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AIBU?

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Original poster

Pissed off at DH making breakfast

553 replies

SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 10:28

I've been heavy for much of my adult life, nothing horrendous but definitely gained a lot over covid. Ended up with a bmi of 31 this winter and completely shaken by the death of a colleague (heart attack at 52 leaving partner and kids behind) I decided enough's enough.

Started keeping a food diary and my god, the amount of crap (biscuits, chocolate, crisps, sugar etc) I ate without really registering it in my mind was crazy.

I've managed to shift 7kg so far in 3 months, mostly by cutting out anything between meals, stopping drinking at home and going for a brisk walk as many days as I can.

I still struggle a bit with needing to rely a lot on willpower to resist biscuits with tea, snacks on the sofa watching Netflix and wine of a weekend etc.

My DH just doesn't really seem to want to help, constant offers of "do you want a glass of wine?", "I've got a big bag of crisps you wanna watch a movie" etc. He's never really struggled with weight and I'm not saying this is impossibly hard but 3 months in and it's still requiring a good level of effort to eat healthily and resist my old habits.

This morning, out for a brisk walk with the dog, come back, told DH I was going to stop by the local shop to get some bananas so I could have banana on toast when I got back.

I come in to a fired breakfast.... "it's Sunday, I thought you'd appreciate it" 🤬🤬🤬

Cue a big row about me being pissed off with his lack of support and constant offers of food/drink he knows I'm trying to cut down on.

He's off in the huff, making noises about only trying to be kind and how I'm being ungrateful and it's not like I'm an alcoholic and he's one of those pals desperate for a night out and trying to get me to drink again..... Twat.

Fried breakfast in the food bin and I've just eaten toast and banana.

I know I'm not BU but just wanted to rant

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Original poster
SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 10:45

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:43

Are the children overweight too? If so, how is your partner approaching that?

Show quote history

No thankfully not.

I had a bmi of 26/27 for years but covid just set up loads of bad eating habits and my weight ballooned.

OP posts:
Tigofigo · 11/06/2023 10:45

Is he used to doing a lot of cooking, or is this making a fry up out of character? I think that would give you the answer tbh on whether he's trying to sabotage your efforts or not.

We had a cooked breakfast yesterday - scrambled egg, grilled tomatoes, wilted spinach, baked beans, small amount of bacon, a slice of wholemeal toast. It was filling and tasty. Maybe you could compromise with something like this if he wants a cooked breakfast, you'd both benefit from eating better - it's not just about weight?

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 10:46

SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 10:40

Hmm, never actually thought of that

I'd just like decades more....

The death of my colleague really hit me hard and seeing their kids at her funeral was a massive wakeup.

Show quote history

Imagine having your partner eat a certain away for decades.

and eating has been something you and he have done together and enjoyed together

this is a sudden change. He probably misses an element of the two of you indulging together.

give him a bit of time and if continues… then start to think WTF is going on here!!

Original poster
SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 10:47

Tigofigo · 11/06/2023 10:45

Is he used to doing a lot of cooking, or is this making a fry up out of character? I think that would give you the answer tbh on whether he's trying to sabotage your efforts or not.

We had a cooked breakfast yesterday - scrambled egg, grilled tomatoes, wilted spinach, baked beans, small amount of bacon, a slice of wholemeal toast. It was filling and tasty. Maybe you could compromise with something like this if he wants a cooked breakfast, you'd both benefit from eating better - it's not just about weight?

Yes, he does a lot of cooking

I don't think it's a willful sabotage to keep me fat or do I think the fry up in isolation is a big thing but it's just brought it to a head.

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 11/06/2023 10:47

When he says he's just trying to be nice, you could say "in what way, giving me loads of food and cocking up my diet, is that nice??"

Have a proper chat with him and get to the bottom of it. Find out whatever it is that he is upset about? Can't he cope with you not eating crisps?! There's a difference between being a bit sad that it's not like the old days when you would watch Netflix together and eat crisps and drink wine - and actively sabotaging your efforts!

And I agree with others - banana and toast are really carby and calorific. Lean more towards proteins. I would have had poached egg and two sausages. He needs to adapt to the new you.

OctaviaPole · 11/06/2023 10:49

But the fry up isn't that bad. Far less carby than bread and a banana and would probably have filled you up until dinner. Alternatively get him to poach the eggs, grill the bacon and it would be even healthier.

2chocolateoranges · 11/06/2023 10:49

when losing weight for me it’s everything in moderation, I wouldn’t deprive myself but just eat smaller portions , there was no need to argue about it. We are all allowed a treat when eating healthily. You could have had one sausage and one piece of bacon and left out the rest.

Mountains out of molehills.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 11/06/2023 10:50

Be patient. Go to a nutritionist together
It may click hearing it from a professional?

HeckyPeck · 11/06/2023 10:51

SecretVictoria · 11/06/2023 10:40

TBH, I would think the breakfast would’ve been more filling and if you left out the bread, better than what you had. Low carb and sugar will be better for weight loss.

Do you honestly think fried egg, fried bacon, sausages and fried egg is better for you that a banana on wholemeal toast?

