Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

Hi everybody,

I've been lurking around a little bit and finally decided to take the leap and post. Feeling a bit down and would really like to hear some good news stories.

We are TTC following a termination at the end of July for T21. Feel like I have coped with the trauma of that OK (or not really dealt with it perhaps) but have now had 2 cycles of trying and no BFP and am starting to panic that it might never happen again. I am really lucky as have always been able to conceive pretty quickly (I also have a 9yr old ds and 6 yr old dd) but I'm now 42 and am worried that it just might not happen and my last memory of pregnancy and babies will be the termination.

Would really love to hear any info about how long it has taken people to get their BFP after terminating a pregnancy and also confirmation that it doesn't have to happen again as I'm terrified that even if I do get pregnant it might end the same way and just be too much to go through again.

Any good news stories esp from older mums like me would be much appreciated.

Wow, busy thread today!

Manitz, Minstrels, welcome . So sorry to hear your stories. There are some very positive stories on this thread that I hope will be soothing for you to read. There is quite a brood of thread babies already, and a whole batch in the oven as you can probably gather!

With regards to how long it might take to conceive after a termination, I know we're all different but my experience was that it took about 8 weeks for me to get a period, then I got pregnant straight away, sadly miscarried at 6 weeks then got pregnant again the following month and am now almost 23 weeks.

Am loving the blue/pink guessing games... I am absolutely no good at that game whatsoever but Catbaby is going to be a surprise and I have no inkling whatsoever like I did with DD. Different pregnancy so far though - nausea wasn't quite so crippling, no spots and different shaped bump so read into that what you will!

Have also been at home today with a sick tot. Poor DD has a fever, sore throat, lots of snot and the odd vomit. She has been a clingy, dozy little limpet today so we've watched a lot of cbeebies. Now settling down to do some work and have half a glass of red.

Rachel I really hope you have a good scan tomorrow. I know it's hopeless saying I hope you're not too anxious, but just to say I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best.

Lots of love to everyone xx

Morning All, hope we are well?

All good here, had a bit of a hellish week last week, Felix was taking such a small amount of milk I was getting really worried. I made an emergency doctors appointment and they thought he might have thrush in his mouth which would explain his reluctance to eat. I have drops to sort it out so fingers crossed that is the case! Annoying if it is though as one of my friends is a GP mentioned he looked like he might have thrush over a month ago ? I asked my GP and HV to check and they said no, frustrating if he has been in pain for weeks for nothing :(

Welcome Minstrel, sorry for your loss, you have found a good home here. I hope TTC pays off for you soon. I got my positive after my first period but I was very lucky I think.
Manitz, welcome to you too, so unfair you have had to deal with so many losses. I was told I could TTC again right away, no need to wait for first AF ? I think they mainly used to say this for dating purposes but it?s no bother with the scans we have now.
Can?t ? lovely to have stats on the thread babies, can?t believe it?s so many, how wonderful! And many more to come too
Crazycat, love suprises can?t wait to hear about yours. Hope DD feels better soon poor thing.
Rachel good luck with the scan today!
Poot ? yay boys are fab! Am biased of course
Coffee and drama congrats to you too ? more wonderful news, I knew it would all be ok x
Mooms, lovely to hear from you, hope the wait to the scan passes quickly!
Kittens how are you doing? Ok I hope xxx

Love to everyone else, sorry for anything I?ve missed this thread has become crazy busy which is wonderful but difficult to keep up with. Better dash bottles to play with and babies to sterilise

Morning you lovely lot. Hope all's well. Fingers tightly crossed for Rachel - as you might remember, I had a bit of a freak out by the time I got to the hospital for my 20 (18) week scan, so I'm hardly one to tell you not to worry. Not long to go now though sweetie and hopefully it'll all be good news. xx

