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Antenatal tests

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Original poster

Pkease come with your sugestions to MN for a new forum for us. A gentle discusion on where we can ask to go...

164 replies

misty0 · 13/04/2011 19:20

After the stress caused by a debate raised on termination in the middle of what was being used as a support forum - i feel we should ask Mumsnet for a new place for ladies to go to support each other following termination. Without discussion and debate of ethics or morals likely to cause distress.

I would like this thread to be nonconfrontational - i am just reaching out for ideas for a new place for us and how best to name it?

OP posts:
MyangelAva · 15/04/2011 16:50

Cinnamon, Misty etc. I've seen a different side to some of you girls- it's made me laugh!

Cantdothisagain · 15/04/2011 18:36

I note that here and on the thread in Site Stuff where MNHQ were asked to move the thread from Chat to Antenatal Tests and Choices, an overwhelming majority of posters asked for a separate section for sensitive topics/ethical dilemmas/whatever you want to call it. I agree that censorship is unhelpful - it's just a question of placement of topics that can hurt people who are already in a very bad place and very vulnerable. And given that Mumsnetters tend to like thorny issues to debate, I can imagine an ethical debate area would pull in the punters....

I have been looking through the archives and read some of the original threads that led to and spun off from the creation of the Antenatal Tests and Choices section of Mumsnet. I am glad to say that the thread that Les Animaux started is actually v different from some of those early ones which were sometimes very cruel (actually one poster was unbelievably nasty about children with disabilities, and I do understand the point of view of people from the SN boards about this sort of thread and feel they definitely shouldn't have to face that again) and also I feel that whilst people have been hurt by the original thread in Chat, and others hurt by its move into Antenatal Tests and Choices, and still others by MNHQ's response to comments, actually people have come together to try to propose a solution to MNHQ in a supportive way.

So what happens now...? I guess we just carry on as usual.

FAB5 · 15/04/2011 18:42

WannaBe - yes, if you hide this thread it is hidden if you got to A T/C and look down the list.

PeachyAndTheArghoNauts · 15/04/2011 20:36

I'll be honest and admit I thought ANC was more of a info / chat space than it actually is- just something I must ahve picked up wrong from when it eas established. Sorry- any hurt caused by my backing a move here was accidental.

Not chat though; other topics maybe, not chat.

DuelingFanjo · 15/04/2011 20:43

I wasn't even aware there was a thread in site stuff. Shock

Cantdothisagain · 15/04/2011 20:59

DuelingFanjo, the thread in Site Stuff basically asks MNHQ to move the contentious thread from Chat to here, and initially posters all back the move, but then other posters point out that it is hurtful here, too, and the consensus seems to be to create a new space for sensitive debate....

justaboutWILLfinishherthesis · 15/04/2011 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannaBe · 15/04/2011 21:10

df the thread is

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/1192393-dear-mn-hq-please-could-threads-to-do-with-testing-for-ds-and-other-disabilities\here}

NatzCNL · 15/04/2011 21:23

Cant, I just read the Site Stuff thread and am shocked that after so many people requesting it NOT be moved to AT/C that it still was. Seems to me that they read the first OP and just thought, ok, will do.

WannaBe you made the first intteruption to the vote to move it to AT/C, thank you, just a shame MNHQ didn't take note of your post! Also many people suggesting the Debates and Ethics forum in that thread which IMO is being totally ignored by MNHQ.

So disappointed

Mishtabel · 16/04/2011 00:14

MNHQ, please get that other thread out of here. Ok, so there is no where ideal for it to go to right now? Well is it possible to move it temporarily to somewhere - anywhere - until something long term is decided. Not only is it hurtful to current posters (some who are only days/weeks post termination), it is not a supportive thread to either those contemplating termination, those contemplating continuing a pregnancy, and perhaps, least of all, to those who may be undecided.

I would agree to just let the thread die a natural death, but then it would still be in this section, and I'm sure I'm not the only one that looks at old threads in a section when I'm trying to get information about that subject.

And to others, regarding my comment;
"Actually, I've been thinking that it would be good if there was a permanent link here to the support threads for termination and also a link to the SN section. Maybe I'm just tired though..."

While I still think this might be a good idea, I can see I must have been tired not to explain myself. I realise that this suggestion would be of no use to those here who have had a diagnosis incompatible with life and I do understand there is a difference, but felt it may be supportive to those who might find this useful without being offensive to those who wouldn't (hopefully). I was just really thinking out loud about that thread and how unhelpful it seems here, and it got me thinking about what might actually be helpful to future posters/lurkers.

justaboutWILLfinishherthesis · 16/04/2011 06:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bucharest · 16/04/2011 06:53

Hello again.

