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support thread for women who have chosen to terminate IV

998 replies

bezzyk · 20/10/2009 16:33

Hello ladies old and new.

Here's hoping this thread brings better luck and much happiness.

Lots of love

BK xx

OP posts:
katiecubs · 20/10/2009 17:39

Hey Bezzy,
I think this is going to be a good one, i can feel it!
Katie xx

brightongirl · 20/10/2009 18:15

Hello Bezzy, Hi Katiecubs, Hello everyone,

What a lovely new thread. It's good to be back.

Cant, you are very much in my thoughts today.

And, as Katiecubs said, I think this new thread will be a better one for all of us.

Linspins, how are doing? When is your house move? I hope it is all going through smoothly.

I have to say, I feel a little out of touch with the thread, so if I say ask something that's old news, I'm sorry...I'll catch up properly soon. It all moves so, so quickly.

Bezz, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you last weekend when the tears came. How are you now, my love? I wish I'd logged in then.

And Bee? Is your house abuzz at the moment? Are the radio-4-listening workmen gone?

Tree? Your name change confused me there a little bit. The ED is an amazing thing to do. Can I be nosey and ask to see Christening photos and your lovely Kath Kidston dress?

Justa - congratulations for boy3, very exciting.

Shangrila, did you ever get an answer to your acquired antibodies, anti-K worries? Sorry if I've missed this discussion on the thread. I will look back.

Eulalia - you must be in Spain right now. Hope it's sunny there,

Hi to Luckwinner, Mishta, Katiecubs, MrsVictor, pelvicflawed, Peanuthead, hope everyone's ok today. I'm sorry if I've missed anyone out.

I know it's been very tough recently. Just reading back the last few pages of the Thread III, I can feel the pain and sadness. For me, it's been nearly 4 and a half months and it really does get easier to laugh (first laughs for me were on this thread, I think) and to do other things again and function more normally. It comes back, but very slowly and you just have to take your own time.

I really have missed everyone here. I had to have some time out from thinking about what happened in order to get my wedding things together and had to put my mind in another head...or whatever, maybe you know what I'm trying to say. But, I've never been far away and I'm really happy to be back on this new thread now.

I have two pieces of good news. I found a job...finally. So, will at last, be out of the house in a couple of weeks time (is there an apostrophe there?). I realised that the past few months (it really is months already) have been made all the more worse by not having a place of work to go to. But, that's all in the past now.

...slight worries over the ethics of taking a job when I'm thinking about trying again very soon...only thinking, mind...but, I can't 'not' take a job on the basis that I 'might' fall pregnant and it 'might' work out this time. So, I suppose, here's hoping I have to have an awkward talk with my new employers in a few months.

The other thing is that I found a new wedding dress and it's a 'proper' one this time. All ivory and silk and gorgeous. I've had fittings and will probably get a tiara too. So, all is well there. We changed the venue and it all feels sufficiently different this time to not remind me too much of what happened last time...although, just writing that brings a tear to my eye. Maybe, it still is a bit too linked in my head.

A final 'funny - not ha-ha' twist of coincidences is that our wedding party (the actual wedding day is just a small do with family) with our friends is on my due date. It had to be, else too many people wouldn't have been able to come. So, the interwoven thread of my termination being caught up so closely with the wedding, will hopefully come to an end. I'll have the party and see it as the start of a new chapter. Never forgetting, of course, but there will be no more weddings or parties to coincide with traumatic and sad events after that day.

So, that's me. Can we go back to our cottage again - with a hearty fire and fluffly - fluffy even - blankets on settees. I'm sorry to hear the hard times people have been having recently. The change in weather and darker evenings don't help.

I'll just pop out and get some more logs for the fire.

Much love to everyone, xxx

brightongirl · 20/10/2009 18:17

Oh, my goodness, I didn't mean to write such a long posting....oops.

justaboutautumn · 20/10/2009 18:22

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luckywinner · 20/10/2009 18:28

Hi everyone, wow a lovely shiny new thread. I hope it gets filled with lots more good than bad.

Brightongirl, I also haven't been on the thread so much but like to check in on everyone from time to time and wave at the lovelies that helped me through a very tough time.

