To not want to babysit friend's kid

I agree! It’s mad! I completely understand why the OP wouldn’t want to babysit, but then she should’ve said no or words to that effect when she was asked and not agreed and then started a thread about the audacity. What’s a big ask to one person isn’t a big ask to another. But it is quite normal for friends to help other friends out so I’m having a tough time understanding why this ‘friend’ is being completely vilified for simply ASKING a favour from a friend she trusted. Anyone would think she’d left her child unannounced outside OP’s house with a note.

But according to this thread if you think this then you either “rinse your contacts for free childcare” or a pushover 🤷🏼‍♀️

I dont see anything spiteful. 9 hours is a lot.

After spending full week working, op does not want to spend the 6th day of the week doing another 8 hour shift with a difficult child. It is tiring. Op deserves a break after a work week. It's not her friend has an emergency, and Op has declined. Friend is going out to an event with sports, dinner and drinks. She can pay to get a nanny but friend does not care that her friend, Op deserves a break to after a busy week. Friend wants to go out and do her hobbies by getting Op to look after her child for 9 hours. So what kind of friend is Op's friend? Self centred, maybe?

Maybe she is, I don’t think OP has really clarified what sort of friend she is in general. She has said she’s a close friend. Maybe the friend also does things for the OP too? Or maybe she’s a complete pisstaker and OP should distance herself (at which point I’d have thought it’d be easier to say no when she asked). OP has said she has looked after her child before, but not recently, which suggests to me it isn’t a regular ask. What I’m saying is if she really is a good friend there must be a reason why, and although OP is perfectly within her rights to not want to babysit (understandably), I find it odd that she has been dragged through the mud on this post for asking her friend a favour without much else context as to the friendship in general.

I noticed this.

What ever happened to people helping each other out - without it being viewed as a 'piss take' - Oh I don't know.

It feels like the OP has spent longer than nine hours of her life moaning about doing this favour

I mean it isn't just taking up one day, it is taking up space in the OP's head in the weeks coming up to it - if you could calculate the amount of time OP has spent thinking and talking about it, I dread to think. One nine hour babysitting favour is costing the OP about 6000 hours in total - and its all drama

@Melmi256 have you told her no yet ?

Good for you OP.

You have no reason to be minding anyone's child just so they have a nine + hour hobby break, after your own long week.

Such CFxxkery would not be a once off as she has happily exhausted all other friends good will during the summer.

Her husband and herself have zero shame imposing on others, but it is NOT your problem.

I hope you have learned from this that "I think I am busy at that time, but will text you later to ley you know" will be your go to until you are comfortable with Nope!

I have 4 children and we can now pack up and just head off and there is not a chance, bar a genuine emergency that I would be childcare for anyone, much less a difficult child.

Thankfully I exist in a CF free zone and it would never arise.

Enjoy your weekend and your hand won bit of freedom.

Going forward be a bit wary of her, you may think she is a friend, but she is the type of friend that will use and impose on you even when she knows bloody well you are not keen.........and that is really not a real friend at her core IMO.

With the behavior of their child, they will soon run out of people to talk into watching their kid. Actually, they probably have. Perhaps they don't want to pay because it would soon get around that the sitters deserve hazardous materials pay. People who let their children run amok should not be surprised when the hands stay down when they ask for free kid sitting and if they guilt someone into saying yes, that person will be figuring out anyway they can say "I've changed my mind" or hoping for strep throat/sprained ankle/migraine to get out of it.

They need to stay home and work on getting their kid to behave and be a joy to be around instead of the dread he is now.

Well done Op for not falling for it.

If you hadn’t stood up for yourself and faced this head-on, it would have been the start of her using you.

People like this aren’t real friends.

But you're looking after your own kids anyway-it's not as if you're having a day on your own spoiled? Do it- plan something with all the children.

You clearly haven't read the thread or even the ops comments

No, she isn’t. Even if she was that doesn’t mean she’d want to add an extra (badly behaved) child and create a bigger workload for herself.

I'd message them and make out I'd completely forgotten until she just rang, but I'm going to INSERT WHAT YOU LIKE with my sister/sister in law/ my kids/ myself, so cannot babysit.

@Melmi256 did they ever babysit for you when yours were younger?

I'm guessing not.

I agree you probably can't back out now but I would be annoyed too and definitely wouldn't do it again.

How old is the child? Would they go for a nap if you went for a long drive with the heater turned up? Or sit and watch tv if you gave them plenty of snacks? Soft play would kill a few hours and tire them out.

I'm sorry, 9 hours is a long time.

I agree with a Pp though about asking if there's anybody you can split it with to do 4.5 hours each. Appreciate there isn't anybody else but it does get across what a long day / big favour / huge inconvenience this is.

as you said initially that you'd do it, reasonable to stick to that, but make it very clear that its a one off and be ready with "I'll check my diary" - or of course a straight out "No" if they ever ask again.

@Melmi256

I felt guilty at first but reading most of the replies on here…. It’s a big ask and I’m fine to say no.

How did your friend react when you said no? 🌹

I think you need to let yr friend know pretty soon tho, so that she can atleast make other plans to get a paid sitter. I totally get why you don't want to do it tho. I am in the same boat, kids are older, so we can now go out etc. We had very few offers of baby help over the years, so my hubby and I got to go out together so rarely. My BF never offered to babysit for us. She now has a dog and has hinted for me to dogsit for the weekend, or to walk her dog from time to time. I think why the f* wd I do this for her and her hubby, when they never helped me over the years. So I diplomatically told her straight. I said I know nothing about looking after a sprightly dog and I have arthritis and a broken foot, so cd no way walk a dog anyway. She hasn't asked since, ha.

If like me you find it really hard to say 'no', you could say instead and by text 'you'll never believe it, I've only just tested positive for Covid' it's a win win. 😏 If you're lucky they will cancel going to the event altogether for fear of catching Covid off yr hubby and passing it on to their kids 😏😜

They don’t need to go to the dinner.

If you want to compromise I would text “ sorry, you put me on the spot when you asked me to babysit so I said yes without thinking. 9 hours is just too long. I had intended planning something nice for myself as DH is away just hadn’t got around to it. I can come to your house and look after your child until …… which gives you enough time to do the charity event but if you want to continue on to the dinner you will have to find someone else from ……”. I know you will understand 😊

So what happened in the end OP?

All the people who are replying to this post from early September saying what the OP should say to her friend ......... the OP has already told the friend she can't do it!!! At least read the OP's updates if nothing else!