Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

Thank you everyone, i am thrilled that i can relax and enjoy my pregnancy now (although i don't think i'll relax completely till i have her in my arms)
Coffee: Can i just say on your bahalf? you obviously have the patience of a saint because i would prob have punched her in the head!...hard! what an idiot to think a 22wk old BABY is an embryo! you rant as much as you want! xxxxx

Coffee, what a lunatic that woman is! Please try to not give those comments any more thought, and instead console yourself with the fact that anyone with that little empathy is sure to end up a sad, lonely old woman.

at Hello Elmo!! Glad you are well, Crazycat.

Me too, I think I am going to ask for a slow cooker for Christmas. Numpty, I love that website - I love that she made wasabi almonds in her slow cooker!

Good to hear that you are starting to buy stuff Poot. Pram buying is great fun, reading all the reviews and trying to work out what the hell everyone is talking about... Isofix? Cosytoes? (it's how I stumbled on Mumsnet actually). Honestly, it can be about as confusing as buying a car.

Thank you ladies. Catlady, your post made me laugh so much, I can picture your dd talking to Elmo :o

And Mimsy, you are so right about the pram. We have already decided which one to get but only because we made that choice when I was pregnant with Silvia. I can only hope we get to buy one this time, but with my anomaly scan getting closer and closer, I don't dare think so far. I haven't loooked at any baby stuff yet, it still seems like another world.

Great news Drama, I'm thrilled for you.

Coffee, bloody hell! That really does take the biscuit when it comes to insensitivity. What a cow! I'm so sorry you had to be subjected to her horrible opinions. Even if she thought that, she should keep it to herself.

As for the "you're lucky you can conceive easily" comment. Boy, am I sick of hearing that one!

Hello all not caught up in a while but CONGRATS to Drama super news - a little girl too wow!

Coffee i can't belive your 'friend' - how incredibly ignorant!! I'm glad you put her straight.

Poot and Crazy cat lovely to hear updates that your little ones are doing well and kicking away :) Like Mimsy i found the buying stuff soooo confusing - i mean a prams a pram right, it has wheels you push it and it moves?!

All ok here but have been finding things a little difficult to be honest. Felix has been having problems feeding, taking less and less milk and screaming alot. He was sick so much this weekend that we took him to hospital, he was fine and we were probably just being over cautions but glad to have the peace of mind. Hoping it's just a fussy phase, he's still smiling and putting on weight ok but it's stressful and pretty draining right now. We are so lucky to have him though and i just keep reminding myself of that when it gets a bit much.

Love to everyone xxx

Katie, no experience with babies, but I've read that as far as they are putting on weight it's ok. You must be shattered though, I really hope his sickness will settle down and as you say it's just a phase. Knowing me I would also worry a lot...

Kittens, the thing is I know I am lucky to have conceived easily, I've never claimed otherwise. It's just that denying that Silvia was a baby really got to me, writing her off as something (not even someone) not worth crying for. Anyway, there really is no point thinking too much about it, if that's her opinion then so be it. I barely see her anyway and I'm sure it will be even less from now on. Life's too short to meet with this kind of people.

Hello to everyone else. Mishta and Cantdo, are youy lurking?

Hello all

Firstly Coffee, I'm so sorry you had to go through that conversation with your 'friend'. I think it just doesn't occur to some people that to have to choose to end your much wanted baby's life is a dreadful situation to be in. Anyway, I hope you are OK.

Katie - I'm sorry to hear about Felix, I'm guessing the hospital are already looking into whether it's reflux (either with bringing food back up, or 'silent' reflux)? Another thought is if he's very congested with a cold, the mucus makes them feel 'full' and also creates a block to burps, so it can feel pretty uncomfortable for them and also when a burp comes up it can bring back food/irritate the oesophogus sometimes. Has your GP any suggestions? It's very tiring and worrying when they are ill and upset, so do make sure you get out and get yourself some fresh air - it can make all the difference and can help them get some much needed daytime sleep. I'm really pleased that BabyJ is falling into her brother's pattern of naps as it makes the reason for crying so much more obvious!

Better go, but had to laugh at Catlady's DD wanting a baby cat . Hope everyone else is OK - Rachel, is your scan anytime soon? Gooldy and Mooms are quiet, hope all is OK; and Viv hoping you are OK too.

Bye for now... xx

Katie - I've just remembered that some babies can be lactose intolerant so if you think that's worth looking into, post on the Breast/Bottlefeeding threads to find out more. There are different formulas out there, so I think it can be solved easily enough if it IS the cause of any problem.

