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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pissed off at DH making breakfast

553 replies

SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 10:28

I've been heavy for much of my adult life, nothing horrendous but definitely gained a lot over covid. Ended up with a bmi of 31 this winter and completely shaken by the death of a colleague (heart attack at 52 leaving partner and kids behind) I decided enough's enough.

Started keeping a food diary and my god, the amount of crap (biscuits, chocolate, crisps, sugar etc) I ate without really registering it in my mind was crazy.

I've managed to shift 7kg so far in 3 months, mostly by cutting out anything between meals, stopping drinking at home and going for a brisk walk as many days as I can.

I still struggle a bit with needing to rely a lot on willpower to resist biscuits with tea, snacks on the sofa watching Netflix and wine of a weekend etc.

My DH just doesn't really seem to want to help, constant offers of "do you want a glass of wine?", "I've got a big bag of crisps you wanna watch a movie" etc. He's never really struggled with weight and I'm not saying this is impossibly hard but 3 months in and it's still requiring a good level of effort to eat healthily and resist my old habits.

This morning, out for a brisk walk with the dog, come back, told DH I was going to stop by the local shop to get some bananas so I could have banana on toast when I got back.

I come in to a fired breakfast.... "it's Sunday, I thought you'd appreciate it" 🤬🤬🤬

Cue a big row about me being pissed off with his lack of support and constant offers of food/drink he knows I'm trying to cut down on.

He's off in the huff, making noises about only trying to be kind and how I'm being ungrateful and it's not like I'm an alcoholic and he's one of those pals desperate for a night out and trying to get me to drink again..... Twat.

Fried breakfast in the food bin and I've just eaten toast and banana.

I know I'm not BU but just wanted to rant

OP posts:
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6
Notimeforaname · 11/06/2023 10:32

I wouldn't have got so angry with him, its clear he doesn't actually understand how much you ar struggling and is probably just doing things through habit.

Have a calm conversation with him and outline exactly what kind of support you need from him.

Well done for all you have done so far!

TidyDancer · 11/06/2023 10:33

Yanbu with his general lack of support but actually a fried breakfast could possibly have been better for you than banana on toast because of the high carbs/sugar involved.

Who started the row? Sounds like it's all just come to a head, you feeling unsupported and him feeling you're being ungrateful. There's probably some truth behind how you're both feeling.

Gettingbysomehow · 11/06/2023 10:33

He's being a prick. He clearly resents you losing weight.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 11/06/2023 10:33

He doesn't want the new you finding a new him.

SuffolkUnicorn · 11/06/2023 10:36

Gettingbysomehow · 11/06/2023 10:33

He's being a prick. He clearly resents you losing weight.

Agreed

SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 10:37

I've definitely said I'm doing OK but feel that a lot of it still relies on willpower and it's absolutely not easy with him regularly making it harder than it needs to be.

He always respond with something along the lines of "I'm just being nice"

@TidyDancer

2 x wholemeal Toast & 1 med banana

vs

2 sausages, 2 bacon, mushrooms, fried egg, fried bread......

OP posts:
TrianglePlayer · 11/06/2023 10:37

I completely agree he’s being unhelpful but why didn’t he or you just save the food in the fridge instead of binning it? Cold sausage etc is tasty!

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:38

Presumably he’s had decades with you if you eating like this and something you enjoy together?

likely will take a bit of time to adapt

Sparklfairy · 11/06/2023 10:39

He always respond with something along the lines of "I'm just being nice"

Ask him directly, "How is it 'nice' to constantly try to sabotage my efforts with something I'm trying really hard to achieve?"

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:39

You were morbidly obese Op. the chances are he was used to you eating a lot. For many years.

Keep repeating your mantra and if he cares - he will catch up

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:39

Do you have children together?

SecretVictoria · 11/06/2023 10:40

TBH, I would think the breakfast would’ve been more filling and if you left out the bread, better than what you had. Low carb and sugar will be better for weight loss.

Gymgoingfool · 11/06/2023 10:40

SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 10:37

I've definitely said I'm doing OK but feel that a lot of it still relies on willpower and it's absolutely not easy with him regularly making it harder than it needs to be.

He always respond with something along the lines of "I'm just being nice"

@TidyDancer

2 x wholemeal Toast & 1 med banana

vs

2 sausages, 2 bacon, mushrooms, fried egg, fried bread......

I think you still have food issues. You do know you don’t need to eat two of everything and could have poached an egg? You could easily have had bacon, poached egg and some toast. There is no need for the drama.

SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 10:40

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:38

Presumably he’s had decades with you if you eating like this and something you enjoy together?

likely will take a bit of time to adapt

Hmm, never actually thought of that

I'd just like decades more....

The death of my colleague really hit me hard and seeing their kids at her funeral was a massive wakeup.

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 11/06/2023 10:40

actually a fried breakfast could possibly have been better for you than banana on toast lol

Sparklfairy · 11/06/2023 10:41

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:39

You were morbidly obese Op. the chances are he was used to you eating a lot. For many years.

Keep repeating your mantra and if he cares - he will catch up

A bmi of 31 isn't morbidly obese. That would be 40+.

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:41

SuffolkUnicorn · 11/06/2023 10:36

Agreed

Or he’s had many many many years of seeing the Op eat like this and something they enjoy together

and three months of the “new” diet

Give him a chance to catch up

Ponoka7 · 11/06/2023 10:41

The breakfast should have went in the dog, not the bin. I've had to have a few talks with my DP over what I now will and won't be doing, diet wise. It's took a while, but he now gets it. I'm doing intermittent fasting so I can still eat with him/family.

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:41

Sparklfairy · 11/06/2023 10:41

A bmi of 31 isn't morbidly obese. That would be 40+.

Apologies

it is “obese”

Lcb123 · 11/06/2023 10:42

I think he just needs time to adapt from ma many years of overeating. Why not involve him and meal plan together? A cooked breakfast doesn’t need to be unhealthy if it has grilled tomato, mushroom, baked beans, veggie sausage, brown toast.

SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 10:43

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:39

Do you have children together?

Yes, late primary and early teens.

Teenager suggested we started couch to 5k together a few weeks ago.

Only seems to be DH who's struggling with it

OP posts:
Anoisagusaris · 11/06/2023 10:43

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:39

You were morbidly obese Op. the chances are he was used to you eating a lot. For many years.

Keep repeating your mantra and if he cares - he will catch up

She was just obese with a BMI of 31, not morbidly obese.

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:43

SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 10:43

Yes, late primary and early teens.

Teenager suggested we started couch to 5k together a few weeks ago.

Only seems to be DH who's struggling with it

Are the children overweight too? If so, how is your partner approaching that?

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:44

Ponoka7 · 11/06/2023 10:41

The breakfast should have went in the dog, not the bin. I've had to have a few talks with my DP over what I now will and won't be doing, diet wise. It's took a while, but he now gets it. I'm doing intermittent fasting so I can still eat with him/family.

Bloomin heck…. I wouldn’t put a fry up near my dog!

Smartiepants79 · 11/06/2023 10:45

I’d have been furious too.
How can he be so wilfully oblivious to what you are trying to achieve ?

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