AIBU to stay in a hotel rather than someone's house

You are approaching this as a logical issue.

Your mum is reacting emotionally.

If it was my Mum I would stay at the house. Yes it would be less comfortable and more inconvenient for me, but she has lost her brother, which is no small thing, so if it made her feel happier to have me stay with her then that's what I would do. I would make it about her, not me.
You wouldn't, that's your choice, but I don't think she is unreasonable to be upset about it.

All totally fine and reasonable OP. No idea why you’re getting such a hard time. Go and enjoy the time out and celebrate your relative’s life.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I know you didn’t tell your mum that (I don’t think you are that insensitive 😅) Obviously emotions are heightened at this time and your mum is a bit needy of you. I hope you manage to achieve a nice balance of being there for her and getting your ‘me’ time.

I read the comments on luxury and enjoyment as what the DH said, not what OP explained to her mum. And the DH is not grieving - and it makes sense he would put OP first and help her to carve out opportunities for enjoyment in an otherwise challenging time.

I have 2 kids in primary so perhaps am very empathetic towards this - but it makes perfect sense to me that if for any reason you are given child free time, you try not to fill it with other responsibilities and make it as peaceful as possible. OP can do that at nighttime, and so she should.

You can't pour from an empty cup and all that.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I was one of the first posters and I gave you a mild but heartfelt YANBU reaction, heightened by the fact that you are having that takeaway with your family.

However your replies to others since then have changed my mind. You really don’t seem able to appreciate any POV but your own (which I largely share, but so what?) Generally people post on AIBU as a way of learning about other POVs and giving the thoughtful ones serious consideration. You (and I) gave been given a number of things to think about here. You’ve just batted them away.

@maddiemookins16mum - unfortunately from the app I can't quote your post that includes a quote already but can I ask why you think the weekend can't be not a time for the OP and her family to grieve and a time for her to breathe and have some precious time just for her, away from her kids?
Surely they aren't mutually exclusive?

I just think it's rude that you haven't actually messaged your Aunt directly to thank her for the offer of hospitality but kindly explain. Yes she may be busy today but surely that's the polite, adult thing to do and she can read the message when suits.
Going through your Mum just seems - juvenile? Like you've already regressed to teenage sulky patterns of behaviour.
And if they've lost their second parent they will be feeling vulnerable and extra emotional and yes, you've put your feelings over theirs.

If you've got the cash to splash out on a hotel weekend, and what sounds like a decent husband, why couldn't you have stayed at your Aunts to be kind and then gone for a "recovery" weekend another time on your own to enjoy "solitude and time away"? Do you not SEE how this has come across to grieving people?

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet - make sure that you check in to the hotel before you get to the house or it's possible that your mother will take your bag and start unpacking it in the room your aunt made up the bed for.
If your mum or aunt says anything, my advice would be to say thanks for making the bed up but you've already checked in to the hotel and sure, it'll mean that there's a whole bed that aunt won't have to unmake and wash the sheets of at the end of all of this so that's one less thing to be done. (Try and find the silver lining here)

I absolutely agree with this.

OP you are an adult, you can decide what's best for you. You will be supporting the family all day for at least 2 days. Your mother and her sister will be fine with each other. You haven't abandoned them.

I do realise that initially you accepted, but this often happens when "caught on the hop". Don't worry about it, stay in the hotel and let others have a moan about it. If Aunt is not worried or offended then that's all that matters, and even if she was she will get over it.

Sorry for your loss. Death and grieving are not pleasant times.

Your very direct approach comes across as rude and downright nasty from some of your responses to other threads.

Read her responses to other OPS, she seems rather nasty to be honest.

Why are you even questioning yourself OP. GO FOR IT! Your mum will be P.A whatever you do. Definitely have a quiet peaceful time when you're in the hotel.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I thought I remembered your username. The thread about another family thing with which showed very much what your mum is like, and you are NBU to need time away, from her especially. I hope things are going well at the house and that, like you said, your aunt is ok with you💐

What a mad thread! Your AIBU was were you wrong to think your Mum is being ridiculous. No, you're not wrong. It's also not rude to defend yourself when you get hysterical replies from people who are extrapolating all sorts of things that aren't actually happening.

I hope your mother hasn't lost her mother or father in this.

Clearly it's important that you stay with her. You never do, which most of the time is fair enough.

Sometimes we should put someone else first though and if it is a parent your Mum has lost then it's quite rude imo not to consider her feelings in wanting you there.

Yeah the OP is definitely on the "brutal" list of MN posters and just seems to lack some emotional intelligence/empathy for others feelings. Even a "difficult" mum. I'd like to hear Mum's side of the story.

That's nice for you.

I take it the person who died in a pleasant way is your mums parent, your grand parent, I think you a highly insensitive. Your poor mum and her sister are grieving and you are treating this like a mini break. Have a lovely few days 🙄