Hi Ladies,
After a bit of advice if possible.
I was on this thread earlier in the year, but sadly had a miscarriage.
I am now pregnant again (9 weeks), and have a dilemma.
I had a medical termination in January for T21, which was extremely trumatic, and was assured that tests etc, in future preganancies, would be done as soon as possible, so that if the worst was to happen, I would be in the 12 week window for a surgical termination.
I have recieved my nuchal scan date, which would put me at approx 11 weeks 5, and I know that I would not have the results of this, and then if required the CVS back before the deadline.

They will not move the date of the nuchal scan, so I have been told that I could go straight to CVS, or the consultant 'may' move the window to 13 weeks, but this isn't confirmed.
I don't want to go straight to CVS due to the risk factor, but then, due to my age (38) and previous history, I am positive that the nuchal results will still be bad, so would have to have CVS anyway.
Then have to also worry that this would all be taking place the week the children are off school, and my husband cant have any time off at the moment, and we haven't told anyone, but that all beside the point.

Hi Waffy

Off to get DS from nursery - so v quickly, you might get a feel from the sonographer at the scan to give you more confidence re whether to go for a CVS. I think there are a few folk on here who've also had this concern more recently (Poot?) and they'd be able to give you more info. I think sometimes folk have booked a cvs and then decided to cancel it based on scan... maybe?

Anyway, must dash...

Hi Waffy

I know you must be feeling terribly anxious but I think the hospital probably wouldn't want to do the nuchal much before 11+5 anyway? (I've been swotting up as I'm due to have one and I think most people say you can do them from 11+2 onwards) so it would only be a matter of bringing it forward by two or three days. I know it's easier said than done, but really try not to worry - it may be that the nuchal is okay and that the CVS or amnio is not required, so maybe have the scan on the date it's booked and take it from there?

Which leads me onto a classic 'I don't follow my own advice' post - I've got my nuchal at 4pm this afternoon, so can I have a bit of handholding please? I'm shitting it.

(I was only informed by the hospital at 11am this morning that my appointment was this afternoon, so I'm slightly in shock and panic. Eek.)

Much love to everyone else, especially to coffee after your crappy BBQ conversation. I think you showed remarkable restraint.

xxx

Viv, you are probably on your way to the hospital, but good luck and let us know how it went. It's good in a way that they only told you this morning, because you had less time to worry. Not that we don't all worry anyway, but you know what I mean... Keeping everything crossed.

Waffy, I think Numpty and Viv are right, you might not want to do the CVS after your nuchal, I know Poot was in a similar situation, convinced she would have one but then reassured by the scan results.

I am not sure when is the earliest they can do the nuchal, you might want to give ARC a call for advice? I thought that the limit for a surgical termination was 13 weeks, but again I am not 100% sure. And not that it will come to that, I know it sounds awful, but we are all thinking of the worst possible outcome in the run-up to our scans.

Hi Ladies
Thank you for your advice, but I would have to have the CVS before the date they have given for the Nuchal, so that the results would be back in time, so that if the worst happens I could opt for a surgical termination. So in a bit of a catch 22. If I leave it until the date they have given for the nuchal, and then need to have a CVS, I would be over the timeframe, but I may go ahead and have the CVS when its not needed.
Thanks again.

Hi Waffy

I usually lurk here rather than post but had one suggestion - could you consider a private nuchal test, where they can measure the nuchal fold and do the blood tests (and get the results) all at the same time? I had my 12 week scan at Kings College Hospital on the NHS and was lucky that as a major centre for these tests, we got the result only 2 hours after the blood test and scan. I don't know where in the country you are, but I'm pretty sure the FMC in London, and probably lots of other private clinics, also offer this. It'd cost around £150 I think, but might be worth it to avoid this dilemma?

The only other thing I can say is that I had a surgical termination at exactly 14 weeks, so it is possible for this to be done past 12 weeks. Of course it's the outcome no one wants to have to even consider, but can you push your doctor to say whether it would be possible slightly later if the worst should be found, which would give you a slightly longer window to fit in nuchal and/or CVS?

I hope it all works out for you. K

Just popping on quickly to say that I hope all went ok for Viv.

Waffy, I think Viv is right. They don't tend to do the Nuchal any earlier than 11 weeks. I think this is true whether you go for private scans or NHS, although I guess you'd get combined results and a more thorough scan for any other markers at a private scan. Fingers crossed all will be fine.

