Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

Great news from Mooms, glad to hear your scan went well.

Coffee, I don't think you have anything to worry about with the antibiotics. Those particular ones haven't been shown to have any adverse effect on the baby. Like others have said here, it's a higher priority to make sure any infection is eradicated. One of my particular paranoias at the moment is Bacterial Vaginosis as it can be present without any symptoms and cause miscarriage so I have bought some home testing swabs. If it is present, doctors prescribe Metrodnidazole even in pregnancy. Anyone who's had that will know that's one of the strongest antibiotics you can get but I think in any case of prescribing antibiotics they weigh up the priorities. I suspect that a lot of women have cold sores during pregnancy due to the immune system being compromised. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. I know it's difficult not to worry about every thing at the moment. I'm certainly having great difficulties with that!

Which segues nicely into my complete and utter paranoia at the moment. I hardly feel any symptoms at the moment and my poor little brain is going into a full time spin with worry right now. I hardly feel hungry, the tiredness comes and goes, I have had a couple of very small waves of nausea or shakiness but not much to speak of, completely normal feeling boobs. Not even any mood swings - the only reason I feel like crying is because I'm so worried all the time. I know, It's only 5 weeks and also I think I ovulated a bit later than normal in my cycle but still, last time I was so symptom free it didn't turn out well. I'm still waiting for a scan date but it should be in 2 weeks so right now I feel like this is my 2 week wait to find out if I am really pregnant rather than the 2 weeks before my period was due. Aaaargh, how do you stop yourself going nuts? Breathe..... and repeat after me "One day at a time....."

I think the earliest my scan will be will be 26th and I so hope it is then. I am meeting my two pregnant girlfriends the next day and it would be so nice to give them good news and join them. 21 years ago the three of us all learned to ride motorbikes together and over the course of that year we all passed our tests at a couple of month intervals of one another. It was quite a defining moment for us at that time in our lives and so it would be really pertinent to go through this big thing together too. Not to mention how perfect it would be for 3 of us to have kids all the same age.

Really looking forward to meeting some of you ladies next weekend too. I'm just trying to think of somewhere else to suggest before sending out PMs. I think that was a good point about not arranging anything publicly so I think we should change the original suggestion unfortunately. We don't want to get chased by any crazy pro-lifers! Will try to come up with an idea today.

Kittens, just a quick post as I have to dash, but I didn't have any symptoms at 5 weeks this time, they started later. And then at about 8 -9 weeks, when on holiday, all my symptoms disappeared completely, including the tiredness. I know this is not reassuring enough, you've had bad experiences with the lack of symptoms, but hang in there, we're here to hold your hand.

More later, hello to everyone else and thanks for the reassurance. Also looking forward to meeting you all. xxxx

Hi lovelies x

Sorry haven't posted for a while - have been super hectic - however, it's wonderful to check the thread and see such an abundance of good news. Massive congratulations to those of you who are newly-pg and here's to an incredibly boring and uneventful eight months ahead!

Also v jealous of those of you who are going to the meet up - but please do raise a glass of decaff coffee or a very very weak spritzer for me, please :)

Things with me are okay - am 15+4 today and counting down the days until next Friday when I have my 16 week midwife appointment. My paranoia that something has gone wrong still kicks in occasionally, so fingers crossed we'll be able to hear the baby's heartbeat next week.

Last Friday 5th November also marked a year to the day that I had my termination with Gracie. I took the day off and actually had a really lovely day - met DH for a nice long lunch and treated myself to a glass of champagne to toast my special girl. That evening's fireworks made me a bit sad (I still have vivid memories of leaving the hospital after the termination and the sky being lit up with fireworks, which just felt SO inappropriate) but on the whole, it was a lovely day to remember, rather than being dark and sad.

Anyway, sending you all much love and hope you all have lovely weekends

Viv xxx

Midwife just emailed me 8 December for first scan date. I nearly fell off my perch (well, maybe I should say, burst into tears!) - that would be nearly 9 weeks . I have just called the FMU and luckily they've moved it to 24 November which is just under 7 weeks. Phew! She must've spoken to them though 'cos when I phoned them and described my situation, they said "Are you Havingkittens?" (well, obviously my real name - although the literal version of that sentence would have been equally appropriate!).

