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Pkease come with your sugestions to MN for a new forum for us. A gentle discusion on where we can ask to go...

5 replies

misty0 · 13/04/2011 19:20

After the stress caused by a debate raised on termination in the middle of what was being used as a support forum - i feel we should ask Mumsnet for a new place for ladies to go to support each other following termination. Without discussion and debate of ethics or morals likely to cause distress.

I would like this thread to be nonconfrontational - i am just reaching out for ideas for a new place for us and how best to name it?

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MNHQ

JustineMumsnet · 14/04/2011 11:59

Hi all,
Thanks so much for starting this discussion and all the feedback.

First off, the last thing we want to do is to add to anyone's grief. The truth is, there is no place for this thread that doesn't upset some users. Those with children with DS and other special needs feel strongly that they don't want to stumble across it. Those who use the AT&C forum as a place for support for very difficult decisions re termination don't want to see a philosophical discussion in this area. But the truth is, Antenatal choices is where these kind of threads are going to be started as a rule, as the topic name indicates that it's where you'd naturally put them, and, as we've said, we do think MN ought to be the kind of place where this type of discussion occurs.

The options, we think, are to start a new forum - Support and coping with termination in the Body and Soul area has been suggested and seems like a good option; or for those who would rather stay in the AT&C area, to hide these type of discussions.

Of course we are happy to try a new forum if that's what folks would like - please do let us know what you think.

MNHQ

JustineMumsnet · 15/04/2011 08:47

Hi again,
I think we need to come up with a solution that goes beyond this thread (eg moving it and deleting it in a few days) because this type of discussion does pop up from time to time and we need somewhere for them to go without it causing such hurt and stress and, in truth, currently there is no option that doesn't cause upset.

That said, a debates/discussion forum has always been rejected in the past because people have argued, rightly imho, that the entire Mumsnet board is for discussion. TBH I fear it would lead to ongoing tensions/confusion about what subjects are ok and what aren't and which threads should be housed in the debate topic and which shouldn't.

Could a new forum in the Pregnancy area (as several people have indicated this is the most appropriate place) - Support and coping with termination - be a solution? We could move the existing relevant live threads from Antenatal Tests and Choices in there so it would still feel like home... Let us know what you think...

MNHQ

JustineMumsnet · 15/04/2011 10:38

@misty0

Ok,

Lets just add the word 'support' somewhere in the 'tests/choices' title, leave us where we are, and make sure no one at MN moves what was obviously a debating kind of thread on here again.

No one has to move and we get a title that fits our precious area better.

I'm afraid though, that's not really a solution. It works for some but not all - many folks wanted the original thread moved into AT&C because it's painful for them to stumble across it on the general chat boards. That's why we moved it. As said already, there isn't an answer to this that works for everyone as things currently stand and we need a new solution.

MNHQ

JustineMumsnet · 15/04/2011 10:40

@Katerina100

I post rarely but read frequently and have received so much support from the AT/C area. Almost two years on from our own experience, and I still feel an almost compulsive need to follow the threads. Please, MNHQ, leave these support threads where they are. This outlet, set up by Busier Bee, was quite literally the only place where I found any kind of understanding and support in the first months after my termination. Without it, you make a truly horrendous time even worse.

Please don't think of it as "moving" the support threads - to all intents and purposes they won't be moved - it's merely a question of re-jigging the descriptions to avoid this kind of upset in the future.

MNHQ

JustineMumsnet · 18/04/2011 19:22

Hi all, so we've given this a bit more thought and based on everyone's contributions we think a new "Ethical Dilemmas" topic in Other subjects is the way to go. (Thanks Manitz for the idea)

Anyone who's concerned about this type of thread, can hide the topic. If folks post this kind of thread in SN or AT&C or anywhere else then just report it and we'll move it to Ethical Dilemmas and explain why to the OP.

We'll set the topic up and move the original thread in there tomorrow, unless there are any major objections/reasons why we shouldn't do that which we haven't thought of...

I know some of you have criticised us for being insensitive in moving this thread but believe me the last thing anyone at MNHQ wants to do is to cause upset or add to anyone's stress. There was not an easy solution in this case and it's highlighted that we needed to re-jig things a bit. Apologies to anyone who got hurt/cross/upset. It's the opposite, as you know, of what we're here for.

Thanks everyone for your input.

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