Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

Hello all,

Am quiet at the moment... I am trying hard to "enjoy" being pregnant as everyone keeps telling me I can now, frankly I'm getting fed up with hearing the phrase "you can relax now" hmmm not that easy. However I have been feeling a lot of movement which is lovely, especially as I didn't feel anything last time!

Just wanted to say a quick hello to Coffee and say that I hope the rest of the week goes by quickly in the run up to the scan. I am thinking of you loads. xx

Hello ladies,

Firstly, apologies for only having posted on this a couple of times before. My back story is that at the beginning of june, at 12 wks pregnant, i found out my baby had aencephaly and had to terminate. I posted on here a couple of times and found you all v supportive but didnt really post much. I thought i was dealing with it by not thinking/talking about it too much but as we all know that doesn't always work does it!!!

Went back to work as a teacher where 5 women are pregnant, one of whom is due the week after i would've been and ooh i find that so diificult, people moaning about their maternity clothes, that their boobs are big and seeing her bump every day and thinking that's what size mine would've been! i have up and down moments but sometimes just feel overwhelmed by the fact that people seem to so easily forget ( as i suppose they will really!) and just seem to be lacking a sensitivity chip. Also, every month since i had to lose my baby, friends have had a baby, with my sister in law due beginning of next month... just feel confronted with my failure all the time..

Anyway, advice needed please - had a positive pregnancy test last week, currently 5 weeks and just feel so scared and worried and wondering how i will get through the time til my 12 wk scan. If i get that far. i hate the fact that it just takes all the joy away, i'm just trying not to stress and not even think about being pregnant really, as i don't take anything for granted, but at the same time i think of nothing else! How do you ladies who are pregnant not drive yourself mad with negative worries and all the rest-help! just feel worried, scared, excited, bitter and god knows what else!!!

so sorry for the long post
x

Hi mooms

Sorry to hear about what you've been through. The worries you are feeling now are so normal and we have all been there so you're in the right place.

I am now 18 weeks and the nerves are rising again ahead of the 20 week scan. My coping strategies are:

• distraction: I ordered some books I'd been meaning to read for ages, and also downloaded a series or two from iTunes that I've wanted to watch. Also keeping busy with work has been very helpful

• exercise: I know this might sound like the last thing you feel like doing, but getting out for a walk in the fresh air, doing a gentle circuit in the gym or going for a swim has been a lifeline. All the positive endorphins from exercise and that 'feel-good' factor of having done something healthy has been my biggest aid. It really helps.

• treats: a glass of my favourite red wine a couple of times a week, or some lovely chocolate

Aside from that, and perhaps the most important advice I got here is to take things day by day. Looking too far ahead can be really daunting, and the endless stretch of days and weeks ahead is a lot to take in. Minute by minute, hour by hour, the time will pass, it will, I promise.

Gina - sounds like we're in a similar place - even though I haven't had my 20 wk scan yet, people are already telling me that I've passed the 12wk scan therefore everything must be ok , or just denying that I might be at all anxious... most frustrating. Even DH doesn't really get it.

Love to everyone else, hope you're all doing ok xx

Hi Mooms - welcome back and congratulations!

It's so hard to advise as what you are feeling is totally normal and what we have all been through or what we are going through. Just try to take one day at a time, easier said than done i know.

There are many stories of hope on this thread though and lots of lovely babies born. I have a five week old, Felix - after losing a baby girl in March last year. I never thought i would be here now but i am! You have found a great home here, we can hold your hand the whole way through :)

Good luck with the upcoming anomalies Crazycat and Coffee, remember the odds are on your side!

Poot how was Cologne? Hope you had a lovely time x

Hello ladies.

Mooms, welcome back. I have nothing to add to what has already been said in here, I have been somewhat in denial throughout the first trimester and also had a 2-week holiday, so it passed quickly. These last couple of weeks though have been difficult, I have my first anomaly scan on Friday, at 17+4 (my first baby girl's problems were picked up at 21 weeks). Distraction is the only thing which works for me, and not thinking too far ahead, not allowing myself to imagine I might have a baby next year.

