Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

I had a lovely afternoon. It was great to meet you all. Next time we can swap places so we get to talk to everyone. :).

Sorry, I had to dash off at the end. Littlestar was getting tired and I had promised DD that we would go see the Christmas lights.

Catlady I hope you all feel better very soon! Agree, honey and lemon just doesn't kick it like the cold & flu tablets. Hope it does something to help you though. Vicks should help with congestion?

Allstar, was lovely to meet you and am sorry we didn't get a chance to talk. Littlestar is gorgeous, and what a smile! He was so good, didn't hear a grizzle out of him. We all swapped around at the coffee cafe afterwards. It was so lovely to put faces to names, and I apologise for keep asking everyone their backgrounds, I get so confused keeping up on here.

Katie, hope the trip home was quick and easy, well done on leaving Felix for so long! Here's hoping the reflux phase will end soon. Coffee, I cant get over how compact your bump is! I honestly wouldn't have known you was pregnant.

Manitz it was lovely to talk to someone who has been through such similar experiences, although of course I would much rather we hadn't had to. Mimsy Im sorry I didn't get to speak to you as much.

Ghislaine I am keeping my fingers crossed for you, it was lovely to speak to you too. Not surprised you have been guarded with personal details, I would be the same. Kittens, best of luck, I hope it all goes well on Wednesday, please let us know. I am going to call my GP tomorrow for a chat and hopefully a referral to have everything checked out.

LittlePoot sorry too that we didn't get to talk much either. You are blooming with the pregnancy, my youngest is the 5th Feb. I really enjoyed later pregnancy during the winter as I found the baby was like an internal radiator and I didn't swell up like my first pregnancy during the summer months!

I feel like I know you all a bit better now. I was very nervous about meeting you all, but so glad I did. Well done Kittens on organising it all, good venue choice, my meal was delicious.

Hope everyone got home ok. Hello to all the others that didn't get to meet up today xxx

Hi - meet up sounds like it was great, hope travel home was fine for everyone.

Catlady - sorry you had to miss it. I guess you've taken paracetamol; I used to add a tot of whisky to the honey and lemon, even in pregnancy... you could also add ginger which warms the throat. If you can't/don't want to add whisky/ginger, chamomile tea and honey/lemon is another option. Might not help your cold but is soothing anyway... no idea if you can take echinacea (sp?) when pregnant but might be worth asking about.

As for me, I'm still feeling rotten and think it's down to another bout of thrush in the breast . Poor DD has had the most awful wind/frequent nappies in the last few days - though DS has also got a dodgy tum... I'm really hoping they aren't ALL linked to thrush as I've no idea how I'll treat everyone! So off to the doctors tomorrow to ask/get something to help. Early night again for me, hot water bottle here I come. xx

And Hi to Can't, hope all is well with you and yours. As someone who has a sister but not a brother, I don't think I ever thought I was missing out - more like 'I'm going to nick borrow her make-up, records, clothes...'. Although those advantages were perhaps less appreciated by my older sister . Actually we get on really well and I love having someone who understands the way I feel about things. So in a way, you could say that two the same is actually more complete where the children are concerned. Although I'm hoping that for DD, DS will be protector/have lovely friends she can fall in love with. Perhaps... xx

(I'm pretty sure that DD will in turn be protector of DS, she seems to idolise him already!)

Yes, it was lovely to meet you all - glad I didn't bottle it as I was expecting I might. Had to laugh at the number of husbands (mine included) needing to be texted to be reassured their dear ones hadn't been lured into a coven! Thanks to mimsy for providing the impetus, and special thanks to kittens for arranging it all.

Chez ghislaine, this week I am about to have more genetic testing. Our genetics counselling flagged the possibility of Fragile X on one side of my family, so I want to have that checked out. The odds are very small, but as we know, that doesn't provide much reassurance these days.

Hello everyone. I had such a lovely time yesterday. It was really lovely to meet you all in the real world. Those of you who didn't make it were definitely there in spirit and all of your ears must've been burning at some point in the afternoon!

I think we are all a little besotted with Littlestars! What an absolute cutie he is. Sorry you had to shoot off Allstars and that I was in the loo when you went! It's a shame they didn't give us a round table so we could've chatted more with everyone at once. I only swapped places at the very end but we managed to find a better situation later when we went for coffee (or should I say chocolate).

Unfortunately I've had belly ache since I left to come home yesterday. I think my pregnancy constipation has kicked in and so shovelling all that food in has made for a rather uncomfortable situation, even still this morning! . Also, I think I've got a cold coming. I have that constant tingle/tickle going on up one side of my sinuses and a rather runny nose. Damn!

Catlady, I hope you, and the rest of your household, are feeling a bit better. And the same goes for Numpty. Sounds like it's probiotic yoghurt all round for you lot! Poor you.

It was lovely, also to see Coffee and Poot with your lovely bumps. I know you're still at an anxious stage at the moment Coffee and I hope that passes soon and you have some time to relax and enjoy being pregnant. I was really thrilled to see how relaxed and happy you seem now Poot.

