Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

Hi everyone,

coffeeandchocolate sorry you are feeling so down hun, I hope your mood lifts soon hun. I can imagine that it must be so difficult to keep upbeat and that it is a really scary time for you.

I've been having a bit of a rough time of it emotionally of late.....and suffering unbelievable migrains in the process. Its all down to stress I know it is, I just need to find a way to relax and remember not to put too much pressure on myself.

I wasn't impressed with the counselling, I'm not sure if its right for me, but I will give it another go as it was only the first session. I didn't really connect with the counsellor TBH and her house smelt like CATS. Eeeeewww!!!! I think my counselling needs to be more specific, one of the girls on the 'TTC after termination due to abnormalities' thread mentioned that maybe I need genetic counselling, which sounds much better. I've also booked a session Reiki so hoping this will calm me down a bit.

It doens't help that I found out from another MNer on my other post that my chances of having another annencephalic pregnancy have increased from 1 in 1000 to 1 in 250 (becuase it already happened once). I know I shouldn't read too much into stats and the fact I am taking 5mg of Folic acid everyday should help but you can't help but wonder can you.

Hope everyone is well

XXX

Sorry to hear your counseling session didn't work out. It may just be a case of trying to find a different counsellor. I had psychotherapy about 20 years ago and it didn't help a massive amount because I didn't feel very comfortable with my therapist. My grandma was a psychotherapist for years and said that can make a massive difference as to whether it works for you or not.

I had counseling after my second TS21 pregnancy and found it very helpful. Even though my counsellor, although very sweet, had the annoying habit of preempting me and finishing all my sentences with me.

Genetic counseling is something slightly different, this is more a case of interpreting the results of the karotyping from your CVS/amnio and rationalising them for you, seeing whether the problem is a translocation (ie. which makes it more likely to happen again because it's something in your/your partner's genetic make up) or whether it's just shitty bad luck, which in most cases it is. It can be helpful in that it can give you a clearer idea of what your level of risk is. From my own experience I think they only do this after two pregnancies with abnormalities, but I may be wrong. They didn't offer it to me after my first Downs' pregnancy. They seem to be very conservative in their willingness to offer tests ie. even after 2 Downs' pregnancies they only carried out the tests from the CVS, only after 5 lost pregnancies have they finally conceded to test myself and my partner for any chromosome abnormalities. The tests came back clear, maybe it's so rare that that's why they don't do them. Very frustrating though trying to find anything out before you are completely beaten down by awful experiences . The genetic counseling is purely scientific and is a one off appointment so although it can clear some things in your head it doesn't deal with the emotional side of what you will be going through.

Hope that makes some sense.

Hi Stormbird. Just to second what kittens has told you really - I'd seen that someone mentioned genetic counselling on your other thread and almost posted on there. In your case, there's nothing to suggest that genetic counselling would definitely be useful - anancephaly can be genetically linked, but usually isn't as far as I understand. And a genetic counsellor is simply a hospital scientist (or sometimes doctor) who would literally look at your chromosomes and tell you if they're how they'd expect or not. Not counselling to help you through. Did you arrange your counselling through your hospital? I had two sessions when I first found out I was pregnant this time (third pregnancy, hopefully first baby) because I was kind of freaking out a bit too regularly. The counsellor was part of the fetal medicine unit at the hospital so dealt entirely with women in our situation. And the sessions were in a neat, clean little room at the hospital - so no cat smell - gross! I found the two sessions I had really useful, but have never taken up the offer of the other four I'm apparently entitled to. Probably never will. Its not for everyone - some people on here have had lots of counselling and swear by it. I tend to offload a lot onto one or two very close friends and get a lot of support that way. And on here. See how you get on.