Welcome Minstrel - nice to have you with us, although sorry you've had to go through all of this as well. I had a termination last summer and remember very well the worry that I'd never get pregnant again. I was 34, now 35, so a little bit younger, and it had only taken 4 months to get pregnant that first time. I waited 3 months before trying again and then it took me 5 months I think to actually get pregnant. That one ended with a missed MC and ERPC but by then I'd discovered the joy of ovulation sticks (probably thanks to kittens and the others on this thread....). So I waited a month and duly peed on my sticks. DH was away for the 'magic week' in month one, and my current bump is the results of month two. I heartily recommend the sticks. Well, actually the cheap strips you can buy off Amazon rather than the actual sticks. Kind of takes the 'magic' out of it, but it does seem to work for a lot of people. Good luck! x

Can't Littlestar will be 12 weeks tomorrow. He is gaining weight well and starting to show a rounder character. He still has blue eyes and I know they still have time to change but I am hoping he will keep them as they really suit him.

Crazycat I am also going to guess boy on this one. Cannot wait to find out.

Rachel Good luck today.

Numpty How is J?

Mishtabel Is Bella feeling better?

Wave to everyone else.

Sorry - some of my post was eaten...

Katiecubs How are you getting on with the drops for thrush? Is Felix feeding better?

Kittens Haven't heard from you in a while, hope you are ok.

Minstrel Sorry for your loss. I terminated in March and was pregnant again by Christmas. I do not consider myself an older mum (31) but according to my hospital 30 and over is a higher risk.

Hello all, sorry for the absence. I do come in and read what's going on but the thread is so busy these days I find it hard to keep up and keep meaning to reply with personals when I get time to read through properly as I feel rude if I don't mention everyone! Unfortunately this means I don't end up posting much which is silly.

So, from what I can remember.....

Brilliant news from Viv and Coffee

Rachel, how did you get on today?

Good luck to Gooldy for next Tuesday

Catlady, glad to hear all is going well at M&C Saatchi. Hope you haven't had too many electric shocks from the astroturf carpet!

LittlePoot, aaaww, a little boy! I'm so excited for you that all is going well and you can feel him wriggling about.

Katie, sorry to hear about your struggles will Felix. I hope everything is resolved soon. It would be very annoying to find that he has thrush which has been missed by both the Dr and HV, but it's quite easy to treat I think so if it does turn out to be that hopefully he will be back to normal very soon.

Can't - at least half, if not more, of my friends have had babies in the last 5 years so this is where I've picked up all my baby info from. Apart from that I am pretty clueless. I think I'd still be quite petrified of being left to look after a baby on my own to be honest. I'm hoping I'll work all that out if and when it becomes necessary!

Bittersweet welcome to Natz, Manitz & Minstrel. So sorry for what you've all been through. You have found a good bunch of allies here to give you hope, empathy, hand holding.... and, as you can see, there is so much to inspire hope at the moment! Lots of ladies over the halfway hurdle now and quite a few thread babies too. Minstrel, I'm not too far behind you. I am 40 (creeping quite close to 41). I have always been lucky in conceiving quickly, even though I've not been lucky enough to stay pregnant so far. Mind you, I waited a little while after my first termination so that I could have an operation on my foot, but did conceive the first month of trying once all my x-rays were out of the way. I think I waited the 3 months after the second termination because I wanted to see the genetic counsellor and was so petrified I was doomed to have repeated chromosome problems that I wanted to make sure it was completely random bad luck before thinking about trying again. But, again, I got pregnant within 2-3 months of trying that time too.

I am well, thanks for asking after me, lovely people. I am just "surging" at the moment. lol. So, lots of bedroom action for me! Not much work on this week either so we're able to put in a stirling effort

Nice to see there is a new wave of us TTCers too. Hopefully we'll all be the next batch of bump buddies.

I do have a sort of new baby though, in that I bought my new car this week. It's very pretty. Not a sports car as threatened, but a compromise as it's quite nippy and fun but also has 5 doors just in case.

Right, better go and glam up. I have a make up artist event to go to at MAC so my make up and hair need to be perfect (daahling) ! swishes off......

Minstrel, I had dd1 at 30 and dd2 at 31 (an accident). Both conceived ridiculously easily, little did I know. However dd3 took 6 months to conceive I got pg at 34, it turned out she had a hypoplastic right heart and we decided to end the pregnancy at 26 weeks.