The rest of you lovely ladies, I hope we will all be next year's second baby boom of the thread!

Blimey, how many times can you use the word lovely in one post? Must start using other words, I'm beginning to sound a bit twee!

Nah - it was all lovely - that's a good word. And for those of you who didn't come, don't listen to this lot when they bemoan their lack of glamour....a finer looking bunch of women (and a perfect baby) could not be imagined. Seriously, LittleStar is an angel - I want one like that please....

Sorry about your tum kittens. Actually, I'm not sorry exactly - after all, all crappy symptoms must be celebrated at this stage. Roll on Wednesday... xxx

Hello ladies, it was indeed lovely (word of the day ) to meet so many of you yesterday, it was a great afternoon. Thanks Kittens for organising it.

Poot, you do indeed have the pregnancy glow, a little bit of your optimism has actually rubbed off on me, even if we didn?t have the chance to talk too much, can we meet every time I feel a bit down in the future?

Natz, I know my bump is compact, but believe me, you can see it, it?s just the dress I was wearing yesterday which was covering it pretty well.

Catlady, sorry you couldn?t come, but I hope we?ll have another meet-up in the future. I hope both you and Numpty (and your LOs) will feel better soon.

Cantdo, very annoying to hear those comments about the ?perfect family?. What is a perfect family anyway?! It looks like some people don?t realise a healthy baby is not to be taken for granted. I can understand this up to a point (our experiences have given us a different view), what I don?t understand is why people feel like sharing these opinions!

Ghislaine, I?m keeping my fingers crossed for the genetic testing, hopefully it won?t reveal anything more worrying. And Kittens, I?m not sure I?ll be able to post now for a couple of days, as I?m travelling for work, but I?ll be thinking of you on Wednesday and keeping everything crossed you will get good news at the scan. We?re all cheering you on.

Hello to everyone else xxxx

Got back home tonight after my London weekend, and the highlight was meeting up with you lot! I was nervous beforehand, and I feel like I spent most of the time either blethering on or grinning like an idiot - but I was just very happy to be there and meet you all (and got to cuddle the gorgeous Littlestar).
I am down again in March, I think, so another meet could be on the cards.
Kittens thanks again for organising the lunch, and I have everything crossed for you in the coming days.

Numpty, I thought DS had thrush at one point so read up on it and it sounds like a nightmare to treat. I hope that you can get on top of it quickly.

Ghislane its so nerve wracking waiting for these tests to be over, I hope it passes quickly.

Big wave and to everybody!

Just to echo what everyone else has already said it was so lovely to meet everyone on Sunday, what a gorgeous bunch! And littlestar gosh what a charmer, sleeping so soundly in the corner - Felix the nap resister needs some lessons!

Thanks so much for Kittens for organising, will be thinking of you tomorrow love.

Numpty are you all feeling any better? Hope so x

Hi Everyone,

I've found a lot of comfort from the sister thread and wondered if I may ask for some advice here with a view to possibly joining you here soon?

We lost our baby girl Leila on 28th Oct after ending the pregnancy due to her having a very rare unbalanced translocation on one of the X chromosomes. We were told this might be hereditary but genetic results came back yesterday saying it was de novo and there was only the tiniest risk of it ever happening again. The geneticist said there was no genetic reason for us not to try again when we want.

So, I'm now wondering - do I have to wait for a 1st period before TTC? I stopped bleeding last week but I'm not sure if we should wait or start trying straight away? Of course I have no idea when I'll ovulate and I've read conflicting things about fertility soon after birth. Should I expect things to take a while to get back to normal?

I feel very ambivalent emotionally about TTC - I really want to have another baby and feel I'd like to try to be pregnant if possible by my due date (March) but equally I'm scared I wont feel the same about another baby (as it wont be Leila)and I'm terrifed of being pregnant again and facing all the tests and decisions with the knowledge of how it can go so wrong!

Hello everyone. Can't post for long but was really nice to chat on Sunday face to face. Hope everything goes well for you tomorrow Kittens and hope the rest of you got home ok. Especially mimsy!

Cherry, I have had 2 terminations so can tell you my opinion with hindsight and also how i feel now. With the first i went for it and got pg 6 months after the termination. i did wait till the first period just to check it was all working properly but i dont think there is any need to. I felt differently about the baby as you would with any two children you have but that doesn't mean I didn't love it or had any real problems bonding. It was great although pregnancy was a worry at the tests etc. A day at a time is the only way.

this time (my termination was on 14 Oct) i'm really scared so I get where you are coming from. It's a daunting prospect. x

Hi Cherrybug

I'm sorry to hear your story; as with all the ladies in here it is heartbreaking the past that has led us to this thread. But knowing that everyone here has been through similar experiences really helps with moving on into the hope (even if tentative) of another pregnancy.

