Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

Wow kittens - they have done a really thorough job haven't they. It seems to me to be a positive thing that they've found something from the tests, although not that they've found something potentially negative - if you see what I mean? I can't help thinking that finding an issue and then suggesting a possible remedy (ie the aspirin) should be a more positive thing than just telling you its bad luck and to keep trying. I hope that its a bit positive for you too? Its progress sweetie, and potentially progress which could mean things are more likely to work out next time. I don't know a lot about clotting disorders, but I am glad to hear you're seeing a blood specialist. Blood clots are not to be messed with really, so glad you're in safe hands.

So sorry to hear your back is a problem too! And sounds like an evil week of work (stunt dogs excluded) so good luck with that. Shame to have to put TTC on hold another month, but I'm really hopeful that progress is being made so I think you're right to wait. Thinking of you honey. xxxx

Hello to everyone else and big welcome to Wombat. Coffee - I'm in danger of joining you on the negativity front at the moment. I've been feeling progressively more concerned the last few days and have just realised this is the longest I've been so far without a scan. Guess I'm just in need of regular reassurance. Wombat's right though - expecting the worst now won't make it any easier if (heaven forbid) there is a problem, so we should all try and remember that and enjoy these times while we can. I'll try and focus on positive thoughts over the weekend and come back to you if I come up with anything inspirational. In the meantime, big kisses for you and everyone else. xxxx

Numpty, I have stepped away from the internet and will leave it to the experts to tell me what's what. I got my dates wrong, it's the 6th - a monday!

Sorry to hear you're feeling anxious again LittlePoot. I guess it's inevitable. Just take it one day at a time. When's your next scan?

(in case you wonder why I know 5 Sept is a Sunday, we're having a party for DS that afternoon. Let the chaos commence!)

Aaarghh! A house full of toddlers. Should be hilarious. I am envisaging strategically hidden vodka bottles to calm your nerves!

Speaking from (my mother's) exerience of my own 3rd birthday party.... make sure you hide the felt tips!

We've hired church hall - I'm not THAT brave/foolhardy... also i can use playgroup toys

Good thinking!

Hello everyone! I hope you are all well?!

I apologise now for a totally self indulged post.

I have had a lousy week last week, I had what seemed to be a head cold that turned out to be a 5 day hormone induced migraine. I thought my left eye was going to explode. I spent most of last week in the fetal position on the sofa or running to the bathroom to be sick. Dr wasn't much use and just told me to keep taking the paracetamol (that didn't help) and rest!!

Then had the inlaws turn up on Friday night to help re-lay a few slabs on the patio and they didn't leave until Sunday night at 6ish. I cooked and ran round for them all weekend!!

And Finally.... massive row with my OH this morning about somehing that his parents said to me that was frankly very rude I thought but I should have apparently bitten my lip becuase they had come to do me a favour.

And I'm now on a count down for the next scan on the 1st Sept.....

Sorry had to get that out, I think the stress in the build up to the scan is getting to me.

Love to all, I promise not to be so miserable and moany next post!

xxxxxx

Gosh, so much to catch up on, just realised I haven't posted in a week.

Gina your weekend sounds like it was hard work. All that much harder with the upcoming scan weighing on your mind and don't forget those PG hormones making everything seem that bit more irritating!

Poot, Coffee, I can join you in the nervous camp. I was ok-ish for a week after the nuchal scan but my mind is wandering again. Especially at night. I keep having dreams that my baby has died or that I've imagined being pregnant, or that there is something terribly wrong. Horrid. Counting down to next midwife appt on 2nd Sept when hopefully she'll listen for a heartbeat and I might feel ok again, at least to get me through to 20wk scan on 3rd Oct. Such a long time away...

Kittens that is interesting that they have found something in relation to blood clotting. I am guessing this is something that is treatable? I am sure it's an awful lot to take in to find out there is an issue of some kind rather than just being 'bad luck', but does it make it easier to move forward? Hope you're doing ok.

There seems to be an awful lot of house moving on this thread! We have decided to bring our relocation to the south coast forward and the house went on the market today. If we can't sell it before Christmas we'll let it and rent down there for a bit. Bit daunted by the prospect of a move, but we're desperate for a different lifestyle.

I read something yesterday about moving house being a displacement activity for other things in your life that you're unhappy about. Now thinking that with the shitty year we've had, this could well be a major part of it. Hope we're not jumping the gun .

Love to everybody and welcome to Wombat, sorry I'm way behind on everything this week! xx

Hi all, just popped in to see how you all are (6am here, feeding Bella). I'm in a gorgeous little seaside town atm, Apollo Bay, which is on the south coast of Oz. Staying with DH's grandparents, who are from England. DH's grandad was diagnosed with cancer of the colon in Feb (he's 90 mind you!), and so we thought we had better visit and introduce him to his latest great-grandchild. For having cancer and being 90 he is in such good health. They both are, it's amazing.