Gina, thanks for checking in on me. I don't think being totally relaxed is possible, although I assume it helps to get past the anomaly scan milestone. It's annoying, this idea we can sail through our pregnancies and just think of our little ones with a smile on our face, serene and optimistic. I can't believe that after all I've been through my SIL still asks me if I want a boy or a girl, and last time we spoke she was "excited" because we'll soon find out the gender. And I just wanted to shout: no, we'll soon find out if this baby will have a chance or not!

Anyway, rant over! I'm glad that I'm having a busy week, and I am in denial again. Part of me just thinks there is no way I can come out of the scan with good news, and part of me cannot help hoping that all will be well.I am trying not to get my hopes up in any way, because this is just the first of 2 anomaly scans.

Catlady, I am still impressed by your motivation to exercise. I've turned into a couch potato...

Hello to everybody, sorry for not too many personals tonight xxxx

thanks so much for your posts, it's so reassuring to know that others feel the same.

Crazycat-thanks for the advice, during the summer hols I went on lots of long walks with my ipod on and it really helped-i really need to endeavor to keep that up.

Coffee, I shall be keeping fingers, toes and various other bits crossed for you on friday! i know exactly what you mean about others seeming to think pregnancy is something to sail through, asking which gender you want and so on-if I am lucky enough for all to be well with this baby then I shall just be so pleased I won't care what gender it is or name it-don't want to jinx it!

It's the way I veer between denial and just assuming that something will be wrong again, to the next minute patting my tum and telling it that i hope it's ok in there and to hang on.. oh what a mixed bunch of emotions!

We'll get through it together ladies, thinking of all of you
x

Sorry I've not posted in a while, but I've been reading and thinking of you all.

Mooms - as someone else who lost a baby last year at 16wks pregnant and then fell pregnant again fairly quickly, I can totally understand your feelings. Of course deep down you want to hope for the best, but equally you've lived through an experience that proves it doesn't always work out that way. It was something of a surprise when we got through our anomaly scans (at 14 and 18wks) to then think we might actually have a baby; and as time went on I was able to be more relaxed about it. I now have my lovely DD for whom I am so grateful. But in the early days of pregnancy I was a bundle of nerves, convinced that every scan would give bad news... So as others have said, just focus on each day, the next day passed, and you will get there. Plus putting your feelings down on here helps get them out of your system.

Coffee - really hoping this week passes quickly, will be thinking of you on Friday. We have DD's heart scan on Thursday, so I'm hoping it will be OK - she has a heart murmur, hopefully just a small hole which shouldn't cause any concern.

xx

Numpty, I will be travelling all day on Thursday so will not have a chance to post, but I'll check in to see how the scan went. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed, good luck! xxxx

HI Mooms, gosh, poor you. It must be so torturous working with people who are going through the exact stages that you should have been. Unfortunately, however well meaning (or not) people are, it is easy to forget other's feelings and become wrapped up in their own circumstances. Do you think a gentle reminder would help them to be more sensitive. Maybe you can say something like "I understand that you are probably feeling uncomfortable/self conscious/big/anxious/excited etc at the moment but I'd give the world to be in your shoes right now. I get that you need to let off steam but, in the kindest possible way, it's difficult for me to hear it just now." I'm sure a lot of ladies on here will agree that the lead up to what should have been our due dates can be rather emotional so perhaps you can ask them to bear that in mind when they are around you and getting excited about their own. If you are friendly with these colleagues anyway I'm sure a gentle heart to heart won't offend them and may avoid you unintentionally biting someone's head off or having a meltdown one of these days!

Numpty, I've got my fingers crossed that all will be fine for DD on Thursday.

Coffee, best of luck on Friday.

Gooldy, hope all goes well on Thursday too.

Hope LittlePoot had a good trip to Cologne and that everyone else is doing ok. I am a bit frazzled (seems to be a constant state, more on that in a minute) so can't quite remember where everyone is at right now. Maybe we should have a status thing like they have on the TTC "Buses" to see who's at which stage?

Mimsy, how are you feeling? Any 'signs'? Or are you one of those rational human beings who doing drive themselves mad with imaginary symptom spotting?

