I'm not against working Mums but this is going too far.

[Intefering]

Name changed regular.

A friend of mine has 3 young children with a partner in the military. He is due to leave in 3 or 4 years time I think.

Said friend has told me that she will be re-joining the Navy when her youngest starts reception in 2 years time, several reasons why, money issues, she's worried that after 8 years being a SAHM she will be unemployable, she loves the Navy and nothing else career wise interests her.

AIBU to suggest that this is a ridiculous idea?! I doubt she's considered all the time away from her DC, how her DH will cope picking up the slack at home on his own. Yes she may have loved the Navy but that's behind her and she should concentrate on her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

I'm trying to advise her as her friend but I can't see past her incredible selfishness, how can she have all these kids just to abandon them? She's worried that in 18 years time when all the kids have left home she'll be in a miserable job having watched life pass her by, I really want to tell her that she should of thought of that before getting pregnant.

AIBU and if I am can someone tell me how this will work because I really can't see it.

I would wonder about the state of their marriage that she leaves to go away with the navy about the time her husband comes home.

Jenai - my friend met her husband on the ship, they spent YEARS sailing all over the world and because of her rank she had her own cabin. It sounds like they just sailed around on a cruise ship! South America, the Caribbean, Antarctica, South Africa etc., etc.

OP - sisterhood? You seem to have confused sisterhood with servitude.

oh please don't professor - it's been happening far too frequently for my liking recently (people saying they agree with me on MN), I don't I think I may be softening up or something

Of course it will take some time for the children to adapt, but they will if they have a loving parent at home. And we're not talking about little babies - the children will be, what - between 5 and 13 years old by the time she goes away?

professor layton.

Her basic training would be 9 wks but she wouldn't be away for the full nine weeks.

I think you need to get your facts straightened out before you get your judgey pants on OP.

By the way, I had to be away for 12 weeks when dd was little for training and I was a single parent. Clearly I was a selfish fucker.

Do you think the dad is selfish for being in the armed forces now then?

Is it the idea of parents working away from their children that you don't agree with, or just mothers?

Why Fab?

Would you think the same thing if her DH decided to stay in the military longer?

Ribena, don't judge the state of the elusive Sisterhood by one anonymous poster, please.

I think having a parent in the forces would be hard for any kid. Wouldn't do it myself. And wouldn't let my husband do it either. But guess it is her decision and sure she must have considered that even though you don't think she has.. A military wife will know more than anyone about what joining up really entails..

Sure as hell wouldn't so it with a war on though (someone go and say its just as dangerous driving to work they alway do...)

TBH I don't care that the Dad was away, it isn't the same in my eyes. I can't help the way I feel about parenting. Kids need their mum especially when their dad has been coming and going all the time.

I'm aware that I have very little knowledge about the forces but I can't see it being very good for family life.

Can't comment on their marriage they seem very happy but who knows what's going on behind closed doors.

Actually it's more dangerous driving to work statistically.

Fab is getting fit makes a really interesting point

Actually, I find it pretty difficult to understand why any parent (of either sex) would want to join the armed forces. Let alone both parents in a family.

cornflowers - maybe, just maybe they joined the forces BEFORE conception!

Seriously, would there be this much fuss if she were a business consultant flying to NYC on a weekly basis?

why isn't it the same? They're both parents. Or are you saying that dad's don't really matter?

So - they'd had their mum for 8yrs while the dad comes and goes. Now they'll have their dad while their mum comes and goes.

I grew up around lots of military families, it was a way of life to them. Even though my dad was a bit shit I wouldn't have coped well with him going away like many of my friends fathers did, but that's because it wasn't "normal" in our family.

I think Butterbur makes a very valid point -

'I am a SAHM. My kids are in their teens. I'm virtually unemployable now as i'm in my fifties and it's seventeen years since I left full time employment.

So yeah, I'm on the scrapheap, and it's not a nice place to be. So YABU. If your friend has a chance to not end up where I am, then she should take it.'

Your 'friend' strikes me as a very responsible person with an eye on the future.

and god forbid our servicemen and women should start families - no I think when they sign up they should sign away their rights to have a child - what do you reckon?

I agree with toccatanfudge

Tortoise - don't worry, I know there are some out there...

Interfering - Mums are more important than dads? You don't care if the Dad is away? Fine, if that's your view it's your view. But my view is that that is emasculating and belittling to fathers to treat them as some sort of second rate parent.

It may well be a way of life but it seems a crap one and the kids don't get a choice in it.

and it's not just military mothers, air hostess, business workers going away for weeks at a time etc. Why have kids?

assuming she was being sarcastic...

Lets take it further, toccata. Compulsory sterilisation for everyone who joins any of the armed forces! Problem solved.

I think it's really sad to say that dads don't matter as much as mums. Of course they do. I'm so tired of this attitude I see so often that the dad is an 'add on' to the family unit. the male role model is as vital as the female role model in raising a healthy, well balanced child.

Ah, the old why have kids line.

Are you the Daily Mail?