And Coffee my sweet - I wish I could take away some of the anxiety for you, but I know its probably not going anywhere. Just get through these days and remember that there really is absolutely no reason why you're more at risk of having any problems than anyone else at this stage. I know that doesn't help so much given what happened last time, but that was such a rare event and the odds are firmly in your favour - even if it is 'just' your 2nd pregnancy. Is your scan at 20 weeks or a bit earlier? Mine was just at 18, so have another one at 21 to make sure (although just for reassurance really). I know Sylvia's problems only showed up a little bit later, so I guess sneaking in for an early scan might not be much use to you. One day at a time sweetie, and don't be hard on yourself as you struggle with the conflicting emotions. As I think you've said to us before, trying not to bond with baby now isn't going to make it easier if there was some kind of problem (which there won't be!). Just enjoy the days where you can, and keep busy when you can't. Not long to go now. xxxx

Hello all you lovely ladies!
I have just read all the threads since my last just a few days ago and I just can't work out how you all keep up on what's going on with who and manage to name check everyone and personalise your messages - it's a total minefield to me.
So because I am no where near as good as keeping up with you all I then feel selfish that I dont say much to each individual - please be assured I am thinking of you all as a group and fab news for all the good news and heartfelt support to all those who are in darker times :(. As said so many times before everyone on this thread has experienced very sad and dark times yet we all seem to come through it and fingers crossed more and more will have good news :)

I have my anolmaly scan next Thursday and am actually for once looking forward to it - only because I have had so many specialist scans already and they have already seen that everything's OK so I am excited to see our 'Marge' growing bigger. This baby is affectionately called 'Marge' as our previous T18 baby at Christmas was named 'Baby Butters' though may I stress that once born he/she will be renamed lol

Love to you all xx

Hi everyone,

Gooldy, don't worry about personals, you will get to know us all if you stick around long enough :)

StormBird, migraines are just awful, I get them every now and then and they are totally debilitating. I used to take painkillers before but I just need some caffeine now just when I feel one coming. It works, even if not as well as pills.

Poot, thank you for your kind words, you always find something comforting to say to me when I am down. Too late now not to bond with this little one... My first scan is at 17 + 4, and then another one at around 21 weeks. I am not sure the first one will be a "proper" anomaly scan, but since it was recommended to me by the prof at the FMU, I am sure he will be able to confirm or rule out some abnormalities. He wouldn't have done it otherwise. While I won't know anything for sure until 20-21 weeks, it's still a big milestone. 2 weeks to go... I can't imagine how things can be ok, but no point thinking too much about it now. I'm just trying to remind myself that there is no way I could avoid anxiety, it's a given under the circumstances.

On a different note, I find it very hard to see big bumps. It's actually worse than before. I'm sure if I saw one of you I wouldn't have any problem, but whenever I walk past a heavily pregnant woman I can't stop feeling very bitter . I just don't know if I'll ever get this far and I want it so much. I know rationally that I have no idea what that woman may have got through before getting there and I'm not proud of myself for feeling this, but I can't help it.

Anyway, ramble, ramble. I hope everyone is ok and you'll all have a good week-end.xxxx

Coffee, somewhere in this thread, back when I was about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant last time I was also complaining about having to spend the day in the company of 2 ladies with large bumps and feeling very similar to you. Especially when they sat there stroking them. I had to restrain myself from blurting out "Oh, f* off you smug cow!" Whoops! I'm actually very nice, honest! But know exactly how you feel.

Hmm bump envy. I had it too. I particularly hated pregnant women MOANING about being pregnant, while bump-stroking smugly. Found large pregnant bumps way harder than babies.

Kittens, how are you doing?

I am thinking of Sarahmia. I hope she is as okay as can possibly be after a second loss.

Yes, and you can add me to the bump envy list too. Even the girl at work who's 3 weeks ahead of me and my sister-in-law (brother in law's wife - is that still my in law?) who's a week behind. Its the smug thing for me, like kittens says. I wouldn't wish this history on anyone, but I still find myself getting slightly jealous/bitter with innocent first timers... Its a good job we're all here to share our resentment and joy! xxx

Hi everyone!

