to be a bit miffed at the 'Mother at the school gates'

[Bigmouthstrikesagain]

this weeks Guardian weekend had a 'What I'm really thinking' column written by a mother apperntly disappointed in other mother's lack of attention to their personal appearence. I don't know why it has bothered me so much (maybe it is my hideous hangover after a rare night out but the open disgust she displays in her (anonymous) piece is frankly unsisterly and horrible.

I do not always look glam at pick up - I never wear tracksuits, being of the opinion that they should only be worn if you are doing exercise of some sort. But in the morning particularly I am lucky if I have brushed my hair and not just gathered it in a messy ponytail and I never bother with make up - I save make up for 'going out'. I think pedicures are for people with too much money and time on their hands but as long as feet are relatively clean that is fine.

I see fathers picking up their kids and they are wearing no make up, have messy eyebrows and a distinct lack of stylish clothing but that is ok with our anonymous contributor I am sure. Is it a wife and mothers duty to look nice so they don't show up their children and their husband still wants to sleep with them!? Ick

Sorry I had too get that off my chest - I feel better now (and the Ibuprofen is kicking in as well) Thank you.

I'm not sure I can remember where my lippy is

Unless there are babies in the house I don't understand how it can be so hard to jump in the shower and then brush your hair/teeth.

"One of the nice things about sending my DS to nursery in the middle of a large council estate is that no one gives a shit what anyone looks like."

At my DS's school I would say it is about 50% council estate. I have noticed the mums from the council estate are always immaculate - hair, makeup, nails etc.

Thank god no one at our primary school gives a fuck about what anyone else is wearing.
Although I sometimes do wonder what job the woman in leather mini skirt and knee high boots does after dropping her child off.

Mini skirt and leather boots?

We have 2 at school that go to school wearing a bikini top with mini skirts and they really shouldnt for a number of reasons

Well I always put on my false tit and cover my bald head, so it's not like I make no effort at all.

The toe polish, however, is almost certainly over a week old. I just fill it in when it grows off.

I'm v smart on the days that I'm working, and not so much on the days I'm not. I really, honestly couldn't give a flying fig about who wears what, and who's brushed their hair - the whole obsession with clothes/makeup/hair thing bores me rigid, and I don't even notice anyone else's appearance.

Having spent a tedious Saturday night (well, couple of hours til I could make my getaway) at one of those sales nights at a neighbours house where the entire conversation consisted of who goes to what gym class, the eyelash extensions some of them had had, the fabulous weight loss of 2 of them, the clothes they were wearing, I thank the Lord above that my usual circle of friends are not as shallow, vacuous and dull as some women.

Yaaawwwwnnnn.....

Good for you, Bonsoir!! I can't understand why people can't just make a bit of an effort at the school gates (or anywhere else for that matter). I think the issue is less one of self-respect than respect for others - why would someone assume that it is OK to look at complete mess? I have seen gaggles of unkempt mothers at school events in a variety of places where there should be at least a notional code of presentation - it never ceases to amaze me how cruddy some are! Come on sisters, scrub up a bit!!

It is possible to be neat and clean and still not like makeup or bother with pedicures. Why should I not be able to be a responsible adult and have self-respect without lipstick? I don't wear lipstick to work and never have: my value to my employers lies in what comes out from those lips, not what is painted on them.

Thanks Imsonotelling and dobbysocks

anya that's really interesting. Because I look at tall people (well, anyone over 5ft3 ) and think they must always feel good about themselves and confident!

fwiw, as a teacher, I never really notice what hte parents look like at drop off and pick up time. Unless they are wearing something really outrageous and eye catching, but I don't think, "oh she puts in effort... she doesn't..." ... etc. Not a priority.

When mine were small I only ever smartened up when the security guards in Woollies started following me round the store.

Mind you, I never wore my nightwear. Lucky really, 'cos I didn't wear any.

The thing is, it's well above looking smart to the author of that article, isn't it? It's not just about putting a bit of slap on (which I generally do) it's about having a regular pedicure as well. At which point, I bow out gracefully.

Regular pedicure. LMAO.

Sometimes I'm pulled together. Sometimes I'm slummy.

My mother was always perfectly groomed, manicured, coiffured, perfectly dressed, etc. She didn't respect herself, she loathed herself. Her grooming was an expression of her deep, deep insecurity. She's still on my case about being frizzy, unkempt, etc. But frankly I think she's a bit jealous. Still, she got into my head and at times I feel ashamed on slummy days.

I have enough to worry about without worrying the school gates brigade are judging me by the state of my toenails!

Well you see biriyani

If I scrub up a lot I am still pretty rotten looking

So I will wear a ncie dress, shoce on some court shoes etc

But it doesn't really work tbh

What is wrong with jeans, T-shirt and no make-up? I totally don't get it. I guess I must be some kind of self-loathing slob and I've just never realised it....

the bit that made me laugh is the bumptious assertion "I wish I was brave enough to go up to them and offer some advice".haha ego the size of a planet or what?!

and trying too hard to be provocative

lame

This is what you get if you read the Guardian. Switch to the Daily Mail.

I always walk to school with wet hair! I doubt that is considered good grooming.

The article's a load of crap. She does sound pathetic to me. "It's as if Trinny and Susannah, Grazia and Gok Wan never happened". I've watched about two episodes of T&S and never seen Gok. The only time I've read Grazia is when a friend has passed one one. I'm just not particularly interested.

I don't look shite but I don't give a monkey's about "fashion forward" or having a pedicure.

On the other hand, I do notice when people are looking particularly nice and try to compliment them.

Personally I spend a lot on my hair and leave the rest to chance .

I read it and it made me chuckle, I don't think its intended to be a serious critique, jusst a tongue in cheek rant, surely?

[Sad little sniff icon] Some of us do our best to look groomed but still end up looking rubbish. I've been to the hairdressers twice in the last eight weeks, and I still look like something the cat dragged in circa 1994. I'll buy a lovely new top and two days later DD has splashed oily sauce from her dinner all over it. Messiness - it's in my genes .

YABU I think the journo she has a point (made provocatively).
You don't have to be insecure/vain/a fashion victim/negligent of your children to take a little care about how you look when you step out of the house.
I think it's nice when your children see you looking pretty/well put together - and it sets a good example. My own DM would never have set foot out of the house with or without us without at least lippie and blusher on
and the habit sort of caught on with me
(the fact i am very, very far from a natural beauty being an added incentive).
I think slobby dressing just says you don't care.

journo has a point