to be a bit miffed at the 'Mother at the school gates'

[Bigmouthstrikesagain]

this weeks Guardian weekend had a 'What I'm really thinking' column written by a mother apperntly disappointed in other mother's lack of attention to their personal appearence. I don't know why it has bothered me so much (maybe it is my hideous hangover after a rare night out but the open disgust she displays in her (anonymous) piece is frankly unsisterly and horrible.

I do not always look glam at pick up - I never wear tracksuits, being of the opinion that they should only be worn if you are doing exercise of some sort. But in the morning particularly I am lucky if I have brushed my hair and not just gathered it in a messy ponytail and I never bother with make up - I save make up for 'going out'. I think pedicures are for people with too much money and time on their hands but as long as feet are relatively clean that is fine.

I see fathers picking up their kids and they are wearing no make up, have messy eyebrows and a distinct lack of stylish clothing but that is ok with our anonymous contributor I am sure. Is it a wife and mothers duty to look nice so they don't show up their children and their husband still wants to sleep with them!? Ick

Sorry I had too get that off my chest - I feel better now (and the Ibuprofen is kicking in as well) Thank you.

what should I read instead then?

up to you!i read most with a healthy disdain.

Just read the article and am not very happy with it!! People who are so judgy about others are probably insecure in themselves.

I never wear make-up unless I have to and can't imagine not being able to leave the house without covering my face in artifical crap products to make myself look "prettier". If it makes her feel better about herself then that's fine and I don't have a problem with it but I would never judge others on what they were wearing or how their hair was done.

I never rarely have time to do my hair before the school run and will often just throw on whatever I can find and get showered and dressed when I get home. I bet the woman who wrote that article doesn't have 5 under 10s to get ready each morning!! I do take pride in my apperance though, just don't always have time first thing in the morning

olderandwider Sun 13-Jun-10 19:16:22
"YABU I think the journo she has a point (made provocatively).
You don't have to be insecure/vain/a fashion victim/negligent of your children to take a little care about how you look when you step out of the house.
I think it's nice when your children see you looking pretty/well put together - and it sets a good example. My own DM would never have set foot out of the house with or without us without at least lippie and blusher on"

But there is no general consensus that wearing lippie and blusher is a sign that you care about how you look.

TO my mother and many women of her circle/generation/background, wearing makeup in an everyday situation is a sign that you don't mind looking like a slapper. A neat clean washed natural looking face is what says "respectable" to her. Makeup in the daytime is an absolute no-no. As far as I am aware, her mother was the same: the photos show a clean-looking, neatly attired pleasant-looking woman: no sign of lippie or blusher.

Now, while I am not sure I agree with my mother on this one (I do let dd wear makeup if she wants to), I don't see why I should be forced to wear makeup when I never have, seeing that this is clearly not the only way of saying "respectable"; it all depends on who you are saying it to. I also notice that not all the (well educated and highly professional) women I work with wear any noticeable makeup- but they do not strike me as low in self-esteem.

meant to add, YANBU OP!!

Only ever read the first few pages of the real news, and never, ever read anything with the title 'lifestyle' or similar, because you can bet your bum it's been written by some woman with far too much time and money on her hands and whose family know the editor-in-chief.

honey with 5 under 10 you must be hot.your man must never be away from you

what a crock!

Us women should be able to look exactly however we want, whenever we want at any time we want.

If you want to wear a trackie, crogs sporting bed hair thats fine, if you want to a ball gown with twinkly toes and a tiara thats fine too.

As long as the kids are loved, content and bouncy who gives a monkey.

Lets stop judging and start loving xxx

I have to say I wear a tracksuit to the school everyday day to pick ds up no makeup and hair in a plait. But I assure you dp does notice when I walk in the room. The reason why he notices is because rather than spending all my time doing my make up I have been doing power pram walking, Swimming with my youngest, taking the dog and my youngest to the park, after school me and ds usually go and play football or some such sport.

Yes in my sweaty tracksuit I look crap but what dp sees is something else a trim healthy body that when a occasion calls for it looks great. But you know what I don't really give a s**t what the mum's at the school gates think if they are shallow enough to judge me on what I am wearing. I do take care of myself just not by having make-up and polished nails.

scottishmummy - I'd love to say "yep I am!" and hate to shatter the illusion but deffo would not class myself as "hot" right now ( as much as i'd love to!) Need to loose loads some weight and get back to the gym!!