Coffee, I completely understand why you were upset. How dare she make such ignorant comments about Sylvia not being a "real" baby.

My comment about the "lucky to conceive so easily" was more from a personal point of view. I have conceived within less than 3 months of trying 5 times now and yet I don't feel very lucky. I mean, I know I am lucky in a way because I am upping my chances of success by the law of averages (in theory) by being pregnant several times in a relatively short time. Although I keep having to explain to well meaning friends who have said this to me that a good few of my friends who started trying around the same time I did may have taken a year or even two to get pregnant but they now have babies and I don't so it's all relative.

Katie, sorry to hear you're having problems feeding Felix. Our nephew had similar problems, which I think were due to very bad colic and reflux. He's still a fussy eater and quite little - although he does have very small parents too - but he is perfectly healthy. If he's putting on weight that's good news. Maybe take him to the doctors and see if they can prescribe some baby Gaviscon or something if he has reflux.

Better go. Up at 6

Morning all x

Just popping in to let you know all was absolutely fine yesterday. We have one perfect looking baby with no horrid hygroma and a perfect nuchal which means my chance of another abnormality are really teeny tiny. My consultant even advised against me having the blood tests as he thinks they could potentially lower my risk ratio, thus worrying me unnecessarily.

Gulp.

While I know there's a long way to go, it actually looks like I might be having a baby. :)

Coffee - I've related this story on our sister thread but one of my best friends actually said to me after we lost Gracie that I was far luckier than our friend who took over a year to conceive her healthy son, as at that point, I'd conceived twice at the first attempt (obviously neither pregnancy worked out). My jaw = on the floor.

Anyway, hope you all have a lovely day.
xx

Super news Viv congrats!! Hopefully you can relax a little now and enjoy being pregnant

Waffy good luck with whatever you decide to do - like the others have said you can't have the nuchal done much earlier but they did offer me an automatic CVS if i wanted - i turned it down and i knew the odds of reoccurance were very low (as i'm sure they are for you too). Like Katerina I had a surgical termination at 14 weeks but i guess it varies by hospital - try to stay positive though, it's unlikely it will come to that although i know it's difficult to believe.

Thanks for your help re. Felix's feeding problems - i had thought of reflux as he has many of the symptoms, i have asked the GP and health visitors but the little trickster just lies there cooing and smiling and so they don't believe anything is wrong! He has actually seemed much better the last couple of days but had his 8 week jabs yesterday which upset the apple cart a bit - boy i would hate to be the nurse who has to do that, must be the saddest job in the world!

Hello,

I am new to this thread, although have been lurking for a few weeks. Just wanted to say hi and having read Waffy's post, just to give her a hug and just a reassurance that there still may be a bit of time, I had a surgical termination 5 weeks ago at 14+5. I think many hospitals will not do it past 15 weeks. I was informed that there are higher risks of damage to the cervix the further along you are which is why an induced termination is a 'safer' option to the mother. I had to have my cervix dilated before the procedure which was uncomfortable, like early labour. With any luck, this is something you will not have to worry about. Good luck with your scan.

I hope to be posting on here in the not too distant future, as we are already discussing TTC again x

Excellent Viv, well done!

Welcome Natz. I agree with your advice to Waffy (and hoping she won't need it, too). Kittens and I are TTC, so join us whenever you feel ready.

Katie, I know what you mean about the jabs (or jags, as they are delightfully known up here). I cried more than DS when he had his first jabs! (mind you, I also cried when we went to see In the Night Garden Live - can't explain why!)

Hi all,

Yes, Coffee, I'm around lurking, as I'm guessing Cant is too (hello Cant :) ). Grrr at insensitive friend. No words, just grrr...

Waffy, if you're still reading, perhaps you could have the scan and bloods as planned, then if worst came to worst (which i'm sure it won't but understand the 'hope for the best, prepare for the worst' type thinking), you could go privately to where they offer surgical terminations later? This was one of the options given to me, but I'm from Oz, so apologies if it doesn't work like that over there. Anyway, good luck and glad that everything is going well xx

Lovely to hear from you Katerina, how's your LO?

Viv, great news

Katie, hope you manage to sort out your concerns with little Felix. Oh, they can be a worry can't they? And then, as you say, when the health professionals are about, they make a total liar out of you! Last time I had Bella at the doctors with croup, I was willing her to cough for the doctor. Instead she spent the majority of the consultation jumping up and down excitedly and babbling. He's like 'She seems fine' Thankfully she did a big nasty cough at the end of the consult (had to try to hide my excitement).