This week is going to be our first week of trying again. I have been feeling rather strange on and off recently, "frazzled", spaced out, shakey, thirsty, palpitations, tense, tired, hyper, headaches etc. and suspect that these might be signs of anxiety at the prospect of going through it all again. I hope that won't scupper my chances of conceiving. I had a conversation with a very good friend yesterday which made me rather vicariously anxious. I did keep my feelings to myself as it wouldn't be fair to say anything to her but I really don't know how she is so calm. She has been trying for a few years to conceive with no luck. She's just had IVF and is now pregnant, her last scan was at 9 weeks with the private clinic and has now been passed over to NHS. Thing is, because of the transition she got her booking in appt very late and has also been away so now she is 14 weeks and hasn't had another scan since 9 weeks and won't be having her next one for another 2 weeks. So, firstly no Nuchal scan (she's my age) and has also mentioned that she has been really lucky and not felt sick at all. If I was her I would be completely shitting my pants! I know it's not my pregnancy but I felt so anxious after I got off the phone to her. I so hope everything is fine for her.

Typically, I am working long days and early mornings on my most fertile days this month so will have to probably resort to rather unromantic quickies! Always seems to be the way. I was supposed to be going to France to see my mum this week but had to postpone because of this big job unfortunately but at least I won't have to worry about shagging at my mum's house which I feel a bit weird about!

Hello lovely ladies all. Just a quickie to say I'm here, had a lovely time in Cologne, and am thinking of you all, just too damned busy to talk properly. Bloomin' work - always gets in the way.

Hello and welcome back Mooms - I'm afraid I had to laugh when you asked how the pregnant people here stop themselves going nuts with worry....er....we kinda don't! We just rely on eachother to restore a bit of temporary sanity and resort to the distraction techniques below. Do stay with us and hopefully we can steer you through.

Kittens - I know exactly what you mean about worrying for your friend. Now, any time I hear someone missing the nuchal or not opting to have it done my heart skips. I don't want to burden everyone with my worries, but I would hate to be 'proved right' if a problem were to be spotted. Luckily though, 'everyone else' always seems to get off scott free (not to mention worry free). Not that I'm bitter....

Anyway, love to all, reassuring cuddles to Coffee and Crazycat and an innappropriate but well-meaning interest in Mimsy and kittens's sex lives at the moment... Viv - are you still there? Hope you're hanging on. xxxx

Hiya lovely poot and hi all x

Hope you're all doing well. Have not posted for a while as have been totally snowed under at work - which at the very least, has kept me from escalating into bouts of paranoia about whether all is well.

Theoretically, I should have no reason to worry. Am 8 weeks exactly today and still have a few symptoms - tender boobs, mid-afternoon exhaustion and very very very faint nausea. So as a result, it's the fear of another mmc that's plaguing me most at the moment, rather than the fear of discovering an abnormality again.

However, I succumbed to my mild paranoia this morning and have booked myself in for a reassurance scan on Saturday. Fingers crossed we'll get over this first hurdle a-okay, and I can start worrying about something else...

havingkittens - your post about your friend resonated with me as one of my best friends is currently around 16 weeks pregnant and I know she bled pretty much continuously between 5 and 12 weeks. While her 12 week scan was fine, I'm still anxious for her - not least because I can hear the words of my FMU consultant after we lost Gracie ringing in my ears who said, "no matter what people tell you, bleeding in pregnancy is NOT normal and usually indicates something is wrong" (Way to go to put the frighteners into someone!) so I'm desperately hoping there isn't something wrong with her baby. Obviously I've not said anything to her about this, but I still worry.

Good luck to numpty and everyone else who has scans coming up. And for those of you on the TTC wagon. :) xx

Just to update, Josie's heart appointment went fine, we're going back in one year for them to monitor it but it's a small hole so no worries here - phew! We had the most laid-back consultant in the world ever...

Sorry to post and run but J's needing a feed. Will be thinking of Coffee tomorrow. xx

Oh Numpty - I'm so pleased. Such a relief for you.

Coffee - really keeping everything crossed for you too and hoping you're not struggling too much today. Not much longer to wait sweetie (although that's probably the problem for you today). Just hang on in there. xxxxxxx

Wonderful news Numpty, so glad it was a reassuring scan.