After the termination I was desperate to get pregnant again so that I was not left with this devastating memory. I hadn't used any ovulation wee sticks but after 6 months trying for another baby I bought a persona. Got pg with ds the first month of using it. If you're not using one already it would be worth trying. At least you feel in control of things a little bit. I hope that is useful. x

I read your withdrawn post before it was withdrawn Manitz. I'm really sorry you're not really getting the support that your family should be giving you at this time. Regardless of opinion now was probably not the best time to express it. I hope you are doing ok. It's a rotten and emotional time for you. Please do feel free to unreservedly rant here, it's the best place to do it and we will not judge you in the slightest.

Hi all

Been lurking and reading, if not posting - all tired out here, low level illness that's been going on ages is getting to me now (was driven to gargle with salt water just now - yeuch).

Anyway - I'm so pleased to hear the good news from Coffee, Viv and Drama, and for the hopefulness you can now feel. Rachel - I hope today went well; and good luck Gooldy for Tuesday...

Welcome to Manitz and Minstrel; I'm so sorry for your previous losses and for the taint of fear it gives to TTC/pregnancy afterwards. For myself, after we lost Iola in July 2009 we tried pretty much straight away, though it took 2 cycles for me to get pregnant (when I was 39.5yrs). I now have my gorgeous DD BabyJ, who is just lovely - but I remember how terrified I was that I would get bad news or see her dead when I went for scans. My advice if you do get the blue line is to take it a week (or even a day) at a time, look only to the next hurdle and not think too far ahead, and distract yourself from impending scans with comfort eg reading familiar novels, watching no-brain TV etc. And getting the ladies here to hold your hands as scans approach...

Cant - sorry to hear DD not well, esp with you having so little sleep too. Can you pile up all cushions/sofa cushions so she can work of a bit of energy on the resulting pile? That's what I do with DS when stuck... BabyJ still sleeping well, on the whole, though we had a few days of her just being awake in the middle of the night and not wanting to go back to sleep; followed by early wakings. DS has been joining her wakenings as he's been having nightmares - think its par for the course at his age.

Allstars - can't believe you are doing an OU course amid all this. Much respect! and with Drama I say Grr to the nurse and her lecturing without knowing the reason F's jags were delayed.

Katie - hope Felix is getting better, have the drops worked? Really hope it gets sorted soon.

Mishtabel - I'll probably do combination of blw and mashed food when we get to weaning; I'll hold out to 6mo though as breastfeeding is so much easier and thankfully all is OK on that front now. With BLW I just gave soft foods eg pear, plum (skin off) and also one time french onion soup with crusty bread (very messy, good fun). But equally I wouldnl't go to the bother of cooking vegetable muffins, DS just had what DH and I were having. Doesn't make that much difference to whether they become fussy eaters though, from friend's experience...

and Kittens, hope you enjoy swishing about in your new car . Hello to everyone else that I've missed - really must go to bed now though! xx

Hello all,

I have been lurking quietly in the corner as I have been in a pretty lousy place for the last few weeks, I think I'm getting through it. I can't quite verbalise it so I will be back more once I've sorted myself out!

Such fantastic news on this thread at the moment! Coffee, Viv & Drama, such a relief I'm so pleased for you all!

Thanks all for your positive stories. Feels really good to actually hear from people who have been through the same thing and are coming out the other side. Has anybody got personal experience of trying Agnus Castus/Vitex to help things along? Have read positive things and a friend swears it helped her get pregnant straight away but also read some other more negative posts.

Manitz - I too read your post before you withdrew it and completely understand how frustrating it is when you have family who don't seem to get how upsetting it is. My mother in law's reaction was to basically say "well you tried, it didn't work and now you can give up and move on"!!!!! Aargh!!!

Good luck to all TTC or waiting for test results, will keep everything crossed for us all.

