shattered.

Welcome to Cherrybug and to Flower. X

Yes, I was prepared for that eventuality Mimsy. I will decide by the end of the week what to do about next week's appointment. I suspect waiting would be the most sensible thing to do. If I go next week and they still can't see a heartbeat it might send me over the edge! At least if they can't see it in 2 weeks I will know for sure what's what either way.

Kittens I'm really sorry you didn't get a definite answer and that you are now on tenterhooks for another week.

I think you are right that waiting longer might be a good thing as it's so early but what a horrible wait. xx

Kittens - I think with my early scan I was around 7wks and I was warned a heartbeat may not be visible and I was so relieved when I did see it. I think you are right to live with the choice for a couple of days, to see how you feel about it. Do you have anyone who can go with you on either/both occasions?

Oh Kittens, this waiting is so hard for you, sorry you didn't get an answer. However, everything is pointing in the direction of it being too early to see a heartbeat, and not of something being wrong. I am keeping my fingers crossed for lots and lots of reassuring, albeit unpleasant, symptoms.

Cherry, I waited for about 3 months after my termination, but it took quite a while for my body to go back to normal. I felt that I wasn't physically ready, although the desire to be pregnant was all consuming. And when we started TTC again, we didn't seem to do it very consciously, we knew we were trying but had trouble really acknowledging it. There will always be fear, but in the end it all came down to us wanting children badly. It didn't seem like a valid choice not to try again.

We were very lucky, I fell pregnant almost straight away and I am now 26 weeks. Everything seems to be going well this time, although I don't feel like I am out of the woods yet and it seems like forever until the end of February, when I am due.

To be honest, I think I would have tried sooner if my body had been back to normal sooner, but in retrospect I think it worked out for the best. It took a while until we could have the cremation, and the first few months after my termination are a bit of a blur now.

Numpty and Catlady, I hope you and your LOs are feeling better?

Thanks to you all for your wise words, reassurances and for sharing your experiences. I kind of feel that no matter when we start TTC it's going to be terrifying so we might as well get on with it. But, I absolutely take your point Kittens that should the worst happen again I must be emotionally able to cope. Thanks for that honesty (especially taking the time to reply yesterday on what was such an important day for you!).

Numpty, Coffee, Poot - I'm so glad to hear that you now have or are expecting another baby. We have a 2 1/2 year old DD already which makes me feel hopeful for the future and also makes me want to not delay. But, as someone on the other thread recently pointed out after going through this - perfect age gaps kind of go out of the window.

Coffee - I know what you mean about not trying consciously. I kind of feel like we shouldnt try too hard. That sounds a bit ridiculous but with Leila I was using OPKs and monitoring everything with military precision. And when we lost her I almost felt we'd forced the pregnancy when perhaps it shouldnt have happened. I know this is completely illogical and most people TTC are pretty on the ball when it comes to ovulation etc. But I suppose I think I may need to take more of a 'it'll happen when it's meant to' approach next time. I'm sure in the weeks/months to come I'll end up being the complete opposite but perhaps I need that attitude to start with!

I do have such a yearning to be pregnant again and to have hope again I suppose. I've been feeling pretty empty since losing Leila. But I've not even had my 6 week follow appointment yet so it's early days. Might give me the chance to shift the extra stone I put on anyway (must stop comfort eating chocolate!)

Hello to everyone else - I'm glad we can go through the TTC time together. One thing I am also dreading is the feeling of disappointment each month if it doesnt happen. I guess I need to be emotionally able to deal with that too. x

Oh Kittens, I'm sorry you're not spared such a frustrating time. But yolk sac is good. Dont stop by much any more but I'll look in again next week, willing you on.

Oh and Cherry. You're so right about there being no perfect age gap. Ours is 8+ years between successful pregnancies! But he is very much worth the wait. Just hope you aren't held hanging on as long as we were. Wishing you well in the future.

Big waves to all.

Just a quick hello to all as Ive not been able to get on for a while.

Kittens, am hoping next week will bring more positive news for you. Will be looking out for your post.

Hello to everyone else, Im sorry Ive not got time to post, just wanted to let you know I am still here and trying to catch when I have the chance. DD had rotten cold and not sleeping, so no sleep for us either!

