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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to babysit friend's kid

449 replies

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 13:56

Im finally at a stage in life where my kids are slightly older and have regained a bit of freedom .. when they were younger we had no family support for childcare so just made sacrifices.

Now my hubby and I can start having date nights etc as children are older.

I have a friend with a young child who is same situation (no childcare) which my eldest child used to babysit for she enjoyed the extra money .. but now she works full time so is unable.

I’ve now been asked to babysit while they go to a 8/9 hour event ..obviously for free … I don’t particularly enjoy looking after their child. It’s a few weeks away so I don’t have plans … but I also think it’s now taken the opportunity away from me to make any plans ,I’m quite last minute I like to get to the weekend and see what I fancy doing.

i don’t want to do it and they don’t seem to realise me babysitting means I can’t actually enjoy my weekend ? They are probably thinking great and as it’s friend as won’t even need to pay now.

im swinging between saying I don’t want to do it (not sure how ?) as I’d quite like to make my owns plans … but I’m peeved to be asked as I’ve gone through years of not having childcare of my own and now I don’t need it I don’t want to look after anyone’s else kids !

maybe I’m being mean and it’s once but I feel if I do it … I’ll probably get asked more often.

I was uncomfortably put on the spot being asked and so kinda had to agree.

OP posts:
LittleMissUnreasonable · 05/09/2023 13:53

it’s hard to explain they asked in front of a group of people .. at first I was quiet and trying to think of someone and then a joke was made like “oh don’t everyone jump all at once to say yes “ kinda making it so awkward that I bumbled out with errmm I might be able to
@Melmi256

God they sound entitled or a bit thick to wonder why no one was jumping at the chance to babysit their difficult child for free, for 8 hours, on a Saturday, for a non emergency reason 😂

LittleMissUnreasonable · 05/09/2023 13:58

Also her husband will be slaing me off for sure he’s totally like ah ask so so she’s not busy that day
@Melmi256
Let the husband slag you off, he's not entitled to free babysitting. My friend's husband's a bit like this, so as a result he gets nothing now from me. No offers of free babysitting, no lifts, no free holidays in my families holiday apartment (that I hadn't suitably childproofed for his DC 🙄). People like this end up screwing themselves over eventually when all the favours dry up.

Original poster
Melmi256 · 05/09/2023 14:28

@LittleMissUnreasonable I know it was a piss take ! Such a long amount of time after I’ve worked all week and it’s not like they can happily occupy themselves.
Of course if it was an emergency I’d do it and suck it up (I have before) I just don’t want to open the floodgates for being the regular babysitting option ! That should be a teen not an adult who likes to enjoy their own free time on a weekend too !

OP posts:
Original poster
Melmi256 · 05/09/2023 14:42

@rainbowstardrops totally
back me up - he feels the same.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 05/09/2023 14:42

OP, she has exhausted all other friends over the summer?

Of course she is a CF, but you seem resistant to the fact?

I have NEVER known friends to be imposing on others like that.

Of course an emergency is hugely different.

The husbands possible response???? Another CF.
A pair of them in it.

OP, look at your boundaries.
They think you are a mug.

After a full weeks work, why on earth would you feel you need to justify or explain YOUR freetime.

The cheek of them thinking "sure what else would she be doing for the day?"....they are both CF and they BOTH think you are a mug.

@LittleMissUnreasonable completely agree with you.
People who take good will for granted need the tap of goodwill firmly shut off.

OP, it sounds like you give far too much already, is this a give/take relationship with her being the taker?

Be careful she isn't friendly with you for what you can give.

Newestname002 · 05/09/2023 15:38

lemmein · 04/09/2023 23:48

Next time use the words of The Great Phoebe Buffay,

'I wish I could, but I don't want to!'

I've always loved that line! 🌹

Banana1979 · 05/09/2023 17:12

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Banana1979 · 05/09/2023 17:15

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Glittertwins · 05/09/2023 17:26

Have you actually read it all? It's not just the once, it's also minimum 9 hours worth - that's more than a full time job time per day on top of a normal working week!

Original poster
Melmi256 · 05/09/2023 18:07

@Glittertwins I know - she’s right in her name though she is absolutely bananas 😂 so much that I can’t even be bothered to respond to her comments/typos with any form of response.
she also failed to respond to any of the points I made on the many things she got wrong !
but basically yes I’m a complete shit friend cause I don’t want to babysit for a horror for 9 hours straight after working all week !
for a friend that yes I have done it for before lots of times … just not recently … and I’m of course going to hell for thinking completely unreasonably I’d like to have to weekend to enjoy myself too :)

OP posts:
Glittertwins · 05/09/2023 18:40

We love the fact that ours don't need the supervision these days too!

