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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to babysit friend's kid

449 replies

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 13:56

Im finally at a stage in life where my kids are slightly older and have regained a bit of freedom .. when they were younger we had no family support for childcare so just made sacrifices.

Now my hubby and I can start having date nights etc as children are older.

I have a friend with a young child who is same situation (no childcare) which my eldest child used to babysit for she enjoyed the extra money .. but now she works full time so is unable.

I’ve now been asked to babysit while they go to a 8/9 hour event ..obviously for free … I don’t particularly enjoy looking after their child. It’s a few weeks away so I don’t have plans … but I also think it’s now taken the opportunity away from me to make any plans ,I’m quite last minute I like to get to the weekend and see what I fancy doing.

i don’t want to do it and they don’t seem to realise me babysitting means I can’t actually enjoy my weekend ? They are probably thinking great and as it’s friend as won’t even need to pay now.

im swinging between saying I don’t want to do it (not sure how ?) as I’d quite like to make my owns plans … but I’m peeved to be asked as I’ve gone through years of not having childcare of my own and now I don’t need it I don’t want to look after anyone’s else kids !

maybe I’m being mean and it’s once but I feel if I do it … I’ll probably get asked more often.

I was uncomfortably put on the spot being asked and so kinda had to agree.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/09/2023 14:15

They need to hire a babysitter - just say I’m really sorry but I cannot look after anyone’s child for that long.

Rogue1001MNer · 02/09/2023 14:15

I agree you'd be unfair to back out a week later. (Unless you were ill on the day, which would be a different thing)
But you could put a firm end time.

Eg, there's a film I want to see at 7, so please make sure you pick DC up at 6 at the latest (to ensure they don't take the puss by rolling in at midnight)

Notamum12345577 · 02/09/2023 14:16

It is once, yes you won’t be able to do anything that day, but you have all the other weekends to do stuff?
It is obviously up to you if you do it or not, but if they are a friend and you don’t have anything currently planned, why not to help out once?

Shinyandnew1 · 02/09/2023 14:16

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:12

@Cornettoninja yes I’ll probably have to do it this time.

You really don’t.

I really don’t get how people go through life agreeing to do favours they don’t have to do and don’t want to do, because they can’t say no. Once you agree to do it-they’ll keep asking.

Songbird54321 · 02/09/2023 14:16

I don't even look after my nieces and nephews unless it's a dire emergency. I just don't like other people's kids. But I'm perfectly happy to respond to a request with 'no, I don't want to' and leave it at that. It can take people aback but that's their problem, not mine. Plus it usually means they don't probe further.
Unfortunately you appear to have committed, so if it were me I'd do it this time but never agree to do it again.

coconutpie · 02/09/2023 14:17

"Hi friend, unfortunately something has come up so I'm no longer available to babysit". Send that. Job done.

Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:17

@Crimblecrumble1990 yes they are good friends so I will do it this once.
I don’t want to because it’s a good 9 hours.
My husband is out that day so it would have been a nice opportunity to go out and spend the time doing something with my own children.
The child is extremely annoying , whiney and not well behaved, jumps on sofas, goes around picking things up in the house , decor items and bending and breaking things.

OP posts:
Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:18

@coconutpie If only I was assertive enough !!

OP posts:
coconutpie · 02/09/2023 14:18

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:17

@Crimblecrumble1990 yes they are good friends so I will do it this once.
I don’t want to because it’s a good 9 hours.
My husband is out that day so it would have been a nice opportunity to go out and spend the time doing something with my own children.
The child is extremely annoying , whiney and not well behaved, jumps on sofas, goes around picking things up in the house , decor items and bending and breaking things.

Just because they are good friends, doesn't mean you have to babysit. It is OK to say no.

TeeBee · 02/09/2023 14:19

'Dear Friend, what a numpty I am...I've just checked my calendar on the day that you wanted me to have DS and just realised that I'm already committed that day and I've had it booked in for months so can't pull out. so sorry, I should have checked first. Hope you can find someone else.'

Job done.

coconutpie · 02/09/2023 14:19

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:18

@coconutpie If only I was assertive enough !!

That's why I said to send it via text rather than face to face or by calling up. Send the text and then ignore any messages back for a while.

rookiemere · 02/09/2023 14:20

I would ask if there is anyone you can split it with so its 3-4 hrs rather than 8-9.

I doubt there will be but it will get across the point that this is a very big favour they have asked for.

I wouldn't cancel now, because you did say yes, but afterwards you can say something about not wanting to do this on a regular basis as you enjoy having free time and wouldn't it be great if they could find another babysitter like your DD who wanted to make some extra money. Oh and make sure you look suitable exhausted on their return.

Are you sure your DH didn't volunteer you as he is also going to this event ?

Snugglemonkey · 02/09/2023 14:20

Yabu. It is OK not to want to, but once you say yes, I think it is shitty not to do it. Especially after a week. Maybe practice saying something like "I am not sure, let me get back to you" as a stock response when people ask for something? That buys you time to think.

Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:21

@Songbird54321 This is exactly me !

OP posts:
6monthsto50 · 02/09/2023 14:23

If you are doing it this once make that clear and would it be easier to go to their house?

GrumpyPanda · 02/09/2023 14:23

It's several weeks away and it sounds like you didn't firmly commit, just said you'd probably be free. As others say, text and say you've now checked and it won't work after all. If you have any leads to babysitters bonus points for suggesting them to her. Job done.

Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:24

@rookiemere There isn’t anyone else unfortunately, yes I guess I’ve committed so I guess this once I will have to do it.
No way would my hubby have offered my service he’s know I’d hate this and would never. in fact he actually feeling pretty guilty about going now knowing I’m stuck in looking after someone’s kid all day,

OP posts:
Acornsoup · 02/09/2023 14:25

Why is it so long?

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/09/2023 14:25

Send a message saying I have something on that day. My babysitting days are over now I'm afraid until I have grandchildren

Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:26

@Acornsoup it’s a charity event which involves sport and a dinner p*ss up after !

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 02/09/2023 14:27

Don't be a martyr. You don't like the child, you don't want to do it so don't do it. You've done so much for your own children over the years and you deserve a break. I would just send a message saying sorry you put me on the spot. I'm afraid I won't be able to babysit.

SunRainStorm · 02/09/2023 14:27

It's weeks away?

You can cancel.

Say you're sorry but you have plans now and can't do it. The plans can be to sit on the sofa.

It's a huge ask to have someone give up a whole day so they can have a jolly. Even if a friend volunteered to do this for me, I wouldn't accept because I'd feel guilty having fun while they donated their Saturday to me.

They can find another teenage babysitter and pay them like everyone else has to.

It's rude to put you on the spot like that.

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/09/2023 14:27

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/09/2023 14:25

Send a message saying I have something on that day. My babysitting days are over now I'm afraid until I have grandchildren

I rewrote that when I realise you don't like the child.

Shinyandnew1 · 02/09/2023 14:29

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:26

@Acornsoup it’s a charity event which involves sport and a dinner p*ss up after !

They can do what other people do-pay someone properly for childcare or only one of you go whilst the other stays home with their child.

You don’t have to do this just because you said yes when they first asked you. When is the event, @Melmi256 ?

Acornsoup · 02/09/2023 14:29

Just wondering if you could do half? Maybe offer to do the sporting part or the dinner?

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