Gina, Littlepoot and Coffee - I totally understand your fears and wish I had an answer for you to help alleviate them once and for all. But of course that's impossible, and until your babies are in your arms, you will probably have them to some extent. What helped me in the short term though, was to kind of talk to myself (silently of course!) like a gentle friend, telling myself it's okay, of course I would feel like that, but that everything would be okay, the fears were just that - fears, and had very little bearing on reality etc etc. I also used to read the normal pregnancy threads occassionally, just to show myself how many woman were pregnant/giving birth without incident, and why couldn't/shouldn't that be me this time. These two strategies did help, even if for a short time. I also hired a Doppler, which of course can't reassure re:abnormalities, though I found it very reassuring to listen listen to the heartbeat every so often. May the days til your next scans pass quickly ladies xx
Btw Gina, sounds like you truly have been tested lately. I hope your migraine's gone now (hideous things)

Kittens, hopefully some light will be shed at your next appt, a plan formulated, and you can get on with ttc mext month. Glad you have work to keep yourself busy (and away from Google) this week xx

Numpty, I was supposed to return to work this July but extended it (now without pay) until Jan 22nd, which is the maximum time I can have. Now I'm actually thinking of not nursing for a few years, and doing family daycare instead. At least until Bella goes to school. With DH being away, childcare is hard when you do shiftwork. I have mil, but bil lives with her and he constantly smokes in the house, and their pool gate is always open etc etc I'd only worry all the time. I'd be giving up a great job in ICU, which I only just got, but heyho...
Is BabyJ already 2 months? It goes so quick from that newborn to infant stage. Would love to hear from Allstars.. Have fun on the 5th xx

Well Bella is back to sleep, but now the sun is rising. Debating whether to go back to sleep or not...decisions, decisions. Good to catch up with you all xxx

Hi ladies, it's been a few days since I haven't posted. How is everyone?

Kittens, I hope being busy is a welcome distraction. Numpty is right, Google is not always a good idea (says Coffee, who spends her life googling!). It really seems to me that things can only improve, having a diagnosis and treatment will hopefully give you some peace of mind. Whatever peace of mind means for us, anxious wrecks...

Mishta, Apollo Bay sounds lovely. I am also lurking on the pregnancy threads, and I am sometimes amazed that things can go so well, and that there are so many women who make so many plans before having the anomaly scan... my perception is skewed, I live in a world of loss.

Gina, I hope today is better? Pregnancy hormones + migraine + rude remarks do not mix well. And of course, the run-up to the scan... does this mean you are 18 weeks next week? I am sure waiting is a nightmare, mine is not for another 4 and a half weeks and already when I think about it my stomach is in knots. I hope you are busy and the days pass quickly.

As for me, I am not in a good place... again. I don't know how to write about it without sounding like I'm moaning. Anyway, I just feel overwhelmed, not able to deal with all this very well. I also had an argument (on the phone) with my dad, who lives 3000 miles away. He lives alone and he is quite lonely as well, so I am all he has, which puts a lot of pressure on me, as I can barely take care of myself these months. And he is always giving me a guilt trip, which I can't deal with at the moment.

Also, I feel that since we lost Silvia I've become quite isolated as well, it's as if there is this invisible wall between me and everybody else. I lost a baby, they didn't, and everyone expects me to be over it, which I am not. I don't really feel like talking about this pregnancy with anyone, and I am losing my patience when talking to people as they don't seem to have a clue!

Anyway, rant over, sorry for a me post again. Hello to everyone, and I hope to come up with a more cheerful post next time. Much love xxxx

Hello all. Very quick one with some vaguely good news. Got my combined numbers (finally) and 1:11084. Quite pleased.

I am so sorry for all not feeling upbeat at the moment. Fearing the worst during our pregnancies is inevitable for us all. I can only combat it by not thinking about the pregnancy at all. I haven't told anyone, don't talk about it and carry on as normal, and now I am not so obnoxiously tired I am finding this the easiest course. I think there is no answer to the problem. It is just time that we have to wait to pass and each of us pass it in the best way we can.

Coffee, be selfish at this moment with your father. My mother has just come through treatment for Kidney cancer and is very depressed about her treatment and prospects. I try to be as sympathetic as I can and to go over as often as I can but she is very good at the guilt thing (you're so far away, you don't know how I feel etc etc). Since she doesn't know I am pregnant I can't expect her to take my worries into account but it can be very wearing. Deep breaths is the only thing for it, as it is for in laws Gina. My inlaws is a topic I will write a book on one day. They are the most bizarre people and I can barely tolerate them in the house in a non pregnant state. Again, in the absence of the possibility of a G&T, distance and deep breaths is the only strategies I can employ.