Poot, I had DD2 in the same room as I had DD1, and although I didn't actually lose DD1 in that room, I certainly did not want to have DD2 there, though I never got around to mentioning this to the staff. I just didn't want the happiness of DD2's birth to be overshadowed with memories of DD1. As it turned out, I didn't really think of DD1 throughout labour with DD2, which I then felt guilty about (but quickly forgave myself as I was a teeny bit preoccupied). Later, I was actually glad and thought it was really nice that they'd been born in the same room. So I guess what I'm trying to say is though I understand your thinking, if circumstances somehow mean you do have the same room it may not be as bad as you'd expect? Just a thought, ignore as you wish....xx

Numpty, are you going to do the BLW with BabyJ? I would like to but am scared of choking. Tried a bit of yogurt for the first time yesterday which resulted in a huge projectile vomit, so might hold off on that for a while....

Big hello to Mimsy and Kittens, everything crossed for you both. Hope to see Natz over here soon. Crazycat, so funny re: giving birth to a cat! Glad your enjoying some kicks

Love to all xxx

Hello everyone!

It all sounds very positive from here. Viv, so pleased the nuchal went well. Coffee, Catlady, Poot, Gina, Rachel, it all seems to be going well for you all. I am happy for you.

Kittens and Mimsy, good luck with the TTC. I don't think it works to compare failing to conceive with conceiving and losing babies, not because one is worse than the other but because they are just completely different, and require different medical help. My year of losses involved many happy moments as I was pregnant twice and thought it was going well, and then horrible agonies when I lost my babies. That is different from the agony of not conceiving, I think, but it doesn't seem to me to be helpful to decide which is worse. In the end, we all just want a healthy baby, regardless of the hell gone through first.

Waffy, I am surprised your hospital has a 12 week cut off; I thought 13-14 was the early norm.

As for the same rooms, I didn't have that trauma in delivery, but I had to keep sitting in the same counselling and consulting rooms with Babycant as I had with the 2 lost babies. They did offer to try to avoid it but since I had been in them all over the course of two nightmare pregnancies and lots of consultation, I actually struggled to remember what had happened in each one and just carried on. But I am surprised that Poot's hospital use the same delivery rooms for medical terminations and live births - mine don't/didn't, and I do think that is worth asking to avoid.

Hi Katie. Sorry about the suspected reflux. Tis my theory that babies always find one way to worry us. Mine have always fed like dreams and not slept at all. I hope it resolves itself or you find some sort of solution soon. Oh and I agree with Numpty about the fresh air.

Hi Numpty, how is babyJ? I am envious of your sleep...

Katerina, how is your little boy?

And Mishta, Babycant is now 26 weeks and has started real food. All I can say is: wow. We are not doing purees at all but not 100% baby led weaning either, just eating whatever we are - ie I am spoonfeeding yoghurt and some mashed potato, etc - but she is mostly eating by picking things up and she has managed so well even in the few days we have been doing it. Yesterday she had broccoli for the first time and I gave her steamed florets to pick up like lollipops, and she managed, and sucked the buds off happily. She has also managed to eat carrots in stick form, and sweet potato, and toast, etc. So I suggest handing over broccoli lollipops - honestly she will just suck, and little bits come off at a time. Well they do with broccoli - I confess I panicked when she bit off a hunk of apple and hoicked it out of her mouth. Hmm... I'm too nervy for full on blw I think...

OK, news from Cantland... Babycant is eating (see above) and not sleeping (REALLY not sleeping. Never more than 25 minutes at a time, all night, and up for hours at a time) and is utterly her mummy's girl, and very cute. Two years ago I was pregnant with first lost baby, shortly to have the nuchal scan that took the bottom out of my world. I lost that baby on 24th October, 2008. How time changes things.

OK, good luck to all of you, and lots of love. I am always reading, even if rarely typing.

Great news Viv, and reassuring also that the consultant sounded so positive.

And so good to hear from you, Mishta and Cantdo, I was wondering how you and your LOs were. I am glad all is well. Cantdo, how on earth are you coping with this lack of sleep? If I were so sleep-deprived, my posts wouldn?t make any sense, I wouldn?t even be able to think straight. I mean I know you adapt to sleeping less when you have a baby, but only 25 mins at a time?! Honestly, you have my admiration :)

Katie, I hope both you and Felix will have a more peaceful week-end and he will settle.

