support thread for women who have chosen to terminate IV

[bezzyk]

Hello ladies old and new.

Here's hoping this thread brings better luck and much happiness.

Lots of love

BK xx

Congrats Brighton Girl sounds like you had a super day!! :-)

Happy bonfire night everyone else - hope you get to see lots of nice fireworks. Got my scarf, gloves and hat today so i can stand on the common roasty toasty and enjoy the show!

Katie xxx

BrightonGirl, the idea of your confetti is so beautiful. So glad the day went well, you sound very happy.

Am busy Autumn cleaning. Not sure if we are doing a bonfire in the garden, weather bit iffy (although beautiful at the moment) but will go to public display at the weekend.

Yes, how did you guess, Cant ;-) Am MrsBrightongirl now. A nice evolution. I'll post a photo on my user when I get them back from the photographer. Hopefully will be quite soon.

I am still behind on everyone's news. Will try to catch up this weekend. I'm just so tired, I don't know how you all carry on with little ones to look after and consistent lack of sleep. For me it's just been a week of craziness and I'm knocked out.

Hugs to everyone,
Mrs BG xx (does that sound old?) I'm still calling my biscuit-maker 'partner'...I can't use the word husband yet!

MrsBrightongirl sounds lovely. The girl bit stops it sounding old anyway! I found the husband bit a bit weird to start with too. Like playing at being a grownup. He kept calling me wifey to wind me up....
I kept my maiden name at work, so I have a dual identity.

Looking forward to the pics. I was going to ask if you get a holiday/honeymoon at all, then twigged that you've had lots of holidays already this year (to France, lucky you).

Hi everyone else.

Hi Everyone
I hope you dont mind me joining your group. I have lost 2 babies in the last 5 months, 1 through natural miscarriage and the other I decided to terminate because I found out it had Edwards syndrome at the 12 week scan and CVS. Feeling pretty desperate and sad and wondering whether I am going to ever be a mummy again. I am 36 and have a healthy 2 year old. Your comments and help would be very helpful xxx

Welcome Tori,

So sorry to hear of your losses - 2 babies in just five months is so unfair.

I sadly had a termination two months ago now for Turners syndrome. It was my first pregnancy and it was a big nasty shock.

There are lots of lovely ladies here who can offer you advice and support, Some i think are in quite similar positions to yourself.

Katie xxx

Hi Katie
So sorry to hear about your loss too. Got my fingers crossed for you and everyone else on this thread that things will eventually work out xxx

Hi Tori, welcome to the thread. As I said on the other thread, I lost one baby a year ago - terminated for Turners syndrome, like Katie [people tend to think Turners syndrome isnt fatal, but it can be- there are variants, and my baby at 12 weeks was clearly not going to make it] then another at 20 weeks who had renal anagesis (no kidneys, and thus no lungs), another condition incompatible with life. I also have a 2 year old DD.

There are people on this thread who have had 2 terminations and are now in late stages of pregnancy with healthy babies. Others have had miscarriages. I think we need to keep hope or we go mad, but it's so hard to stay hopeful, I know. We have to try to keep each other going!

Hi Tori, I saw your other thread and hoped you'd make it over here to join us - although it is in very sad circumstances, glad you are here.
I am 37 now (god that sounds old!!) and have had two terminations, and also have a lovely bouncy healthy 3 year old dd. I am also now 29 weeks pregnant, and not really enjoying the rollercoaster. I 'lost' my first baby, Amy, in 2004, after problems showed up at the 20 week scan - further tests found severe heart defects and problems with brain growth. It was the most heart wrenching, devastating and painful decision to let her go and it took me a long time to 'recover' and find a new way of living life. We then had our dd in 2006, and had plenty of support and scans in that pregnancy.
I started this year pregnant, happy and hopeful, but it all came crashing down when things didn't look right at the 12 week scan. 5 weeks of testing and waiting and soul searching ended with us making the choice to let another baby go. I delivered Daisy in March.
Surprisingly for me I got pregnant in the first cycle (it usually take me over a year!), and that's where I am now, fat and waddling around with my fourth/second baby.
Both the babies we lost had chromosomal abnormalities, but different to each other - Amy's was an un-named one, Daisy had a version of DiGeorge Syndrome.
I know how much of a shock it is to have a baby diagnosed with something and then have to work out what to do. There are no right answers and it feels like your world crashing down.
We were told the old 'lightening doesn't strike twice' saying, and unless you/your partner are carrying genes that would cause genetic problems, it is VERY rare for there to ever be a problem again. So the likelihood is a big fat 'YES' you will be a Mummy again. It is so hard to pick yourself up and start again, after such awful sadness, and only you will know when the time is right. Have you heard of ARC? This is a charity that can support you too, and they have a parents on-line forum.
You have one lovely child, so you can do it - hold on the them tight.
Vent your anxiety/grief/frustration/sadness or whatever here, there are so many emotions to be worked through. If you want to share more of your 'story' it would be sympathetically and gently received. You will find this a really supportive place, so use it as much or as little as you need.
Very best wishes to you. Lins xxx

Mrsbrightongirl! Loved your news of wedding day, it brought tears to my eyes. What an emotional journey you have been on, and it sounds like a new sparkly chapter is beginning. Congratulations and very best wishes to you both.

A big hello to everybody else. I am still reading the thread, and am here, but haven't had the energy to contribute recently.
29 weeks now, and feeling ...heavy. Had a 'fetal well-being scan' recently - it really should be called a mummy well-being scan cos it was just for reassurance. All measuring ok and looking normal.
Had two sessions of counselling now, it's going well. The lady is so lovely and the words just flow, and the tears. LOTS to work through, but good to begin to clear the minefield of thoughts. Still not really bonding or excited yet, but am taking it little by little.
Hopefully moving house in about 3 weeks?! Blimey, it takes a long time and lots of faffing about with solicitors.

