Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

Thank you Cantdo, it feels so good to read you have a good feeling about this scan too, I know you said the same about the last one and you were right.

I know that even if all is well with Coffeebean, it will be bittersweet. I have struggled this week with the realisation that he is now as old as Silvia when we lost her. This feels very weird, and it somehow seems like I am losing her again.

Big hugs xxxx

WAFFY - I was in the exact same position as you last December (month before you) had to have a surgical term because of T18, fell pregnant again (in May) and was immediately under the consultant. I was certain I was going to have a CVS at 11 weeks that's all I wanted, but when it came to it I was so unsure mainly due to the nuchal measurement being well below the average which was a good sign. I opted for the combined screening and blood tests, that would give me another two weeks and still be in the time frame for a termination if needed (up to 14 weeks with my consultant).

The scan and nuchal all came back to be very very low risk so I opted out of the CVS, I'd rather take my chances in the 1:1000's of abnomrality through the combined screenign than risk 1:100 from a CVS.

I am now almost at 22 weeks and having my next scan next Tuesday (26th) to see gender and all is looking fine.

I do feel for you having been in the same position no on can tell you want to do only your heart will know, all I'd say is try to remain positive and confident it's very rare it will strike twice!

Hugs xxxx

Reading some of these threads it just amazes me how so many hospitals and consultants vary on dates and what they offer around the country. I guess I must have just been so lucky to have a NHS hospital who took me under their wing from 6 weeks with at least a dozen scans, CVS option at 11 weeks, nuchal also at 11 weeks, combined blood screening at 12 weeks and full aboromality scan at 14 weeks. I feel for all you ladies who are having to trawl to places where the consultants/medical teams seem to be so unhelpful. I attended St Georges FMC in Tooting BTW.

Good luck to you all who may be in early stages of pregnancy and having very tough decisions to make.

xxx

Hi all!
Just a quick one to let you know i had my 20wk scan today and all is well with mini drama although she is a real little minx and wouldn't get in the positions she needed to in order for the sonographer to do her measurements etc...
anywho must dash and pick George up from nursery love to all xXxXxXxXx

Hi ladies!

Sorry haven't been on for a while, busy at work as it's nearly half term!

Dramamama- good news about your scan!

Seems to be a lot of good news on here recently actually..is good to see!

Had my first midwife appt. today. They won't scan me any earlier than 12 wks, as they say they won't be able to see enough. Fair point I suppose, still doesn't make me any less impatient or worried though! 3 wks to go to the scan, I'm trying to stay positive but being a natural worrier and impatient lady it is hard!

Midwife also said not to worry too much about symptoms or lack of, only to worry if they suddenly disappear altogether.

Anyway, must dash, marking to do ready for parents evening tomorrow-just wanted to let you know that i'm still lurking around!

Much love and positive vibe type things to you all! xx

Good luck for tomorrow, Coffee. x

Poot, I have only been to Cambridge once, but loved it! Not a bad idea, at all. Go for it.

Hi Dramamama, glad your scan went well. Is that the last scan for you now, do you have to have any others? I am having trouble keeping up, I didn't think you were 20 weeks yet. (though I hate them, sometimes I think we need tickers on this thread! )

Hi everyone else! ... Good to hear from you too Mooms.

Hello all. And lovely news on your scan Drama - hoping for similar news from Coffee later on. Hope you're doing ok sweetie.

Mooms - I just wanted to let you know that my symptoms did disappear suddenly this time at about 10/11 weeks and after being given the same information as you by the midwife I was really worried! Am now 24 weeks, so it was clearly nothing to worry about. Just in case the same happens to you.... Also, because the lack of symptoms worried me, my midwife came round to try and listen to the heartbeat at about 11 weeks but couldn't find it. When we had the scan at 12 weeks, little Dot was wriggling around all over the place, so it was little wonder a heartbeat couldn't be pinned down. Hope the next three weeks doesn't pass too slowly for you.

Mimsy - glad you loved Cambridge! I've been here about 4 years now, but have to admit it is a little bit on the dull side.... I'm a bit of a city girl, and although this place is pretty, there's not a whole lot going on... Problem is, my current job is in London so I can't see me being able to sustain the commute post maternity leave. So if I could transfer to a job in Cambridge, at least for a while, that would really help. I just found out today though that they've had loads of applicants, so I think maybe there will be plenty of option for them not to recruit someone who's about to go on maternity leave....

