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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to ask SGB a dirty sex question? Or anyone, really.

370 replies

HappySlapper · 10/07/2010 01:10

Swingers clubs... yay or nay?

Experiences?

I have a friend.... and after much discussion, we have decided to perhaps do this together.

All I want is some pros and cons really. You can judge me if you want, but I won't care

OP posts:
clarebear1 · 10/07/2010 02:32

Watching with interest... curiosity...

sunny2010 · 10/07/2010 07:37

My husband and I are going to one with some friends as voyeurs soon. We havent got to the stage of doing it yet but we are only both 26. I am looking forward to it.

JessRabbit · 10/07/2010 07:42

Can you go just as voyeurs?

Mittz · 10/07/2010 07:53

I am to admit that I was disappointed this wasn't a really dirty sex question !

PfftTheMagicDragon · 10/07/2010 08:56

I thought this was going to be dirty!

NEXT!

You want to go to a swingers club with a friend? Have you had sex with this friend?

tartyhighheels · 10/07/2010 09:01

horrid places in my opinion: try a fetish club, more interesting people who are better dressed and tend not to have the morals of alley cats.

[slips into flameproof corset and boots....]

BAFE · 10/07/2010 09:21

aren't swingers clubs supposed to be for couples? how can you go with a friend?

tartyhighheels · 10/07/2010 10:25

girls can go on their own, it tends to be single males that they are not keen on

watching is encouraged and can be fun but to be honest it is all a bit 'standard' tbh - yuk

Original poster
HappySlapper · 10/07/2010 12:11

Ah this is just what I was looking for Different perspectives.

This is an email friend - we have been talking for a few months online, and I met him face to face for the first time last week. We haven't had sex, no. But both of us like the idea... we are pretty close, and I think it's nice to do this with someone you like and trust

OP posts:
Original poster
HappySlapper · 10/07/2010 12:12

What do you mean tartyhighheels ? Is it a bit 'standard' even if you've never been before?

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dweezle · 10/07/2010 13:48

Wasn't there someone on here a while ago who tried this and ended up a bit messed up because of it - can't remember who it was though.

MeandMyKid · 10/07/2010 14:15

Why would you want to sleep with someone elses cast offs? If you need that to get some excitement into your life then the relationship mustn't be very good and maybe you should both move on.

Original poster
HappySlapper · 10/07/2010 14:18

We aren't in a relationship, MeandMyKid It's just something we're talking about and considering together.

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PlumBumMum · 10/07/2010 14:20

dweezle there is a mumsnetter who had a threesome and it went well but then after that she had a few problems

sunny2010 you are only 26, how long have you been married?

PlumBumMum · 10/07/2010 14:23

happyslapper sounds abit strange if you aren't in a relationship,
are you sure he isn't using you to get into one as someone else says they are not keen on letting single men in

Original poster
HappySlapper · 10/07/2010 14:24

No, actually it was my suggestion

I just think it would be fun. One of those 'things to do before you die' type things.

I'm going out for a while, but I'll be back to talk properly later

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IFancyKevinELevin · 10/07/2010 14:28

Hmm from the docu's I've watched it's rarely glistening tanned swedish types and more balding flappy arse cheeked old gimmers.

You are years away from that yet, why would you want to watch it? Takes the sexuality out of it for me, just like 50 year old caravanners playing swingball on a nudist beach - wearing velcro'd sandals and visors.

Not judging you, why not place an ad on a site and go that way, then you can chose some people you'll probably fancy to have sex with, preferably those types who don't need to pick their testicles of the floor to enter the jacuzzi.

SolidGoldBrass · 10/07/2010 14:36

Ignore the mundane whining - the usual objections about 'what about love (romantic love is not that important to most sensible people anyway), not everythone is beautiful (not everyone is beuatiful, end of, but most of us have enjoyable sex).
I have been to laods of clubs and had loads of fun, most clubs are nice, friendly places with interesting and sometimes fairly nice looking as well types of people. ALL the good clubs have a house policy of no groping or grabbing without invitation, and there is no obligatin on anyone to have sex just because they've been asked to do so.
You don't have to do anything if you dont want to, it's fine to enjoy the atmosphere. THough people may well ask you (politely) for sex, as long as you equally politely refuse there will be no problem.
Whereabouts in the country are you? I can probably recommend a specific venue if you like.

sunny2010 · 10/07/2010 14:36

plummumbum - I have been married 6 years. My husband has reservations about doing it cause of the emotional side of it but we like to fantasise about others joining us and go on webcam with others etc. I dont know if we would ever actually dare do it, but we have a laugh and it turns us on so is all good. It is a fetish type club we are going to and we are going with some mates of mine who havent been before either.

sunny2010 · 10/07/2010 14:46

Also I do know quite a few attractive people that go to things like that who are size 6, pretty girls and hot bodied attractive guys etc. Its not all old people as you are making out as I know people who are regulars who I personally think are fit.

PlumBumMum · 10/07/2010 14:49

sunny2010 thanks I was just curious,
as I said before though there was a mumsnetter last year who had a threesome and it went well but then a couple of months later she had a thread about the emotional fall out afterwards

sunny2010 · 10/07/2010 14:58

Yeah thats why we havent done it but we have fantasised about it lots, called each other by other peoples names of people we find attractive etc, and when we do it on cam with others either singularly or as a couple it turns us on. I dont really get jealous cause I know we will never break up, and I dont mind who my husband finds attractive. It is actually my biggest turn on and loads of people find that strange but he is the same about me. This is the next level I suppose actually going there but I do know people who personally I find attractive that have been to them before.

Eurostar · 10/07/2010 15:03

Sorry to go OT but Sunny2010 - when you go on webcam, if you are "performing", don't you worry about the other side recording it and being able to keep it/post it where they like etc.?

I think I'd be worried about hidden cameras in swingers clubs come to think of it. Hmm...been reading too many Russian spy deportation stories it would seem...

sunny2010 · 10/07/2010 15:08

yeah but I go on with other couples mainly and I am very picky about who I do it with. If you get a couple then either one of you can go singularly or as a couple with them. I never go with single men as I dont trust many of them. I know there is still a risk but I usually only have head or body in one at a time, never both in at once, always get them to do some kind of hand sign to show they are real and not some recording of youtube. The people I do it with I usually have on my facebook and we get to know as such. It is a bit of a laugh and variety if you dont actually want to go all the way with others.

Original poster
HappySlapper · 10/07/2010 18:28

Thanks for all the advice.

SGB, I'm in the North West. We have a couple of places bookmarked. Although I want to go to the one in Sheffield - I don't know if I can name any here

It's something I've been interested in for a while - and was sort of waiting for the right person to go with. And now I think I have, so I shall take a leap of faith

sunny2010 - I admire your attitude towards your sexuality, more people should be a bit more open-minded. IMO

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