Bump envy... hmm I look about 30 weeks as all my food/gas/flab seems to sit ontop of baby bump making me look enormous.... xxx

Hi all. Just checking in to say I am alive. Confused, angry and broken but alive. I miscarried on we'd night which was a horrible experience. But Wednesday was the Jewish new yr so maybe a new yr a new start??
I just keep looking at my AMAZING daughter and can't understand why my body could make something so perfect and something else so sick. I just don't get it.

Thank u all for your thoughts and wishes tho. Xxxx

Sarah, I do hope it is a new start indeed, I am so sorry you had to go through this again. Come back in here and let us know how you are. xxxx

Oh Sarah, you poor love. I'm sorry that you've had to go through this again. Will you get referred to a genetic counsellor?

Thanks for asking Can'tdo, I am doing ok. Nervously about to start TTC again this cycle. How are you and babycant doing?

Ahhhh bump envy, after we lost Liam i felt like screaming at every bump i saw, the smug stroking particularly drove me nuts but then i sort of thought i wouldn't wish what we went through on anyone else so that kind of made me ok with them.
Anyway! hope your all well Sarah i am truely sorry for your loss and lets hope it really is a new yr and a new start for you i shall keep all my fingers and toes crossed.
Just got back from the hospital where i spoke to a doctor, booked an amnio for the 28th and she had a quick look at babys heart which she didn't seem concerned about so thats a plus, i still can't help fretting though.. i can't seem to let myself think that everythings ok and get my hopes up, i might ask them what the sex is at the amnio just to take my mind off it a bit, is anyone else having an invasive test?
XxDMxX

Hi Ladies, Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice - so helpful! I will definitely be investing in a sling so hopefully that will help. He has been a bit better over the last few days though - Like you said Numptymum he tends to just cry when he?s tired and I put him down but it does just tail off into a whimper and then he falls asleep.

I got mastitis again! last week but it?s cleared up now. I did go to a breastfeeding workshop and their advice was just to feed feed feed but easier said that done when you have a baby screaming for food and nothing left to give. I will try the fenugreek Can?t! At the minute I?m BF in the morning and early evening when I seem to have the most milk and formula feeding the rest f the time ? decided not to stress too much what will be will be ? he was a month old yesterday so has had a good start I guess ? can?t believe how quickly it?s all going!

Dramamama good news the scan showed your little one?s heart looked good, good luck with the amnio on the 28th, I know it?s a scary time but we will all be on the bench supporting you.

Ditto Gooldy ? best of luck for next weeks scan!

Coffee sorry you are feeling low hope you are feeling a little better? Likewise Stormbird hope the migraine eased up ok.

Kittens good luck with the TTC!

Sarah ? thinking of you at this difficult time x

Katie xxx

Hi katiecubs - can't believe Felix is already a month old!

Katie, you're totally right not to stress yourself too much about breastfeeding. I got so stressed with dd when she didn't want to bf (especially given that it had all been fine with ds1 and ds2). A friend of mine who's a breastfeeding counsellor came to visit and she said that really it wouldn't be the end of the world if she had to take formula! I was lucky in that I never got mastitis (ouch!), she was born at the beginning of the boys' summer holidays so I had the time to pump and get my milk supply back up and she did eventually take the breast. If she hadn't then I was quite prepared by then to say well, I did my best.

Sorry, I hope this doesn't come across to everyone as misplaced in this thread. (I have been following katiecubs' progress as we both had pregnancies with Turner's girls.) My heart goes out to you all xxx

Hi Longtime - lovely to hear from you, hope you are well!

It's silly really isn't it to put yourself under so much pressure, ss you say all you can do is try your best. Anyway he seems perfectly happy regardless!

Take care and thanks for checking in. Seems such a long time ago now when we first 'met' - how much has changed x

Hi everyone, just checking in. Haven't been near the computer much lately. News here is we have done our TTC for this cycle - now on the 2WW. Fingers crossed, hope for some miracle!