I've been reading the latest developments on this thread and am still aghast for you ladies that MNHQ's response has been so.......inadequate.

I agree totally with what DF says on the previous page, that anybody could think this was the right place for a hypothetical ethical debate (with the vast spectrum of opinion that any debate brings forth, the sensible, the harsh, and the downright loony) is madness. It really did just seem terribly badly thought out.

I love a good debate, me, but I don't think the idea of a dedicated area for that is right either. One of the joys of MN is its self-regulatory stance, that if an OP thinks their post should be an AIBU, or a Chat, then that's where they put it. That was what was wrong with that thread, that other people ended up having it moved to somewhere that should never have been considered.

I hope you get your safe haven back ladies. x

NatzCNL · 16/04/2011 10:19

As MNHQ is doing nothing about this other thread, I am going to take the matter into my own hands and will now be bumping all the threads after it to get it as far away as possible from vulnerable users.

I dont know about others but I didn't really look much beyond the first page for support, so if I can get it off the first page then maybe that will offer some protection to any new users seeking support.

Sorry, this isn't a 'solution' and I know that MNHQ is just hoping the fuss will die down, but it is still in AT/C, they obviously will not remove it, so best thing I can think of for a short term solution is to actively make it die away. As somebody said either on this thread or another, AT/C has very low traffic in comparrison to other forums, and I dont think waiting a few weeks/months to let it naturally make its way down the list is good enough.

MNHQ, I and many others are so upset by your decision to keep that thread here, although we most definately agree that it does not belong in chat or SN, I dont understand why you cant put it into Off the beaten track, or other stuff. It is obviously very damaging being in AT/C, as much as you refuse to see that.

I hope I do not upset anyone by my actions, I am doing this because I have a very good idea how much a debate like that would have hurt me should I have come across it a few months ago. I don not want any vulnerable mothers to find it, and as MNHQ isn't going to do anything themselves, then we should.

NatzCNL · 16/04/2011 10:54

that thread is now on the second page.... here's hoping it can die away properly now!

NatzCNL · 16/04/2011 10:57

I am hoping people will begin posting on the bumped threads, almost all are my name! Look like a right busy body Wink

Mishtabel · 16/04/2011 11:06

That's hilarious seeing your name the whole way down Natz - now you'd better stop before you accidently bump 'that thread' and have to start all over again Grin

MyangelAva · 16/04/2011 11:34

:)

Cinnamondog · 16/04/2011 13:50

natz you are also a legend! Will be doing the same when properly back; Dh has fannied around with the wifi & I'm stuck on my android!

Hope everyone is okay in the meantime xxx

Original poster
misty0 · 17/04/2011 08:51

Well done natz Smile

3 times i've sat down to do what you did myself - and then chickened out!

Thank you xxx

OP posts:
Cantdothisagain · 17/04/2011 08:57

Natz, you are very funny. Just the way you announced your intention to bump all the threads made me laugh....

NatzCNL · 17/04/2011 10:26

Thanks ladies, was worried I would have upset some people by doing that as it should really be down to Mumsnet to get rid of it.
But people kept commenting on it and I could see it staying in the top 5 discussions for months to come, and worse still, being read by any new mums who had just recieved bad news.

Was so cross when I did it, and my internet kept crashing, so took longer than it should have Smile, fingers crossed nobody comments on it further and bumps it back to the top! I put a message on there requesting that people stop commenting, just hope no one does xx

linspins · 17/04/2011 18:17

Well done Natz. xx

justaboutWILLfinishherthesis · 17/04/2011 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

linspins · 17/04/2011 21:36

Hello Justa! And lovely Bee. Hello Mishta. And all you ole' timers. xxx
Blimey, bit of a storm going on recently. But as Bee and others have said a few pages back, ignore it all and it'll die down soon. This IS our safe space, and we shouldn't be moved anywhere.
Big hugs all round to those who need it. xxx

mrsbigz · 17/04/2011 21:45

Natz just wanted to also say thank you for bumping all the threads. i must admit i saw all the threads (and your name on them all) before i read of your intention of doing so and i was that person who thought you'd been particularly busy!! :)
i did hide that thread but still knew it was lurking somewhere, but now seeing your name everywhere makes me smile as i'm sure it's completely off everyone's radar now!