Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

I know, boys boys and more boys on this thread. I thought that as soon as he said there was a lump between the legs that wouldn't be there if it was a girl. Boys are cool, I was just hoping to buy dolls and pretty frilly dresses. DH is delighted ... he was in fear of my spending patterns if it was a girl. We will get the new one a few new things I guess, but DS had lovely baby things and it would be a waste not to reuse them. The other day I got some of the baby things out and started sorting through them, never thought I had would have an opportunity to do so.

Can't you are right, it is a sad thing that my boss is mad. She's always been mad, but when I decided to work part time she became vindictively mad rather than just straight mad. She has 2 children but they are totally outsourced and before I got pregnant with DS she told me many times how she never wanted children really, it was her husband's idea, and she would never allow her children to come between her and her work. She doesn't see them during the week and she doesn't want to. They are the nanny's children really (to the extent that they speak French because the nanny does). Although I'd always been very career focussed I realised when I had DS that the baby years pass so quickly and I wanted to be there for my son not see him for 5 minutes at the beginning and end of the day. I wanted to go to gym and music with him and do painting and drawing and be there when he said new words and learnt new things. So I asked to go part time and HR approved and she's been furious ever since (that was a year ago). I think she thinks it as weakness to want to see your children. She does her best to ruin my days off (calling me, making me work weekends) and harasses me constantly when I am in the office about where I am with things. She even told me the other day that I have to accept that part time work doesn't mean you work part time, it just means you are physically present part time. I don't know how she figures that is consistent with the 50 per cent salary cut and told her so! Anyway, it is bad enough that I have to see her without boring everyone else about her.

Kittens hope you have a good trip ... and fingers crossed for you.

Coffee I begin to feel I can allow myself to enjoy it now too, but I have the slight guilt just thinking that and the background anxiety that there are things scans don't pick up that keeps me awake nights. I am trying to train myself out this, and out of looking away when I see a pregnant person ... I remember when I first had my termination I cried every time I saw a pregnant person and they were everywhere for a couple of weeks. The worry and sadness of what happened will be with us forever I think and particularly during pregnancy. Maybe it's a self protection mechanism that you retain doubt so that if something goes wrong you can never be in that place of absolute numb disbelief ever again. A part of you is ready for bad news it if it comes. That's my theory anyway.

Back to work. Crazy boss is in Luxembourg today. She decided to go yesterday and then sent our poor secretary half crazy because she said she couldn't manage online check in and needed physical check in and couldn't someone courier her some "real tickets" so she wouldn't need to worry about passwords. She thinks the whole world revolves around her ineptitudes!

Just seen size of previous post. What a rant, and it took no time at all to type! Sorry for going on so.

Good grief rachel your boss sounds like a nightmare! Actually, from what you've said it sounds like she's a deeply unhappy and insecure person and is just projecting all this onto you.

So glad your scan went well, and another boy! I'm beginning to think Elmo might be a boy too, not really sure why, just have that 'feeling'.

I'm supposed to be doing some work so had better dash but will check in again later and catch up properly on the thread xx

Hello all,
Great news for Rachel hooray! although your boss sounds like a complete witch! i can't understand how anyone could bear to be that seperated from their children it's mystifying to me.
Someone needs to have a girl me and mini-drama are all on our onesies here!
Coffee i too went out and bought some maternity things on sunday as i was sick of living in leggings (comfy as they are)and got a little carried away and ended up buying baby gros and a blanket too i couldn't help it i've never allowed myself to look at the pink stuff before..i think i need to exercise better self control .
Anyway was just popping in to keep up-dated, must go and finish packing as were off to London tomorrow to see DP's lot many of who have no idea i'm pg so my bump should get some reaction....hopefully they won't just think i've eaten too many pies!
Love to all especially Gina ((hugs))
DM XxXxXxX

Hey Catlady I had that "boy" feeling too. There are loads of boys in my husband's family so not really surprised.

Drama I think baby gros and a blanket is pretty restrained ...