Thinking of you today Coffee xx
Mimsy i'm actually 19+6 20wks tommorow but my consultant is at a teaching seminar then so she did me a couple of days early as she wanted to see me herself and didn't think it would make much of a difference and that was my lot till she's born now unless (touch wood) something happens between now and then that their concerned abouts, know what you mean about the tickers i get very confused i can just about remember how far along i am! lol.
Getting lots of kicks today don't think it will be long before DP can feel her too he's so keen bless him, George keeps asking me when the baby is coming so i've told him after christmas...exept now i get asked every day 'mummmy is it christmas today?' lol good job he was at nurery yesterday because after our scan we popped into the local garden centre and they had all the christmas decs out already! makes me feel so unorganised! keep having to remind myself i've had bigger things on my plate.
Right i'm off cause i need to eat again i constantly starving these days so i'm grazing so i don't end up with a 10lb baby!! lol xxxxxxxx

Coffee I've been thinking about you a lot over the last few days. I'm still feeling so awful for you having to deal with all those insensitive comments about Silvia, especially at this difficult time with scans etc... Today will be tough I am sure, I was very anxious before and during my scan, I couldn't do anything but stare at the screen and hold my breath until the sonographer said those incredible words 'everything looks wonderful'...really hoping for the same good news for you today sweetie.

Drama it's lovely to hear you had a great 20 week scan. I'm so pleased for you!

mooms and waffy I had the same thing re nuchal scan date - I did manage to get it moved so I was only just 12 weeks rather than almost 13 (by my dates). It is an agonising wait I know. Distraction, and just letting each day begin and end is really the only way to cope, it's still hard though I know.

Katie how is Felix doing? I remember DD went through a fussy phase at about 3 months when feeding her became impossible. It did pass, but was a worry at the time.

Kittens I don't know if I thanked you for your insight on Saatchi. I decided to accept the contract and they do certainly seem a nice bunch so far. Not really enjoying commuting via Oxford Circus every day but it's not forever! Just tiresome with an ever increasing bump. I feel suddenly massive at nearly 23 weeks, I am sure my bump is more sticky-outy than with DD who seemed to sort of wrap herself around my entire mid-section!

Loving the idea of slow-cookers for Christmas. I've never really used one, but could come in very handy with two nippers to take care of come February.

I have two consultants appointments coming up in the next few weeks which I am not looking forward to. Both are as a result of having a horrendously crappy birth with DD and to discuss a plan for managing this time. I'm hoping for a home birth if I continue to have a healthy pregnancy. It's all a bit much to even think that far ahead though.

Hope everybody is well and doing ok xx

Hi everyone, and thank you so much for being so supportive. I only have a couple of minutes now but just wanted to let you know that we?ve been given the all clear by the professor, everything looks fine and he said he is sure Coffeebean is healthy , but if I want a further scan he can do it just for peace of mind. So both dh and I are shell ? shocked, relieved but it hasn?t sunk in yet.

So here we are, 21 + 1 today and I can?t believe it.

Catlady, thank you for your concern. I?ve actually put those comments behind me now, I am still thinking about them in disbelief, I can?t believe some people can be so ignorant and insensitive, but it actually doesn?t matter what they think, not one single bit. She just has no idea and doesn?t want to have an idea.

I have to dash now, sorry for no personals this time xxxx

I have a 22 week scan booked for next Tues 26th and am so nervous. DP keeps telling me not to be and be excited, easier said than done. Hopefully we'll find out if 'Marge' is a boy or girl.

I've already had abnomally scans at the FMU at 14 weeks checking heart, spine and face and all was fine, now I've been transferred into the normal NHS system and at my local hospital they want to do them again, but although I know everything seen was fine it's still so nerve racking, I just wish I could get to a position to not worry about 'Marge' and feel happy and excited, will that ever happen, at what stage should I feel confident all is well?

I have a 12 year old and don't remember ever feeling this way perhaps it's cos we have so much information now we know too much!

Love to all x

Wonderful news Coffee. A huge relief for you and your DH. It may take a while for it to sink in.

Gooldy my DH was the same in the run up to my last scan - convinced that everything would be ok and not really understanding why I was so worried. He has a naturally far more optimistic outlook than I do, but I do think it can be hard for the menfolk to understand just how deep-seated the worry can be. It is different when you are the one carrying the baby.

Interestingly the nerves hit him when we were in the hospital and he has since admitted he was quite anxious, just trying to stay strong for me. DP's often take on that role I think, and perhaps the telling you not to worry and to be excited is all part of him trying to support you?