Hugs to you all x

I have to call the hospital today and let them know what I'm going to do so they can use my appointment for someone else if I don't go. I think I'm going to be brave and wait until the following week so that I can know for sure one way or another. If I go back next week and it's still too early it will only be more stress and limbo. I feel pretty sick still as well as other symptoms so I will try to focus on the positive. If I go back in 12 days there will either be a heartbeat or there won't and if there isn't I will know where I stand by then. Fingers crossed there will be. I'm so fed up of this "waiting to qualify for the next round" feeling that I'm on for the 6th time now!

Yesterday was suitably distracting. I spent my morning oiling down a rather gorgeous male model and watching him being photographed in nothing but jeans and swim shorts. MMmmmm. Hard life!

Kittens, I like your distraction techniques It's only crap TV for me...

I can totally see why you decided to wait one more week and am glad you're having symptoms. Hang in there, it looks promising, and hopefully all the good vibes we're sending you will make a difference!

Natz, I hope your dd will feel better soon and you'll all get some sleep.

Cherry, I too have the feeling sometimes that by trying to control too much I end up losing all control and being reminded how much is out of my hands. This is one of my fears in this pregnancy actually, I can't relax and just let things be.

Right, I've definitely cancelled next week's appointment. However, I've just been booked for a possible job the following wednesday so I have managed to make an appointment to have a scan with a different consultant on the Monday instead. So, 9 days to wait now.... a reasonable compromise I think.

Kittens i def think you are doing the right thing re. the scan, well done for being brave. Glad to hear it all looks positive so far, will be on the bench next Wednesday.

Welcome Cheery - i didn't wait at all (GP said that was fine) but fell pg (with my now 3.5 month old) after 1 AF - was very lucky. I guess just do what feels right for you as i don't think there is a definitive answer really, best of luck x

Sorry have been absent for a while - have been having a bit of a difficult time so went to stay with my mum and dad for a few days. It seems really stupid but i have been getting terrible insomnia - Felix has more often than not started sleeping through but i keep waking up anyway and not being able to get back to sleep, go figure! As my boyfriend commutes to London everyday i don't get any help in the week and find it so difficult looking after him on my own with no sleep :( feeling a bit better now though as had a few reasonable nights, find earplugs (so i can't hear his every snuffle, am very light seeper) and not keeping a clock in the room really help!

Hello everyone, hope you are all well.

Kittens, sorry it wasn't more definitive news for you, but good compromise on your scan date. I, too, like your distraction techniques :) Actually, I was just over 6 weeks when I had my first scan with Bella, and the only way my ob could detect the heartbeat was with the horrible vaginal ultrasound thingy

Katie, glad you're feeling better. Insomnia is horrible, I can empathise, although I'm hoping for a big dose of it tonight (see whinge below)

Its midnight here and I'm on DD's phone trying to stay awake. Poor little Bella had a bit of a rough patch a week or so ago; constipation was back with a vengeance (sorted now thanks to daily lactulose and paraffin oil), another cold, teething, and oral thrush all at once. Finally, she was feeling better, then today she had an allergic reaction to something and her eyes swelled up horribly, so I took her up to the hospital. They gave her phenergan, and she was fine after a little while and we were sent home. They said I could give her more tonight, though before I did, I googled 'phenergan and infants' just out of curiosity (as you do). Well site after site said it should never be given to children under two, and especially not if there is family history of SiDs, as can cause respiratory depression and has been linked to SIDS. I'm sure the dose they gave her should be fine (1 ml), but, me being me, I can't help but worry. So I intend on staying awake tonight. I figure this time a year ago, I was doing night shift, so I should still be able to pull an all-nighter. Coffee will help. Still don't know what she reacted to.

