to be a bit miffed at the 'Mother at the school gates'

[Bigmouthstrikesagain]

this weeks Guardian weekend had a 'What I'm really thinking' column written by a mother apperntly disappointed in other mother's lack of attention to their personal appearence. I don't know why it has bothered me so much (maybe it is my hideous hangover after a rare night out but the open disgust she displays in her (anonymous) piece is frankly unsisterly and horrible.

I do not always look glam at pick up - I never wear tracksuits, being of the opinion that they should only be worn if you are doing exercise of some sort. But in the morning particularly I am lucky if I have brushed my hair and not just gathered it in a messy ponytail and I never bother with make up - I save make up for 'going out'. I think pedicures are for people with too much money and time on their hands but as long as feet are relatively clean that is fine.

I see fathers picking up their kids and they are wearing no make up, have messy eyebrows and a distinct lack of stylish clothing but that is ok with our anonymous contributor I am sure. Is it a wife and mothers duty to look nice so they don't show up their children and their husband still wants to sleep with them!? Ick

Sorry I had too get that off my chest - I feel better now (and the Ibuprofen is kicking in as well) Thank you.

Some of us have bigger things to think/worry about than what we look like at the school gates.

yanbu

Oh I agree wholeheartedly with the article. The lack of self-respect never ceases to amaze me.

she must be a dog if she hasn't left the house without makeup for twenty years

She obviously doesn't have enough to worry about (or enough material to write about something interesting)

When i read this sort of article i do think that journalism has got to be the easiest job in the world

i wondered if anyone would comment on it! Its only one opinion anyway

BUT...think about why it rankles you so much? I think there is no harm in a bit of grooming and making the best of oneself so what she said did make sense, a bit????

Compo - that is what i thought!

Some of us have no need for make up being naturally dewy skinned and radiant

cod wrote it

but you are as judgemental as her

tracksuits sholud only be worn for exercise and pedicures are for people with too much money and time

"I wish I was brave enough to go up to them and offer some advice, but I know it would not only embarrass/anger/baffle them, they would also think I was shallow and vain"

Which of course is exactly what she is.

Somone who hasnt left the house without make up on for 20 years has far more worrying problems that someone who wears flip flops or has bushy eyebrows.

I do pickup for two different sets of kids [neither of them my own] and I am Scruffy McScruff. Never ever wear makeup, always in jeans or Dickies, old trainers, band shirt and oversized hoodies [often with holes in the cuffs].

Oddly enough, neither the kids nor the parents I work for give a toss, because I concentrate on the most important bit, which is picking up the kids and taking care of them.

I have a huge amount of self-respect. It just isn't tied into what others think of my appearance. For me, as long as what I'm wearing is comfortable and clean, that's enough.

all the women at the nursery dd goes to look lovely, i think.

Hmm Bonsoir I think your notion of 'self respect' is a teensy bit narrow if it only includes women whom dress/ groom to your standards - I think being unable to leave the house without having a layer of make up on your face is a sign of neurosis rather than self respect. But I do not think that a woman wearing a tracksuit lacks self respect - necessarily - we can all put on a good front and be crumbling behind it - some people are not as interested in how they look, some lack the funds or the confidence and others are looking after 3 children under 5 and existing on three hours sleep a night and therefore lack the time and coordination... diff strokes.

I read this and thought: bet it was a bloke what wrote it really

I agree with her to a point. Velour tracksuits etc will never be flattering and I sometimes think that there is a bit of competition going on at our school gates for the crown of "mum who is too busy being a mum to look like a woman"

I have friends who are in the ever present bobbly fleece and saggy tracksuit bottoms with manky hair and it does seem to be some sort of badge of honour if you have babysick or food stains to accessorise.

I see no reason why we should be vain or shallow to still want to look good even if we are mothers as well.

I like seeing women that take care of themselves. all my friends and family do, and it keeps me on my (home pedicured) toes.

love the way that grooming is seen as @shallow@ on here

I look like crap THEREFORE I AM WORTHY!!!!

i have never seen a woman round here in a velour tracksuit, is this an english thing?

It is impossible to be completely non-judgemental - but I do think tracksuits are exercise clothing - so I do not wear them out however I do not look at someone wearing one and think 'goodness me that woman has a complete lack of self respct!', it is a common sight and I only think about it in respect to my own sartorial decisions iykwim? Same with pedicures , I think I always have something better to do than that (I also go to the hairdressers once in a blue moon), but have absolutely no issue with anyone else having one or 1001. Not judging just deciding my personal preferences.

One of the nice things about sending my DS to nursery in the middle of a large council estate is that no one gives a shit what anyone looks like.

We've got Mums and Dads, Grans and Grandads, Childminders all picking up their children and it's all about the kids.

I honestly couldn't be bothered to compete with a bunch of yummy mummies every morning. Honestly, some things in life are not about how good you look.

could be Aitch. Don't know. It was the whole juicy couture fashion thing and now people seem to have hung on to them.

I don't see tracksuit and think lack of self respect. But I do think, hmm, could do better.

But you don't need to be yummy or wearing high fashion. Just no bobbly fleeces that smell of dog and clothes that fit properly.

I personally look a total wreck, as do my children. But I don't object to other people looking groomed and glamourous. That's their personality, and I have mine. We all get alone. It'd be boring if we were all the same .

agree oiteach

noone is saying you need to dress like a WAG every day, or complete a la elle macpherson/claudia schiffer

I work FT so I HAVE to look OK for work, nothing major but hair/nails/face/reasonably groomed. Its a faff and come the weekend its oh so easy to let standards slip but I feel more confident if I make an effort

Hmmm... gut feeling is that, yes, it must be pretty restrictive if you really feel that you can't leave the house without putting makeup on.
But then I'm someone who's never really worn it (except to go out at night... but not always even then).
But then I ALSO know I'm quite lucky and have fairly good skin etc....

And she does sound rather "vain and shallow" (or whatever the words are she uses). And I'd hate to think anyone was judging me like that just cos I'm not dolled up all the time.
But am sure some people do.

Am sure we all judge people to a certain extent based on what they look like. But we all have different things that we find acceptble/ unacceptable.

Personally, I don't really "dress up" as such very often. I do wear legging/ trackie bottoms if I'm just at home for the day, and I've never had a manicure/pedicure in my life (except when I got married).

However, I do understand the thing of suddenly finding you're letting everything go completely. I used to really care what I looked like. Too much I think. But now, I sometimes don't worry at all. Am not sure that is healthy, either. I don't want to get to the stage where I just throw on anything, unflattering or not, and just go out of the door. I also find it really difficult to shop for clothes now. Either guilt or an active DS stop me!

It struck me the other day that I hadn't even plucked my eyebrows properly since before DS was born (ie over 16 months ago!). A quick trip to get them done (and it was only a fiver) and I felt much better about myself.
I did make a promise to myself that I wouldn't forget about me in future just cos I'm a mum now. I will do these little things. Make time for them.

So YANBU about the sanctimonious article, but I kind of empathise with the message a little.

(how about that for a long, rambling fence-sit!!)

"One of the nice things about sending my DS to nursery in the middle of a large council estate is that no one gives a shit what anyone looks like.

We've got Mums and Dads, Grans and Grandads, Childminders all picking up their children and it's all about the kids."

Maybe if it was a bit less about the kids, and more about being responsible adults, that would be a good thing?

Glitterandglue has a great attitude imo.

"I have a huge amount of self-respect. It just isn't tied into what others think of my appearance."

Some people care, some people dont. Theres no "should" about it.

Some days I make an effort, some days Im a scruffball, depends how I feel and how much time I have