Finally hello Wombat. I am quite new to this thread too but have already found it more help than I can quantify in this desperately worrying time.

Hello to all!

Rachel what fantastic figures! I bet you are thrilled at that result!! I agree totally re the Inlaws and bearable with a G&T comment, I normally have to be plastered.....

Coffee Its difficult when you feel changed and the rest of the world continues as usual. Its almost as if they expect you to be back to normal but thats impossible isn't it?!!? I have no words of wisdom as I feel battered this week also. I guess time is the healer....

18 weeks next week, scan is at lunchtime on Wed 1st. Trying to keep busy, I have a lot on at work as one of our male employees has been looking at hardcore porn at work, going onto dating sites to meet women for sex and trying to get an ex girlfriend to have an affair with him all on work computers and time. I have to get the evidence together and write to him about a hearing and then I guess sack him if he doesn't fall o his sword..... its a bit gross actually especially as he is married with a 3yr old daughter.....

Apologies for my negative post yesterday, just felt that I had to get it all out!

Gina, my mother in law is t total, religious in a judgmental rather than a supportive and forgiving way, skinny and disapproves of me. She causes me to need to drink and then looks at me very pityingly. Last time she was here about a month ago I was actually reduced to scream therapy in my front hall. She thought something (other than her) was desperately wrong and came running down. Needless to say I was a little embarrassed afterwards but that is the kind of effect she has on me. My only consolation is that everything about my husband is a reaction to his parents. On every level that they are disagreeable he is unbelievably nice.

Rachel it sounds like we have the same MIL . They can really test your patience at times...

Great news about your combined result! That's a lovely low risk. I'm feeling nervous about mine again now, even though I'm categorised as low risk (1:3000 as per NT and bloods, 1:750 if adjusted for previous T21 baby).

Gina that's horrid re employee and his dirty antics. I don't envy you having to deal with that. Hope he sees sense and resigns.

Right, off to pick up DD from nursery and then spend the night looking at properties online and dreaming .

Also, why am I still feeling sick at nearly 15 weeks? When will it eeeeeend?

hi all,

can i join??

my name is sarah and I live in London, I am a religious Jew and I have 1 DD aged 2.5

I am currently 11+5 days pregnant and terrified. In March I had a termination for a baby with Triploidy. We found out at 15 weeks and decided to wait for it to happen naturally which we kept being told it would.. but it didnt and i couldnt cope anymore. So i was induced on the 26th March.

I had the easiest pregnancy and birth and baby with dd1 and this was a huge shock to me.

I relate so much to what some of you have said about feeling apart from everyone else becasue i have lost a baby and they havent. I dont think they will ever understand that I will never move past it.

This time called the FMU in UCH and asked specifically to speak to the midwife who dealt with me last time. and she agreed to book me in to see Dr Pandya who was the dr I was under last time. Its bizzarre that i want to see him since he was the man that gave me the worst news of my life... but i trust him and believe that what he tells me is the truth. Plus he is a bloody good dr.
anyway, after that... i think ill be sticking around here. looks nice and comfy :)

sorry forgot to state that we terminated at 24 weeks

Hello Sarah, and a hug and a welcome. So sorry to hear your story, those 9 weeks and the months afterwards must have been the hardest time.

Being pregnant again after going through all that is such an odd mixture of emotions, fears and hopes. I'm guessing that at 11+5 you must be coming up to your nuchal scan? I was very anxious indeed before mine. The anxiety is still there, but getting through that first scan is a big milestone.

UCH is an excellent hospital. I can completely understand your reassurance at seeing the same consultant. There is something settling in the continuity of care, even if the memories are so painful.

This is a very supportive and lovely place to be when you need an understanding ear or an empathetic voice.

Just popping on to say congratulations to Rachael for your great results.

I'm cream crackered after two 5.30am starts and 13 hour days at work. Only 3 more to go.... Zzzzzz. Hence me not being on here much.

Welcome to Sarahmia. I am sorry to hear your story. I too am under the care of UCH who have provided me with excellent care. Although it's been a big struggle with 3 miscarriages and 2 TS21 pregnancies I do feel lucky, at least, to have such a supportive team behind me. I wish you all the best with your Nuchal scan. They do seem to go the extra mile. It's a double edged sword, I am so sick of seeing the inside of the basement and first floor of the EGA Wing, and wonder if I will ever make it any higher than the first floor but, like you say, the continuity of care is reassuring.