Your meet-up sounds lovely indeed. It's times like those I truly wish I was rich and could say to DH 'Darling, would you mind looking after the older girls while I pop over to meet up with some friends in England?' Although I doubt I would be able to leave without the girls anyway, especially the eldest - we still watch Escape to the Country every Friday night, and we ooo and ahh over all the historic homes you have over there

Hope you are all enjoying your Sunday. Sorry to go on, though writing this has been a lovely distraction. Love to you all xxx

Quick update - managed to stay awake til 6am. Bella, of course was fine, as the sensible part of my brain knew she would be. Feel a bit silly to have worried, though what was written re: phenergan and infants was pretty scary. Just wished someone at the hospital had have mentioned something about the warnings and reassured me that what she was having was necessary and safe, instead of me reading warning after warning on google and letting my imagination run wild. What a long night. One good thing is that it has made me even happier, and sure, that I won't be returning to work, therefore nightshift, for a long time yet. Yay!

Hope you are all sleeping well xx

So glad all worked out fine Mishtabel. I'm not surprised you were so nervous after what you've been through. Hope you get a chance to catch up with some of that sleep!

My lunch with my pregnant girlfriends was quite hard. Obviously they are understanding and sympathetic but it was still difficult. Especially when they were complaining about maternity clothing. I know, if I ever get to their stage I will probably also complain bitterly but at the moment I am feeling so bloated and most of my jeans (which is about all I wear most of the time) are too tight and uncomfortable around my waist and I just get upset and frustrated with the fact that even if I buy some lower cut or looser jeans now, there's a chance that in 2 weeks or 4 weeks or whatever, they will be redundant. I seem to have one day in 3 or 4 when I feel calm and positive and then the rest of the time I am a big scared mess .

Sorry for the long absence, both DD's have a
throat infection so been getting minimal sleep and I have been manic with work as my boss (my mum) is off on hols for 3 weeks today, so the entire admin side of the company has been passed on to me....! Yikes.

Kittens, I hope you are keeping busy with more gorgeous half dressed male models, fantastic distraction! I wish I had your job Saying that, I hope you are not working yourself too hard.

Mishtabel, how scary! I would have done exactly the same. I still hate giving the girls medicine and am checking on the 3 or 4 times of a night to make sure they aren't reacting to it. As it happens, they have slept in with us recently because of them feeling so rubbish and spending most of the night coughing! I think I may have picked up what they have got, that or either Im just totally worn out.

Katie, hope you are feeling better now? Always hard when the OH has to work away a lot. My OH does shifts so know how hard it is dealing with a little one on your own most of the time.

Flower and Cherry, I hope you are both well.

Coffee, Poot, Manitz, Mimsy hello to you too and all the others Ive forgotten to mention.

Off to the Chemist in a bit (braving the snow!) to pick up some cheap pregnancy tests, have been keeping busy and hoping for a result this month... Fingers crossed xx

Hope everyone is well today.

Kittens - I'm not surprised you are finding things worrying after all you've been through. Being around pregnant women who sail through pregnancy must be difficult. One of my friends is due a week after what would have been my due date with Leila. She's suggested meeting up for coffee soon and I know I will find it tough. I hope you'll be complaining about ill fitting maternity wear soon enough.

Natz - sorry to hear about your daughters and your lack of sleep. Hope they're on the mend soon.

Katie - thats encouraging that you fell pregnant so quickly. Hopefully we'll be as lucky. Hope you're getting some sleep. Sleep deprivation is torture and you cant even blame the baby!

Actually could I ask - how long can I expect to wait before getting my first AF? I know it's different for everyone but is there an average? It's been almost 5 weeks now since Leila was born and not a sign of it yet!

Hi to everyone else. Hope the cold weather isn't too much of a pain for you all. We have STACKS of snow here - has actually cheered me up. Can't be too depressed when building a snowman!

Hi ladies,

Mishta, I am so glad everything was fine with Bella, no wonder you stayed awake. I hope she's better now, poor thing. You were not silly at all to worry, I'm sure that even without your tragic experience with Sheridan you would have worried reading all those warnings.

Kittens, I know what you mean about finding it difficult to hear your friends complaining about clothes. When you're so anxious you just want to scream that they're lucky to have only maternity clothes to worry about. I'm happy you're feeling bloated though, it's a good sign :). On a more practical note, for many weeks I used a hairband to keep my trousers up. I was too scared to buy maternity clothes being almost sure something would go wrong (the eternal optimist that I am!).

Katie, sorry to hear about your insomnia, but glad you had a few good nights.

And Natz, good luck for this month, when are you testing?