I am depressed that I don't look bumpy. I just look like I am getting fatter somehow. I haven't developed that nice swelling from the abdomen outwards and otherwise unaffected body that you're supposed to get and that I got pretty much last time. I know I am short and this can account for such things but hope I am not just going to get more and more ball like as things go on. I will look like a Mr Man by 3rd trimester.

Cantdo, yes, in France they have the approach of "It's ok, it's only got a little bit of ham in it". I do eat fish though, so all is not lost. It will be tricky if I can't eat unpasteurised cheese though as that's pretty much what I eat for lunch every day when I'm there. I suppose it's helpful that it's 'home' (ie. parents' home) though so we can cook for ourselves rather than depending on what's on offer in restaurants.

Thanks Rachel, i thought it was quite restrained too! i had to run away from the tiny pretty shoes very quickly or the credit card may have taken a pounding!
and don't worry i too am very short (5ft 3 1/2ins...the 1/2 is very important) and also have a tendancy to look like i've just had a few too many doughnuts! pmsl @ the mr man comment! when i was pg with my DS i kept saying i felt like a weeble .

Oh dear, I'm feeling a bit today. One of my oldest friends told me last night that she's pregnant. I am delighted for her, of course. The thing is that in this set of friends there are 3 of us and I am the only one out of the group that isn't pregnant at the moment. We are all supposed to be meeting up for lunch next month, when one of them will be 23 weeks and the other 15 weeks, so I'm hoping with all my might that we will all be in the same boat. If not I suspect there may be some tears when I get home. Damn, I hate being in a situation where I am jealous of my closest friends and feeling desperately cheated

On another note, catlady I am doing a shoot for M&Cs this afternoon. It's still under debate whether the shoot will be in a studio or at the offices but if it's at the office and you're in by any chance come by and say hello if you can. I will be the one (carrying a bag of make up around) who looks like a 50s throwback

Kittens! Yes I'm in today - at Golden Sq, is that where you're coming to? Where in the office will you be? I'm up on the second floor but if you're here we could grab a coffee in the atrium?

I'm in a stripy top, jeans and converse if you happen to spot me!

Sorry you're having a hard day. New pregnancy news among friends is so hard when it's not you xx

I am still waiting to hear whether we're in the office or at a studio in Camden. M&Cs do like to keep us on our toes! Every job I've done for them this year has been a case of waiting 'til the 11th hour to get confirmation.

If I do end up at the office, I suspect I will be doing make up in the astro turf room and shooting down in the basement. May not have time for an 'official' coffee break but usually these shoots involve me hanging around in the board room waiting to do some work so it may be possible to have a quick coffee in there.

As soon as I hear where I'm shooting I'll let you know. x

Cool, let me know! xx

Catlady, I will be at Golden Square from 2.30 'til 10.00pm so I expect I will bump into you at some point! Probably best if you pop your head in. I might look a bit odd randomly walking around a floor I'm not really supposed to be on looking for someone who's name I don't know

Awesome, I'm here until 5 so I'll come and find you. Just sent you a message x

Having Kittens-know the jealous/cheated feelings all too well, I keep trying to remember that it isn't the person I'm jealous of, it's just their situation which makes me feel a little less guilty about it!

Hope all the rest of you are ok and keeping well.

I'm in meltdown mode at the moment, two weeks to scan date and really don't know how much longer I can cope with all the waiting, I'm driving myself mad with negative feelings, worrying, crying and lack of sleep. Part of me even wonders if we started trying again too early as it's made me realise just how raw and fragile I still am.

I just know and have this feeling in my gut that it will be bad news again, added to my worries is the fact that my -small in the first place- symptoms seem to have dissapeared recently. I just don't feel pregnant anymore.. a worry and a feeling that I can't shake off.

Have any of you ever felt like this and actually demanded a scan or to listen to the heartbeat? I just feel that if I could have some reassurance and some confirmation that I am actually pregnant or even the horrible truth that I aren't anymore at least I'd be put out of this misery! Just feel like I've been left to deal with it on my own really, as i did explain to the midwife how stressed I feel about it at my booking in and she was sympathetic but just said it was a waiting game...