Your wedding plans sound fab. I am glad that you are feeling more positive about it. I think last time we 'spoke' you were feeling a bit wobbly.

I often think of you all. Linspins, I am doing a lot of serious baby knitting and would love to make your new baby a hat, but appreciate you don't 'know' me that well and would be a bit weird.

Busier, how you getting along? Have the builders finished yet?

Tree, how's dd getting on in reception? My ds is struggling a bit, but I think mainly thats due to tiredness.

Hello to everyone else and lots of love to you all.
lw x

pelvicflawed · 20/10/2009 18:40

Just checking in to say hi to you - thanks for your posts last week - sorry I'm such a dipper in and out of the thread. DH has been signed off work which is quite a relief - he's seeing the GP again in a week so we'll se where we go from there. Having a few days away later this week - a belated 40 birthday treat (can't believe I'm 40 - keeping looking round for the grown up and realise thats me!!!!).

Anyway had fun at Bob the Builder last week!!! - I think I was singing the songs louder than DS - sad eh!!. Went to Guides last night (I'm a leader for my sins) and had a great laugh with an indoor campfire - signing dodgy songs and eating bannans and chocolate - ahh the chance to be a kid again!!.

Thoughts and love to you all thinking of you all.

PF

linspins · 20/10/2009 20:29

Hello everyone,
just checking in to this new thread and lovely to see Brightongirl. Brill news about your job and so glad you are doing ok with all the wedding plans, - I remember writing about it being a celebration of love. It sounds like you are pretty positive about it, hurrah to lovely wedding dresses.

Lucky, ahhhhh, that's such a sweet thought about the hat. Made a little tear come to my eye. I am really struggling with imagining this baby in my life, and it feels very surreal. I'm hoping the counselling this week will begin to chip away at questions like 'why am I so cross to be pregnant?!!!" and other confusing feelings.

Sounds like there are a lot of us who dip in and out of the thread now, which is good in a way cos it means life is moving on for some and others maybe need less support, but we all know where to come back to.

Have got tartan rugs to go on the sofas of the cottage, and probably warm soup and very buttery bread for you all.

hugs to all. xxxxx

treedelivery · 20/10/2009 20:45

Shiny thread!!

Hello everyone - been manic here. I don't actually know why. Saturday was many appointments, and Sunday I took a day out to the nearest city [50 miles or so] to see some real shops. I only got 2 hours as I was so late leaving but still managed to buy a wooly hat for the school run

DD1 is ok at school LW. She is very clear you knowm very able to express herself. 'Do you like school?' 'Yes, but what a lot of it there is. Much more week than weekend mummy'
@Whats the best bit about school?' 'Coming home'

So - she enjoys and seems happy at the end of the day, but would rather be at home and have a shorter week. Can't say fairer than that!

Hello BG - congratulations on finding the dress!! It's great this magic event is working it's magic and drawing you in to the world of shiny things and happy planning. Enjoy the planning - it's the best and longest bit!!

Lins - good luck for the therapy. I found that I got out what I put in, bloody hard work but over time I learnt so many life skills. YOu are brave, it will help you I am certain. I couldn't imagine a rl baby in rl clothes till about 30 weeks with my 2nd, and I had nothing like the traumas you have had. I went to the baby show to try and hormone myself up a bit. I also started researching wachable nappies and found the 'project' helped. All will be well, just ride it out.

Glad you had a good Bob outing PF I am glad that your huby is doing something so sensible and sensitive to all your needs. I hope you have a great time away.

I need to go find the other thread!!! Big waves to Bezzy and Katie and BusierBee and all.

treedelivery · 20/10/2009 21:14

Hugs to Cant. What a week. Big hand holds.

linspins · 20/10/2009 21:37

Also Big hugs to Can'tdothisgain this week. Lots of milestones. Thinking of you. xxxx

justaboutautumn · 21/10/2009 16:05

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Cantdothisagain · 21/10/2009 18:37

I like that, Justa, he has the right idea!

Hi everyone. Thanks to Bezzy for starting the new thread. I do hope this is a lucky one.

Lins, hope the counselling goes okay.

