Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

I know exactly what you mean about thinking ahead, Kittens. I did the exact same thing last weekend, wondering about the availability of CVS over Christmas. My CVS results last time were delayed by the May bank holiday so it is perfectly understandable.

And a big thank you to everyone who's welcomed me; it is such an isolating experience to have gone through and to be facing again. I feel like this is a little island of understanding and trust.

Can I just ask, how long did everyone wait before TTC again? I thought I was fine TTC but we got an appointment letter to see the genetic counsellor on the 12th, and I reacted so badly when we got it that I am now questioning if we should have waited a bit longer.

I know Ive posted before asking, but for those who waited for just one period (as I did), did you have doubts after you started TTC? Im just very confused by how upset I got and if I should get back to being emotionally normal, but I have no idea how long, if ever that actually happens.

I want to try again. DH and I want another baby, not to replace Cara, but because we want more children. I was just so shocked at how much recieving a letter affected me. I thought I was stronger

Hi Natz. Oh sweetie - your reaction isn't because you're 'not strong'. You're dealing with things and getting through it all really well, but certain things will always trigger a reaction like this - especially when they're hospital related. If you read back through the older threads, you'll see so many discussions about occasional crap days after feeling better for a while - they tend to get further apart but still catch up with you occasionally. x

I started trying one period after my last non-baby and got pregnant again with this one after two periods. I was massively (emotionally) delicate at the start, particularly when it came to scans or talking about the fact this was now my third pregnancy. But that didn't stop the fact that I was (am) overjoyed to be pregnant again. I don't think any of us ever quite get back to being emotionally 'normal' in the way we were before all this crap happened. There's often talk on here of the loss of that innocence of pregnancy when you breeze through without a care. Unfortunately, we won't ever get that back. But that doesn't mean TTC again is a bad decision - you sound very much like you want another child, and so TTC is what you do. I took a slightly longer break after my termination last year, but I can't say that helped me deal with my subsequent miscarriage any better. I just felt I wanted to go out and eat blue cheese and get drunk a bit more before trying again. After the mc, I didn't want to wait at all so I didn't. And now things are pretty much great.

I'm thinking perhaps no news isn't good news with kittens and the sticks? Unless by some miracle she's managed to resist peeing for one more day... Hope you're ok honey. xxx

Just creeping on from my holiday in France. I've just managed to coast through my mid afternoon slump, after my lunch of bread and disappointingly mild pasteurised cheeses. Ladies, it's very feint, but there is a line. I peed about 6 times in the early hours this morning and am feeling intermittently rather sleepy so, fingers crossed this will stick. I am waiting a couple more days for a darker line before I email the midwife. LittlePoot, as if i could resist! I've peed on at least 3 since my last post!

Natz, I waited a little while with some and not with others. I think I tried again quite quickly after my first, which was a miscarriage, and again after the second which was TS21, only because I was having an operation on my foot and wanted to get the xrays out of the way first. I waited after the 3rd which was also TS21 until after I'd seen the Genetics Cousellor as I was worried, after going through the same thing twice that it would happen again. My 4th was another miscarriage, I started TTC again fairly quickly after that and had a anothe miscarriage with my 5th pregnancy so then waited until after I'd had all the tests with the recurrent miscarriage clinic before starting to try again. It's difficult to know what to do for the best, but the compulsion to get pregnant again is so strong after a loss.

Hope all's well with everyone. Will try to pop on again whilst I'm away, otherwise I will be back mid week. x

kitten you have had it tough. i waited for the genetic counselling to try for ds. this time i'm waiting till i get a period. bad days got less frequent i found. have just remembered them, is like a rollercoaster. x

No time but wanted to say a quick Hi to Mishtabel and her brood (pear sounds good), a reassuring wave to Natz - it was the same for me, v scary, to ttc again after the terminations but still something I needed to do - and a final hurrah for Kittens, I know it's a bit of a nightmare and terrifying but it's a good start and I'm so pleased for you, and hope we can hold your hands on a longer journey this time. Good luck Kittens.

Hi to everyone else, no time but wanted to send my love to Kittens.

i was also in a rush. I meant to say congratulations and good luck as well. xx

Kittens, I so hope it becomes a darker line! And good timing you are on hols, so you can get some rest. Your job sounds like a lot of early morning starts, and long days. So rest up. Shame about the cheese though!

Natz, wise words from the previous posters, as always. It's completely normal to have such a wobble. The grief and guilt will out one way or another, whether it's a deliberate controlled release or an outside trigger. Don't feel you have to be stronger. X

I have been wondering about Minstrel , how are you getting on? Ok, I hope.

X

Natz
I was going to ask that question. I have been posting on the other thread and reading this one. I lost my baby end of august, have only had one period since and am hoping anytime soon to get another, was then going to go for it, as will be nearly 3 months on high dose folic acid. I am soon to be on the wrong side of 35 so feel need to get on with it, but am terrified and not sure how i will cope emotionaly. I cant imagine what it will be like going thru scans etc, i was anxious enough last time without knowing all that can go wrong, it was my first prenancy tho, so all new and scary anyway.

Flower, Natz, I have a bit more time now and wanted to respond properly about ttc again. After my first termination I waited three months to ttc again. This was because I felt I needed the time to drink wine relax before getting back on the treadmill. The second time I just waited one period. In both cases I was terrified both when trying and when getting the bfp (should add that have been pregnant four times and every time has been on the first attempt - good at conception, less good at making healthy babies..). Anyway I think I realized after losing baby 2 that even after years of waiting I would still be paralysed by fear if I thought about it, so it would be best just to get on with it when I felt I could.