ARRGGH! I hate being such an emotional wreck!
Sorry for such a 'me' post again but I figure some of you will be able to identify with this..

Oh, mooms, I know completely how you feel. It's so hard after what we've been through not to expect the worst. Maybe you could go to the EPU and pretend you've had cramps. Naughty, I know, but if you're having trouble getting a referral it might help you feel calmer. Or perhaps your doctor has a Doppler? Mine does, and said I was welcome to go and have a listen if I was feeling anxious.

I have spent the afternoon working in the office directly opposite Catlady's desk! How mad is that? We were saying it might be nice to meet up for a pre Christmas (non alcoholic) drink if anyone around London or nearby is interested. Just a thought...

Mooms you may find that if you call the EPU and explain your previous history they may be willing to offer you what they will call a 'reassurance' scan. At St Thomas's I was told by the Fetal Medicine Unit that I could do this if I was feeling desperate, but would need to go to the EPU to have it rather than the FMU.

I didn't request one in the end, although I remember well the crippling fear in the run up to the 12 week scan. I think whenever you try again the act of being pregnant again stirs up old memories and emotions.

Lovely to see you today kittens. One minute I'm sitting writing a proposal about corporate reputational risk associated with celeb affiliation and the next there's a friendly (and very glam) face waving at me through the glass! So glad we got a chance to have a natter.

It would be lovely to get together one evening for a drink and a proper chat if people are up for it?

DH is away tonight so it's toast, jam and tea for supper and an early night. Night night all xx

Cat and Kittens meet up! How nice . I know how great its been for me and Mimsy to meet so it would be grand if you can get a drink with all the other London-based folk.

Kittens - really, really hope that your lunch next month can be a booze-free one all round.

Mooms, hope you can get a scan or at least listen to heartbeat soon, I had lots of scans this time (1st due to bleeding but an 8wk 'viability one' that I would have had anyway) and although I was sick with nerves approaching them, at least I then knew that things were OK at that point... until the next scan, of course [wry smile emoticon].

Rachel - sorry hadn't posted but HOORAY that your scan was OK last week .

And Drama - I can REALLY recommend eBay if you don't want to dent the credit card and still have the thril of buying preeety things. Although you might then be competing with me for pram shoes as I'm getting some for BabyJ's very low-key christening next month...

Ta ta for now, xx

How fantastic! It is so lovely to meet up in RL ... it has been great for me to have another friend in Glasgow in Numpty. The t'interweb is an amazing place sometimes.

I would be up for a London meet up at some point - I could leg it down from Glesca, nae worries. Actually I am coming to LDN the weekend of 19th Nov, with DS. But also will be down quite a lot next year, as my bro and his fam are going to be living there ('between the commons' is the plan, if that rings any bells to locals).

I am glad to hear that all was OK with you RushingRachel - for a while there I was worried because we hadn't heard.

Mooms, I hope you can get some reassurance soon. It really is a slow form of torture, this waiting and wondering. x

No good news from me this month. BFN. Sigh! I am distracting myself with a great book (and another excuse to spend money, as if I needed one) The A-Z of Perfume by Luca Turin & Tania Sanchez. I have my Christmas, birthday, Valentine and anniversary presents picked out already!

Oh 'between the commons' (aka Nappy Valley) - very nice! That's about 10 minutes away from where we live and now we've decided to stay in London will be spending many more Sundays browsing the lovely shops and popping in for breakfast at Crumpet.

Sorry it's a BFN Mimsy. I am in admiration of your distraction technique though and it reminds me I must start circling things in magazines and leaving webpages strategically open

Hello lovely ladies, wow it?s been busy in here, please bear with me while I?m catching up.

A London meet-up would be lovely, I?m all for it! It would be so nice to see you all, although I can only imagine the introductions would be hilarious, judging by our thread names (I think Mimsy was saying this as well before meeting up with Numpty).