We are househunting/area scoping this weekend so I won't get a chance to post tomorrow but just wanted to say I'm thinking of you Coffee and really hoping for the best for you at your scan. Hope you're doing ok tonight. If you need distraction, Hugh F-W is cooking some lovely things right now on C4.

Kittens I can understand the vicarious anxiousness. When you know through experience just how fragile pregnancy can be it's hard not to feel that way. I often wonder how anyone can afford to be blase about pregnancy, after all (as we all know only too intimately) problems can occur for anybody, regardless of age, health, previous DCs... I have to stop myself from seeming openly irritated with those who are innocently joyful and naively vocal about pregnancy...

Mooms, Gina, Katie, Poot, Mimsy, Viv, Drama and everyone, hello!

Has anyone heard from Allstars? If you're reading, hope you're doing ok xx

Hello, I am here. Not posting, just reading. But I am here.

Frankie is doing fine and getting over his infection. I am beginning to settle down and relax a bit now.

I am reading and thinking of you all as dates and anniversaries pass. Please don't feel as though I have abandoned you but it is hard for me to post lately. I am sure you all understand. Xx

Hi everyone!

Firstly, Numpty, great news on Josie's scan. What a relief.

And Coffee, sweetie, good good luck for tomorrow. I will have everything crossed for you. I have a good feeling about it but am not going to offer you the platitude that it'll all be fine because I know that doesn't help with the histories we have all had. Anyway - imagine us all waiting outside, cheering you on.

So many pregnancies here, it feels very cheering. Mimsy and Kittens, hope that the SWI (love that acronym so much more than the vile 'babydancing' that used to be used on Mnet) works.

Poot, how many weeks are you now? and Catlady? Am losing track.

Viv, good plan about the reassurance scan - always good to do anything that will help at all. For some reason I thought you were further on than 8 weeks.

Welcome to Mooms... My back story is that I lost 2 babies to conditions incompatible with life, but also have 2 gorgeous DDs. Good luck with the pregnancy; going crazy comes with the territory.

Gina, how're you doing?

All well here, just tired and struggling to find windows of time to post properly - don't want to just post and run... Babycant is a happy little soul but a bit of a mummy's girl and just won't sleep without me curled up all around her (sometimes not even then, but hey-ho). Luckily she loves the sling...

Katie, how's the BF going?

Finally, another big hug for Coffee for tomorrow.

Cross posted with Allstars.... I feel the same, so definitely understand. Glad Frankie is doing well. How old is he now?

8 weeks tomorrow! Where does time go? :)

Hi all, have been reading, but must say feeling slightly overwhelmed at keeping up with you all!

Make no mistake though - I have been cheering all the good news scans (wishing you well for yours today Coffee, then Crazycat after that if I'm correct?). Great news on BabyJ's scan Numpty. Also great to see Viv here :)

I have everything crossed for Kittens and Mimsy - may this be your month girls. Of course, my heart also goes out to Saramia and Wombat for their losses (if you're reading girls).

Kittens, it seems inevitable that we not only worry about our own pregnancies, but everyone elses, whether they are worried or not. My friend who was ttc with the herbs is pregnant (though had a positive test the day the herbs arrived, so can't give them the credit this time) and her scan showed there was a heartbeat but that baby only measured at 6 weeks instead of 8 (and she was sure of her dates). She's not concerned though, and isn't having any more scans until the 20 week one. I had to concentrate hard on not letting my jaw drop and to gulp in silence.

So so glad to hear from you Allstars, and that Liitlestar is well. 8 weeks already - wow. That newborn period flies by too quickly. Don't worry about not posting regularly, we do understand. Do you find you are more anxious with Littlestar than you were with DD? I know I am, and I'm not sure if it's because Bella was sick when she was born or if it's because of the losses I had before her. During the day isn't so bad, but of an evening I just start feeling anxious, especially if she's not well. Though I ask, please don't feel pressured to reply xx

Welcome to mooms. I worried my whole way through my last pregnancy, and despite this, my little girl has just turned 8 months and is very healthy (despite taking to screaming every time she does a poo, but that's another story). As such, I'm hardly one to give advice, but it did temporarily help me to remind myself that of course I was going to worry, and just try to talk myself through it. I still do at times

Can't, Babycant sounds like Bella - wanting to be with you all the time. I must confess, Bella sleeps with me at night, which I know is frowned on in some circles, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Am very careful about it as you might imagine. Can I ask what SWI stands for?