Either way, it's healthy to keep talking about how you feel. I hope the next week goes quickly for you xx

Just swinging by with a big cuddle for coffee and the bean. xxx So happy for your news. Gutted for the woman who's just posted a nuchal scan of 9mm, but so so happy for you Coffee. Hope you're doing ok. xxxx

hi, i'm not ttc yet but I hope to. I have had two terminations after number one I had ds who was fine. I lost his older sister at 26 weeks (to hypoplastic right heart) and I couldn't relax until that point. When I gave birth to ds I realised I hadn't actually thought the pregnancy would result in a baby, I felt like he was a wonderful bonus.

Anyway, I have just terminated my fifth pregnancy due to hydrops and downs at 13 weeks, last thursday. I'm just wondering when my first ovulation will be, do I have to wait for my first period and then count from that? or do I have to have a complete cycle before I start checking? I probably should know this but have a dreadful memory.

thanks.

Hi Manitz, and so sorry you have had to join us. And losing two babies like that, particularly the first so late, is very hard. About ttc, I think opinion is divided - I was advised both to wait a cycle and not to wait a cycle to ttc again! - I think it is fine to start ttc again straight away, but I did wait a cycle just because I wanted to be sure things were back to normal. This has no scientific basis though and as I said I had conflicting advice...

Coffee, so happy for you and little Coffeebean. I think after this you should be able to exhale a little, no? And start to believe?

Have been meaning to ask if people know what sex baby they are having, other than Drama, Coffee and Gina. If not, can I guess a girl for LittlePoot and Catlady?

DD1 not well so not a happy house here. Nothing serious, but infectious, so housebound but not tired out, which is a bad combo.

Another quick post to say Congratulations Coffee.

Also, if we are guessing I think that Littlepoot will be a boy. Just have a hunch. :)

Hope DD feels better soon Cant. Housebound with energy is never any fun.

Littlestar is finally over his green explosive pooing. He had his first jabs on Monday and the nurse told me off for waiting so long. I got really angry that she had simply judged me without finding out why he had not had them earlier. When I explained about the neonate sepsis she was really apologetic.

Sorry to hear your news Manitz. Cant is right when she says about divided opinion. Some doctors recommend waiting whilst others say there is no benefit. Personally I feel that as long as you are healthy and feel emotionally ready then go for it.

Wave to everyone else. I am still here keeping up with the news. Hopefully have more time to contribute now that DD is back at school and my OU course is finished. :)

Hello ladies, I am sitting here with a cup of tea and a cupcake, and had a good cry earlier. A good cry, which I felt I needed. I am still shell-shocked, but feel warm inside and for the first time in this pregnancy, really hopeful. I know, 20 more weeks to go (well, 19...) but I am enjoying the post scan elation while it lasts.

Cantdo, I hope big sis will feel better soon, how long do you need to keep her in? Do you have anyone to help you during the day, it must be so hard and stressful, especially as you're sleep deprived...

Manitz, poor you, you've been through a lot. I lost my first baby girl at 22 weeks in February and it tore me apart. About TTC, I've also heard different opinions. I also waited for my period to go back to normal before trying again. I was lucky in that I had no complications and I didn't have to wait for too long. But since there is no rule, I think you will just know when you are ready again, both physically and mentally.

Little Poot, the cuddle feels good :) I am also guessing a little boy for you and Catlady(sorry Cantdo...). But my guess might of course be totally rubbish, as I was absolutely sure Silvia was a boy until we were told otherwise. So much for my instincts. This time though, I was sure Coffeebean was a boy.

Gooldy, I second that day by day is the only way to go through this. As for your dh, I am sure this is the way men tend to cope, my dh is the same. But I realised yesterday, when he was speaking with some friends on the phone and giving them the good news, how relieved he actually was, and how anxious he had been as well. I agree with Catlady that it's their way of supporting us.

Allstars, grrr... at the nurse. So annoying how people jump to conclusions. So glad to hear Littlestar is better, and congratulations for the course!

And Drama, I can't believe you're 20 weeks already, I thought you were further behind me.

I hope everyone else is well, Mimsy, Mooms, Numpty, Mishta. I hope I didn't forget anyone xxxx

Sorry Can't - Allstars is right - this little one is definitely a boy. There was no missing that on the scan....