Hi Brightongirl - you sound so much happier. I am so pleased for you!

Hello to everyone else. I am soaked to the skin and tired, so just wanted to say thank you for the virtual support yesterday. My next anniversary is the termination itself - anniversary on Saturday. Have to say though these dates don't feel real. The whole thing feels like a prolonged bad dream. Which it is!

Hi Bee, missing and missed. Hope you are still peaceful.

Thank you all for being here; may this thread be as supportive as its predecessors.

treedelivery · 21/10/2009 19:31

Hello Cant!!! My profile is live if you want to see pics of the girls

Well done on getting through so far this week.

Am liking your boy Justa. I got a few 'Mummy, once my sister is out will you ever get up?'

treedelivery · 21/10/2009 19:46

I hope this cottage has a good roof. Its pouring!

Sound of the rain on the roof very good for the prolonged bad dream Cant. Soothing on the troubled mind. x

Cantdothisagain · 21/10/2009 19:49

Oh Tree the girls are gorgeous! DD1 is very beautiful and DD2 is so cute. And all your self-deprecating comments about your own appearance are clearly untrue - you look lovely too.

By the way, I never got the whole real nappy thing. I think I do now I've seen your pic. My Pampers disposable look very sad in comparison! I thought the washable ones were all white/off-white/grey!!!

treedelivery · 21/10/2009 19:52

Oh Cant - don't get me started on my nappies.....

luckywinner · 21/10/2009 20:26

Tree your dds are beautiful. Your eldest has the same colour hair as ds. And my washable nappies never looked so elegant .

Justa I completely agree, Tree's dd has summed it up. Makes me a teeny bit though when I think he is only 4. Your job sounds the most important though. I'd like that job too, soon.

We went swimming today and there was a lady there v pregnant, I'd guess 8 months with a lovely tummy. Ds just stared at her the whole time she was getting changed, silently thank god as when we got home he said to me 'that lady had a big tummy. Did she eat lots of lunch?'. And when I explained to him about her being pregnant, his response was 'but she had 1000 wrinkles, just like a granny'. Thank god he kept silent in the changing room.

treedelivery · 21/10/2009 20:28

Rifk at your ds luckywinner. I hope you get the job

How many emotions a simple thought produces!

Cantdothisagain · 21/10/2009 21:02

Lucky, I am sorry but I am laughing at your DS's comment. I was thinking it would have been okay to say she had eaten a lot since pregnant women are MEANT to have big bellies... but then the wrinkles bit... oh dear.

Good luck with the job, am thinking of you xx

treedelivery · 21/10/2009 21:12

Rifk?? ROFL!!

justaboutautumn · 21/10/2009 21:33

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treedelivery · 21/10/2009 21:42

...

luckywinner · 21/10/2009 22:01

It did make me . I asked him then if I had any wrinkles and he said 'oh no, you are not a granny'. Am not sure whether this means I look youthful or not! Cheered me up a lot though. He has been coming out with some brilliant ones, mainly to do with God as he is at a church school. I'll save them for when we all need a bit of cheering up.

Am working on the big belly lady job. Going to wait a couple of months as dd is starting her big school in Sept and thought it might be a bit much for her and me if we threw a new baby into the mix. Or am I just thinking too much?

Tree I thought rifk was some super clever acronym. It took me ages to work out lmao on another forum I used to read.

treedelivery · 21/10/2009 22:07

We had dd2 in Jan, and dd1 stated mid sept this term. I planned for her to arrive about now-ish really but there you go. DD has been very accepting and not at all bothered about the school/sibling mix thing. I think it depends on your child. They are all so different, but essentially loving and nuturing.

linspins · 21/10/2009 22:18

So, there I am putting Dd to bed, and sitting quietly in her room in the dark while she (tries) to fall asleep. After a quiet spell, out of the blue come her little voice "Want to play with Amy and Daisy, but (slight tremble in voice) they are so far away....." (tiny sob).
God it's amazing how stuff like that is like a solid thump in the chest. My eyes just welled up, my throat went all tight. Urgh.
Then she's back to 'Mummy I want a drink' and more mundane stuff.
Had to tell someone about this.
Off to bed now!
xxx