Right, better go swimming now I've sorted that. I really must find a form of exercise that's more appealing in this climate! The only thing that's motivating me to go is that it will be good for the potential baby.

Great news you managed to change the scan date Kittens, 2 weeks mean so much when you're anxious!

Viv,good to hear from you and I'm happy you have found such a positive way to remember Gracie.

I'm having a (decaf) coffee and a big slice of chocolate cake, true to my thread name. I've had a sad day so far, for no particular reason, but this is cheering me up a bit.

xxxx

Hi Kittens, glad you were able to get an earlier scan! I hope you are keeping well xx

Viv - I hope you are well and enjoying your pregnancy. I felt quite emotional reading about your experience last year with Gracie. I hope I will be as strong as you next September on Cara's anniversary.

Coffee, I hope you are feeling a bit happier after your chocolate cake...!

I wont be joining the July babis group , but will be keeping my fingers crossed for next month. I really thought I was pregnant and was already working out the due date, was quite a knock when my period came.

Genetic counsellor on friday was a waste of time. Actually made me feel worse after we saw him! He told us that Cara's Hypoplastic Left Heart is managable and not as serious as the Turners.......! I almost burst into tears and felt sick. When we told him we were told by the other Doctors that her heart condition was so severe she wouldn't survive the pregnancy, he stammered and said he couldn't comment as it is not his field of expertise. Why did he say anything then?

It seemed to me that he wanted his field to be of more importance than others so played down the heart condition. He looked shocked when we reacted so badly. He then went on to tell us that parents on other countries where he has worked would terminate for Turners alone. I dont see how that has anything to do with Cara's results.

Still feeling very angry 2 days on, but have given up trying to seek reassurance from the so called experts.

Just re-read my post, should have done that before I posted, sorry for all the mistakes! xx

Natz he's an idiot who knows nothing about hlhs. I have messaged you. I hope you are ok. x

Natz, sorry to hear that. That's really not a helpful thing for him to say at all is it? I think some consultants are the types that are very intelligent and well versed in their own field but are not very good at actually dealing with people and emotions. They get so tied up with their own arrogance based on their own perceptions of their intelligence that they just blurt out opinions that should be a lot more considered. I was really upset by one consultant about a year or so ago. On a different subject than anything to do with pregnancy, but he said something which really upset me and was so absolutely not his place to say at all. It left me reeling pretty much indefinitely! They can be very insensitive. Poor you.

I have sent a PM to those of you on the list that are coming to the meet up on Sunday. I'm afraid it's not massively helpful as I am putting out a plea for some help in suggesting somewhere! But thought I should make initial contact "behind the scenes".

I am still paranoid, even though I've been feeling slightly more off colour these past couple of days. Yesterday I felt very wobbly and shaky and this morning I had a fairly spectacular re-acquaintance with my breakfast. I got my first scan date, which typically is on a day that my OH has to be at work about an hour and a half after the appointment time so not sure what to do at the moment. I am thinking of asking a friend to come with me. It will be fine to go alone if the progress is good but if it's not I think I will need some company.

I hope everyone had a good weekend. It's been quiet on here since I got back!

Quick one but Coffee don't worry too much about ECG. I had to have one when pregnant with DS as I got very high blood pressure early in pregnancy so had to go to a cardiologist. In the end it was all fine ... Sometimes I think when you get caught up in the world of doctors there is no end to the things they can find ... Try not to stress about it or your BP will go up and then they'll get really excited ....

Hi, no time to post (but have been reading as always), though just wanted to say I'll be thinking of those of you going the meet up this Sunday - lucky things. Btw, Kittens, was Ghislaine (sorry, wrong spellling no doubt) on the list? I'm not positive she wanted to go, though I remember she mentioned something about the talk of the meet-up prompted her to post on this thread for the first time?

Hope you're all well. Wishing time til the 24th/26th to pass quickly Kittens. And no, it's not our new house we're in - that won't be until Christmas. One more move...sigh

Love to all xxx

Hi Mishtabel,

Yes, Ghislaine has been added. If there's anyone else that's not heard from me that wanted to come along please PM me so I can adjust the booking.

Hope you're well Mishtabel and settling in temporarily!

So quiet in here, how is everyone? I?ve been away for a few days.

Kittens, a week to go until the scan, I hope you?re busy enough to distract yourself. How are you feeling?

