I'm not against working Mums but this is going too far.

[Intefering]

Name changed regular.

A friend of mine has 3 young children with a partner in the military. He is due to leave in 3 or 4 years time I think.

Said friend has told me that she will be re-joining the Navy when her youngest starts reception in 2 years time, several reasons why, money issues, she's worried that after 8 years being a SAHM she will be unemployable, she loves the Navy and nothing else career wise interests her.

AIBU to suggest that this is a ridiculous idea?! I doubt she's considered all the time away from her DC, how her DH will cope picking up the slack at home on his own. Yes she may have loved the Navy but that's behind her and she should concentrate on her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

I'm trying to advise her as her friend but I can't see past her incredible selfishness, how can she have all these kids just to abandon them? She's worried that in 18 years time when all the kids have left home she'll be in a miserable job having watched life pass her by, I really want to tell her that she should of thought of that before getting pregnant.

AIBU and if I am can someone tell me how this will work because I really can't see it.

'Is that true for Dads as well?'

My husband says he thinks he would find it unatural and weird how some men can be away from their kids for weeks/months on end, hence why he left. Dads that can do it are usually not family orientated ones or very hands on dads who do a lot of childcare.

I have not read the whole thread but from the first post I cannot understand why a mum would want to leave her kids for a job.

I am sure the kids will grow up and say ''mum was nice but she was not there much''

Yes, most parents of either sex even those of us like me who went back to work when the babies are 2 weeks old do want to spend time with them. I've worked for years with lots of fathers (and mothers) and they do like when possible to get home for a cuddle and bed time but not everyone is the same and children do very well in all kinds of set ups as long as they feel loved and are secure. I have always tried to minimise time away, even now but then I like being at home too for myself. When I went on business trips to places like Iran, Dubai, Lagos last year I would go the night before if possbile over night and head for the air port as soon as the work was finished and those without children will tack recovery days instead on either end. Parents of both sexes don't tend to want to do that as they want to be back with their family.

it's one reason I'd never marry a soldier or someone who worked away a lot. Also most adultery is from opportunity, sadly rather than design or evilness and if you live apart from a spouse there is a much higher chance of the relationship going in that direction which is another reason to avoid the set up even of wife or husband working away in the week and going home at weekends and then there's the adjustment difficulties - having to get used as parents and children and spousees to being together after away and then adjusting back - all seems very hard work to me so pick a spouse who isn't going to be away a lot if you can and for yourself if you can avoid it.

Other housewives are home but very very cold, watch TV all day, don't relate to the toddler parked int he play pen, are depressed and despite 24/7 theoretically attendance on the child do it not much good at all. So it's very hard to generalise in terms of time spent with the child alone.

I agree mrs and would feel exactly the same about dads.

My husband is in the military and we live on a military camp. I see the heartache and upset kids go through everytime one of their parents goes away. Occasionally I also see what happens when one parent comes back and then the other one has to go.

I don't think it makes so much of a difference which parent is in the forces - but when both are coming and going the children can be devastated. I know - I care for forces families children when parents are away. I can see the OPs point. The impact is very hard to deal with and I would not choose that for my children.

Morning, after skimming this thread it made me think of another angle to it and rather than derail this thread altogether I started another one (I hope you do not mind).

Interfering and other poster do you mind comming to have a look here ?

Will be back on it myself lter tody as am going out i a few minutes.

Just read the first few messages. My initial reaction was YABVU why is it ok for the DH to be in the armed forces and not the mum. Then i thought about the fact that she has been the constant in the children's lives for eight years - for this to suddenly change would be massively difficult for the children , despite the fact that the DH will be stepping in where she left off. So from that point of view i think she made her choice when she had the children and was a long term SAHM to walk away from that particular career path and look into something new. I don't think it matters the whole man/woman argument, if it had been the DH who was home at the start then i would say he is wrong for then wanting to go into a career that is so demanding of ones time.

From a point of view of you advising your friend, tell her what you think and then keep out of it - she wont thank you for being told she is a bad mother.

Im like you - I work ft and my DH watches the 2 youngest boys aged 3 and 8 (..hoping the 17 year old can look after himself...) - and hes so much better being the SAHP than me, it was no choice really as Im a Nurse and can earn more than him.

Im not even going to bother justifying the against working Mum comments here such as "missing out on memories" - that kind of crap, Im happy and secure in my own wee family that Im providing my kids with what they need and all 3 boys are great.

I am however interested in you OP and why - despite being asked on a few occasions - you have never discussed why you believe Dads arent as important.

bloody old thread

Not nice for the kids - and you've got to consider their needs a tiny bit.

Just wonder what the outcome was from when this thread started (and apologies to those who followed me onto it, when it was an old thread).

My husband says he thinks he would find it unatural and weird how some men can be away from their kids for weeks/months on end, hence why he left. Dads that can do it are usually not family orientated ones or very hands on dads who do a lot of childcare.

Generalising much?

This is not the case in my experience.