Sorry to hear you're not so good, Gina - sometimes writing stuff down helps, not meaning on here (though obv that can help too if you're able to) but perhaps like an unsent letter, which you could keep or destroy - whichever seems best. Sometimes writing lets your subconscious express things you weren't conscious of, and sometimes like a conversation you can resolve things that way.

Typing 1-handed so I hope this makes sense... xx

thanks for your replies. it didn't really fit in this thread but, like numpty says, just needed to write it down I think. went from understanding to angry and a little bit teenage. suffice to say, i'll be having another baby just because of his advice - not sure he's heard of reverse psychology!

Thanks minstrel, nice to know it's not just my family who are insensitive. we are off to the land of strikes next week and i'm gonna have a lot of blue cheese, wine, pate and seafood and think about ttc on my return, if we can return. x

I'm off to France on the 4th too, which is about the time that I will be due to POAS - so, if sod's law has anything to do with it my luck may be in and I will have to forgo the cheese and wine!

Manitz, my Dad's reply after my 4th failed pregnancy was "Maybe your body is telling you to give up trying". I think he meant well in that he didn't want me to to go through yet more losses but it wasn't very helpful, or what I wanted to hear. Don't get me started on my mum! Even though I love them both dearly, of course

hk, I expect it will all be a bit better by 4th. I'm not that worried as staying in the north and don't plan to do much except chill out. Hope you dont get to sample the local produce and you get what you want instead!

Mine meant well too and we think he's just worried about my health but he is a massive control freak also. My mum has said a few things I was surprised about in the past but is generally a bit more tactful. take care. x

Just caught up on everyones news - wow lots going on and lots of happy news being reported! This is a very encouraging thread.
Saying that, big hugs to mantiz and minstrel. I had a surgical termination just over 6 weeks ago, feels like months ago some days and only last week other days. Our DD had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and Turners Syndrome, and we terminated at 14+5. I have two DD aged 4 and 2 at home, so am blessed with my babies already, but we are hoping to expand our family.
I was worried at first at what people would think about us trying so soon after losing Cara. In fact we haven't told anyone yet that we are ttc.
TMI warning -
Am now worried that we have not waited long enough as I bled last night. I bled for almost 3 weeks after the termination, then got my period the week after I stopped bleeding which only lasted 4 days (not normal for me, usually 6-7 days), and after my mini period we started ttc, however, last nights efforts ended up with me rushing to the loo to grab a pad. Minimal blood today, and is like end of period. Have we jumped in too soon? My GP told us a few weeks ago that we could try again once we felt ready, no mention of waiting a certain amount of time. Should I see my GP again? I had a swab done during my 3 week bleed but no sign of infection.
Sorry to be a big ME post, just need advice or anyones experience of this. Am worried that there may be 'stuff' left over, which is upsetting me so much.

Hi Natz, I don't think it is unusual to bleed on and off for a while. But it wouldn't hurt to see your GP if you are worried. I don't think you have started too soon at all - you've waited for a period (though I agree that is sometimes hard to tell what is and what isn't). Perhaps see what happens with the bleeding over the next couple of days. Big hug. xx

Hi Natz, after my first termination, I had weird intermittent bleeding like that. Had it checked out and they concluded it was just my system getting back to normal - it isn't necessarily sinister. Maybe worth seeing GP anyway? I think if it's just light it is probably something and nothing.

Hello ladies, I don?t think I?ve welcomed manitz and minstrel, I am sorry to see more newcomers, but glad you have found this thread.

Natz , I also had intermittent bleeding, I don?t think it?s something to be worried about unless you have other symptoms as well, but of course I think it?s better to get it checked, just to put your mind at rest.

About parents... it?s not an easy one. I still haven?t forgiven my mum for not being more sympathetic and just pretending nothing happened, especially because she?s not in the UK and I felt I needed her support. I think it must also be a generational thing? We tend to deal with things by talking about them and often have support networks in place, charities like ARC or SANDS, counselling, etc whereas for them it was more like ?right, it happened, you need to put it behind you?. It doesn?t hurt less though, at a time when you would need your parents? support more than ever.