Natz, as others have said, it?s very distressing when you need reassurance from the professionals but are faced with insensitive words. I saw what Peanut wrote to you on the sister thread and I hope you know in your heart you made the most humane decision. No doubt the consultants who advised you and who said Cara wouldn?t have survived have more expertise in this field than the genetic counsellor, and have been faced with this many times before. Anyway, it?s awful to seem to find a bit of peace only to have it shattered by a comment, I feel for you. I hope you are feeling a bit better now.

Katie, I sent you a personal message about maybe taking the same train to get to London on Sunday.

Gina, how are you? I?ve been thinking about you, as I seem to be going through what you described here before. I don?t think I?m coping very well to be honest, and I feel so guilty even writing this, as I am so aware how lucky I am to have got this far. It?s very hard to describe. I feel grateful for what I have, and at the same time I am so sad, and I feel so raw again, and miss Silvia so much. I remember those days when we made the awful decision and I can?t let go of this memory, or the pain.

And also, although there are many times when I enjoy this pregnancy, I feel so anxious and so worried, and this is starting to get to me. Above all, I am so concerned that my not so positive frame of mind is affecting Coffeebean, he must be bombarded with bad hormones in there!

God, what a moaner! Sorry ladies... xxxx

It is quiet isn't it?

I am a bit busier this week so yes, kind of keeping me occupied. Going to see Lee Mack tonight which will be entertaining. My granny reckons a bit of laughter will do the "baby" good, rather than all my worrying.

Yesterday I spent the whole day outside in the freezing cold filming and felt fine, not sick, tired or even surprisingly hungry (seeing as the client didn't actually bother to feed me - grrrr!) and so my little brain started to thing negative thoughts. By the time I got home at nearly 9pm it was all I could do to stay awake to eat the lovely soup my OH made me though. This morning I was sick and have been feeling extremely knackered and hungry so, all good. Even better, I've been to work and am already back at home relaxing. I shall probably have a snooze! I'm completely beat!

Sorry to hear Coffee and Gina are both feeling blue. It's so hard to keep positive isn't it? It's not fair that what should be exciting times for us all are now tinged with such sadness. I suspect the hormonal rollercoaster really doesn't help either.

I hope everyone else is well. Where's everyone got to this week?

Hello everyone.

Just popping in to say hi and catch up!

Coffee, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low. It surprised me too when it hit! If it helps there is light at the end of the tunnel as I have to say I am feeling a lot better than I was - I suspect it was hormonal, I really hope it is for you too.

I felt as if I was going through my own personal phase of panic over this baby and it seemed to bring up everything negative..almost a desperation that I couldn't let it happen again.... It has passed though thank goodness and I am much more positive now. DP and I planted a pear tree for Olivia at the weekend and it seemed to help me deal with my emotions!

Self indulgent bit...I am on the countdown to finishing work, only 5 more weeks HOORAY! I am super busy getting everything done here for the business to run without me!

I hope you all have a great meet up at the weekend and I will be thinking of you all!

Hello all. Just a quickie to say I'm going to be pretty quiet for the next couple of weeks unfortunately. We've just moved offices, and while the new place is completely lovely, its all open plan, so mumsnet is easily spottable.... I've only got 3 weeks left at work (sorry Gina!) so hopefully will be chattier again after that. See some of you at the weekend and love to everyone else. xx

Hi everyone,

Hope you are all ok.

Went to the docs this morning to let them know I am pregnant. BP is a little high so need to keep tabs on that and do all I can to control it but other than that all was good. EDD is 15/7/11.

My friend unfortunately MC'd this morning. Its so sad, she has PCOS and it has taken her around 18months to get PG. She was due around the same time as me, so if all goes well with my PG she will have to watch me go through everything she should be going through (does that make sense). See I remember when the shoe was on the other foot and I was watching people get to the milestones that I should have been. No matter how you look at it its heartbreaking. It made me feel so numb and very worried about my PG....(that sounds a little selfish deosn't it?)

Anyway, back to the doc's.....I bloody forgot to ask about an early scan - how on earth did I manage to forget. Do you think a chat with the midwives would help and they can advise on early scans - I'd pay if I can;t get a free one!! So am being referred to Epsom & St Helier and I'm sure you can self refer to the EPU there - does anyone have any experience of this hospital??