T1Dmama · 05/09/2023 21:16

You haven’t read the thread have you?
whether a one off or not this child craps it’s pants and hides it in wardrobes to be found days later, breaks things and is generally not a nice child.
so stop saying ‘oh it’s just me but I love all my friends kids!’ …. Lucky you. Perhaps your friends kids aren’t horrible!

T1Dmama · 05/09/2023 21:25

I honestly don’t think you need to explain why you don’t want to look after this child. Not to anyone who has actually read all your updates anyway! And frankly if they can’t read your thread I couldn’t be bothered to respond to their comments either!
Well done for backing out of your ‘might be able to’ … I hate it when I’m dreading something and desperate to get out of it, nothing is worth feeling anxious about on your precious days out

TeddybearBaby · 06/09/2023 04:56

This thread has really made me appreciate my friends and family so thank you.

You sound like quite a bitter person and the way you talk about this CHILD with such hatred and judgement I think you’ve totally made the right decision not to babysit.

CherryMaDeara · 06/09/2023 06:35

TeddybearBaby · 06/09/2023 04:56

This thread has really made me appreciate my friends and family so thank you.

You sound like quite a bitter person and the way you talk about this CHILD with such hatred and judgement I think you’ve totally made the right decision not to babysit.

Clearly another person who rinses her contacts for childcare…

Justleaveitblankthen · 06/09/2023 06:58

@createusername1970

Oh I love that 'ringing bells/check calendar' excuse. I'm going to use it myself. 👍

lottielooinwonderland · 06/09/2023 22:28

It's a one off right? I feel like YABU, you now have all the weekends you want to make plans with hubby. Plus they've given you plenty of notice. You know how hard it can be with younger kids you've been there and done it. So why not be a good friend and help them out?
Just because someone didn't/couldn't help you, doesn't mean you can't go out of your way a bit for your friend. Let them know maybe that it might have to be a one off or that you can't babysit often etc though.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 07/09/2023 01:54

lottielooinwonderland · 06/09/2023 22:28

It's a one off right? I feel like YABU, you now have all the weekends you want to make plans with hubby. Plus they've given you plenty of notice. You know how hard it can be with younger kids you've been there and done it. So why not be a good friend and help them out?
Just because someone didn't/couldn't help you, doesn't mean you can't go out of your way a bit for your friend. Let them know maybe that it might have to be a one off or that you can't babysit often etc though.

There are plenty of paid sitters available.

Why the F should OP revolve her weekend around CF's obnoxious offspring?

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 07/09/2023 02:21

What a CF she is! Questioning your reason for saying no AND trying to guilt-trip you for her having committed to an event she had no childcare planned for.

This level of entitlement would make me seriously disinclined to do any more favours for her.

MinnieGirl · 07/09/2023 08:05

Have you heard anymore from your CF friend?

Justwrong68 · 07/09/2023 08:44

I would text and say: I'm afraid I can't babysit after all, hope you get it sorted.
Texts are great for being firm and concise. They'd be pretty mean to argue the toss.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/09/2023 09:44

MinnieGirl · 07/09/2023 08:05

Have you heard anymore from your CF friend?

Yes, I was wondering this

@Melmi256 have you heard from her again?

CherryMaDeara · 07/09/2023 10:17

lottielooinwonderland · 06/09/2023 22:28

It's a one off right? I feel like YABU, you now have all the weekends you want to make plans with hubby. Plus they've given you plenty of notice. You know how hard it can be with younger kids you've been there and done it. So why not be a good friend and help them out?
Just because someone didn't/couldn't help you, doesn't mean you can't go out of your way a bit for your friend. Let them know maybe that it might have to be a one off or that you can't babysit often etc though.

I feel like you get taken advantage of a lot in life…

BeachHutCornwall · 07/09/2023 11:24

Literally cannot believe this tedious thread is still going strong.

Plenty of people have given great advise and options - but the only one that is warranted on this thread, is to agree with the OP and rip into a child and the 'friend' - that is all she wants to hear. Well don't babysit then.

With the levels of hysteria brought about by a self imposed problem, I wonder how OP acts when there is a real problem in life

Oh well, good luck..

TrippyPink · 07/09/2023 11:49

What is a CF?

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