Gina, sorry to hear you are down. Completely understandable if you need to take a break from posting in here, but if you ever feel like it just feel free to write a massive rant or whatever you need to write, without worrying about personals or supporting anyone else.

Kittens, I am keeeping everything crossed that you won?t get to eat mouldy cheese and pate in France, and champagne will also be banned :) Manitz, I hope you will also enjoy your trip.

Katie, how is Felix, and how are you? Cantdo, is big sis feeling better?

As for me, today I am 22 weeks, more pregnant than I?ve ever been. Sad day yesterday, as at 21 + 6 in Feb we went into hospital and Silvia was stillborn. I wondered yesterday if I should look at her photos but I can?t, although I miss her so much I don?t feel ready. A bit stupid really, as I did look at those photos a few weeks after we lost her, but it somehow feels different this time. It?s just a strange feeling, knowing exactly what Coffeebean looks at this stage, and it brings tears to me eyes every time I think of it.

Anyway, I have to admit that despite being quite anxious still, I have days when I have started to enjoy being pregnant. I went shopping on Saturday as very few clothes still fitted me and I didn?t want to buy anything before the scan, and I actually felt good, I allowed myself to get a little bit excited even.

Hello everyone. Last Thursday went well. I am still in shock. Everything on the scan was absolutely fine, normal development, normal size etc. The consultant used the word normal so many times, it felt GOOD! Oh, and it's another boy. I felt ashamed for being momentarily and only split second momentarily, disappointed. Of course all I want is a healthy baby. The consultant even managed to make a joke about financial economies of having 2 the same. Also think will be nice for DS to have a brother. I am a frustrated girl dresser at heart ...

Thank you all so much for all the messages of support ... even though it's now what, 23 weeks, there is still no other group of people that understands the chronic anxiety of all things scan related so well as you ladies.

Got to run, have a meeting with crazy boss. She's been a bit less crazy this week, but I guess it's only Tuesday and she has time.

Love to all ... esp hope you are feeling a bit better Gina.

Congratulations Rachel, what a great feeling!

So glad I'm self employed! I used to have a crazy boss. Horrible! In fact I had 2 in quick succession. I was so thrilled when the first one resigned only to hear he was being replaced by someone else who's reputation preceded her.

Coffee, you must be feeling a right old mix of emotions right now. Bittersweet, I'm sure. I do hope that the reassurance and excitement is setting in and outweighing the sadness.

Funnily enough, I don't eat mouldy cheese or pate anyway - I am a vegetarian and I'm also a bit freaked out by the bits of mould in blue cheese! Although I do love a lot of unpasturised cheeses and stuff like camembert and goats cheese so there would still be plenty to miss out on. Not to mention the wine and the local tipple which is wine fortified with Armanac (yum). I do hope the air traffic buggers don't tip the balance and go on strike next Thursday. I say tip the balance because I was meant to go to France a few weeks ago and had to cancel my trip because of a great job and because they happened to go on strike the day of my flight I got a full refund which I was very pleased about!

Gina, I hope you're feeling a little better. I agree about writing stuff down, it can be very cathartic.

Hope everyone's having a good week. x

Congratulations Rachel! ANOTHER boy for our very boy-oriented thread... Catlady MUST be having a girl. On a more serious note, sorry about your boss being mad. And having two the same sex is definitely money-saving, and lovely.

Kittens, if you're a veggie in France do you not find they keep wanting to feed you meat/fish anyway? Mmm, I too hope you miss out on the brie....

Hurrah Rachel congrats - another boy wow :)

Thanks for asking after Felix everyone - i thought the thrush drops had seemed to be working but then we had a feeding strike with lots of crying and seemed to be back to square one. I took him to the health visitor yesterday and she said she thinks it's reflux so we are now on the infant gaviscon - so far he seems to be feeding more calmly so fingers crossed it help!

Have fun in france Kittens and Manitz!

Natz i would say that sounds normal to me - i think i had on/off bleeding if i remember correctly.

Hope your feeling better Numpty

Love to everyone else x