I'm not against working Mums but this is going too far.

[Intefering]

Name changed regular.

A friend of mine has 3 young children with a partner in the military. He is due to leave in 3 or 4 years time I think.

Said friend has told me that she will be re-joining the Navy when her youngest starts reception in 2 years time, several reasons why, money issues, she's worried that after 8 years being a SAHM she will be unemployable, she loves the Navy and nothing else career wise interests her.

AIBU to suggest that this is a ridiculous idea?! I doubt she's considered all the time away from her DC, how her DH will cope picking up the slack at home on his own. Yes she may have loved the Navy but that's behind her and she should concentrate on her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

I'm trying to advise her as her friend but I can't see past her incredible selfishness, how can she have all these kids just to abandon them? She's worried that in 18 years time when all the kids have left home she'll be in a miserable job having watched life pass her by, I really want to tell her that she should of thought of that before getting pregnant.

AIBU and if I am can someone tell me how this will work because I really can't see it.

The facts are pretty clear so OP your MNetter friend will know who you are without the name change! If you were my 'friend' you would soon find yourself as an ex-friend. Of course in RL you wouldn't actually be my friend as I'm a single parent who works full time. So not only was I unable to keep hold of my ds's father I'm not around during the weekdays for ds either.

OP - you've name changed cos you're sure she's on MN, don't you think she might recognise the situation anyway.

It's none of your business.

I am a SAHM. My kids are in their teens. I'm virtually unemployable now as i'm in my fifties and it's seventeen years since I left full time employment.

So yeah, I'm on the scrapheap, and it's not a nice place to be. So YABU. If your friend has a chance to not end up where I am, then she should take it.

lol Shirley

and hear hear Ribena, well said

She has many friends who know her plans, I could be anyone of them.

Not against working mums. I am one, but no one that leaves my kids.

ahh professor you put it much better than me

YABU.

Furthermore, your friend doesn't need friends like you.

Chickens - some of us working mums found this in our childfree lunch break!

Sorry i hate hate hate this assumption that mums are needed 'more' than dads just because they have wombs. Once breastfeeding's done (if its being done, obviously) there's no difference.YABVVU and i'm amazed your friend's still speaking to you after you trying to 'persuade' her.

Well, you're obviously a far superior, better mother then. Feel better?

WTF????? My husband is equally as needed as I am by our DCs in our house, and if I wanted to go back to a career that I loved, then HE would pick up the slack because HE is their PARENT!

Flip your calendar...it's 2010, not 19 fucking 50.

Ribena, my point is not that women should necessarily be the main carer. But, if the father of these children has been working away for much of their life and they swap roles then surely theres going be be an effect on the children.

If it were just a matter of both parents switching roles then thats fine, but the father has been working away for much of the time. And the children will have to get used to their mum being away. It cant be nice for the children to be separated from either parent but, they have probably become used to being separated from their father, they will know no different. To suddenly separate them from their mum is bound to be hard on them.

This is not just about a woman wanting to have the same career opportunities as her dh.

YABU.

It is not a career I would choose for myself but that doesn't mean it's not right for your friend.

When she gave birth do you believe she then signed away her rights to a career of her choosing? Of course she didn't.

Your "friend" (lucky girl eh who has a friend like you, sitting in judgement of her life!) is free to decide what she wants to do, it sounds as though she has a supportive family around her. Good luck to her.

Mollie!

You may be one of several people she's told..........but I there's not many of those that know in RL who have the attitude you do, especially as you've added more identifying features about yourself (ie you're not one of her SAHM friends).

And how do ou KNOW she's told the exact same things to everyone............

Heeee!
I'm not against working mums either. Although they do make me want to vomit sometimes, all that wanting money and freedom and choice and that.

Greedy bitches. Why can't they just do a job indoors, like stuffing envelopes for 50p a day or something.

Thank God for extension.

I am just thinking about her children.

YABU. She has the same right than her DH to have a career. Between the two of them, one would think they will have a chat about childcare, any support needed, etc. She shouldn't be made feel she's got to give up her career dreams because she's got a family. It is a responsibility to be shared equally between both of them.

I rarely pick people up on their grammar (people in glass houses and all that) but please, "she should have thought about that before getting pregnant".

Oh and YABU.

I have a friend who is military GP with several children. Her DH is in the army. She took a break having children and is now going back to being a military GP.

This is a very demanding job, and yes, she will have less time for her children, but she loves it and doesn't want to waste all those years spent training for it. Why is your friend any different?

If you were my friend I'd have a pretty good idea who you were from your typing/posting/phrasing style (plus the fact that you are a working mum, which would narrow it down further). It seems quite distinctive, unless you thought to change that before posting.

There's not something special or magical in the nature of women that makes them indespensible in childrearing while men are irrelevant. She's dedicated 8 years to her children, raised them all to school age - their father is equally able to parent them now.

If she's leaving her dcs to be with their DAD YABU, if neither parent will be around YANBU.

but it's not going to be a direct swap is it?he's not going to leave the military and she goes straight off for 8 months a few weeks later