I lost my little Iola last summer, in July; we didn't wait to TTC as I was approaching 40 and didn't want to risk it. It didn't happen immediately, but pretty soon (I had 2 AF I think). The initial weeks were really hard, the fear of scans is palpable - and all you can do is take it a day at a time and not try to think on too far. When we got through the final hurdle for us, the 18wk scan, it was actually odd to think we might have a baby to prepare for... and when DD was born this June I did have some sense of mix up with her and Iola, but not in a bad/sad way - more that Iola was watching over her. The feelings you have may be mixed but none of them are 'wrong'; they are for different babies and different outcomes. For us, letting Iola go was the best choice, terrible though it was for us to make that decision. DD is all the more precious to us because of Iola's part in our lives.

I'm writing this with DS flying aeroplanes over my head - he's ill off nursery - so I hope what I write makes some kind of sense.

Cherry, we didn't wait either (my termination was about six months ago). I think you have to wait a couple of weeks for your cervix to close again and/or for bleeding to stop but I certainly wasn't told by doctors to wait for any number of cycles. I think with modern scans and dating techniques there is no need to rely on LMP dating. I ignored the well-meaning woman who told me I should wait at least six months!

It has taken a while for my cycles to settle down, and we've not managed to conceive again which is really what I feel I need; much as I am scared of facing pregnancy again, I completely understand your need to be pregnant again and fill that awful void. But each woman is different and there are plenty of women here who have conceived fairly soon afterwards.

Kittens thinking of you today. My fingers are firmly crossed. Xx

Very quick post as I have to dash. Kittens, I'll be thinking of you today, my fingers are crossed too.

Welcome Cherry, I know you from the sister thread.

Hello to everybody! xxxx

Quick post from me too - GOOD LUCK KITTENS, thinking of you.

Glad meet up was good. Am jealous...

Cherry, welcome to the thread. Like others have said, it's very much down to the individual whether you want to wait or start trying again immediately. I was told after both of my terminations that I should wait 3 months. I suspect some of that reason was to do with giving myself time to grieve and being sure I was emotionally ready. From my own experience, the first feelings after the terminations were the compulsion to be pregnant again, to try and put myself in the position I had wanted to remain in if terrible circumstances hadn't conspired, and also a feeling of a sort of numbness and that I was sort of ok with it all, on and off. It wasn't until a good few weeks later when all the pregnancy hormones had dissipated that the emotional rollercoaster struck me and I personally feel that at that time I would not have been ready to have been pregnant again. I needed time to let my hormones and emotions settle before going on the journey again. Even in a normal pregnancy, untainted by the fear we have now learned to feel it can be pretty tumultuous emotionally with all the hormones rushing around so that mixed with other very real sadness, fear etc can be quite tricky to deal with.

Obviously, there is every chance that your next pregnancy will work out for you but from my own not very good experiences I would also say that when you decide to start trying again you need to feel that not only are you are ready to be pregnant again but also, if (I don't like to say this, being an atheist, but I can't think of another way of putting it) god forbid, things should not work out as hoped, you are also strong enough to deal with that happening potentially close to this sad loss you are going through now. I'm sorry to put forward the negative side as there have been plenty of stories of "unsuccessful pregnancies" being a one off. I don't want to inspire feelings of doom at all, I have been pretty unlucky.

Thank you to the rest of you for your ongoing support and lovely messages this morning. I'm afraid my calmness from Sunday has gone out the window and I am now completely crapping myself. I will let you know how I get on. x

Go Kittens! Fingers crossed for you.

Thinking of you for this afternoon kittens. xxx

Sorry again for quick post (damned open plan office!), but just wanted to add to the wise words to Cherrybug. After my first loss (termination at 13 weeks), I waited about 3 cycles and then took 3 more ish to get pregnant. Partly because (very conservative) consultant suggested a wait was good, and partly because I couldn't cope with anything much so needed to go out and get drunk for a while in the meantime. Second loss (mmc at 9 weeks), I waited for AF (which took 6 weeks after the surgery) just so I knew all was back to normal (e.g. womb lining back up to scratch and all hormones present and correct), then took only 1 more cycle to get pregnant. Am now 7 months, and doing pretty well. As kittens said, I also think being strong enough to 'cope' with bad news again is important, just in case - I wouldn't have been after the first one, but was definitely stronger after the 2nd. Even so, being pregnant this time was terrifying, and I was literally a hysterical mess for each of my first 4 scans (7, 9, 12 and 18 weeks). Now though I'm only having occasional worries, and probably not very much more than a 'normal' person. And these fabulous ladies here are very good for supporting you through the more wobbly bits. xxx

Kittens I'm crossing everything for you this afternoon, I really, really hope you get good news. Sorry for not posting sooner, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you xx

Good luck Kittens. Will be keeping everything crossed that its all good news for you.

Welcome Cherry. I was given varying advice and told to wait either 1, 2 or 3 cycles depending on the midwife or consultant which makes me think that there can't be any medical reason and its more psychological.

Sorry to have missed the meet on Sun - sounds like you had a great time. I on the other hand was at the T4 Stars of 2010 concert surrounded by 30,000 screaming teenage girls!!!

xx

Oh Kittens, thinking of you and wishing you SO much luck... Really hope all is well. xx