Cherry, I don't remember exactly but I think it took about 6-7 weeks for my AF to go back to normal. As far as I remember reading about it at the time 8 weeks is the average. Could you try and speak with a midwife at your local hospital if you're getting worried?

As for me, I booked a private 28 weeks scan on 7 Dec, next Tuesday, and although I'm not as worried as before my big anomaly scan, I can still feel my anxiety levels rising. It doesn't help that I know the brain keeps developing all through the pregnancy. And I am a worrier anyway, which obviously doesn't help.

I've just re-read my post. I must have used worry in different forms a thousand times...

hey natz I didn't think you had even got to that stage! weren't you saying you were just seeing what happened? Its hard not to be slightly excited isn't it.

Coffee i was going to suggest hairbands too.

So do we have two of you going for scans on Tuesday? Coffee and Kitten? i hope it goes well for both of you.

I am really cold and seem to have a uti but also have a little bit of intermittant bleeding (post af no1). I'm on antibiotics for the uti, do you think that will also sort out whatever is causing the bleeding? i really can't be bothered to go to the doctor again I've been there about 3 times in the last two weeks...

Natz sorry you are not feeling good, hope your dauhgters are better soon, and good luck with the testing.

Cherry it was six weeks till i got my first AF then 34 days until my second, i think doc said 6 to 8 weeks is usual.

Coffee and Kittens hope you dont worry too much waiting for your scans.

Manitz sorry you are not well, had a uti/ cystitis never got definitive answer from doc, lasted nearly 10 days, its horrible, i think bad uti can cause bleeding cause doc asked me if any blood. Hope you get better soon.

Hi to everyone else, we hardly ever get snow where i am cause by the sea, rather jelous of those that get to play!

Gosh, it was so quiet on here and suddenly there's a big flurry of activity! Hello everyone!

Fingers crossed for you Natz. When are you planning to test? Hope the girls' throat infections have subsided and that work has also calmed down.

Cherry, echoing what Flower has said, 6 weeks seems to be about average.

Mishta, I hope Bella's eye has returned to normal now and all other woes are sorted.

Numpty, I hope all is well with you and your little one now too. Not heard from you in a little while.

Coffee, yes, I'm using the hairband trick a bit at the moment. I seem to be continually going out for lunch these days so it does come in handy for those occasions. I don't seem to have anywhere near the capacity for food as normal right now, which is fine when I'm at home but very frustrating when your'e sitting in a restaurant with a plate of very delicious food in front of you! Good move to book that private scan, I hope it give you the reassurance you need. Your scan will be the day after mine (which has been moved to Monday due to work commitments) so we can hold each other's hands.

Manitz, sorry to hear about the UTI, that's rotten. Those things are not fun at all.

I am off to the doctor's this afternoon too. I think I may have BV. I'm a bit paranoid about it because it's linked to miscarriages, although I don't know if that's later in pregnancy rather than at the early development stage. It's one of those weird things that often doesn't show symptoms and I have been diagnosed with it in the past when I've had a smear or had my coil fitted when I didn't know I even had it so I thought I'd get some home testing kits and keep my eye on things and I have noticed the PH value is higher than it should be so I am going to go and get it checked out to be sure. If it turns out I do have it I guess they will put my on metronidazole, which I think is ok to take when they weigh up one risk against the other. I have a christmas party to go to this weekend so I suppose that would be a perfect decoy for not drinking - although I don't really fancy explaining that they are for a bacterial infection in my nether regions! Hopefully all will be fine and I will have to come up with some other excuse.

Katie, I hope you are ok and getting some respite from your mum so you can catch up on some sleep.

LittlePoot, we miss you. Looking forward to you being on maternity leave so we get to hear from you more!

I'd better go and have my shower now. I am being a lazy slattern! Didn't sleep well last night. All part of the worrying process unfortunately. Woke up thinking about how little I'd been feeling sick lately compared to quite a lot of nausea the week before. I am still stupidly tired though. In fact, I could happily go back to sleep now! Work is very quiet which is a double edged sword. Good for having an afternoon nap. Not good for keeping my mind off worrying. A couple of days work next week hopefully but still waiting for it all to be confirmed, but that will be after my scan so I'm really hoping to be more serene by then.