So I told my boss yesterday that I am pregnant and got the shock of my life when she pretty much screamed, flung her arms around me and burst into tears
...I wasn't expecting that reaction, but it was lovely. She helped me through after I had the termination back in May and has been really supportuve, plus she off on Maternity leave herself in a couple of weeks s hormones probably kicked in upon my announcement

Well I hope you all have a lovely time when you meet up. Will post again soon. xxx

Very jealous of those who are counting down to stopping work! I will try to scale work down a bit in January but probably won't really stop completely at all this time .

Am absolutely run off my feet this week and have been doing a lot of very late nights in front of my laptop. I'm working on four different client projects at once, two of which don't know about each other, in an attempt to bring in as much cash to the business as I can.

Am sickening for something though. Typical. Am miserable with it so I'll post again later when I'm a bit less self indulgent xx

Thinking of all you lovely ladies ahead of the lunch tomorrow - hope you have a great time and enjoy getting to know the real people behind the MN names! I'm also amazed at how soon some people are stopping work, time has suddenly whizzed by and I know Jan and Feb are going to be busy times on here .

As for me, I'll be off to bed now in company of lemsip (or some such) and hot water bottle as, like Catlady, am coming down with something. Night night, all.

Hi everyone

I am so looking forward to hearing about the meet up!

Sorry I've not been around. I hate posting and rushing. I'd rather have time to really speak to people, so when I haven't I tend to lurk and not post. Anyway I have too much to catch up on to say anything meaningful, I think, other than good luck to the newly pregnant here (may it be a long time before you can guzzle Brie again) and wow to the people due very soon in the new year. Time has indeed flown.

Anyone feeling low/anxious, whatever, it's worth remembering that you aren't feeling that way because you aren't sufficiently 'bonded' with your baby, and it WON'T affect the baby - it's just your experience colouring how you feel. And on a pragmatic level, pregnancy affects everyone differently, regardless of past experience, and also it's a long period of time, 9 months, so you do go through the whole gamut of feelings.

Just a brief rant... a recent birth in my family seems to have led people to start saying that the 'ideal family' that 'everyone wants' is a boy and a girl, otherwise described as a 'matching pair' or 'one of each'. The implication each time is that having 2 girls means I have missed out on some gender ideal. This is lost on me. I feel so lucky and I've honestly never been worried about what gender my babies would be just how healthy they might end up. I KNOW it matters to some people for various reasons and I'm not criticising that, but why does nobody get that it doesn't matter to me that I have no boys, and that I feel incredibly blessed?

Rant over. I'll be with you in spirit tomorrow!

Morning. In case anyone's reading, I'm going to be a bit late. My train engineering works aren't conducive to a half past start... Should be there by quarter to. X

I'm so sorry, I'm not going to make it to today's lunch .

We're all ill and I think DD may need a trip to the walk in centre to pick up antibiotics.

I'm so gutted. Not only was I looking forward to meeting you all, but to enjoying a lovely tot-free lunch too!

Must dash as DD is whinging and DH is doing nothing about it .

Have a wonderful lunch xx

LittlePoot I will let the pthers know, and Catlady, I hope you all feel better soon, sorry you wont be able to come today!
Numpty, hope you are ok and avoid the cold.
Cant, lovely to see you on here.
See all the London ladies soon xx

Aww, sorry to hear you're not coming and that your are feeling rotten Catlady. I hope you all feel better soon.

See the rest of you in a bit.

I hope you've all had a lovely afternoon!

Sorry to hear you're under the weather too Numpty. These winter colds are miserable.

Cant I know exactly what you mean about that ridiculous 'perfect family' notion. We're getting it all the time at the moment from various people, asking whether we know what we're having and then saying 'it would be nice to have a boy this time wouldn't it?'. And honestly I've never thought about which gender I would 'prefer'. Seems odd to me, but then perhaps if we hadn't lost two along the way I might be more inclined to think about these things, who knows...

We're hibernating. DD is on the disprol and DH is on the nurofen cold and flu, and me, err, honey and lemon . Not quite as effective...

We've watched episode after episode of Peppa Pig, Roary the Racing Car and Ben & Holly, and the house is a bombsite. Take away for dinner I think!

xx