Flower, it must be especially hard when it's your first baby.

I recommend the head in sand approach - trying but not really admitting it to yourself. And the same when pregnant, kind of blotting it out till scans have happened.

Hi Mimsy - your turn for a BFP next!

Oh and Ghislaine, you talk much sense, and it is lovely to have you.

Hi Natz/Flower,

I had a termination of my first pregnancy at the beginning of June, started trying properly again at end of August, had the Summer off recovering emotionally and drinking wine on holiday, also I wanted to give my increased dose of folic acid time to kick in and meeting with consultant to make sure all was well..

I got pregnant again as soon as we started trying (which worried me-is it a case of easy to get preggers but hard to have a healthy bub?) am currently 12 wks and i've found it incredibly difficult waiting for the scan.. stil fragile but I think I would be no matter how long we would've waited, it's that loss of innocence and the fact that what should be a happy time is tainted.. there is no right answer really, it's whenever you feel you can.. i just wanted to get back on the bike, so to speak!!

How are the rest of you lovely ladies?
Thinking of you Kittens, hoping it's a lovely deep dark blue line by now!

I've had a bloody stressful week-not only is it my much dreaded scan on weds, but we had ofsted this week at work, I don't know what I did in a past life but I must've been extremely naughty!! Although I realy could've done without the ever increasing stress levels, in some ways at least it took my mind off this infernal waiting!

Oh and before I forget, unfortunately ladies i'm sadly way too far up north for any meet up but I bet you'll all have a lovely time, lucky things!

As always, sending much unmumsnetty love to you all
x

Really quick message from phone. Kittens thinking of you. Wishing for a darker line. Xx

Thank you ladies. Just a fleeting visit again as I don't want to be antisocial whilst I'm supposed to be spending time with my mum. I did another test this morning and the line is much darker so I will be emailing my midwives tomorrow morning, hopefully to arrange a scan for the following week. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Fingers firmly crossed. :)

Yay for Kittens - fab news, congratulations! xxx

Oh kittens - that's fantastic news! Although you must be pretty terrified. I hope we can help take some of that away for you. Everything's crossed. xxxxx

What good news to come back to! Kittens, I know how terrified you must be, but I feel like saying congratulations anyway, and I am cheering you on. I'm keeping everything crossed it will go right this time, you so deserve it!

Only back today from a sunny Madrid (20 degrees C!) and getting ready for a busy week, so I'll catch up with you all soon. Sorry for lack of personals this time, but I'm thinking of you all. xxxx

Fingers crossed here too, Kittens! ; and good luck for Weds, Mooms - will try to remember and think of you if failing brain allows... Sorry to be brief, very tired after nice weekend at brother-in-laws. xx

It's a very tentative hello to you all from me. I've been on the sister thread since April when we ended my pregnancy at 21 weeks and Adam was born.
I found out a week ago that I'm pregnant - now 5 weeks and a bit and really, really very nervous indeed! Although at the moment I'm just spending my time hoping that I don't miscarry and that I haven't just dreamt it all. Gulp.
Anyway hi and congrats to kittens - would yours be a July baby too?
x

Yay for Kittens!!! Thanks ladies for your words. Just a quick drop in, am doing well and feeling much better now.
Welcome to Lisbeth - sending you a big supportive hug, I can imagine how scared you may be feeling. Congrats to you xxx

Quick one from me too - oh Kittens, yay fo you! Though I know it must be terrifying too. Everything crossed for you xx

Lisbeth, how lovely to see you here and congratulations to you also - we understand the nerves all too well. Everything firmly crossed for you too xx

Mooms, good luck for Wednesday xx

Natz, so glad to hear you're feeling better xx

Coffee - Madrid - ! Enjoy xx

Hello and love to everyone else xxxx

Hi mimsy thanks for the kind message asking after me. Got caught up in half term stuff and have since been a bit up and down about the whole ttc thing veering from thinking it's all going to be fine, to it will never happen to even if it does it's all going to end horribly again!! I feel like i hardly think of anything else and its driving me a bit up the wall. Cant seem to stop taking tests either even though my period is not due for a week and I know that I'm going to get fed up when they come back with a BFN. I'm not alone in my madness am I??

Sorry to have such a me,me me rant because it's so great to come back to fantastic news for kittens and lisbeth. Am so pleased for both of you and will be keeping everything crossed that it all works out.

Can't make the meet unfortunately as away that w/e but hopefully next time.

Hugs to all xxxx

hi ladies
Thanks for the advice. In the end it comes down to my desire to have a baby and be a mum is greater than the fear so I have to get on with it, also it took long enough to get pregnant last time. I just need to get my period now wondering if its ever going to come.
Mooms good luck for weds, thinking of you xx

Kittens and Lisbeth congratulations

Natz glad you are feeling better, sorry for hijacking your post x

Just quickly Flower, I was on the wrong side of 35 when we had DS who was my first born, and I had a completely straightforward pregnancy. It was with my next 2 that we had trouble (early mc, then Iola who had Patau's Syndrome) - but then this summer we had my lovely DD, and other than early bleeding and the fear of what could go wrong, it was another straightforward pregnancy. So every pregnancy is different, just try to remember that - scans WILL be scary so it's best just to look to each day/the shortest deadline and get support on here.

I've just realised I'm typing this without my glasses so I hope it makes sense - I can't think without them on!

And congrats Lisbeth, I remember you from the sister thread and I'm really pleased to see you over here. It was this time last year that I was just pregnant with DD and I remember how difficult it was to face each scan, trying not to admit to myself I was pregnant in case it all went wrong but on the other hand really desperately hoping it was all OK... xx