Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm not against working Mums but this is going too far.

637 replies

Intefering · 25/06/2010 13:22

Name changed regular.

A friend of mine has 3 young children with a partner in the military. He is due to leave in 3 or 4 years time I think.

Said friend has told me that she will be re-joining the Navy when her youngest starts reception in 2 years time, several reasons why, money issues, she's worried that after 8 years being a SAHM she will be unemployable, she loves the Navy and nothing else career wise interests her.

AIBU to suggest that this is a ridiculous idea?! I doubt she's considered all the time away from her DC, how her DH will cope picking up the slack at home on his own. Yes she may have loved the Navy but that's behind her and she should concentrate on her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

I'm trying to advise her as her friend but I can't see past her incredible selfishness, how can she have all these kids just to abandon them? She's worried that in 18 years time when all the kids have left home she'll be in a miserable job having watched life pass her by, I really want to tell her that she should of thought of that before getting pregnant.

AIBU and if I am can someone tell me how this will work because I really can't see it.

OP posts:
werewolf · 25/06/2010 13:23

YABU.

Why shouldn't she have a job/career she loves while dh manages at home?

StealthPolarBear · 25/06/2010 13:24

erm...is she abandoning them or will they be withn her DH?

JacobBlacksBitch · 25/06/2010 13:25

YABU - now get back to the ark. It needs a good dust & polish.

Pootles2010 · 25/06/2010 13:25

Will her dh still be in the navy when she re-joins? If not i really can't see the problem, why is her being in navy worse than him being in the navy?

Original poster
Intefering · 25/06/2010 13:26

well yes I think she is abandoning them, she's been a SAHM, spent all her time with them and now she wants to swan off.

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 25/06/2010 13:26

YABU. Do you think her DH has been irresponsible having a career and leaving his DC? Or do you think he's being responsible, providing for them? Same thing. There's no reason why her DH can't 'pick up the slack'.

stickylittlefingers · 25/06/2010 13:26

did you think her dh was incredibly selfish being "in the military"? If not, then she wouldn't be either, surely.

insertexpletive · 25/06/2010 13:26

Being in the Navy does not necessarily mean that she will be out on a ship for months on end.
There are plenty of career opportunities in the forces that are land and UK based.

Original poster
Intefering · 25/06/2010 13:26

No her DH will have left.

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 25/06/2010 13:26

Are you jealous?

BigBadMummy · 25/06/2010 13:26

Just because she is in the navy doesnt mean she will be at sea for eight years straight.

YABU.

It is for them to work out the logistics and I don't suppose she will be considering it if it is going to be unworkable.

Butterpie · 25/06/2010 13:27

So, the dh will be looking after the children?

YABU. I can see why it needs to be the mother for the first couple of years or so if she is breastfeeding, but after that, I think that either parent can be the primary caregiver.

Just because you are a mother does not stop you also being a person.

However, if the DH is not looking after the kids (he leaves in 4 years, she is starting in only 2-could leave an overlap of two years) where will they go if both parents are needed?

So YA possibly NBU.

diamondsandtiaras · 25/06/2010 13:27

YABU. If it's what she wants to do and her DH will be with the kids, where's the problem? No different to her DH being away IMO.

Iklboo · 25/06/2010 13:27

And it's your business because?

KirstyJC · 25/06/2010 13:28

Is this for real?!?! Why the hell shouldn't she have a job too? Do you think she should sit at home when all the kids are at school, staring at the clock waiting for them?
If she was in the navy before I expect she has an excellent idea of what is involved and how much time it would take.

And as for how will her DH pick up the slack - well assuming he is the kids' father then he would presumeably parent them as she has currently been doing. It is a partnership you know - not her job to parent and his to work. Christ Almighty, what decade are you living in???

I think you should tell her exactly how you feel and then she will be free to get herself a decent friend.

werewolf · 25/06/2010 13:28

Swan off (!)

You are either envious or the mil.

Original poster
Intefering · 25/06/2010 13:29

She wants to start the joining up process in 2 years time, but there is an 18mo waiting list to get in.

OP posts:
saltyseadog · 25/06/2010 13:29

YABU

Original poster
Intefering · 25/06/2010 13:30

no not jealous and not her MIL. Her MIL has actually offered to help all she can

OP posts:
Missus84 · 25/06/2010 13:30

Why can't her DH manage? They have two parents don't they?

LimaCharlie · 25/06/2010 13:30

Her life, her kids, her choice - leave her be - a true friend would be supportive not judgemental.

Do you regard her DH in the same light? "incredible selfishness, how can she have all these kids just to abandon them?"

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 25/06/2010 13:31

Why the ? Surely you're on the wind up.

cheesypopfan · 25/06/2010 13:31

So its ok for her DH to have a job that takes him away but not ok for her to even consider it? Its ok for her DH to 'abandon' his kids but not for here to do so? Seriously, things have moved on from the 1950's you know

Original poster
Intefering · 25/06/2010 13:32

It IS different for Dads though, they can go away for months at a time, Mums are needed more, it's nature.

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 25/06/2010 13:32

oh dear