I know some of you here have had such difficult times in RL recently, sending you all big hugs.

Bee, I know you lurk now, like me - but love to you. xxx

Off to bed now, hopefully not to be woken to many times in night by Dd.

Love to all, Lins xxxxx

Hello everyone, and big hello and welcoime to tori1973, I am sorry you have to be here, but very happy you are here to share whatever bits of your journey you wish to.

I have a mega real life invasion going on, hence my being awol a few days [since Wed I think]. I will be back Monday.

x

Hi all, quiet here this weekend, we must be all having busy weekends.
Tori, hello again. Just wondered if you had been offered any counselling? Like that old BT advert says, 'it's good to talk'! - here, or anywhere. Hope you are ok. xx

Katiecubs, hope you enjoyed the fireworks!

Lins xx
ps. does anyone else find it disconcerting to have a biscuit emoticon on the screen - I keep wanting to eat jammy dodgers now!!

Welcome Tori,

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. This is a good place for help and advice. I'm glad you found us. I'd recommend the ARC too as Linspins mentioned. It took me months before I called them, but I was really glad when I did.

Lins, I'm so happy your latest scan was good. Best of luck with your house move...you take on a lot at once!

Boy, I found it very difficult getting up and going to work this morning. It's definitely time to get the woolly gloves out. This morning it was freezing at Brighton station.

Hope everyone is keeping warm and snug.

BG xx

Just read your wedding day post MrsBB. Beautiful. I know that was a beautiful sight.

Hi everyone, I spy tumbleweed! Hope you're all okay.

Yes winter seems to have set in here, too. Needing lots of heating and layers and mugs of hot chocolate. Plus starting to feel all Christmassy...

Lins, glad your mummy reassurance scan went well. And the counselling sounds like its doing its job. I wouldnt worry about getting excited - it'll come. Did you decide what to do about the ski trip in December?

Justa, some alchoholic cake here please since you have some spare.

Tree, read your other thread, boo to your naughty ovaries and uterus, but hope they behave for the next scan. How was DD2 on the train?

Brighton, how's married life?

Hope you're okay Tori. And everyone who's quiet... MrsV... Bee... Bezzy... Shangrila - where have you gone?

I'm still here can't you are right though it is quiet, i hope all those absent at the mo are ok esp Mrs V. it's been AGES?

Bloody freezing today BG - deffo time for the mittens! Christmas is on it's way though and i am already getting excited, i love this time of year!

Lins i'm very happy to hear everything is all well with your big bump and the counselling is helping - not long to go now! Good luck with the move.

Katie xxx

Justa. Maybe it's because you are very close to God. It's a very holy time of year afterall, and maybe your subconscious is needing an outlet for all the, y'know, Godly vibes. By eating bountifull seasonal foods. So really you are praying when you eat Christmas cake.

Good eh?

Love to all.

Tree, I'm giggling about your great excuses for us all to eat Xmas cake. Can you come up with some reasons to pig out on toast, butter and marmalade?!!
Hope everyone who is quiet is just busy. Another hello to Tori, hope you are ok. xx

Hello Everyone
Thank you so much for all your kind and helpful emails. It has both helped and saddened me that there are many of us in the same position. I went away for a few days on my own to gather myself a bit which really helped. I am now in a difficult postion where the only thing that will really help would be to have a healthy baby but the thought of going through it all again absolutely terrifies me. I am almost assuming that it will end badly again but not having another baby is not something I want to entertain yet. I am sure you are all familiar with those feelings. We have decided to start trying next month(it will have been 2 months since the last termination) is that ok???? Anyway its not all about me, I am obviously here to support you all as well and have everything crossed for those of you who are pregnant again xxxx

Dearest my lovely friends
SO glad to see you all here - and hello to new folk. Hello to Tori - have faith and hope my dear; so many here have had such deep double trauma and gone on to have a a healthy pregnancy - in fact we are waiting on some thread births - to fill us with joy.

I am sending love to my daarest Tree and Justa and Lins and Cantdo and Bezzy and Brighton Married Lady and well all of you really. Not sure why I am so absent - as you pals know I am usually a daily poster. Even obsessively so. But there is a new layer of detachment - one year, three pregnancy losses and somehow now a distance which is not wholly comforting. Whilst in the midst of grief one does at least feel connected and emotionally related to pregnancy and babies and the thread. I seem to be in a state of removal. Not like me. But there it is and am too tired to fight it.
But know that I care and read and support you all.
hugs and kisses
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Bee. I think you should flow with it and only look back to 'here' when the mood brings you here. Maybe you are healing a little, maybe you are in a new coping zone - a period of dampened down emotions. Resulting from exhaustion and sheer boredom from trying so hard to get through. I think this is all natural.

We know you care Bee. Goodness me, you are our founder member!!!!

tori - you have made the decision to try again and will have great fears and anxiety. I think it is the way of things, you have lived through the things most people skim past in their pregnancy book. You will cope and you will have times of excitement and joy, and there will also be cloudy days where the memories seem in sharp focus. I think on the thread we have found the cloudy days get less and less. They do come now and again and the thread is here for those days.

Lins - so easy to deal with your eating toast. You are pregnant and can do what you like, I am a midwife so I know this. I have done a course and everything. The sugar rush will release feel good endorphine which will aid bonding.
So really you should have chocolate spread on your toast to release extra love hormones and what have you. I think a bar of Green and Blacks melted with a little golden syrup and spread on fat toasted bread would create a real sense of fullness blissfullness.