Also sorry to hear your story Manitz - that's a hell of a lot to go through. I do so hope you get some good news soon. I was also advised to wait a cycle. Actually 3 cycles after my medical termination and 1 after the surgical. I duly did as I was told - it didn't actually take long after the ERPC for things to go back to normal, so it was not very long to wait. I kind of felt like having an actual period was like pressing some kind of reset button putting everything back to where it should be, so it felt better that way to me. But, as the guys have already said, there's no actual evidence either way. xxx

Morning everyone!
Great news from coffee! so happy for you! i can relate to the crying i got to the front of the hospital on monday and then started blubbing DP was most confused had to cry and explain it was relief and reality setting in that we are actually having a baby! but i felt much better after and we went to visit Liam on the way home too which always makes me feel better and a bit closer to him. And yep 20wks today did i mention they moved me on a little at my 12wk scan? my due date went from march 13th to march 9th but i thought you were further ahead of me too? maybe not lol.
Manitz i too have heard all manner of different advice i was told to wait 1 cycle after my termination for T21 and AVSD but waited 2 just to be sure i was ready for it physically and mentally but as Allstars says when you feel ready just go for it you know yourself better then anyone.
Poot A little boy! how lovely, from experience i can tell you boys love their mummys! and are a bit more dependant then girls seem to be...but then i'm still baking my pink one so we'll have to wait and see!
Allstar good to hear little star is feeling better i would also like to add a grrr [hangry] to that nurse how rude to just make assumptions like that i'm glad you set her straight! i had a similar experience with a snooty school receptionist yesterday who lost Georges school admission forms so made me fill them all in again only for her to find them while i was on the last page of a 5 page form! grrrrrr [hangry] although she did apologise to me several thousand times to be fair.
Right must go my stomach is grumbling after reading about coffees cupcake lol, Love to everyone big waves to Katiecubs, Catlady, Can't, Gooldy, Mimsy, Mooms, Numpty, Mishta and anyone i have no doubt forgotten! xxxxx

Good news Coffee, I am very pleased to hear it. So encouraging for the rest of us to hear all this.

Welcome, Manitz. Sorry to hear about what happened. I am TTC at the moment (had 3 MC since I had my DS who is 2, and a baby with Edwards Syndrome prior to him).

I have always waited for one cycle, mainly so I can be sure of dates. I also remember hearing it gives the uterine lining more of a chance to build up and support the next pregnancy. But I am not sure where I got that idea, and if there is any evidence for this (may be an old wives tale).

Big love to everyone else. x

Hmm, so my guess work is pretty out! Catlady, my hopes lie with you.

Admittedly my guesses are purely based on probability, ie Justa, Lins, Shangrila, Katerina, Katie all had boys; Mishtabel and Numpty and I have had girls; Drama expecting a girl; Coffee, Poot and Gina all expecting boys which makes 8 thread boys and four thread girls - Catlady yours MUST be a girl. I can't be that far out.

(Apols for the trivial note of this. Clearly it doesn't matter which sex, it's all about being healthy, but just some lighthearted fun).

Kittens, Mimsy, how are you doing? Kittens, I am struck by your wisdom regarding babies. You must be due some baby-luck soon. My fingers are crossed for you.

PS Slow cookers are wonderful.

Actually including littlestar we have 9 thread boys and 4 thread girls. I wonder if there is any science behind this or if it is just chance?

Either way, the numbers are great. So many baby success stories. :) Really encouraging to see.

Hello all and yay for all the good news. IT sounds as though everyone is in great shape and that's really cheery news.

I finally have the 20 week scan (at 22 weeks) tomorrow. I am just hoping that all the good news on here is a good omen and that I'm not the bad statistic. Trying hard to believe it but after last time somehow I still can't quite let myself believe things might be ok. I wish I could just enjoy this pregnancy as I am feeling in myself amazingly well and energetic .... if there were not work stress and the sinking feeling there could still be something wrong I would be chipper.

We've been moving DS, who is 2 and a bit, out of his baby room and into his new bedroom complete with bed. It's like potty training, completely impossible with him. He's manically delighted with the bed, just doesn't think it's for sleeping in. Just like he loves carrying his potty around as his favourite storage unit but perform in it? Not on your life. I was worried we were tempting providence doing this so near the scan but as DH says, we're going to have to do it sometime so there's no wasted effort or cost.

Better push on with work. Just to say, re the bbq conversation, I am absolutely astounded. Even if this lady was trying to make you feel better she must be from another planet. Who would feel better after comments like those? She obviously doesn't understand that you don't grieve and come to terms with loss by trivialising it. Amazing.

Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me tomorrow. I am just really so very nervous, again.

Sorry Allstars, I forgot your yummy DS. Yes, NINE boys. How old is your DS now?

Hi Rachel, good luck with the scan AND the new bedroom. I actually failed to move DD1 during pregnancy as was so sure it would go wrong, and am just getting round to it now DD2 is needing to move into her cot...