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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to babysit friend's kid

449 replies

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 13:56

Im finally at a stage in life where my kids are slightly older and have regained a bit of freedom .. when they were younger we had no family support for childcare so just made sacrifices.

Now my hubby and I can start having date nights etc as children are older.

I have a friend with a young child who is same situation (no childcare) which my eldest child used to babysit for she enjoyed the extra money .. but now she works full time so is unable.

I’ve now been asked to babysit while they go to a 8/9 hour event ..obviously for free … I don’t particularly enjoy looking after their child. It’s a few weeks away so I don’t have plans … but I also think it’s now taken the opportunity away from me to make any plans ,I’m quite last minute I like to get to the weekend and see what I fancy doing.

i don’t want to do it and they don’t seem to realise me babysitting means I can’t actually enjoy my weekend ? They are probably thinking great and as it’s friend as won’t even need to pay now.

im swinging between saying I don’t want to do it (not sure how ?) as I’d quite like to make my owns plans … but I’m peeved to be asked as I’ve gone through years of not having childcare of my own and now I don’t need it I don’t want to look after anyone’s else kids !

maybe I’m being mean and it’s once but I feel if I do it … I’ll probably get asked more often.

I was uncomfortably put on the spot being asked and so kinda had to agree.

OP posts:
grapenu · 02/09/2023 13:59

It's fine to just say no.

Brefugee · 02/09/2023 14:01

just say "sorry, no" and don't give reasons or make up excuses. And don't let her try to persuade you to change your mind

burnoutbabe · 02/09/2023 14:01

Going to say a funeral or taking husband to. Medical appointment-probably I'd do it as a one off

Our for a fun day -nope. I'd make up some mundane reason I couldn't do it -involving husband if it explains why you didn't mention it straight away.

HermioneWeasley · 02/09/2023 14:02

Well you’ve said yes. How long ago did you commit and will they have committed to this event now?

it’s not unreasonable to say no, but it’s a bit unreasonable to agree and then back out

Flareswares · 02/09/2023 14:03

It’s fine to say no. Just say you’re busy and don’t say any more than that.

Secondguess · 02/09/2023 14:03

Just say "I can't commit to that", you can add something about how you remember what it was like having to find babysitters betc etc.

Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:04

HermioneWeasley · 02/09/2023 14:02

Well you’ve said yes. How long ago did you commit and will they have committed to this event now?

it’s not unreasonable to say no, but it’s a bit unreasonable to agree and then back out

A week ago, I half heartedly agreed, and it was more of a I think I might be able to kinda of response. They committed to the event weeks ago without having a sitter !

OP posts:
Sometimeswinning · 02/09/2023 14:04

I was uncomfortably put on the spot being asked and so kinda had to agree.

As in they asked you and you said yes?

My dh always tells me to do the oh let me check my calendar because I'm always a yes and regret it type person.

Whataretheodds · 02/09/2023 14:05

Yabu to be peeved to be asked.
Yanbu to say no sorry you already have plans (you do, you just might not know what they are yet). If you've not already said yes I don't really get what the issue is.
Do you struggle to say no?

Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:06

@Flareswares I find it hard to be so direct … they are very much part of my social group so mostly we always know what each other is doing on a weekend.
My husband is also going to this event so they know I don’t have plans with him.

OP posts:
Clarie83 · 02/09/2023 14:07

Just say your busy and if you can think of any alternatives for them (other local babysitters) then suggest them

StripeyDeckchair · 02/09/2023 14:07

Text
Hi friend
I thought about your request to look after child on X date. This doesn't work for us so I won't be able to do it.

If she asks why do not elaborate beyond saying we have plans

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 02/09/2023 14:08

I’m only saying you are unreasonable because you agreed a week ago. Absolutely fine not to want to and to say so. And possibly fine to regret it the next day and cancel within 24 hours. But a week later? No I think that makes you unreasonable.

Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:08

@Whataretheodds Yes I struggle to say no, and it came out of the blue so I wasn’t prepared for an excuse !

OP posts:
Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:09

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood it’s been playing on my mind the whole week :(

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 02/09/2023 14:10

What makes them think you would be happy to stay behind and look after their child whilst they go off with your husband somewhere for the whole day?!

I have no issues with saying no, but I just can’t imagine being asked this by any of my friends-it’s really taking the piss!

Channel Phoebe….’I would help, but I just don’t want to’

Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:11

Sometimeswinning · 02/09/2023 14:04

I was uncomfortably put on the spot being asked and so kinda had to agree.

As in they asked you and you said yes?

My dh always tells me to do the oh let me check my calendar because I'm always a yes and regret it type person.

@Sometimeswinning yes basically , it’s hard to explain but I was very much not expecting it and put on the spot …..

I need to bank that line for future !

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 02/09/2023 14:11

I agree with @LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood I’m afraid. It’s one thing to say no but you’re on about changing your mind after already letting her think you’ll do it. That’s a bit too much of a dick move to justify I think.

tiredofthenoise · 02/09/2023 14:11

To be honest, if I'd already said I would, I'd probably just do it this time, but I'd be prepared to say no if/when she asks again.

TrippyPink · 02/09/2023 14:12

I would say it is unreasonable to commit something then pull out short notice.

gamerchick · 02/09/2023 14:12

Obviously you are charging a tenner an hour to be paid in advance.

Come on OP. Don't put off telling her no.

Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:12

@Cornettoninja yes I’ll probably have to do it this time.

OP posts:
Lucanus · 02/09/2023 14:13

Just message and say that you're sorry but you won't be able to babysit now. You don't need to give a reason. Friend still has several weeks to find someone else.

Crimblecrumble1990 · 02/09/2023 14:13

Agree, I would do it this time as a favour since you have already partially agreed but be prepared with an answer next time.

It sounds like they are good friends and you would be helping them out. Don't see why you can't do it to be honest but appreciate you saying you don't want to.

WeightoftheWorld · 02/09/2023 14:13

No way would I agree to this type of arrangement unless I was close to the kids or my kids were close to the kids and would enjoy the day etc that type of thing. The only exception would perhaps be very significant funeral or medical situation if I was close friends with the couple in question. It sounds like maybe they are going to a wedding? If so the answer would be sorry, no. Like you we have no offers of childcare and similar to you we have hsd our kids earlier than any of our friends/relatives. There's no way I will be babysitting for them to have dates etc when nobody ever offered for us to. Which judging by comments made by pregnant relatives now, I think will be a shock to them...