Well, only 3 days to go until my big 21 week scan on Tuesday? to be honest I am struggling, both with the wait and with missing Silvia, I sometimes feel almost as raw as back in February. Being at this stage just reminds me of her. But yes, I know the rule, distraction, distraction, distraction.

Wishing you all a good week-end xxxx

Morning all. Have been trying to post all week, but work network/computer combo is making it really difficult at the moment! We're about to move offices so we're desperately in need of an upgrade but have to wait......rubbish!

Anyway, that wasn't what I wanted to post about. Just been reading back and still cannot get over Coffee and Viv's crap 'friends' - what planet are they on?! Grrrrrr some more for you. Not long to wait for that last scan now Coffee sweetie so hope you manage to last the next three days without too much trouble. So nearly there. And so happy for you Viv - hope you're still enjoying the news. xx

Lovely to hear from you Katie but sorry things are feeling tough. You are allowed to let off some steam sweetie, even though Felix is such a blessing. Please don't feel you have to put up with feeling a bit crap without our support! I don't know a lot about babies either (which is really starting to dawn on me at the moment...), but it sounds to me like you're both doing really well.

Waffy - I was in exactly the same position as you this time. Medical termination for T21 last summer which I couldn't bring myself to think about repeating, then a miscarriage earlier this year before getting pregnant this time. I was also told at first that the tests could all be done asap to get me in to that window, and my hospital also has a 12 week policy for surgical termination. But then when they booked me in for my nuchal, it turned out they don't do nuchals before 12 weeks because the view they get isn't so good. I even tried the FMC in London, but they wouldn't book me in before 12 weeks either. And even if they do, they also wont do CVS before 12 weeks because the risks are higher (and in my case, the placenta was in the wrong place both times - didn't move up until 12/13 weeks). In the end I gave in and had the nuchal at 12 weeks (was actually 11 weeks and 6 days - 12 weeks would have been a Saturday). They put me in with a consultant who could have done the CVS straight away if I'd have wanted. They also took bloods the same day, but those results didn't come through until the Tuesday (12 weeks and 3 days). I was pretty sure that I would go for the CVS anyway because I couldn't imagine what odds would reassure me. I nearly went for the CVS without the nuchal, but I'd hated the CVS being done last time so decided to scan first. But then the results of the nuchal were so so different this time, that all thoughts of CVS went right out of my head. My odds from the scan itself (and my background high risk) came out at something like 1:700, then went up to 1:7900 with the bloods. The measurement was 1/3 what it had been with baby 1 (1.5 rather than 4.5mm), the baby was moving completely differently and the consultant was adament that all was absolutely fine - which they definitely hadn't been the first time. I'd had the same conversations as you about moving the 12 week surgery window and they were equally non-committal at the time. So I'd kind of started resigning myself to another medical, and planning how early I could get filled with morphine so I'd know even less about it this time. Luckily, I never had to get that far.

Not sure if there's any advice in there for you! I was such a mess at the time - sobbing in the waiting room waiting for the scan, let alone at work in the couple of weeks leading up to it. So I know how you must be feeling right now. Happy to talk more if it helps.

As for me - all good here. A bit of indigestion, a bit of back and hip ache, but just loving being kicked to bits so happy to put up with all of it. Planning to finish work early, at about 32 weeks, because I've got buckets of annual leave to take. Although I've also got a job interview for a transfer to Cambridge in a couple of weeks (at the moment I commute to London and would rather not...) - bad idea?! Probably, but they all know I'm pregnant so it has to be worth a try.

Longest message in the world - sorry! Guess I'm making up for my lack of chat in the week. Love to all. xxx

Hello everyone. Well I got through the week-end ok, as we've seen friends on both days so it went relatively quickly, but it all dawned on me last night. There is really no point trying to describe it all in here, as you all know how I feel and you've all been through it, but it feels good to say it though. God, I feel so so anxious, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Poot, is your interview in 2 weeks or is it the transfer? Let us know, so we can keep our fingers crossed.

Love to all xxxx

Thinking of you Coffee... I KNOW it doesn't help but I have good vibes on this one. And the last scan was so good.

One warning though - however positive the scan is, you might (I did) find it odd to see this baby at the age Silvia was when she was born. I found that quite jarring, somehow.

Hand holding from here and hugs.