Sophie Katie, hope the feeding is sorting itself out either way. Of course breast-feeding is ideal (and handy), but if you find it's making you/Felix/life miserable, then there's certainly no shame in going to the bottle. I get pressured not to breastfeed here - MIL and BIL are always saying what a shame it is that Bella isnt bottlefed, cause then I could just prop the bottle up and get on with things, or even pick up a few nightshifts at work instead of being 'stuck' feeding. Why on earth I would want to do either of those things whether I was breast or bottle feeding is beyond me. I can't get enough of her and am quite happy being 'stuck'. MIL also says she has never seen a 'good' breastfed baby (ah, hello, i've had 4), and she is constantly amazed that Bella is a good weight 'despite' being breastfed! You can't win, so my advice is just do what's right for you. Hope you're loving all the other aspects of parenthood xx

Well, I could go on all day, and I do have time to do so today, but I will spare you all. Have a lovely Friday/weekend everyone xxx

Mishtabel, SWI is Shagging With Intent. As opposed to SFF Shagging for Fun.

Um, I sleep with Babycant too. Carefully like you. And yes I am more anxious this time, but it balances out because I find everything easier as I know what I'm doing.

8 weeks already for Frankie! wow!

Hi All,

Coffee very much thinking of you today lovely, we are all right behind you!

Numpty super news on Josie's heart - must be a big relief :)

Allstars glad to hear you and Frankie are well! Felix is 6 weeks today so am just two weeks behind you!

Viv good luck with the scan tomorrow, let us know how it goes. I paid for a couple of private scans with Felix and they were well worth the money.

Kittens/Mimsy good luck with the SWI!

Can't and Mishtabel i have sadly knocked the BF on the head, i just couldn't get my milk back up, it was all just so exhausting. It's annoying as after all that i managed to get a perfect latch that was pain free! Still as you say i am much happier now that we have a plan and i don't have to stress about it anymore, hopefully Felix got a good start anyway. Hope your lovely little one's are doing well.

Love to everyone else xxx

Hello lovely ladies
firstly numpty great news on Josies heart what a relief for you! i think it helps sometimes if consultants are layed back it puts you at ease that they don't seem worried.
Katie i'm glad you've found what works for you it's really not worth the stress if bf doesn't work for you, and like you say he got the colostrum which is the super good stuff.
Coffee and Viv i'm thinking of you and keeping my fingers and toes and anything else i can crossed for you today.
Kittens and mimsy good luck with the SWI that made me snort tea out of my nose i laughed so hard.
I had a check-up with my MW yesterday and had a very scary moment or 5 when she was finding it difficult to find a heartbeat but luckily she assured me it was only because the little tinker was moving around so much and he got a good reading of exactly 140bpm phew! Amnio on tues which i'm praying will go well.
Hello to everyone else hope your all well XxXxXxXxX

Thanks Drama :) Really glad to hear your little one is doing ok, i always dreaded them checking the heartbeat but it's so reassuring when you hear it! Good luck with the amnio next week x

Hello lovely ladies and thank you so much for your crossed fingers.

It was a good scan, no anomaly detected, anatomy normal... I can't believe it, I'm still in shock. I'll post properly later or on Sunday (off to a wedding tomorrow) but just wanted to let you know it all went well this time and the prof was so confident it's all ok that he said I can be discharged from the FMU and have my 21 week scan at my local hospital. I insisted to see him though...

I'm off to have a late lunch and then a nap, I am shattered.If I don't have the chance to post later, good luck to Viv for tomorrow and I'll catch up with everyone's news soon. Thanks again for cheering me on.

Much love xxxx

PS:Oh, and my little coffee bean is a boy :)

Oh coffee!
I'm so happy for you i could actually cry i'm tearing up...i blame the hormones! you take it easy lovely i'm so so happy for you! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx