to want to ask SGB a dirty sex question? Or anyone, really.

[HappySlapper]

Swingers clubs... yay or nay?

Experiences?

I have a friend.... and after much discussion, we have decided to perhaps do this together.

All I want is some pros and cons really. You can judge me if you want, but I won't care

Anyfucker, worse than that. They stop fucking to stand to consume a buffet lunch! Can you imagine? Biohazard!

oh fuck

I just could not stomach some fat git with an overhang and a very small penis snarfing a sausage roll or a pineapple on a stick...

I would seriously spew

PMSL at KevinE and Anyfucker.

Where do you tap your fag ash?

I'm afraid my experience of an organised "orgy" was very much as described by the docu's KevinE quoted. But once in the situ it was very awkward to back out. Ended up watching and not participating on some not too attractive goings on. I was single at the time btw.

What was worse was the message I felt I had to leave on my answer machine apologising to my family incase something awful happened. Not nice for them to discover really.

In the long run, I wouldn't want my kids to find out I was some Saturday night sperm receptacle up for a good pounding by all and sundry.

Didn't see where anyone mentioned mundane whining about romantic sex though? Areyou talking about RL Solid?

Sometimes we have candles and a bath, sometimes my husband flips me over the kitchen units and rogers me up the wrong 'un. Same as most couples I imagine. Doesn't make them wrong for wanting to use the same spoon to stir the porridge either does it? Each to their own.

Swingers also tend to wear a lot of nylon underwear in the mistaken belief that tit is sexy. Then of course they sweat which makes for smelly crotches. Recent research conducted in the UK found that over 95% of swingers smell bad

Friction and fire hazard there too, all that nylon.

And quoting from the one I observed, it was the men, in lacy nylon panties, suspenders and stockings.

The image will live with me to the death

Is that published research, VS ? Or just your thoughts on the matter ?

I tend to share them, btw

I tend to find that even though I am middle-aged, it would fill me with absolute dread to share the sex lives of other middle-aged people

I don't need to see anyone else's childbirth-ravaged fanjo being licked by some bald old coot, thank you very much

< shudders >

I await SGB's return...

ROFL @ AF and the cocktail sausages.

Swinger's clubs here (I HAD to find out for work) are populated by nylon clad 55 year old people who often describe themselves as "crazy" and mention their hot tub. I have managed to resist. There would prawn vol au vents at the buffet for sure.

Even worse, Anyfucker, what if you get there, freshly shaved quim out, and Nobody out of the bunch wants to split your flaps?

Do you hover by the buffet, hoping for a mercy shag, whilst stress eating the vol au vents....

It brings that guy from League of Gentlemen to mind, chatting round the lazy susan with his gimp suit on.

Can't imagine anyone wanting to do me, with prawn cocktail round my gob, and crisp crumbs under my sweaty meat balloons

Are you a hot tub sales woman Porridge?

lol - you lot have a whole world of stereotypes going on in your heads!

You'll never know what it's like until you've been to a club or a few clubs.

If you've been to one and decided it's not for you fair enough, if voyeurism doesn't do it for you fair enough, if you are very happy having sex in private with the same person then good for you but as I say, different things turn different people on...you shouldn't diss other people's hobbies!

It's not my thing, but I think it's silly to criticise it. Obviously some people fancy it. Sex itself, close-up, is not that sexy.

Nothing between consenting adults should be taboo.

thank you Gay40 - couldn't agree more!

No, I'm in prawn vol au vent sales. I specialise in one handed nibbles that don't drop crumbs. Static electricity makes the crumbs stick to the nylon, doncha know

Swingitagain, we are only having a laugh. She's either going to do it or she's not. She asked for cons too!

Course I don't care that there's a fair amount of mingers

That's life, innit? I much prefer amateur porn with real, average people, than I do the glammed up fake shit.

this does seem the norm though doesn't it?

La Chambre in Sheffield boasts its well stocked and inexpensive bar. Where do you keep your wallet?

ok, will leave you to it then!

OP - if you got any questions, am happy to help!

Thanks swingitagain

I'm not sure I'll know what the questions even are until I get there

HS, funnily enough...I don't really like porn

Either of the glammed-up version (wtf...) or the more "real" pendulous tits-and-beerbelly version

Each to their own of course...and I am of course only teasing

I like my pre-conceived ideas, and middle-aged swingers in crotchless nylon partaking of the mid-fanjo-licking buffet are just asking to be scorned...

Ah, see I like a good bit of porn. Only in ten minute bursts occasionally, obviously

HS - I don't mean to golden rain on your parade and I hope that I haven't. Swinging really does evoke memories of Benny Hill and Carry On. I think it must be the nylon.

Do those of you peddling the tedious consumerist mundane line police your own sex lives so ruthlessly? Do you consider yourselves no longer entitled to good sex when you want it because you are Not Thin, Not Young, and your knickers came from Primark rather than Agent Provocateur?
Whenever you're not sat in front of the telly, whenever you see real human beings going about their various daily stuff, in the post office, on a bus, picking up their dog's deposits, whatever, see how few of them are YoungThinFashionablyBeautiful and bear in mind that most of them will have sex lives. Sex is not only for the glamorous.

No, SGB, it's not. But whether you are glamorous or not, sex with someone you don't know, like or love can leave you feeling grubby and seedy.

My knickers are huge and made from organic cotton in a sort of natural hue, my husband bought them because he knows I like organic cotton, but they're not sexy. My flabby bits are from our shared lifestyle... we like to eat nice food. We take it in turns picking up poos when we walk the dog. All of this we do as a couple... why would we want to share the other bit with people who may not have the same values as us?

I have friends that I have had for years... good friends. So now I choose new friends carefully. If I wouldn't want to spend time in my own home with someone, why should I be tempted to sleep with them?

It's the concept that makes me feel a little sick... not their (imagined) bodies.

But some of the scenarios were a little bit funny