Catlady, my question is why am I still feeling like I've been hit by the tiredness bus? I am waiting for this to pass!

I am obviously pleased to be "low risk" after last time but somehow the fact it's low risk not no risk means I won't feel comfortable until we've got through 20 weeks and the cardiology. However I have finally managed to text the news to my parents. My mum is not great on the phone so thought text was the easy (coward's) way out!

Sarah hello and so so sorry to hear your story. It must have been unbelievably traumatic to terminate at 24 weeks. Nothing can make the loss or the shock easier. I do, though, find it comforting that there are others out there who have been through such parallel situations and heartaches and sometimes express such similar feelings to mine. It sounds like a cliche, but you are not alone. Fingers crossed for you as you approach your nuchal scan.

Must do some work today. Yesterday after the news I felt completely unable to do anything. I'd been waiting for so long for the magic number that I felt kind of numb when it finally arrived!

thanks ladies..

can i ask, are there alot of women on here who have gone on to have successfull pregnancies after a chromosonal abnormality?

Welcome Sarah - quick reply as I'm one of the ladies who now has a baby and I have to get my DS from nursery in a mo. Yes, there are quite a number of ladies who now have babies - Lins, Mishtabel, Shangrila, Katerina, Cantdothisagain, me, Allstarsprincess and Katiecubs (hoping I've not missed anyone...). So there is hope! Although that does not prevent the fears - no innocent misty visions about the baby arriving, more like dread of each scan until mid-pregnancy for most. So this is a great place to share your fears and get support.

So sorry to hear your story; I really hope you get good support to see you through the coming weeks.

Must dash! xx

thanks numpty truth is at this point i cant imagine this pregnancy ending in a baby.. altho i am sure i-just felt a little baby -flutter. shhh

Hi Sarahmia and welcome. I had a successful pregnancy following my first pregnancy (T18 Edwards syndrome). I found this thread when I started trying for another baby, and it has been a lifeline for me. Not currently pregnant, but about to start TTC again (had 3 MCs in a row, rotten luck).

CrazyCat where is your house? My bro and fam are coming to london for a year and wanting to rent - he'll be working at St Georges. I am not sure how, but I somehow have the idea that you are in that area.

GinaFB less than a week to your scan. I hope it flies.

To all those with nerves.... I hope you can each find something to calm and reassure you. I never found what that was, though yoga did help a bit.

Kittens I think I will be joining you with the baby aspirin thing. GP recommended it, and I will run it past the MC clinic when I go there on 2nd Sept. Did you read the article on recurrent MC in the Observer this Sunday? I cried.

BTW how were the Stunt Dogs? Did you have to do their makeup??? My mind is boggling.

I've got my italian rellies here at the moment, with their 3 bambini. It is very interesting to see how italian kids rule the roost (especially the boys). Mamma mia.

They are about to arrive home and I have to go 'butta la pasta'! Gotta run. x

Evening all (morning Mishtabel ),

Wave to the newbies Wombat and Sarah, you are in very good company here! Sarah i am a very recent graduate of the thread - it sounds wierd to to me still to say that i now have a 12 day old

I would like to say all is well with me but i have been rarther ill the last few days - OH forced me to go to the doctors and turns out i have infectious mastitis. Helps further explain the pain while trying to BF and why my cracked nipples won't heal. At the moment i'm expressing every three hours, then feeding Felix, and then topping up with formula as i can't get enough breat milk out to satisfy him - it's a hell of a lot of work and very hard to do when feeling fluey. Have anti - biotics now though so hopefully it will clear up soon. I'm still holding out some hope that i will get him back on the boob but after a few days of just bottles but we will have to see. Feel quite down about the fact that breast feeding may not work out - i think i really underestimated how difficult it would be (for me anyway). On the plus side Felix is super lovely and being an absolute angel - have been warned that will probably change when he starts spending more time awake though!

Kittens glad to hear you have some potential answers even if it has put your head into a bit of a spin, like the others have said hopefully it will mean you can formulate a plan and move forwards.

Rachel congrats on such great results!

Coffee sorry you are having a tough time, how are you feeling today?

Love to everyone else - hope all the pregnant ladies are feeling well and trying to remain as calm (i know?!) as possible x

Mastitis is miserable, sorry to hear you've got it katie. I had three bouts of it in the early days of feeding DD. The good news is that the antibiotics will kick in really quickly and you should feel much better in a day or two.

I know how painful it is, but you can keep feeding through mastitis if you feel you can bear it. I found it easier than faffing about with the pump, it was so hard to get milk out during a bout, but DD seemed to be able to do it more efficiently, and if you're worried about getting Felix back on the boob it might help, even just to reassure you.