Rachel, great news about the scan! I can?t believe your boss is so mad though, I agree she seems very frustrated and unhappy with some of the life choices she made. And what is that crap (sorry) about part-time work?! Anyway, wishing you lots of patience to deal with her, the last thing you need now is work-related stress.

Kittens, no wonder you feel down at the prospect of meeting your pregnant friends. I?ll keep my fingers crossed this is your lucky month too. You can be happy for them and quite upset for you, we?re only human after all. Do they know about your history? If they do and they are good friends, they might feel bad as well I would imagine. You have all the right to cry and rant.

Mooms, are you in London? St George?s have a self-referral EPU, and they?re also open on Saturday morning. I know because I wanted to go before my 12-week scan, although I didn?t feel strong enough in the end. As far as I understand, you can just show up and they will scan you. As for the bad feelings before the scan, I had them too. I was sure I would come out of the scan room with bad news, and I went in there expecting them to turn to me and say ?I?m sorry, but...?. My bad feelings turned out to be nothing more but fear so far. Just take it day by day and distract yourself, there is no other way to get through this.

Katie, I hope Felix is feeding better?

Big wave to everyone else, and have a lovely week-end xxxx

Thanks for the compliment Catlady, perks of the job I suppose. It does help to have a professional makeup artist to sort out the mess in the morning! - for the record, Catlady and I messaged each other with our names before we ran into each other! Thought it was best, especially as we were meeting in the workplace and might look a bit mad..."excuse me, are you Havingkittens?" "yes, I am, you must be Madcatlady!" Hahahah. BTW Catlady, that sounds like a fascinating proposal.

The two pregnant friends are very good old friends and know all about my history and are very sympathetic so that's fine. The one who's been pregnant the longest had IVF and has been trying for years. She had a bad car accident a couple of years ago where she broke both ofher legs and it's all been a really trying time for her so I'm really so pleased for her. I know she will want to be low key about the pregnancy around me as there have been times when we have been with other friends who were pregnant or very recently pregnant and we commiserated with each other on how difficult it was to hear people talking about it when we felt so cheated. BUT, on the other hand, I also want to hear her revel in her situation too because it's been a horrible journey for her as well. I'm sure I will be fine when I meet up with them really. I think it's just because I've just heard the news of the second friend's pregnancy.

A meet up would be nice. We could make it a Sunday or Saturday lunch thing to make it easier for people having to get back to places not in London, and of course for sleepy preggos who need to get home to bed by 9.30! I can't do the first or last weekend of November but apart from that I suppose we shouldn't make it too close to Christmas as it will be chaos out there! Any suggestions of dates welcome. How would the weekend of the 19th be for everyone else? Might be good if we can incorporate Mimsy's trip so she doesn't have to spend loads of money coming down twice.

Mimsy, sorry to hear this month wasn't the month. It's such a blow when that red terror shows up innit? Grrr...
Shopping or making a wish list sounds like a good distraction.

Mooms, I hope you're feeling calm but nauseous today. Did you go to the EPU? I hope you get someone more sympathetic next time.

Love to everyone else. x

The week-end of the 19th Nov would be good for me.

Kittens, 9.30pm? This is like midnight for me now

Actually thinking it might also be a good idea to plan a trip to Oz to meet Mishta...

Ooh lunch... I am hungry 24/7 at the moment so the idea of food always appeals. Weekend of 19th is good for me too - Friday evening we're out for DH's birthday, but lunch the following day or the Sunday would work.

Thank goodness you had the presence of mind to message me yesterday kittens, could have been very entertaining otherwise!

Could have done with your help this morning as DD tried to 'help' with my face powder. 'Pretty mummy' she said, while daubing truckloads of powder onto my forehead...

Hope everyone's ok. Poot, haven't heard from you in a while? Gina I hope you're feeling a bit better xx

Haha, hungry Catlady I did notice your cereal stash under your desk!

You can't beat a bowl of weetabix minis with milk and honey in the afternoon!