Other news is DS is starting nursery, just two mornings a week. Went today for the first hours 'visit' (where I sit in a nearby room in case he loses it). There were a couple of meltdowns in that hour - poor wee soul. I could hear him sobbing "Mama" from all the way down the corridor! Back for more on Friday. I will just keep hanging around until he is settled. We'll get there eventually.

Sarah, glad you looked in on us. I hope there are miracles ahead for you, soon. You deserve it.

Katiecubs, good to hear from you and hear about hungry Felix. Sounds like a wee Gannet, as my HV said about DS (maybe that's just a scottish saying?).

Kittens, have you got your sports car yet?

Short post as I'm v tired but I noticed article re 'low milk supply' in my BabyCentre email today, and thought it might be of interest to Katie... I also tried Fenugreek, you can get it in capsule form from health shops and it did seem to have an effect (actually I then had too much milk!). xx (zzz) NM

Hi Mimsy, good luck with the 2ww. I start trying next week.

I haven't had time to go looking at cars yet unfortunately and not quite sure when I will have. Still, no hurry as my car is fine for now. I've got my eye on a Suzuki Swift but the boot is very small for my work kit. I have a very small parking space at home so I'm quite limited in my choices but the Swift seems to be a good compromise as it comes with 5 doors and is quite fun to drive by all accounts. We'll see. I may change my mind when I test drive one.

Thanks for that Numpty i will have a look!

Good luck with the 2ww Mimsy i will keep everything crossed for you.

Happy car hunting Kittens - i know abosutely nothing about cars, i can't drive (really need to get my arse into gear on that front i have spent a fortune in lessons but get so bored i never get round to taking a test)but it sounds fun! x

Good luck mimsy! keeping everything crossed for you!

Thanks for the support Katie i am feeling a lot more possitive...tbh i don't want an amnio done at all but DP is a complete bag of nerves atm and its will be good to have all the info avaliable i supposes.
can't believe Felix is a month already!!! wow thats gone quickly!

Love to all xxxxxx

Hello lovely ladies, it's been a bit quiet in here, I hope you are all well?

I've not been up to posting myself lately, because I'm not feeling great. I'm happy to see a lot of you manage to be positive, but TBH I struggle. I'm sure part of it is my nature. And I am quite annoyed with myself because I feel I let fear control my life at the moment.

One week to go until my first anomaly scan and I'm freaking out. You all know the feeling. It's like I'm looking at the world through a glass window, not able to engage with anything. But I guess one way or another time will pass...

What a miserable post, sorry for no personals this time, I'm thinking about you all though. xxxx

Just a really quick one as I'm off to the airport in a minute for a weekend in Cologne visiting friends. Decided to make the most of weekends I can go away so we're really busy and booked up until December!

Coffee- big cuddles for you sweetie - and there are others on their way to the 20 week scan I know. There's nothing we can say which will make this week of waiting any better for you, I just wish I could. Don't worry about the fact you're worrying - don't waste energy being annoyed with yourself. I'm worrying for you too and you're not annoyed with me (I hope)! I completely freaked out the day before my scan and was in tears by the time she started. But I can tell you that 2 weeks on, I'm on top of the world and finally starting to relax (most of the time!). Just one more week sweetie and everything will be better.

Hope everyone else is ok. Crazycat - you doing alright? Haven't heard from you in a while. xxx

Hello there

Sorry it's been absolutely ages since I've posted. I've been back in that denial place again and trying not to think about being pregnant at all. I seem to have a million appointments coming up though. In the next two weeks I have a midwife appt, scan, and two consultant appointments (due to really awful birth and tearing last time). Preparing to do battle over continuous monitoring again as that's what scuppered my last labour. Don't think I have the emotional energy though really.

20 week scan is looming for me too - Coffee my next scan is a week after yours. Feeling very nervous indeed, and I can understand just how difficult this next scan is going to be for you.

I haven't caught up on the thread so just wanted to say hello to everybody really, and hope that we're all doing ok. Poot have a lovely time in Cologne. Great idea to max out your weekends!

Will check in again early next week, have a lovely Sunday everyone xx