Well said slushy06!.

I see several dads in dirty work clothes picking up their dcs: funnily enough, they have not yet featured in the Guardian.

But the journalist is clearly incapable of visualising a job done by a woman which does not require prettiness and being turned out like a picture.

Some days I make an effort - it takes approximately 5 minutes. Other days I don't bother. I haven't noticed any detrimental effect on my kids on the days I make an effort.

I don't think badly of any mums who don't wear make-up etc. and, to be honest, I'm too busy organising my toddler and waving to my 5 year old to notice.

Well, I live a stone throw from the school gates and I'm wondering whether in mid winter I could get away with a coat over pjs.

I wouldn't go that far but I never wear makeup, I'm mainly in jeans in a t-shirt and my hair (I have alot) is scraped back into a ponytale as it's neater than when down.

I look absolutely fine - makeup is ageing and I look young with no wrinkles etc. I wear trainers as I often go out for a powerwalk (so often in sports gear).

Life is too short. In would never say that someone who doesn't make any effort either doesn't respect themselves or others. I respect myself and others respect me back - I've never worn makeup to a job interview and I don't think it made me look any less groomed at all.

Well, I live a stone throw from the school gates and I'm wondering whether in mid winter I could get away with a coat over pjs.

I wouldn't go that far but I never wear makeup, I'm mainly in jeans in a t-shirt and my hair (I have alot) is scraped back into a ponytale as it's neater than when down.

I look absolutely fine - makeup is ageing and I look young with no wrinkles etc. I wear trainers as I often go out for a powerwalk (so often in sports gear).

Life is too short. In would never say that someone who doesn't make any effort either doesn't respect themselves or others. I respect myself and others respect me back - I've never worn makeup to a job interview and I don't think it made me look any less groomed at all.

I thought it was tongue in cheek and funny.

Then again i manage to shower do my (minimal) make up and sort my hair before i leave for the school run.

Those that say they can't i am truly baffled.

Those that can't be arsed fair enough

I think it's a bit sad when people do let themselves go, but only if they've let themselves go due to lack of self-esteem. If they genuinely don't give a shit / have better things to think about / a husband that is totally in lust with them still, then that is fine, good for them.

I am (apparently) one of those annoyingly immaculate people, but funnily enough I rarely notice what other people wear, unless they're wearing something particularly striking (for good or for bad). I dress up for work and on my days off I dress down but tidily. It really doesn't take much to look presentable in the morning.

Nope, nothing!

Yep annie - I'm with you. I'm not working at the moment so there's no way I'm going to make the effort for a 60 second walk to school. Who exactly are we meant to be impressing.

Well, I'm going straight on to work, but luckily I work in a sector where people who dress up are eyed with undisguised suspicion!

Hmm. Looking good is so subjective, this article plays on people's insecurities.

I wear make up as I look ill without it - I have that sort of sallow skin that looks neither radiant or youthful. It looks scary.

I love skirts and dresses and look much better in them than jeans and would love to wear them all the time, but its not going to happen when there's gardening to be done or floors to be sat on with small ones at groups. I know my legs look better with a heel but the walk to school would be interminable.

You make your choice I guess.

The article is daft, especially 'not a pedicure in sight'. Since when did a pedicure become anything other than a way of tattooing your feet with 'I am an airhead with money to burn,' without having to be able to spell airhead.

I agree with what Pagwatch said 10.45.

I also feel there must be an element of insecurity in the author of the article for it to matter to her that her choice is 'right' but at the same time, the people calling her a twat and dismissing people who wear make up/decent clothes etc as not having anything better to do or shallow seem just as insecure.

If I wore a full mask of make up everyday my DH would be appalled, by the same token if I didn't brush my hair/wore fleece/scruffy clothes he'd still fancy me but it wouldn't stir the loins much.

It's a shame there aren't more men on here to challenge her assumption about men not wanting wives who have in her opinion 'let themselves go.'

I also don't think a women is shallow for making a effort, her choice entirely, only a woman who judges by what someone wears is shallow IMO.

What about women not wanting men who have "let themselves go"? What about the dads who turn up at school in all sorts of tat?

I'm with Cory in yearning for the days when I wore steel toe capped boots and jeans and manky jumpers and spent my time in machine rooms.............. those were the days.