Winecrispschocolatecats · 11/06/2023 10:52

Sounds like you're doing brilliantly - persevering with your healthy eating goals and adding light exercise into the mix. Doing couch to 5k with your kid will be great for both of you - and consider ParkRuns too, they're fab and there's bound to be one near you.

As for your husband, he may just need time to adjust, or he may be feeling insecure about the 'new you.' Maybe time for a calm, honest chat.

And the occasional treat, in moderation, will make sticking to your goals easier in the long run.

toomuchlaundry · 11/06/2023 10:53

Did he grill or fry things? Maybe have similar foods but in smaller quantities and cooked using healthier method

marshamarshmallow · 11/06/2023 10:53

2 x wholemeal Toast & 1 med banana

vs

2 sausages, 2 bacon, mushrooms, fried egg, fried bread......

I'd take the latter option, minus the fried bread. The former will send your blood sugar levels sky high. Protein is satiating too.

HeckyPeck · 11/06/2023 10:54

2chocolateoranges · 11/06/2023 10:49

when losing weight for me it’s everything in moderation, I wouldn’t deprive myself but just eat smaller portions , there was no need to argue about it. We are all allowed a treat when eating healthily. You could have had one sausage and one piece of bacon and left out the rest.

Mountains out of molehills.

But OP didn't want it and has made it clear on several occasions that she doesn't want it.

It's not difficult to not try and make someone eat something they have repeatedly told you they don't want.

Keitharingsbitch · 11/06/2023 10:55

Why the quotation marks?

HeckyPeck · 11/06/2023 10:55

marshamarshmallow · 11/06/2023 10:53

2 x wholemeal Toast & 1 med banana

vs

2 sausages, 2 bacon, mushrooms, fried egg, fried bread......

I'd take the latter option, minus the fried bread. The former will send your blood sugar levels sky high. Protein is satiating too.

Is OP not allowed to choose her own breakfast?

She doesn't want a fry up and has repeatedly said she doesn't!

kelsaycobbles · 11/06/2023 10:56

Well done on your weight loss! You are clearly getting that right - different diets do suit different people and your have one that works for you

It would be much easier if he was supporting you - is he a bit of a "show love through food" person ?

How involved have you got him in the diet
/ this is what I need to do , this is how you can help me ( hec play up I need your help to play to his ego)

( I would have saved the sausages however !)

marshamarshmallow · 11/06/2023 10:56

HeckyPeck · 11/06/2023 10:55

Is OP not allowed to choose her own breakfast?

She doesn't want a fry up and has repeatedly said she doesn't!

Show quote history

Was merely commenting on the breakfasts mentioned.

Original poster
SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 11:06

Keitharingsbitch · 11/06/2023 10:55

Why the quotation marks?

Because that's how you use them in a quote.....

🤔

OP posts:
7eleven · 11/06/2023 11:08

I think you were unreasonable.

I’m a year into the Zoe Eating project and bananas on toast is nowhere near as healthy as you think. Very high in sugar. Eating half of the breakfast your husband cooked, minus the fried bread, would have been fine.

colachive · 11/06/2023 11:08

People need to get over the obssssion with protein. Banana on toast is great! There is nothing wrong with carbs! Your body needs them. OP YANBU, willpower can be so hard to keep up, maybe he isn’t being malicious but it’s still a lack of support. Let him know how difficult he’s making life for you, if he doesn’t change then there might be something more controlling going on

Original poster
SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 11:09

marshamarshmallow · 11/06/2023 10:53

2 x wholemeal Toast & 1 med banana

vs

2 sausages, 2 bacon, mushrooms, fried egg, fried bread......

I'd take the latter option, minus the fried bread. The former will send your blood sugar levels sky high. Protein is satiating too.

I'm going to find out more about this carbs/calorie vs protein thing. TBH, not done any research into this stuff. Just cut out the junk and started a bit more exercise

Thanks for the few who've pointed it out.

OP posts:
7eleven · 11/06/2023 11:09

Bananas in toast isn’t great. Knowledge about nutrition has really moved on recently.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/06/2023 11:10

I would definitely apologize for shouting. Empathize with him that you used to share meals together and your sorry you can't now but you're totally focused on nutrition and feeling happier and healthier for it. Thank him for cooking for you - perhaps if he makes fry up again you'd love poached eggs and avo if he's willing to do that, if not you'll make tour own and can offer him some too. Plan a couple of meals a week at least to enjoy together

Aprilx · 11/06/2023 11:11

SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 10:37

I've definitely said I'm doing OK but feel that a lot of it still relies on willpower and it's absolutely not easy with him regularly making it harder than it needs to be.

He always respond with something along the lines of "I'm just being nice"

@TidyDancer

2 x wholemeal Toast & 1 med banana

vs

2 sausages, 2 bacon, mushrooms, fried egg, fried bread......

I agree with the previous poster, bananas on toast is not a great breakfast. You really might have been better with the protein breakfast and ditched the stuff like fried bread. There was no need to throw it in the bin anyway.

kelsaycobbles · 11/06/2023 11:11

Sausages and bacon are usually ultra processed foods - NOT something that's good to eat to help you be healthy and lose weight

so is most bread to be fair

You have cut out a lot of UPF and are losing weight - it works for you